Every day I hear girls saying that their boyfriend (or some person they like) is putting them down based on their physical appearance; based on things they cannot help, things that were always there, and then natural changes that come with different situations. Mind you, I am not man hating, I would give the same advice to a guy, but this seems to be a dominantly female issue, at least on this site, so I have something to say about it.
DISCLAIMER: Not all men do the listed things below and this is in no way implying that I have any animosity towards men. This refers to specific types of individuals from situations I have been shared that happened to be men. Not all men are pigs, assholes, or any other derogative term. With this in mind, please enjoy the take.
It isn’t only the examples I’ve given you above: I’ve seen girls saying they want to drop weight so such and such will like him, they want to change this or that because this guy likes this type of girl, so on and so forth. Every time I see it, I sit there and I ask myself: Why? If a guy can’t like you as you are, then why do you want this guy?
Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and a place to work on your physical appearance, but to completely change who you are for person who would otherwise never give you the time of day … why? Just … why?
As for the guys that put you down, why would you try so hard, and feel so bad about yourself because a piece of shit decided to put you down? Why would you beat yourself up for having stretch marks after having a baby, for being a little heavier when you were always that way even when he met you, or for not looking like some actress he idolizes? Why?
Of course I really do understand. But I am challenging everyone now to question it, genuinely. Why value the opinion of someone who has no problem putting you down and treating you like shit when they are supposed to love you? Because you love them unconditionally, right? That shouldn’t make it okay, and you shouldn’t be trying to change yourself for the type of person who has no problem bullying you and making you feel like you're worthless.
I had a boyfriend who liked to try to make me jealous. He would tell me he planned on making out with other girls, just to upset me. One day I told him to go ahead and fuck himself while he was at it, and that I didn’t care. As soon as I said that, he lost his mind. He couldn’t believe that I didn’t care and that I told him off. I didn’t stay with him either, because I knew after that point that this was NOT the kind of person who deserved my love and devotion.
You know what was funny about this guy? He kept trying to get me back, because he knew I was good enough and that no other girl would put up with that crap. After I gave him the proverbial bird, suddenly he loved me and needed me. Psh. Fool. You should have thought of that before, yeah?
If a guy you like, or a boyfriend, or a husband verbally abuses you, mentally tortures you, emotionally extorts you to get you try and look a certain way, or behave a certain way – that is the last person on the face of this earth that you should ever try to change for.
Hey you, are you thin? If your crush tells you to lose 10 lbs, will you do it? Many girls wouldn’t, but too many girls would consider it, and too many would actually do it. Because the pressure of vanity has been fed to our society in bottomless trofts and we just buy into it and go with it no matter how physically and mentally debilitating it is.
Now, before anybody jumps in and says: WELL SOMETIMES IT’S OKAY TO SAY YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOURSELF! I agree. It is good sometimes to let someone know they aren’t taking care of themselves, it is okay to give your lover suggestions that come from a place of love and from a place of need. But to shit all over somebody to get your ideal girl … that isn’t okay for anyone. It wouldn’t be okay for a girl to do it either – it just isn’t okay at all.
If they want perfect, then they need to be perfect. And if they think being perfect involves mentally abusing their lover over physical appearance … they aren’t perfect. Take the “average” cutie who would never dream of putting you down over a perfect jerk who prioritizes his physical desires over how healthy your mind is.