The Benefits Of Growing Up In A Dysfunctional Family

The Benefits Of Growing Up In A Dysfunctional Family

Life is a gamble. In fact, you never know what cards you’ll be dealt. One of those cards determines your family. You’re forced to cohabitate with people that may drive you crazy more often than not. Unlike most of my peers, I wasn't born into a family where I was loved unconditionally and felt accepted for who I really was.However, if you’re like I am, you wouldn’t trade in your dysfunctional family for a cookie-cutter one any day.

I hold no feelings of resentment or anger toward them. I don't want to imprison my mind by harboring those self-destructive, negative and draining feelings. I've forgiven my abusive parents and my brother. They had taught me some valuable life lessons that I would not have learned had I not been born into my chaotic family.In this myTake, I will address benefits that result from surviving in a dysfunctional family, including resiliency, perseverance, a sense of humor, forgiveness, kindness, and the ability to discern real love.

I've Been Desensitized To Emotional Pain

Without a doubt, the best lesson I have learned through this life is a simple, yet powerful, truth: “People will do to you in life what you allow them to do.” I don't give mean-spirited people the power to hurt me, bully me or betray me. I'm emotionally resilient and often stoic. Pain is by itself very deep and hurting but reasoning and understanding the situation is of paramount importance. You will be living and be dealing with many such events. And you must stand up and fight for yourself and your interests. To be able to do that and to do justice to yourself, you must not let any pain shun you or suppress you for any longer.

I Can Detect Warning Signs From Miles Away

After being subjected to years of emotional and physical abuse, I have acquired the talent of accurately assessing people's character. I've witnessed the darkest side of human nature at an early age. I've been exposed to people who are greedy, self-fish, violent, manipulative, passive-aggressive, judgmental, narcissistic, bigoted, have ugly souls and purely evil. I've also had the pleasure of meeting some amazing people. People who are inspirational, kind, compassionate, loving, talented & innovative. After meeting a wide range of people, I've become a good judge of character. I can tell whether someone is inherently good when I see them. In future, I will never make the mistake of staying in an abusive relationship.

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger

Studies have shown that some trauma survivors report positive changes and enhanced personal development, called post traumatic growth (PTG). PTG refers to any beneficial change resulting from a major life crisis or traumatic event, but people most commonly experience a positive shift by having a renewed appreciation for life; adopting a new world view with new possibilities for themselves; feeling more personal strength; feeling more satisfied spiritually, and/or their relationships improve.

The Benefits Of Growing Up In A Dysfunctional Family

I know My Self-Worth

I was raised by Asian immigrant parents. They were never affectionate.They never loved me because I was not the stereotypical trophy kid with a perfect transcript. Some distant cousin or family friend’s son/daughter was always being trotted out as a paragon of perfection that I was falling short of. Growing up, I always felt like I was inadequate, a complete failure and an utter disappointment to my family. I've spent many years feeling that I should be different than I was. I should be thinner, more talented, more confident, smarter, more disciplined. I’ve learned over the years to embrace my "imperfections". After years of feeling like a complete disgrace to my family, I started to question myself "What I do differently to make them like me?" The answer was very simple "Nothing".

Many of us feel like we have to earn our self-worth. Maybe we need to earn a hefty paycheck. Maybe we need to have a pricey home. Maybe we need to get a prestigious promotion. Maybe we need to make straight As. Maybe we need to lose 20 pounds in order to finally realize that we’re enough. But I now know, that my worth is unchanging and is inherent because I was born. I exist. Period.


Recognizing that my accomplishments aren't tied to my worth has allowed me to develop a more stable sense of self, to feel freer to express myself in all aspects of life, and to accept criticism in a more helpful way.

People Who Don't Love Me, Do Not Have The Power To Hurt Me

The Benefits Of Growing Up In A Dysfunctional Family

I was relentlessly bullied, humiliated, screamed at and verbally abused by my older brother. I had to agree with everything that came out of his mouth and obey his every order like an indentured slave. I was constantly hit with a thick bamboo stick by my mother for struggling with math problems. I had a severe form of ADD but I was not diagnosed in my childhood and my parents were in denial. They had a hard time accepting the fact that I had a legitimate mental disorder. Taking medications would have definitely helped but my parents thought good old fashioned spanking was the way to. But I no longer give them the power to hurt me because they never even loved me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Being desenzitized to emotional pain is bad. You will come across as uncaring. You will let all the emotional pain build up so much to the point you let it all out at once. Peole will think you are a lunatic.
    There are people from a happy family can detect warning signs from a mile away as well.
    There probably more people who has PTSD than PTG from a traumatic event. A lot of people will try to get away from it with alcohol and or drugs to the point theyare addicted.
    People from happy families know their self worth.
    There are peo le from happy families that do not let people who do not love them or care about the hurt them.
    There are more negatives that come from an unhappy home than poitives.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can appreciate your MyTake to the fullest extent. While my three siblings still suffer terribly, I've used everything to my advantage. I'm now financially independent and, for the first time year in my life, able to relax and start having fun.

    My favorite point is the reading people one. Others can view me as emotionally distant and rude, but that's just because IDGAF about anybody else's opinion but my own. but I can read people better than everyone else I know. There are very few people I read wrong, and I always use them as learning experiences to avoid that mistake in the future. It definitely helps with coworkers, customers, and especially with spotting other people who want to use you.

    I agree with the self worth thing, but only to the extent of people who don't let their trauma control them. Most people don't make it out better on the other side, but those of us who do are better off than we would have been without the struggles and the hardships in the first place. I used to think I hated myself until I realized I just hated my life and thought I'd be an awesome best friend if I let myself.

    It's also a good way to connect with other people. All of my best friends have been through similar situations and it's basically just us against the world.

    I wouldn't trade my life for anybody else's in the world. I'm a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason and you only get what you can handle in life. Maybe I wouldn't have been able to handle the normal pressures of being a teenage girl if I didn't have worse problems to distract me.

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What Guys Said 11

  • I agree. I was raised in a dysfunctional house where a tiny conflict turned into a tumultuous fight.

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  • I am one of you and you are one of I. Love and understanding to you and good luck in all your ventures. *hugs*. Follow me and you can message me anytime anon

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  • I admire your resilience but your take made me sad for you as well - Whatever you do I hope it works out for you

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  • I'm from a dysfunctional family as well. This is why I can be so cold yet show people how warm of a person I can be if I give you my trust.

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  • I like this take. there's no self pity or poor me or victim mentality.

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  • One of my friends grew up in a dysfunctional family and he turned out to be just fine.

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  • Well, it's good to look on the bright side of a bad situation.

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  • Totally agree

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  • How sad.

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  • Do parents that are never around count as a dysfunctional family?

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  • I disagree with the self worth part I mean it's the opposite really. You don't know what your worth because you're treated negatively in this environment. Everything else is true

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What Girls Said 14

  • I was raised in a crazy house as well. Though all I can say is that it is different for everybody. Some people learn and become stronger... others don't. It's something I don't think anybody deserves and building your self esteem and your personality at 30 from ground zero is not fun.

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  • i know exactly what you mean, and how you feel. me and my siblings went through almost the same type of scenario. the hardest part of it was accepting that my mom didn't love me, but i'm ok with it now. good luck to you. thank goodness you survived.

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  • These are all true but it also made me realize that I never want to get married. Haha

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    • I still want to get married and grow my family. There are a lot of good people out there.

  • There are actually 0 benefits of growing up in a dysfunctional family. I'm from a dysfunctional family. And I have to point this out here based on the points you made.

    "I've Been Desensitized To Emotional Pain". Many Psychologist will say that it is extremely unhealthy to live this way. You are an emotional being. Learn to control them. But not harbor them.

    "I Can Detect Warning Signs From Miles Away". Your Intuitive. Intuition can be self-taught. But yours just part of your personality. And if you're a spiritual person like me. It's a gift. Not from growing up in a toxic home.

    While you had to endure that kind of torture in your life. I will say, don't allow it to control your life and be in bondage. That is the one thing I had to struggle with all my life. And it's a lot of hell. But at least you understood early that what you went through is going through was abuse. It took me 21 years of my life to realize that.

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  • (((Hugs))) I was raised in one too. It makes us aware of danger in a way other people aren't.

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  • I like this mytake! It sounds like you can be more realistic than lots of people.

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  • Also: most creatuve people tend to have shitty pasts.

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  • thats right

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  • liked it

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  • I agree with this.

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  • I got the same feeling too.

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  • i can relate to you and its sad but does make you stronger and i learned everything NOT to do when i have kids.

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  • I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain. I wonder how they got away with their awful behavior.
    Learning from your terrible situation, sure, in the last stage. But first you need to acknowledge the fact that you are sad, allow yourself to mourn it out. You might even be angry for how they treated you. It's good that you are on your feet and trying to live your life, but healing and getting your self-esteem, self respect, and self love back are also important for you to get out of the desensitization. My family was pretty bad too, not as much as yourself but they did enough damage. I remember my defense mechanism was that I would try to be successful and find a kind and understanding husband and make the good life for myself that they were not able to make for me. But that was just a defense mechanism.

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  • Number one benefit for me is resilience and survival skills. Agree with most of what's written but am definitely not desensitized to emotional pain, I just deal with it a lot better and rationalise instead of let it take over me. But its very much there.

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