Why Intentionally Holding Out on Sex with Men during dating is Stupid

[Apope16]

The problem with 99% of women is they do not see themselves as offering anything greater in a relationship to a man beyond sex. This thinking has destroyed young girls and relationships. They use sex as blackmail for a relationship or to get what they want because they have no proper negotiating skills or respectability to offer a man beyond gratification of desire for a period of 10 seconds out of his life. It is sad and pathetic.

A woman's value is not her virginity. It is not sex. It is her being. The fidelity and decency of her behavior.

Who she is as an intelligent, funny, engaging and resourceful person. Sex should not be the end goal of a companionship but the very beginning of it all. The end goal is a union that is spiritual not physical.

A man should be weary of women who intentionally withhold sex as a game or some prize to be won.

Why is it that some women are so prude about sex early on in dating situations? How did the folly come about that portrayed the value of a relationship based on withholding of sex?

I think the concept behind it was a very old and sexist idea. The idea was that a man should marry a virgin. In the old days, it was believed that a woman was impure and unworthy of a man's love if she had been betrothed to another man in lustful action prior to marriage. The whole idea behind withholding sex is sexist. A woman's value is not based on whether she puts out or not. The value of a relationship is not based on that either. It is folly. Nothing but fiction.

Life is too short for games. Life is too short not to enjoy sex. Life is too short not to form a bond which may last a lifetime.

Every woman should ask themselves a simple question. Does having sex with a man turn a decent man into a bad person? Does withholding sex from a man turn a pig into a husband material?

The answer to this question is NO. A good man is a good man regardless of whether he fucks you on Date #1 or on your wedding night. LOVE FULLY. ALWAYS.

I have spoken.

[Anon621]

I think people hold out on sex for different reasons. Some people do it because of religious beliefs, others because they simply want to protect their bodies from STDs completely, and there are plenty of other reasons such as thinking sex is disgusting or just a necessary thing for reproduction. The facts don't lie though: practicing abstinence is the only way to ensure 100% protection from STDs because condoms are not 100% protection. I can see your argument why you believe holding out on sex is not wise. If you think from a society point of view then your argument is perfectly valid. However, there are minorities of men like me that truly value practicing abstinence whether people want to believe it or not. Sometimes you just gotta know the right people or meet the right person somehow. I personally do not believe that women are only useful for sex however because I personally believe women should be treated equally and should be respected if they want to practice abstinence in a relationship but that is just my opinion.

[Hogwheels]

No, they hold out on sex because they want to make sure that's not all the guy is interested in. It is a great idea to hold off on sex.

[Apope16]

No. They withhold sex when they like the guy and are ready as emotional blackmail and manipulation. The mature 28 year old to 40 year woman does not play those games. The only exception would be women with religious hangups.

[Hogwheels]

Yeah, I am a Christian who only dates Christians so I'm probably bias, but I think it's more common than you believe it is.

[msc545]

Women hold out on sex as a way of controlling men.

[JuliaStyles]

@Apope16 You don't need religious hang ups to respect your own body. I get it that guys like sex, and so do women, but women have more at stake than the guy, most notably pregnancy.

[JuliaStyles]

@msc545 Why? Do they hold out on you a lot? You must not play well with women ya bully. :)

[MzAsh]

Your point of view here comes from solipsism. There are many reasons why a woman might not want to have sex as soon as the urge hits her. You can only understand your male point of view, which is different.
The main thing women (who are interested a relationship) will wait for sex is because she wants you to stick around. And she wants to know that you’re worthy of her body. She has every right to withhold sex until she knows what your track record is and what your intentions are. In fact, that’s one of the smartest thing a woman can do.

[Shamalien]

my god she does speak sense sometimes!

[heytakeiteasy]

Word

[strawberrylipstick]

100% agree, just came to mention that calling a track record is like making a rap sheet for dating instead of crime and that's for some reason really amusing-

[S5ARR0W]

"she wants to know that you’re worthy of her body." Basically you accepted his claim. That girls think they got nothing but a body to offer.

[MzAsh]

@S5ARR0W That isn't true. No one said it was the *only* thing. It's one of many things a woman gives to the man she wants to be with.

[zella54321]

Thats dope!

[JuliaStyles]

@strawberrylipstick Rap sheet / track record, whatever fits.

[msc545]

What do the terms that worthy of her body and track record actually mean? I think what they probably mean is money, correct?

[MzAsh]

@msc545 No. I mean things such as an outstanding character, loyalty, maturity, responsible, humility, thoughtfulness, respect. Money is easy to attain. A man with a worthy enough character is much more rare. But that's still where the bar should be.

[msc545]

So making someone wait for sex somehow allows you to determine all of the things you just listed? I find that rather hard to believe. I think it's more a matter of control and establishing Authority.

[strawberrylipstick]

authority does seem like the endgame for that.. i mean because all of the things you listed come with 'respecting authority'

[LionKing65]

I agree. And as a man, I hold out my possessions, emotions and my time until I see that you as a woman are worthy of my wallet, my heart and my soul. Is that not a fair position to take as a man?
Better I think to withhold all and simply enjoy a better life. You go your way, I enjoy my path going mine. Good luck to you.

[psychoticanimallover]

Not having sex with someone =/= “withholding sex”.

Are you withholding sex from your mum?
Is Scarlett Johansson withholding sex from you?

The reason some women want to wait before having sex with someone varies, but often it’s fuelled by being called a slut for doing so. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t?

[Apope16]

I think you bring up a great point. I touch on that point in the myTake above. We need to stop slut shaming of women. It is wrong. We need a society that enjoys sex and allows women to be free with their bodies and relationships.

That is why I said, " A woman's value is not based on whether she puts out or not. The value of a relationship is not based on that either. "

[psychoticanimallover]

FAIR ENOUGH, ROBERT.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Heck, I'm fine if she holds out sex on me.
That crap is disgusting and the only reason I do it with her is because she whines and cries if I tell her to not touch me.

[JEndigoBleue]

It's funny. Your thesis answered your question.

"Men" are the ones who put value to it. And, since women know this fact, the "Not having sex on the first date" is born.

Most and not some will frown upon a woman with the same or higher body count. And, are more prone to ask "how many guys have you had sex with?" Women did not create the very thing most men wonder why he can't have sex with her on the first date. The woman can show her value on that first date and still not be chosen before or after sex or visa versa. She can get pregnant if both parties decide not to use protection. She run the risk of taking care a child she did not plan to have with said man. She has to be wise in the dating game because it works against her and not for her. Especially, if she's not decided what she wants from dating. What type of relationship, etc... Dating has become too categories. It's not what it was intended to be.

And, who came up with the term "You can't make whore out of a house wife" And, though some would say being promiscuous on any level is not being whore... That's to be said... whether you barter your body for money or not you are no different than the person you call a whore or prostitute male or female. You just haven't been labeled or defined yourself as such.

A woman wants to be free with her sexuality as a man. But, men will not let her be.

If you had a daughter, would you tell her to have sex on the first date? It's amazing.

I don't condone usury of any kind by men or women. Both can be manipulative and seducive to get what they want... sex, money, things and love.

Women don't hold a candle to a man's sexual history. She will marry him and his 50 million babies and think he's a prize. Her ego will tell her "She's simple the best" He chose me out all his baby momas, out all his side pieces, friends with benefits, one night stands... the list goes on and on. But, that's changing. Women are rejecting men with such resume, because he comes with drama. Lack of self-control because he's not use to being with one body and personality.

I digress.

[Apope16]

I think the whole point of my piece is that it is actually WOMEN who place greater value on sex because they use it as a too of blackmail and emotional manipulation. Women do not see their value beyond their vagina in a relationship. Because if they did see their beauty, grace, intellect then withholding sex would never happen. The activity of sex would be a not a big deal. Perhaps what would be more sacred to them is their beauty so they would cover themselves more and hide that away.

My point is quoted above, " A woman's value is not based on whether she puts out or not. The value of a relationship is not based on that either. "

If I had a daughter I would tell my daughter it is okay to have sex on the first date. Absolutely. I would tell my daughter the truth. I would raise a daughter to know about sex. Know about how to detect bad guys and I would tell my daughter this: Having sex on the first date NEVER makes you a slut. DONT EVER let any person tell you that.

We need to stop slut shaming women.

Lastly, here is what all these broken hearted women dont understand. Does withholding sex actually work in weeding out which partner is best? The answer is no. As a ladies man I have many women in my phone. I fuck the women who put out right away and then I go on dates an wait on the girls who dont. Then a month or whenever later I sleep with them when they are ready. The point I am trying to make is this. The "Bad boy" is walking around sleeping with women regardless of whether he gets sex from you. He will just be sweet and charming to you and be blowing some other chic's back out. The idea that you are not putting out because you can detect bad boy better is absolutely hilarious.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Apope16 I don't think anybody cares whether the bad boy has sex. That's his life. The point of holding out is not to deny him from having sex. It's about her, not him.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you properly understand why they do it.

The old rules and values existed for a reason, they weren't stupid, but I won't go into that because it doesn't really matter. There's no turning back the clock until everything goes tits up and we hit hard times, which will happen at some point whether or not it happens in our lifetime.

A woman will act in different ways towards different men depending on how attracted she is, what she's looking for, and also depending on the attitude of the man. While they might criticise men for coming up with tactics to get laid, everybody does, women included.

A woman might have sex with a guy she just met at a club because she was drunk, he was hot, and "one thing led to another". And then she might meet a guy she sees as a potential long-term boyfriend, maybe even husband material, and make him wait weeks or even months. Of course she won't tell the second guy about the first guy, in case he wouldn't take her seriously.

It's not stupid because many men, especially those who are sexually inexperienced, really think that way. They have the "Madonna-whore" complex, where they slot women into two categories: "pure", "good girls" and "dirty whores".

If the man she wants to lock down is going to take her less seriously for having quick sex and is looking for a prudish "good girl", because he's naive, why wouldn't she pretend to be the prudish "good girl"? It works.

You're not going to convince them to stop doing what they've always done. You're not going to convince naive "beta" males that this is bullshit either.

All that you have to know as a man is that the time in which she's ready to have sex with you, in the modern dating scene and assuming that you're not dealing with a religious chick, is the easiest way to gauge her level of interest in you. The faster she wants sex with you the more she's into you.

[heytakeiteasy]

I agree with most of what you said. Just not the last part, the faster she has sex with you, the less she's into him romantically. Usually she withholds longer if it's with a guy she sees as relationship material

[Opinion Owner]

@heytakeiteasy

That doesn't mean that she has more attraction to him. Women are more likely to have quick sex with a guy they have stronger attraction to. They make more rules for guys they're less into.

[heytakeiteasy]

Attraction, yes, more likely to engage in early sex. But if she wants a romantic relationship, she will most likely hold out on sex for awhile EVEN if she is attracted. This is because women want to be taken seriously by men they want a future with

[Opinion Owner]

@heytakeiteasy

Sure, that would be the smarter way. But especially in today's culture it seems that there's conflict between their attraction vs making a sensible choice. For example many younger women seem to make a big mistake in getting into something "casual" with a guy in the hopes that he might want to commit later, or because they're afraid of scaring him off by wanting to get serious too soon. Meanwhile with guys they're not as afraid of losing it seems that they make a lot more rules.

For me, every girl I've had sex with quickly has been keen to want something long-term, whereas those who made me wait often would not, and in fact they'd usually end up choosing another guy who they'd had sex with quickly after telling me that they wanted to "take it slow".

[RP_Blackburn]

"Sex should not be the end goal of a companionship but the very beginning of it all."

I disagree. With the second part.

I won't have sex until/unless I get married. Originally that was just because of my parents' religion, but now it's because of my own priorities and values. Even if sex isn't "designed by God exclusively for marriage," it's still a very intimate and vulnerable act, and I take that act seriously. I am not an easily vulnerable person. I don't want to have sex with someone I don't think I'll be with forever, and if we both want to be together forever then naturally we would get married (if only for the insurance benefits). So it just makes sense for me to wait until marriage.

Also there is no "end goal" to a relationship in the sense of "you win! Now the game is over." The goal of a relationship (at least a lifelong one) is a lifelong partnership. It's a process, a journey, not a pot of gold you need to woo the other person into giving you.

[JuliaStyles]

@rp_blackburn If you read a lot of questions on this site us chaste girls are in the small minority. Everyone else seems to be freaks in the sheets with every sex act you can imagine, and of course the boys too. I guess that begs for the question, are all these female "questioners" and "repliers" actually girls or guys who pretend to be some hot slut? Because I can't believe that this many girls are nymphomaniacs on G@G. I love your commitment because not many can last until marriage with all the social pressures today. On the con side, that is probably the reason people get married too quickly and wind up divorced because they didn't know the person they were getting married too well enough. It's a sad reality to today's society. :(

[orangecherry]

@JuliaStyles I agree with you. I had sex way too early and I regret it. Now I am very picky about who I am intimate with and when. I hate that so many guys want sex on the first date

[Jamie05rhs]

@rp_blackburn @juliastyles I greatly admire both of you. Your generation is encouraging to me.

[RawIronhide]

So you took some very insightful information and kinda used it to support your own ideas that a woman should just put out immediately. There's a happy medium here. I agree women overvalue sex and what it brings to the table it leads to many issues, like not knowing what els they have to offer and they use it as a bargaining chip witch is unhealthy and disrespectful as far as I'm concerned. Sex isn't currency, that's a dangerous proposition. However women are more complex than men when it comes to sex. I don't think it's healthy for them to put out first and ask questions later nor should they. They need to develop a cirtian level of trust with someone and that's ok. I think when you know, you know and there's no good reason to withhold as a means of control but maybe they just don't feel like it and that's ok too. As a man it's easy to say that but women experience real concequences for acting that impulsive, if you truly like her you'll give her the time she needs to make that decision in a way that works for her.

[JuliaStyles]

I don't know about other girls but I date to get to know someone and have some fun. My primary goal for dating is not for sex. That, in my opinion, is not "dating" but "Hooking up" instead. I also don't call it holding out. A guy expecting sex for taking a girl out on a date may call it that. I call it being chaste. That's what I hate about dating. There seems to be more guys that are just out for sex and not enough who want to get to know the real person.

[btbc92]

And they want to know why we don't want to date let alone date them. Too many of those types of men around. Not enough gentlemen and real men anymore. Seems to be declining as the quality of women is also declining.

[JuliaStyles]

@btbc92 Touche'

[Elsa143]

You're talking about manwhores not guys. Real men barely exist.

[IAMNathanael]

"Sex should not be the end goal of a companionship but the very beginning of it all. The end goal is a union that is spiritual not physical"

I agree with the latter statement. But I'm going to go ahead and say that a deeply intimate interaction between a man and woman such as sex is just as much spiritual as it is physical. It's the means by which children are brought into the world. To me it seems too much emphasis is placed on sex and not enough on personally knowing the person you're attracted to. That's just my opinion, coming from a background of Christianity. Whether you take it or leave is fine by me.

[Kaamraj]

A woman has the right to withhold sex, essentially to have sex when she is ready; mentally, emotionally, physically, etc. Likewise, a man also has the right to withhold his resources (commitment) if he feels he's not being appreciated and reciprocated fairly. In today's world, a man's commitment is very undervalued.

[spartan55]

Indeed

[msc545]

A woman has the right bla bla bla. Thank god for prostitution.

[Nazgol]

I disagree. It's the other way around. It's the guys that will throw a tantrum and decide to end things if they don't get sex fast enough. A girl can have a lot of things to offer beyond that, but most guys are shallow and dont care enough to not just focus on sex

[Nazgol]

Thus that is why a lot of guys would rather just have friends with benefits , casuals & such because they know that in that way they will have unlimited sex whenever they want and not have to commit to anything else

[Nazgol]

& a lot of guys will have a lot of silly standards & make it hard to be in a relationship on purpose as their plan so they can get away with free sex

[Nazgol]

* not have to commit & work for a relationship

[strawberrylipstick]

Just popping to say I appreciate that you didn't say "all men" and said "most" instead XD you're 100% right

[misanthropistkev]

This comment section is killing me 🤣🤣🤣 you women are insane

[JuliaStyles]

@Nazgol Well with some guys they get what they pay for. They want it for no stings they get it for nothing. If they want a really cool girl they have to "spend" some time, get to know her, and not try and get in her pants until you are both comfortable with it. Some girls just take longer to get comfy. But if the guy is really interested in her and not just her body he will wait.

[strawberrylipstick]

you act like guys don't feel the same thing lol -

[bamesjond0069]

"Does having sex with a man turn a decent man into a bad person? Does withholding sex from a man turn a pig into a husband material?"

Actually yes it does. Not a decent man into a bad person but an interested man into an uninterested one.

This is the entire explanation behind fuck boys. Once you fuck them they don't want you. If you tell them no you stand out to them and they will treat you way different. Fuck boys are attractive so lots of girls just fuck them and therefore only girls that say no stand out as special and have any chance with them.

[DesolateRain]

This is why you're supoosed to be friends first instead of dating right away.

The friend phase is meant for you to already know a guy and you don't have to wItHhOlD sEx.

But nope, people want to date each other at a moment's notice when you hardly know anything about them other than they're cute, pretty, or handsome.


This is why dating sites are shit for the most part.

[DesolateRain]

But what I'm saying here is how I think things shot be, in reality people are all over the place on what they want and how they wanna go about it.

[DesolateRain]

should*

[orangecherry]

I don't have sex with someone unless we are in a serious relationship. I guess guys think of that as "withholding it". 🙄🙄🙄

[aliali8]

Because men would fuck anything that is living and breathing. Women are biologically more selective and emotional about who they fuck. Biologically women are more careful about the male whom she mates with, as she will need to rely on him to raise her offspring.

[Jamie05rhs]

"A good man is a good man regardless of whether he fucks you on Date #1 or on your wedding night." Okay, but how is she supposed to know that? If he's a bad man, once she finds out that he's a bad man it will be too late. At that point she's already given it up and he's got what he wanted.

[purplepoppy]

When a girl holds out what she's really saying is "your just for practice until a real man turns up". I'll guarantee the second one does her legs will be at quarter to three.

[Pete671]

well said, if other guys hit on her and she doesn't fancy them, she can put them off by saying she has a boyfriend, if she does fancy them, she can say she is seeing someone, but it's not serious, implying her boyfriend has a small penis and suffers from PE,,,

[orangecherry]

that's so dumb, you sound ignorant and prob not a real girl

[lucas262]

The damn truth, I disagree with sex begins a relationship part, buy that last line was near poetry.

[Apope16]

Thanks bro!

[Unit1]

Well, it is true. If sex is all she can offer, then that's her limit. When most women limit themselves to offering the same thing, then we can be choosy. That doesn't compensate for her shortcomings. We can thank the simps for giving women the impression, that sex and beauty is all they need in order to attract any man on earth.

[undercover4ever]

It's a way for us to tell if they really like us or are just using us for our bodies

[misanthropistkev]

Hey fellas especially ones under 35 dating is retarded it is women have every right to withhold but hey it’s not like. You guys are married just fuck another girl in the meantime a younger dumber one that you can tell anything and she’ll believe you trust me I do this all the time

[Jamie05rhs]

This is accurate. I don't support it, but it's accurate.

[Anonymous]

Thoughts of a loser who has only dated whores.

Women with self respect don't fuck someone straight away. Free prostitutes like your "dates" do