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Why I'm Not Changing My Last Name, Ever (Page 2)
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I plan to hyphenate. Personally I chose this because my last name is basically just for our family. like anyone with it is related to us. there aren't that many of us. And I feel like it has become a part of my identity. Out of respect for whomever I end up marrying and to signify our joint lives, I will add his last name to mine. Of course if he feels strongly about me only taking his name I would be open to discuss it. But these are my views so far..
What last name would your children have?
@Kkaos probably hyphenated. but again if he strongly wanted them to only have his, with a good reason as to why, I may change my mind.
It would be very selfish to hyphenate your child's names. What about when your children have kids and both them and their partner want their last name in your grand children's names. Your grandchildren would end up getting very long names, not to mention if they did the same with their children, and their children. It's a cycle that becomes ridiculous.
Someone's got to sacrifice their name. There is no other option.
@Kkaos no I'm open to change my mind. seeing as I have no relationship at the moment I can view things in the way that works best for me. and if as you say someone has to sacrifice, why me? I think it's a discussion that has to be had when the time arises...
Well your children's names can't be hyphenated, we just established that.
You're welcome to keep your last name and therefore have a different name to your family, if that makes you feel better. However most men will view that as you're more committed to your parents than you are to having a family with them.
And the why me? Well, because it's tradition. Why do I have to buy a diamond ring? Why do I have to propose? Why do I have to do anything...
If you're a 'strong independent woman', then perhaps marriage and traditional customs like that isn't for you.
@Kkaos Im sorry, but this is 2017 and things are different for every person and relationship. Hence my saying it's open to discussion...
And isn't that what I'm doing? You keep saying it's open for discussion, and I'm discussing it.
@Kkaos lol I meant with my SO... since my last name doesn't have any affect on you
Ah right lol, I see.
In my family's culture, when a woman gets married, her maiden name becomes her middle name and the children all get her maiden name as their middle name. So it's a non-issue for me.
I think it could only be if the husband agreed too. After all it is a marriage in which the two need to make decisions.
But I would not mind, I think something unimportant, but there are men who would care and perhaps be disappointed.
Agreed. Marriage is a partnership and if he didn't agree, we simply don't get married. We go our separate ways with no hard feelings.
Yeah i agree!
Beautiful. I'd love to move to England, and I would never change my name so it's easier to pronounce, because it's my heritage as an Italian citizen, and I would want to make it clear that I didn't move to somewhere else to erase that.
http://data.whicdn.com/images/99620296/large.jpg
You apparently do since you took the time to comment on this and took the time to find that picture.
It was the least I could do after having to read it.
Omg. I am so sorry did someone point a gun to your head and force you to read it? That has got to be traumatic. I know a therapist because a friend of mine is one, if you need it.
Sure, maybe we can get a group rate if I go for PTSD and you go for narcissism. I liked your little exchange with Djaay below, too. Of all the fights you've picked with people who didn't like this self indulgent Take, that was the best.
Meh. I try. You have PTSD and I have narcissism? I was unaware you have a degree in psychology.
I wasn't there the one who said I should go to a therapist.
I mean you did say you had to read this. My definition of having to do something I don't want to do, would include a gun to my head. I assumed it was the same for you. And I thought it was liberals who were easily butt hurt. If there wasn't a gun to your head or someone wasn't threatening to kill your family, then no you didn't have to read this.
You assumed it was the gun that was traumatic and not the Take itself.
Sounds like we have different views of trauma. Did someone force you to read this? You poor thing.
Thank you, like holy fuck you have to make a power point presentation about it? Cool, you don't want to take a mans last name or have children, keep it to your fucking self because no one could care less GOOD FOR YOU.
@xlsScummer you didn't have to fucking read it, if you have such a huge problem with it. No need to get so worked up about it.
I'm not worked up at all, this was just unnecessary, seems like you're more about getting attention than actually making statements. I didn't read it, by the way, the title said enough. I just like to scroll down in the comments and laugh at replies like these ^^ Pictures speak a thousand words.
@xlsScummer really simple. If you don't like it, keep scrolling. How am I getting attention if my face isn't in this? I'm here for the xper points.
You obviously don't see what other people see, let's put it like this. Let's say we're in highschool right and the class is watching a movie, mkay? You'd be the person to yell aloud "I read the book before I watched the movie" and then everyone compliments you, wow, 2 cool, brilliant, great, good job, nice bravo, congrats, 2 points for awesome. Catch my drift? You're that kid in high school that everyone talked shit about. Sorry if I'm offending you, I didn't think this was tumblr.
You posted an itemised humblebrag about what a strong and independent and awesome person you are who does whatever they want, written in a confrontational tone to basically dare people to disagree with you. Naturally, some people have, and you've argued back with them. Remember, by putting something up on here, you are soliciting opinions, good and bad. You can't just ergo decedo people who don't tell you what you want to hear if you expect to be taken seriously as an editor, no matter how much you want to be 'fuck what all y'all think'.
The only point you raised of any interest (ie: that wasn't just you trying to assert yourself and demanding we recognize and respect you) was the fourth one, regarding your professional reputation. Is it a known issue for medical professionals that changing their last name confuses people or harms their reputation/network? Is this something you've been warned about in your nascent career?
This ^^^^^
@xlsScummer I know I would be the one to do that. I would already expect a few people to say no one cares. Just like how I expected a few people to say no one cares on this my take. I just like trolling idiots because the bait is taken every damn time. It's like they don't notice a simple pattern.
Oh really? I thought it was the other way around, I thought I was trolling you. Welp I guess you've won. I'll tell you what though, I'd never have the energy to make a post like this just to troll people, crazy how you did it though. I hope you can sense the amount of sarcasm I'm putting into this.
@xlsScummer no, I really do feel this way. I really don't ever plan on changing my name. I just knew it'd bring out certain people who all of a sudden have a degree in marriage counseling and will tell me how this will endanger my future marriage 🙄 I have quite a dark sense of humor, so I could sense it.
Cool, good for you., Don't understand why you have to make a fucking presentation about it.
Do what you want but I would be offended if my wife did not take my name. My surname is not that bad, it comes from Wales and is the 7th most common surname in the UK
You have some good points, personally I like the idea of having/taking something that belongs to him, I also like the idea of being "owned", it's romantic but I understand why women keep their maiden names.
This is going to sound confusing but, marriage =/= love.
it just gives you an illusion that your bond is stronger when really nothing has changed.
marriage might hold some financial benefits but you'll sound like a douchebag mentioning those as a reason.
Then that's something I have no interest in
Kudos to you OP. I seriously think people underestimate how much of a hassle it is to change your name and be known by multiple names. Who has time for all that?
so can i change my last name matching to your, is it acceptable by you in a marriage simulation
If you want to, sure.
Nuce Take.
I've changed my mind on this topic over the last couple of years. I used to be all gung-ho that my wife took my name, but now it wouldn't bother me at all if she kept hers.
I personally don't know how I'd feel about this situation. I want my children to have my name... So I don't know, more power to you though, lol it just means you won't have my babies XP
You sound like you are really rational about almost all your decision making. Except, love.
I tend to think with my heart not my head.
It's:
1) Your life
2) Your name
3) Your marriage
4) Your decision
It's BOTH
1) Your life
2) Your name
3) Your marriage
4) Your decision
The guy doesn't have to accept it.
@DonkeyRick69 then we aren't getting married. Simeple as that. m
Sweet. It will save us $30,000
@DonkeyRick69 I paln on having a courthouse wedding with a budget of about $300.
So what's the $300 dollars for. McDonald's don't cost $300
@DonkeyRick69 Couple of basic things like a photographer. If there's already a photographer, there won't be so many people openly on their phones during the ceremony and there will be nice photos to hang up. I can bake the cake and food since I am a good cook. I can play music off of my Spotify account. Other than that, we need to pay the officiant and for the marriage certificate. I never wanted a white wedding dress so I can wear one of my nice dresses that just hang in my closet anyways. I can do my hair and makeup myself, or I can let one of my sisters or mom do it.
Sweet. I could spring for that
@DonkeyRick69 I always wanted a simple wedding. I would rather focus on the marriage than the actual wedding anyways. I already have a stressful job, I don't need a complex and stressful wedding to plan that will just overcomplicate my life. People who spend too much time focusing on the wedding than the marriage have marriage problems anyways.
"I would rather focus on the marriage than the actual wedding"
"People who spend too much time focusing on the wedding than the marriage have marriage problems anyways."
Word for word it's like your plagiarizing my brain lol.
People worrying more about the wedding than the marraige is probably why the divorce rate is so high.
I never understood the name change thing anyways. As a matter of fact there's a lot I've never understood about weddings in general
I don't understand why atheists marry before the church. That's probably the most confusing one.
@Svennedude2 I'm atheist and don't plan on having a religious wedding. I would prefer a courthouse wedding.
That probably makes more sense. Still, a lot of atheists marry before the church because they find it more 'romantic'. In that case, I feel like they are kind of spitting on the Christian religion and its vows and believes.
@Svennedude2 lol. If it makes you feel better, I don't find that romantic. I don't even God mentioned during my wedding. I'm atheist, so why on earth would I have a Christian wedding. I would like a simple courthouse wedding with a budget of around $300 to $500. A big chunk of that money I would like to go to the photographer. I have lots of nice dresses in my closet and I don't want a white dress, so I could wear one of those. I am also a good baker, so I can make the cake.
Yeah, I think that's awesome! I wish every atheist thought like you.
To be honest, I don't understand why Christians spend so much money on their wedding ceremony either. Meanwhile, the government is laughing all the way to the bank. Your future husband can be happy to have a rational wife like you. Only thing missing is that she actually rode dragons!
@Svennedude2 thanks! I always thought a spontaneous wedding was infinitely more romantic than an overpriced, well-thought out wedding
I'd say reason number 4 definitely makes the most sense to me. Otherwise I think having one person changing their last name would help bind the marriage better.
This is something I'm really indecisive about, at times I want to adopt my future husbands name but at the same time I'm identified with my father's name so I'd want to keep that
I agree. Some random tradition from a culture that is not mine is not a good reason for me to do something.
What about the fact that you're kids have to have a last name and chances are you'll never be identified as being in the same family as your kids or your husband because you have a different name to them.
@Kkaos you must be very insecure to worry about those incredibly inconsequential things.
I'm not insecure at all. What's the point of getting married? Answer that one, why don't you.
@Kkaos because you love them. I don't have to follow some silly traditions to prove that. In some cultures it's not even a thing to take one's husband's name.
So you're now saying that it's impossible to love someone without being married?
Many people will consider marriage one those 'silly traditions'. You can't have it both ways.
@Kkaos the French have been doing it for centuries.
That's a red herring. I'm asking you what the point of marriage is.
@Kkaos well the original purpose of marriage amongst the ruling classes was to form alliances and exchange wealth and property from one family to another. The political game etc etc. Marriage wasn't as common amongst the working classes until much later, round about when it stopped being so expensive and during the Christian revival. Everyone got a little weird about sexuality then.
I know, but in the modern day, is marriage really necessary?
@Kkaos yes, as people still have legal issues such as power of attorney and visiting rights, pension and benefits dispersal. Not every jurisdiction recognizes common law marriage. If you're in the hospital and you have no next of kin to decide what procedures are going to be done to you, you risk receiving sub par care.
Yeah, those might be some benefits of getting married. But it doesn't mean it's necessary to be fair.
@Kkaos can you guarantee that you will never be injured or sick? Can you guarantee that you will never need health insurance? Can you guarantee that you will never need to split your income or pension?
That's irrelevant. Marriage is not necessary, many people live happily unmarried.
@Kkaos until one of you almost dies and the doctors won't let you in on any decisions or even into the room. Until one of you is paralyzed and unable to work, so they lose all their benefits. Yeah, marriage is so totally useless. Also, life is only full of rainbows and sunshine and puppies so there's no reason to take legal precautions at all.
I love how you consider marriage a 'legal precaution'. Just like buying insurance. Good luck, you're clearly in it for all the wrong reasons and I could see that right from the start where you were prepared to pick and choose what you wanted from marriage in order to suit your own personal wants.
@Kkaos yes, because not wanting to change my name because no one in my culture does makes me in it for the wrong reasons. You didn't like my "because you love each other" answer. You constantly moving the goalposts doesn't make you morally superior.
I wrote a question on this matter just yesterday. I completely support you! Thanks for your take!
Yes I love your question. A lot of people were questioning why a person would refuse to change their last name, so I wrote this.
Thank you very much! These are just the things I was thinking of ( only you used better wording😀🎉).
I hope people understand better now why someone should refuse to change their last name. Thanks again!