Why are guys double-minded when it comes to opposite sex friendships?

[liburnia]

Yesterday I came across two questions here on GaG. First was can guys and girls be friends and the second was why guys doesn't want their girlfriends to have guy friends?
Basically, answers came down to this: when you ask a guy can there be pure platonic friendship with a woman majoriti says yes without question and that they are almost never atracted to their female friends.
But when you ask them why don't they like their girlfriends to have male friends, then the answers are totaly opposite and majoriti says: "because your guy friend wants to fuck you", or "he wouldn't need you as a friend if he isn't attracted to you or doesn't want more.

So, you guys like to be girl's friend, but you don't like your girlfriend to have a guy as a friend? Hypicrites!
And I like to read those answers because I have a doubt of my own. I have a guy friend who says we're friends but flirts big time with me.
And I believe people don't flirt with their friends.

[Lightning8]

I don't like when one of her guy friends seems to be on her mind a little too much, particularly when on a date.

I don't really like when she is a bit too defensive of her guy friends, as if accusing her lover of trying to be controlling of her friendships. How your s. o. feels about what you do should always be acknowledged at the very least; it has nothing to do with authoritarianism and everything to do with knowing one's own boundaries and wanting to understand what's going on as in the nature of the friendship.

[Lightning8]

I think males and females can be just friends, but I have boundaries. Like, I'm not going to go have sleepovers with my female friends then call my girlfriend insecure when she expresses concern. And I'm not gonna spend more time with friends than my girlfriend and expect her not to feel neglected or weird about it. So I woul expect her to give me that same courtesy.

[Browneye57]

Majority is spelled with a 'y'.

In a girl-boy 'friendship' one or the other will ALWAYS want more, even if they won't admit it. They were attracted for some reason in the first place.

And women can go along with this WAY more than men - the guys are sexually driven, so if he's interested in spending time with a woman and he likes her, he would have sex with her. It's the way they're wired. Otherwise, what's the point? To go shoe-shopping? Seriously.

Why are young people so confused these days?

[liburnia]

I apologize about misspeling. I usually check what I write, since English is not my language, but I didn't notice this mistake.
Now to your opinion. Does it mean that the person who initiate friendship is the one who wants more? And what if they share same interests? Could it be that then they can be just friends without any ulterior motives from either side?

[Browneye57]

For a girl, sure. Guys? Not so much.
Here's why:
Women connect emotionally.
Guys connect physically.
This isn't to say men don't have emotions, they do, but it's just not the same. If a guy really digs a girl he's attracted to her - he expresses love physically. It's a very basic difference between the genders.

When a guy sees a woman he sizes up in his brain within seconds as to whether she is do-able or not, it's either HELL YES, or HELL NO. Whether he actually would or not is irrelevant. And any further interaction is tempered with that.

So yeah, you may see a friendship, but it's rare that one or the other doesn't secretly hope or wish there was more to it. It happens all the time, both genders.

When a guy is interested in a girl and she likes him just fine but has no sexual or romantic interest, it's called 'the friendzone'. Women are more platonic - if he'll validate her and do stuff for her she likes to have him around. And why women like gay guy friends - they'll even say they 'feel safe', cuz he's simply not sexually attracted to her, so she never has to worry about spurning him.

[liburnia]

Another question: if a guy tease a woman about liking and being interested in him, but continue to flirt and spend as much time as he can with her, would that be a sign of interest from him?

[Browneye57]

Of course. Teasing is a come-on. Otherwise why bother? What's the point?

[liburnia]

Ok thank you. I thought so but wasn't sure. I have a friend who even says he is eager for me to tease back and when I do even a bit he gets very excited 😄

[7jesn722j]

It’s because they know most guys, including themselves, aren’t interested in being friends with girls they wouldn’t have sex with.

[zagor]

Quite the contrary. I was able to have close friendships with some girls precisely because I didn't find them sexually appealing.

[Anonymous]

It's because there are so many things in between friendship and love and guys have a hard time dealing with that because they have a much more sexual competitive nature.

It differs from scene to scene of course. A girl who has always been reserved and eiher is friends with a guy or has a love relationship with him, will have a lot less trouble with this and the boyfriend won't be so annoyed by it.

In my case: I worked as a waitress since I was young. I am constantly in the nightlife with alcohol all around and all my male colleagues and clients are friends but also see me as an option to bust a nut in the middle of the night. They aren't the most narrow minded, shy men who hold back, and neither am I. So yes, many of my "friends", some close but mostly less close, I have had sex with or given a blowjob. No feelings involved of course. It happens pretty easily in my scene.

I notice that this is much harder for my boyfriend to cope with than it would be in the first case I described. The guys I did something with don't help either, cause they feel like they can look down on my boyfriend and sometimes tease him with it (words or just body language) cause my boyfriend had to commit to me, while they just got some lip service on the toilet without having to do anything. I know it's ridiculous and childish, but I notice this very clearly.

So there is a variety in "male friends" that isn't always clear and easy to deal with. Not everyone is as friendly and innocent as the other.

[Under_Maps_OF_twigs]

Men usually think in terms of if the friendship increases and they are alone, then she will want to have sex, while women don't think in those terms about male friends. They think males can really just be real friends and no more.

Women are better balanced at friendship issues because they intuitively excel at knowing how to do things in packs and groups while males struggle.

The only issue I have with women is that many of them let men struggle rather than helping him out how to be friends better with others. It isn't a competition. Please help us men, you magnificent women you, if we are struggling in friendships. You so much seem to do it for other women.

[sonnysunshine]

Did you ever see a meme saying that every “boy should have a best buddy gal pal?” No, most of us are not forest gump.

Women get MUCH more out of having platonic male friends than vice versa. They get enjoy masculine protection, advice, free favors (moving heavy shit), sometimes free meals, attention, etc. If the guy isn’t that attracted to her then there is little she could do for him anyway. Only exceptions would be some guys who is very down and out and has no friends at all (again forest gump).

And forest gump got rejected by Jenny romantically on several occasions until the very end when she had no one to turn to.

[-Asca-]

Wrong. Your guy friend doesn't want to fuck you, he MAY want to fuck you which of course is a risk and leads to jealousy.
Of course if a guy himself is just friends with a girl he knows that he doesn't want anything with her so that's why question 1 has answers like that. But if another guy is friends with your girlfriend you don't know what he wants. Guys are different, situations are different, some guys (including your friends) may want to fuck you, some don't. There's nothing hypocritial about that.

[Anonymous]

"majoriti says yes without question and that they are almost never atracted to their female friends."
It is very common to be attracted to female friends. That's how most relationships start. You don't just jump into a relationship, you form a friendship first.

So no, there isn't really contradiction when he says:
"because your guy friend wants to fuck you"
because it's probably not that far from the truth.

"Hypicrites!"
No, you just have your stats wrong.
They are often attracted to their friends.

"I have a guy friend who says we're friends but flirts big time with me."
This is not a contradiction.

"I believe people don't flirt with their friends."
Nonsense. Well maybe, *girls* don't flirt with their "friends." These things are very much compatible as a guy. Friendship is not the absence of sexuality.

[Alpha09]

Because those guys are insecure and want to control who your friends with while doing whatever they want.

[ROCKS128]

Im not.
Many are not!
Just coz you read some comments doesn't mean its true worldwide...
And every friendship has a limit.
And every single guy friend gets into feelings.
When a relationship starts everything outside it shldnt get much priority.

[BrokenEmpathy]

I don't need female friends and I won't bother having those because they try to guilt-trip me or call me names, same way they complain about men doing similar tricks for sex.

[humanearth]

Be because we think with dick instead of brain. That was a simple answer.

[Riggers]

Women are too whorish to “just be friends”.

[Secretgardenblood]

Good take..