How To Avoid Intrusive Conversations

[BeeNee]

There are just certain aspects of our personal lives and our privacy that we are not willing to share, or not willing to share right in the middle of say Thanksgiving dinner in front of your entire family. No matter who the asker is, it is your right not to talk about whatever it is you don't want to talk about right at that second or ever, but once that intrusive question is volleyed in your direction, how do you get out of the jam of having to stutter an uncomfortable answer?

1. Skate past the question right on into something else

Michael: how's the divorce going?

You: Sorry, before I forget, I've been dying to tell you about this killer deal I found on a new house last week in your neighborhood. Seriously Mike, you would not believe the steal I got on it because the previous owner had to sell quickly. Sweet interiors, huge backyard. I wanted to know if I could get your input on the exteriors since you had to pick them out with Jess for your old house...

Steer the conversation into something you can babble on about or are very knowledgeable that you think would engage or distract the asker from the original question. Keep steering the conversation further and further away from the original question so that you remain in control. If the other person didn't get the hint that now is not a good time, maybe they'll be too distracted by the new conversation to remember they even asked in the first place.

2. Deflect and engage someone else

Your Mom: you dad tells me you just quit your job?

You: (To your brother) Mom, Tim was telling me he found some baby kittens and has been trying to find homes for them. I told Tim you've been wanting a new pet if Dad will "let you" have one. How many did you say you'd found Tim?

Sometimes just changing the subject by yourself is not enough. Get a friend, or other family member to provide distraction and deflect the askers attention on to something else.

3. Cellphone in the car

Carrie: Time is ticking don't you think? By your age, I was married and had 2 kids. When are you going to call it a day and settle down?

You: Oh sh-- Carrie! I left my phone in my car! Oh man! Ian said he would call me back about a work thing, and I swore I wouldn't let it out of my sight. Sorry, sorry, excuse me. I'll be back. (You won't).

Rather than try to switch the subject, excuse yourself to some other task, like you forgot to turn off your headlights, or your forgot your phone in your car, or you need to take an emergency trip to the bathroom. This way you actually physically remove yourself from the conversation entirely. If you must return, simply 'forget' who you were having a conversation with and start a conversation with someone else or busy yourself cleaning up the area. Hopefully if the Carrie person gets back to you, they'll have forgotten by that time what they had even asked you.

4. Squirrel!

Mason: Why are you still going out with Justin? What has he got, that I don't?

You: (Suddenly look startled and wide eyed).

Mason: what? huh?

You: Mason you will not believe me if I told you this, but I swear this squirrel just flew off the roof and landed on this ladies head. She was freaking out. Look!

Provide a quick distraction to disrupt the flow of energy and the question, and then try and change the subject to something else.

5. Put your foot down

Some friends and family are just hell bent on being nosy, in wanting to know more than you think they need to, or just asking intrusive questions all the time and at inopportune moments. Try your best not to freak out, sometimes they really do come from a place of love, but again, if you don't want to answer, you don't have to. If distractions and deflections and leaving the room doesn't work, just put it out there plain and simple, but firmly with statements like, "I'm really not up to talking about that subject right now," or "maybe I'll talk to you about it at a later date when I know what's what," or "I don't want to discuss that, ever, thanks." Some people just don't get the hint sometimes, and you do need to be a bit more blunt with your meaning.

[btbc92]

The best thing to do is tell them that it's none of their business. In a come and respectful manner. Sadly, if you don't make your point clear from the beginning, you will be looked at as being untrustworthy, suspicious, too secretive, etc. So make sure you know how to properly handle this. Know who is a gossiper and know who is only trying to grow close to you. I don't ask personal questions unless that person tells me about their business. If you don't trust me, then don't say anything. I don't open up to people who aren't willing to open up to me. Overall, great myTake! I say for people to know when to exercise this. But they just need to set boundaries and be more direct. First of all: #5 is what people should just do. Otherwise, #1-4 is very deceptive and it won't just stop gossipers trying to pry, but do this on family and friends, and you will more and likely break the relationship for good. Same in marriage and dating. Use with caution.

So this: "I'm really not up to talking about that subject right now," or "maybe I'll talk to you about it at a later date when I know what's what,"

NEVER use those excuses. They will remember and hold you to telling them. Just be real and honest, even if it hurts their feelings. Just say how they are crossing the line. They know it is sensitive to you. Don't allow it to be sensitive to you.

[Anonymous]

Call me a beast, but it pisses me the hell off when people try to do some evasive maneuvers, especially considering I get asked the craziest things by the very same people who want "privacy" and I just answer them like nothing. I won't be so invasive with someone who isn't asking me about my sex life, why I euthanized my dog, etc though.

[BeeNee]

You don't have to answer. That's the gist of it. Sadly just because someone values their own privacy, doesn't mean they value you yours because you're not them, but in the same way I'd give you this list, I'd hand it to them, because if something really is none of your business to you or them, then that's it. Period.

[Quintessence]

The only one that works is number 5. In my experience, nosy people tend to be persistent.

[anewgirl]

Nice lol. I’m actually kind of a pro at avoiding questions

[Unit1]

What if my girlfriend wants to know how much money I make but I don't want to tell ANYONE my salary?

[BeeNee]

If you are making purchases together or financial planning together, then you may need to be fourth coming with your salary information, but if you've known your girlfriend 5 minutes and she's asking how much money you make, just let her know you are uncomfortable with sharing that info with her at the moment, or that you do not share this info with anyone and let that be it.

[Unit1]

That's a good plan. I'll just stick with "that's too private and sensitive information".

[lareina05]

I just walk away from people or tell them mind their own business

[Anonymous]

thanks for sharing