Boring Adventure: Episode 2 "The Talk"

[Entity]

There comes a time in every man’s life when a man needs to sit down with his son and have a conversation that which change his life. Today is that day for Akshun and not that day for Raichu; will Raichu react poorly rejecting his father’s love and adoration and wishes for him to be prosperous or will he succumb to his father’s charm and become emboldened by his words and filled with power and take his rightful place as his father’s clearly adopted son? I don’t know. I will find out as I write this what happens because that’s what improve writing is.

“Raichu,” said Akshun shouting into the back of the house that probably has a back but I’ve not actually confirmed that with any tangible description due to laziness, “I must speak to you son!”

Raichu sighed, he was in his room wishing he had a girlfriend and reading about ‘gay ass poetry’ by that reclusive Emily DICKinson lady. All the while listening to angst driven music and preparing his 18 year old self to become 18 and a half and somehow graduate from his status as a fledgling no nothing adult to a fully qualified fledgling no-minimal-things adult. For some reason this mattered to him. Regardless of all this in his head and the fact that he had papers due he got up and waddled into the living room where his father sat alongside his mother who was watching some … thing on the TV. Akshun’s eyes were serious, punctuating the room, leaving another hole in the wall as he is probably a bit too serious for his own house which melts at his overwhelmingly powerful willpower.

Realizing what was going down Sideka got up and went to the kitchen where she would prepare putty to repair the hole in the wall that her hubby had made just by staring at it too seriously. That and her secret stash of goodies which she knew would never be found because she only went into them at times like these. Raichu just stood there looking at his father and finally said after an intense forty second staredown, “Yeah?”

“Raichu, there comes a time a in every man’s life when a man needs to sit down with his son and have a conversation that will change his life. Today is that day for me, and hopefully that day for you, but we …”

“Is this about smoking?” Raichu interrupted.

“No.” Replied Akshun, annoyed at the interruption.

“Sex, drugs, driving, construction, girls, uh … books, vaccines, whatever you think is evil, I mean you had an issue with pencils. Do we need to have a talk beginning in that sentence every single time you don’t like something? Even wasabi? Really?”

“No.” Replied Akshun.

“Fine, let me…” Raichu began as he motioned towards the chair to sit.

“STAND!” commanded Akshun, any by commanded I mean used his voice powers, because he’s cool, to totally paralyze his son and make him stand. He even used his crazy mind powers to make his son look eager though Raichu’s angst was strong enough to slowly undo that face and leave behind one of somber disinterest. Akshun didn’t care and went on with his message. “This is about your name, Raichu.”

Raichu, paralyzed, was stupefied but was also paralyzed so it really didn’t matter because Raichu, adopted at 17, was named after a pokemon. Yeah, he figured that one out quickly. His old name used to Yuki though.

“Raichu, I named you after a Pokemon. My favorite Pokemon. Listen, son, I bestowed the honor of naming you Raichu upon you because I had full faith that you would strike thunder into the world and evolve from the tiny, insipid, worthless, worm of a thing that you were when we found you and become the greatness that is only achieved when taken from the trash heap orphans often find themselves in to become a part of a true, proud household,” Akshun took a deep breath and continued, “Though you will never be as great as my biological son would have been if he existed I think that I can still impart upon you great strength through naming alone. Do you ever give off jolts of lightening my son? Do you even change the people around you through electromagnetic fields or shock? The answer to these questions after today may very well be yes; believe in your name, son, believe in your name that you may grow powerful beyond measure except not really but you can turn on generators with your mind!”

Unparalyzing his son because his speech was done after getting up from falling over Raichu looked at his father, squinted, grit his teeth, and said nothing. He couldn’t find the words. His father had called him all sorts of horrible things for over a minute in a dramatic voice just so he could point out that he named his adopted son after a goddamn Pokemon. What a dick.

“Son?” Askhun sought after his thoughts.

“I … understand, father.” Raichu said humbly before closing his eyes, taking a deep breath, and beginning to chant his name. He chanted and chanted and began to levitate into the air and built up electromagnetic activity in the house making the chairs give off shocks and for a moment things seemed going well until things caught fire because that’s what electricity tends to do when it overloads things that don’t actually conduct it. Three burning couches, two pails of water, one wailing woman, and a montage later Raichu can be seen on the front of “Occult” as the human Pikachu.

This makes no sense. None. I don’t even…