Being The Not So Attractive Sister

[Anonymous]

So I'm a younger sister. My older sister is better looking, smaller, thinner and more attractive. Or just attractive in general. I personally don't think I'm attractive. Why? Attractive doesn't mean the same thing as pretty, I'm pretty but I don't attract anyone. Anyone at all. I still don't know why. Maybe I'm cursed?

I remember in middle school, my sister and I had the same theatre class. All the boys fell in love with the girl. Did any pay me a glance? Nope. In fact , the only time they came up to me was to ask me to tell my sister something. From that time forward, I knew I wasn't as attractive as my sister. I'd dress my best still to this day, only to be outshined by my sister putting on casual boring T-shirt and still getting boy's attention. Do I get any? Nope. I've never even been approached before. My dad finds that shocking for some reason.

My sister gets looked at even when she goes to the store. Boys give her they're number, all the time. Me? They don't even look over at me. If I wanted to get someone's number I'd have to put in ACTUAL EFFORT like ask him 3 times and keep trying once he's already rejected me by saying "I forgot my number" (that's happened to me already). I don't try to worry about that kind of thing too soon but a girl's gonna wonder. Like for example, let's say you were Ariana Grande, and you're this really good singer but American Idol or The Voice keeps rejecting you every year. Your going to wonder what your doing wrong, or what's so wrong with you.

That's how I feel sometimes. My sister is currently in a relationship with a guy who has been on the waiting list to date her for about a year. Trust me its like she literally has a waiting list. Guys that would do anything to date her. Wishing they could replace her current boyfriend and sweep her off her feet.

Me?

Nah, I have more of a sacrifice list. A list my sister made for any brave soul to sacrifice their time and energy just to talk to me.

Am I just that unnattractive? A girl is going to wonder sometimes.

IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING MEAN AND DISRESPECTFUL YOUR JUST DYING TO SAY, DON'T SAY IT. I DONT WANT ANY PROBLEMS. LETS ALL BE KIND TO EACH OTHER OKAY? IF YOU HAVE ADVICE THEN THATS FINE. JUST NO MEAN, INAPROPRIATE COMMENTS.

[Anonymous]

Aww, you remind me of my younger sister. I always thought she was adorable and cute and just so pretty, but I somehow got all the guys. I literally can't imagine ever not having a boy who chased me around, but my sister has gone on maybe one date in her life. But I think in the end, she's probably going to end up with a better husband. Here's why.

Growing up, I was definitely the smarter one, and I guess people must have found my face pretty too, so she was always in my shadow. So when time came for her to enter high school, she flat out refused to go to the same high school as me, even though it meant a longer commute. There, she built up her own social group, and she got more comfortable with who she is. She thrived in an environment where there was no expectations from her ("your sister was so smart, you must be great too!") and eventually got into an Ivy League school, then an Ivy League medical school :) She's now a resident, and although she's too busy to date now, when I see her coworkers, I can totally tell that they are all enamored with her. She's also kind of clueless, so when a brave one steps into her life and asks her out, she'll finally realize that she is a beautiful and very desirable person!

On the other hand, having a pretty face means that you attract all sorts of dudes. Many of them just lack quality. I probably got asked out by 10-20 dudes a year, and I found none of them exciting, so I literally turned them all down after a few dates. I've finally found the one that I want to date, but that took many, many years of weeding out the unworthy :) But it's not often easy to wait for the right one...

Anyway, I think there are definitely pros and cons of being "less attractive," whatever that means. While you wait for the right one, you should work on making yourself more attractive, both inside and outside, and not let the one go, when he comes to you! Best of luck!

[needsanswers100]

If there is anything I have learned being a marketing major it is that each and every person and company out there has their own individual brand. You have a brand (lets call you sister 1) and your sister has a brand (let’s call her sister 2). In the market for boys Sister 2 is currently dominating. Sister 2’s brand, from your description, seems to be pulling in a lot of guys. This could be because she is drop dead gorgeous, the ultimate girl next store, or a combination between the two. No matter what the reason for her getting so many guys you have to learn to not compare yourself to her. YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO CREATE YOUR OWN BRAND. The Sister 1 brand. You should create this brand by making clear definitions of who you truly are in your mind. This way you are very sure of your self and exude confidence in your personality in the world of dating. People can give you all of the dating tips in the world they want but until you are sure of yourself dating will be like walking on egg shells. Never change yourself for the sake of dating because it may lead to a break up once the person learns about the real you.
P. S: Again, never let yourself or anybody else compare you to your sister because you are two different brands and you have to focus on learning and perfecting yourself with things you truly enjoy to do so that you can start down the path of becoming the person you truly want to be. When you are on this path you will become a very attractive person in your own right. You will then attract the right guy, not necessarily a lot of guys but the right guy which is the most important thing.

[HookingSwan]

Amen

I bow before thee lol

Seriously, you said the same thing as me, yet much more eloquently, i might add, so... wow :D

[needsanswers100]

@HookingSwan Great minds think alike!

[redeyemindtricks]

Very well put. #fuckyeahmarketing

[winz44]

Totally agree with you. In reality, the one seen in outer appearance fades away but the inner quality prevails.

[BuchitaBuchys]

I feel your pain! I have 3 older sisters. It always broke my heart when I had a crush on a guy, and then he'd approach me "hey, is your sister seeing anyone?"
And my heart would sink :/

I was always referred to as the "smart one". My older sisters? Pretty, hot, etc.
They have their bodies developed, even to this day, and I'm flat chested and very thin.
And then my BFF is a goddess too, she gets all the attention when we go out. And in school, I remember all my crushes asking her out. And it was either my sister or bff that my crushes were attracted to. They'd only talk to me to ask for help with their homework or something. Because I was always the nerd.

It's cool though. You just have to remember that you have your own qualities that someone will appreciate.

[HookingSwan]

I think that the problem is that you have lived with a sister that has abnormal luck with guys.

Many people are like you, but they don't stress as much about it (well, sometimes), because I am sure it must be frustrating to have it in your face almost everyday, due to your sister.

Just know that it doesn't mean you are not attractive and that different people like different things. Also, who i to say that she has luck with many guys, but has luck with the right ones?

All it takes is that cool, sweet guy that is a right fit for you. And Im sure he will come along, because you seem like a cool sweet girl yourself. Just don't fuss too much about it. Do your own thing, live life and this won't seem as much as a life or death issue for you anymore, once you learn how to say: "fuck it, I'm me and I'm awesome" ;)

[Spiorad_Aisce]

My first thought is to stop wondering why and comparing yourself to others. It might not be happening now but it probably will in the future. Just keep being yourself and you will probably meet a guy who likes you for who you are. If you change too much, you might miss the chance to meet that guy. I understand it is hard to be in your teens and not dating but there are lots of people who went through their teens like that and went on to have very successful romantic lives. It seems so far away but just be patient, your time will come.

[Anonymous]

Hey :) Just wanna say that I know exactly what that feels like. I always grew up being compared to my sister & if I'm being honest with myself, she wins hands down when it comes beauty. But I really believe that I am beautiful in my own way as well. I honestly think it's just a matter of opinion. Whenever I'm not around my sister and don't have to compare myself to her, I honestly feel like I'm satisfied with how I look and sometimes get a little cocky too! :P The point I'm trying to make is that you need to realize how beautiful you are too! Stop comparing yourself to her because beauty is truly subjective. I remember feeling so insecure at some points that I'd literally look in the mirror and cry, but now I'm at peace with myself (even appearance) and it feels amazing. You are an individual and you should not allow people to change your opinion of yourself :) I really hope that you love yourself because you deserve true happiness & now I sound all sappy ahahah :) All the best!

[Manab]

Hey there stop worrying about yourself 😊 . Everyone is one of a kind and this problem is also true for boys. Be yourself , ask yourself is dating is only importent in life? Life is larger than that yeah sometimes it hurts so much but trust me changing bf/gf month by month is not so satisfactory , you are younger now but after some times (35 years ) you recognise life is larger than relationships , and looks fade away then. So find a person who will love you not by your look only , Sometimes girls friend zoned good boys and love to chase the bad only you should look around you , there may be someone who really loves you but you ignore him and loves to chase people whose is not meant for you , good luck for finding someone 🙂

[aficionado]

Just think of it this way. Maybe you're TOO attractive, and guys are intimidated to approach you because they assume you're already taken, or will reject them anyway.

As an average-looking guy, I don't even consider approaching really pretty girls, because of my assumption (which is not always true) that I have no chance with them.

[the_rake]

put yourself in situations and social circles where your sister is not present - e. g. hobbies that your sister does not participate in. give it a couple of months and you will surprise yourself with how much more success you have with guys - even if it is just small things like guys checking you out more, guys coming up to you more.

I think 'confidence' tends to get pedestaled a lot as good advice for men's dating but people neglect the effectiveness that the advice can have when a woman applies it too. I believe you when you say you are pretty so this is probably not the issue: comparing yourself to your sister.

[rjroy3]

Sounds like your problem starts with hanging out with your sister too much lol. That's only half sarcasm. If your sister is currently more attractive you are in competition with her by comparison simply by being right next to her.

Assuming that yes, you are just as pretty as your sister but are "unattractive", then it boils down to your vibe. If you feel a certain way, other people will feel that coming off of you. That's why a confident person is attractive and a needy person is a turn off. No one wants to be around that.

What you need to ask yourself is, "how do I make other people feel?". With how you act, what you say. Are you positive or a debby downer. Do you smile and make good eye contact with people? They're small things that make a big difference in the end. Many times what determines whether or not I approach a girl is if she seems like a bitch or is in a bad mood.

[luvstoned4him]

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I totally understand it but in a little bit of a different way. With my siblings, its not about looks but about who is better than the other. I used to feel like I am in their shadows everyday, like I would never live up above the expectations. I finally realized that all that mattered was that you give the best you can , be happy and live only for you. The right people would love you for you.

[Byakuyarko]

Look... It is not wrong to compare your qualities with your sisters. It's not even wrong to want to be prettier, smarter or more successful than your sibling. You can use this feeling or inadequacy to improve all those things about yourself that you think need improvement. Work out, go to a beauty spa. Look and feel your best. Work as hard as your body will allow you, to be a better version of you. No matter how hopeless it seems never ever stop rooting for yourself. You are special, important and beautiful to yourself... And if the rest of the world doesn't recognise it, you will make them open their eyes and acknowledge your light. Meet new people, make new friends. Don't be afraid to let them know how you truly feel and think. You'll find that in order to be loved by all your friends, you have to root out negativity in your thoughts. If you can begin to do all this, you'll find how trivial the rivalry is between you and your sibling is.

[CHARismatic110]

Try having multiple attractive sisters. My older sister is beautiful. She's tall and has a great shape. Even after 2 kids. My next sister is beautiful. Think with big boobs. My little sister has the deepest dimples ever and having 3 boys has only enhanced her figure. Growing up, I was always the odd one out. Boys would flock to them and I'd be left looking sad. So trust me when I tell you, I feel your pain.

[singlebee]

Hopefully they are still married!

[CHARismatic110]

@singlebee the oldest and youngest that I mentioned here are both married, yes.

[singlebee]

Hahaha gr8... And what about you dear?

[CHARismatic110]

@singlebee let's just say always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

[singlebee]

Awww don't worry you will find a nice husband for yourself..! I know it!
You at least must be having a boyfriend

[CHARismatic110]

@singlebee lol thanks. And nope, I'm a single Pringle.

[singlebee]

Ah single?, that makes both of us.. lol

[CHARismatic110]

@singlebee cheers, to the single life then lol

[singlebee]

Yeaa it's better.. Lol

[Anonymous]

You need to step out of your sisters shadow and into the sun. Be a more confident version of yourself. Yes, your sister MIGHT be more attractive than you, but the level of self-confidence a person has in themselves can either boost or pull down their level of attractiveness towards people. Stand straighter, speak louder, hold your head high and don't give a second care. Combine this with being yourself, and guys that are worth it will come for you. What do I mean by "worth it"? I mean guys that aren't just in it for the short sprint, just for your body, but guys who see who you are.
Simply put, be more confident with yourself, learn to love yourself. This can make everything better for yourself, and you will be a happier person overall.

[peachblossomluck]

I bet she is the kind of person who has a lot of self-confidence, doesn't take herself too seriously and people tend to feel comfortable around her. She has a magnetic personality. Perhaps you are more complex?

[LittleSally]

Oh... it's a pickle...
It's a strange struggle - having to compete with someone you love.
:(

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[Cosytoasty]

Stop comparing yourself to her and be your own person. If you're related its almost a certainty that you are not much less attractive than her physically but your lack of confidence and happiness lowers you in the eyes of men.

[Anonymous]

I always feel bad for the less attractive sister. BUT in this case, you said it yourself--you are pretty. Also, she's your older sister, which (depending on your age) could give her a couple of very obvious advantages over you. Those advantages should go away as you get a bit older. Hang in there!

[FakeName123]

Welcome to the world of most guys where you actually have to work to be attractive. Shit happens. Life goes on. Her physical beauty will fade and those who are now lusting after her will be gone. Rather build up deep, meaningful relationships instead.

[TheFlak36]

This looks just like some random rant. How old are you anyway?
Photos of you and your sister? And you won't achieve anything if you compare yourself to her all the time. Get away from her and find your own people to hang out. It's that easy. Mind blown.

[IceEverest]

I was a single child so I never understood or had to face the jealousy siblings had to go through.
But good looks change, I mean it. You may look better in someone else eyes. Have faith.
I have seen some girls talking about why they dont date hot guys because they thought that hot guys are like public property... lol. This can be the case with you.

[Offthelist]

I've been on both sides of the equation. Experienced Pure humiliation in various realms. not a fun thing. Best you can do is find a passion and work towards it, job, business, work off the nerves. Dont turn to alcohol or drugs. Good luck