You Do Need to Apologize

[Anonymous]

What has this world come to when we have people walking around that literally believe that they need to apologize for nothing? I don't get that, and I certainly don't want anybody in my life that believes that as their life mantra.

Being a human being on planet earth means that in life, you are going to be wrong, you are going to make mistakes, you are going to do hurtful things to others, and something all of us should have learned as little kids, is when you do wrong, you apologize and you attempt to do all that you can to make things right. Not apologizing is not making things right. It's an attempt to completely ignore ones own responsibility in wrong doing.

When did apologizing become a negative thing and when did this whole people feeling like they don't "owe" anyone an apology, start? I mean, let the tables turn here, and let someone wrong you and then walk away from the situation saying they don't need to apologize EVEN THOUGH they are wrong and they and you know it. Are these people saying that has absolutely no effect on them because to me that is the biggest indication that that person is a grade A a-hole that doesn't care about anyone or anything but themselves. Not only that, it show an immense level of immaturity and narcissism.

I am the firmest believer in treating others the way I'd want to be treated. I know I'm an imperfect human being, and like an imperfect human being, I have to be aware of how I am treating others, especially if I am in the wrong in the way I'm treating them. Apologizing and then putting action behind that apology so that it's not just words, is one of many reasons I've had life long friends. If I stuck my nose up and decided I'm never apologizing again, I would surely alienate both family and friends and any other relationships I would ever hope to have in life.

Don't let people convince you that their mistreatment of you, your friendship, your family, your relationships, is in some way acceptable just because they are of some false belief that they can do no wrong and everyone should just get over it. Not only should you treat people the way you want to be treated, and own up to your own mistakes, you should expect that same treatment in return from people you call friend or family.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that you should apologize for EVERYTHING. Because some times, you aren't purposely trying to make someone angry but you had an "accident" and didn't mean to... and you are just being YOU. YOU DO NOT have to apologize for being YOU.

-example: Older lady doesn't watch her grandson and he climbs up the slide, my son slides down and hits him. She expects me to apologize when i already made my son apologize then she calls me tons of names and Angrily demonizes me and my kids and accuses us of trying to kill her grandson... This is not ok. The best thing to do is just accept that I am being me... and let me go. I am NOT going to apologize for not looking after her grandson and being his mother and telling him to not climb the slide. I can be me, and that's ok.

-example: I talked to my friend whom then blasphemes against me and my family. I tell this to my sister and she tells me it's all my fault I shouldn't have talked to that friend and for me to stop talking to her (my sister) because she is not my friend. I do NOT have to apologize for anyone who judges others and shames others. That's her own problem... I am not apologizing. Plus my friend whom judged me and my sister who judged me... they think that them judging me and shaming me means that they are BETTER than me and that I should APOLOGIZE for being. They can go EFF themselves in the butt.

My sister also always wants me to babysit her kid and clean her house and car for her while I am babysitting my own 2 little kids. When I say no, she threatens to tell the whole world that I am evil and she goes on and on to tell me that I am a mean horrible terrible person and she HATES me and she is going to do EVIL things to me. So WHAT? I can choose to not be her slave... I will NOT apologize for being me.

I HATE when people apologize to me as if they are the God of my universe who failed me and made me sad or angry because they don't have time for me. EFF off, because I don't give a F. I make myself happy. I have time for myself and God... Why are you apologizing when you want to think about yourself and make yourself happy? Don't be. Go do it.

[Anonymous]

I apologize, but I'm gonna have to release some skepticism here.

We live in an social and economic model that fosters inherent inequality and competition. We all validate it some way or another; we accept and expect the weak to stand on their own.

Genuine apologies have a complicated role in such a model. People are out there to constantly try imposing you what's right for them; they don't give a damn about how you feel but how they think you should feel, and when you apologize, you're pretty much conceding them power.

I value the ideal behind apologies, as well the golden rule you cited (treating others like they'd want to be treated), but applying it in this times we're living is a contradiction.

[myTake Owner]

This is not a complicated issue and there is no contradiction to be had. If you are in the wrong... and you know it... and they know it... and you refuse to then apologize or make things right with that individual, you are saying you basically don't care, refuse to take responsibility for your own actions, and will do nothing to rectify the situation. A person who does that only assumes that by not apologizing they have some type of power, but how long will the people in that person's life stick around if that is their attitude all the time?

Wrong is wrong.

[HOAAH]

that's where you are WRONG. Wrong is not always wrong and right is not always right. It's not that easy. You think it is. The people who killed Jesus thought that that was RIGHT. The people in the bible who called Jesus names and plot to kill Jesus thought it was RIGHT. So then should Jesus apologize? and if Jesus does not apologize for his WRONG should you ahead and SHAME him? and then punish him? Then put him on the cross then spit on him? OK go ahead, because what you think is RIGHT might be WRONG and what you think is WRONG might be right. My sister thinks I should worship her and if I don't then I am wrong. My mom thinks I should go kill myself and if I don't then I am wrong. SO WHAT? Should I apologize because I hurt someone for being me? and I refuse to be her slave and kill myself then I should apologize for making her angry? I am in the wrong? What do you think of that? Should Jesus have apologized and begged on his feet that he is so sorry? EFF apologizing

[Opinion Owner]

The moment someone entitledly thinks "wrong is wrong" will make others subdue to his/her will, the moment you know that person is too full if his/her own sel-righteousness and doesn't understand the predominance of free will as a value

[Opinion Owner]

We humans can easily abuse the position of victimhood to our own convenience, same as for bending the concept of responsibility, evading people "we don't like" because they made us see something nasty of ourselves, etc.

I don't think there's any single human being not willing to abuse on grey areas, that's why I'm still keeping it careful the way I apologize. There's really no consensus out there about nothing, and by randomly apologizing anytime I thought I did "wrong", I'm just naively letting myself be controllable by others.

[HOAAH]

Agree

[myTake Owner]

I'm not talking about every little nitpicky thing that happens in life. I'm talking you cheated on your spouse, you damaged your friends car, you lied to your best friend--things you are actually aware that you did wrong to someone else and that everyone can clearly see who's fault it is---I'm talking about people who even when they know they are in the wrong, refuse to apologize. Those are the types that bug me---it's like, we caught you on camera stealing from the store, showed you the tape, and you refuse to apologize or rectify your actions in some form or fashion. I'm talking about things that are obvious to all who are involved including oneself, and yet, you find people who even in the face of blatant evidence or knowledge think they don't need to apologize. Again, wrong is wrong.

[HOAAH]

Jesus and his disciples stole grain, broke the sabbath by working on that day, he seemed to have lied that he can destroy the temple and rebuild it in 3 days, also moses killed someone. .. etc

[Opinion Owner]

And perhaps there's actually a reason and another way to see what it seems the most horrible crime to you :). There's no guarantee others will recognize what you think wrong as wrong, even if we're talking about rape or homicide, under any circumstance.

Wrong is wrong for you and not necessarily for the rest. Some will agree with you, some won't. And he more you force it into those of the second, the more resistance you'll find. You don't need to be a despaired brute. Be sophisticated.

[HOAAH]

I mean, some times you have to take the whole picture in to understand if it was a really bad crime. As I read a ton of Anne Rule books, there are some crimes that seem black and white like a girl killing her step mom. Black and white right? She is a murderer and should say sorry and then go to jail for life right? Well, in actually facts, her DAD brainwashed her and emotionally manipulated her to do it for him.

[10dsw]

Depends on what I need to apologize for:

If I accidentally knock someone's coffee over, I will apologize and buy them a new one.

If I went on a date, didn't like the girl, and ghosted on her then I'm not going to apologize. I have every right to ghost on her. It's my choice who I date. Likewise she has every right to ghost on me.

[ryancg]

I hate apologies, they mean nothing to me, they're just words. If I do something wrong, I take responsibility for it and actively search for a way to rectify said wrongdoing. Saying "I'm sorry" is the least someone can possibly do and that's just not enough.

[goaded]

Sometimes it's the only thing you can do, though. How are you going to fix it if you accidentally step on someone's toe?

[ryancg]

@goaded I'm mostly referring to shit that actually matters.

[myTake Owner]

An apology is part, and a start of the process of rectifying your wrong doings. How does anyone know you're out there somewhere trying to fix things on your own? You start with an apology because that is you recognizing and taking responsibility up front and in the moment for what you've done wrong and in most cases, the beginning of one starting to fix the problem.

[ryancg]

Well yeah, you can start with an apology, but it doesn't actually do anything to solve the problem, it's really just a formality.

[Avallach]

We are not living in a world in which everybody act consciously every second and take responsibility of each action of theirs no matter how stressed or adequate they are
If you want to do what your common sense tells you then dont mess with people's egos
Humans are cocky, better say a couple of words than have problems

[Anonymous]

I think people should apologize for their mistakes because its a sign to show remorse.

But a flip side to it is that an age where we live in a offenceville, everyone gets offended by every little thing and demands apology for it.
When things are pushed so far, the pendulum is bound to go the otherway.

[VegetaSSB]

Yes, i agree, people have to be responsible for their acts and if they missbehaved they should indeed apologise and try to not commit the same mistake over and over again, nowadays the world is sadly filled by grown up children.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Who determines what warrants an apology and what doesn't? You?

[myTake Owner]

Simply put, if you break my lamp, your response should not be, "I'm not going to apologize and I'm not going to replace it." The fault is yours and by denying this and refusing to replace it, you are denying responsibility. This is common sense, and is a form of decency I'd hope was inherent to most intelligent human beings.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

For simple things like that, I wholeheartedly agree.

[cherryphi82]

Sure, it would be the "nice" thing to do, but nobody owes you anything. Don't try to coerce people into doing something they don't want to do. A forced apology is useless.

[SirRexington]

I apologise only to those who genuinely deserve my sympathy due to the blunt and hostile nature I tend to give off.

I'll admit when I'm wrong. But if I'm not won'wrong then I'm not apologising.

[Landshrk0068]

I agree with you, but there's also the other side of the coin, those people who apologize for everything, even if they had nothing to do with anything they are saying sorry for.

[Anonymous]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=15HTd4Um1m4

In all seriousness though I agree with you.

[riverplate7]

I've been called out a lot for apologizing too much/un necessarily and then i apologize for apologizing... I don't know must be a disease

[Hungry_Shark]

If you have done something wrong then for sure apologize.
It doesn't matter if you're a man or woman.

[Anonymous]

Some people are just so certain of their position, they will never apologise. They are often waiting on an apology from someone else.

[redrocket68]

No. Not always. If she doesn't have a legit reason to be upset you don't apologize. You look week if you do.

[vald9inches]

sometimes people don't give you a chance to apologize

[Anonymous]

I agree. It's immature to not apologize when you should.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I am deeply concerned about the trend of people not being accountable and failing to apologize for their behavior.

[Anonymous]

How often do women apologize to men for screwing them over for being “nice guys”.

[Anonymous]

But wouldn't that make me A "nice guy" which women hate?

[Anon-ymous1]

Great Take. Totally agreed.