Why most dating advice for men is bullshit

Optymistyk

I bet you've heard the advice to "just be confident". "Women love confidence!". Well it's all basically crap.

Bullshit
Bullshit

I've learned this the hard way. I've been focusing on improving my confidence with women over the years. I'm at a point where I don't think I can get any more confident. My rejection rate is about 90%. Keep in mind I've been offered a job as a male model so I'm quite good-looking.

So I thought I'm surely doing something wrong. I got confidence in spades, I should be a chick magnet now. But no, turns out 10% success rate is actually above average. 5% is considered a good ratio.

And people told me I should be happy with this, I mean it's a good ratio. I should just accept guys have to get rejected and work a ton to even get laid. But that doesn't make any sense. Can you imagine a sexy girl with a thick butt going to a club and getting rejected 9 times out of 10?

Can you imagine her having to do 10 approaches to get laid?
Can you imagine her having to do 10 approaches to get laid?

So if a sexy girl can get laid easily and women are attracted to confidence then why wouldn't a confident guy get laid easily? Answer: because confidence is wayy overrated.

Imagine you're a salesman. You have a nice car you're trying to sell. A lack of confidence may scare away your customers because they'll think something must be wrong. But imagine you're the most confident salesman with an ugly, rusty old car that doesn't even work. No ammount of marketing will make you successful, people can tell it's not a good car. Now imagine you're selling a Lamborghini. Do you think it's going to be hard to find customers for a Lamborghini? You don't even need to sell it, at that point you're just looking for the best offer.

No ammount of confidence will make an unsexy guy sexy, just like no ammount of confidence will sell the ugly broken car.

So what makes a guy sexy? I'm glad you asked.

1. Physical appearance (this is why I have above average success ratio)

2. Social status

3. Material resources

4. Preselection (having other women hit on you)

Here's a post where even women agree with me on this

Is this what really makes men sexually attractive?

Can you imagine a Fight Club era Brad Pitt driving a Lamborghini to a party and not getting laid? Even having to try to get laid? This is what really makes a guy sexy.

Mr steal yo girl
Mr steal yo girl

Shallow? Yes. But can we judge if we are attracted to boobs and a round ass? Let's just acknowledge sexual attraction is a shallow thing for both men and women and stop perpetuating lies

Why most dating advice for men is bullshit
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Liam_Hayden
    " I'm at a point where I don't think I can get any more confident. My rejection rate is about 90%."

    Same here. But I also summarily reject, by not approaching, 80%+ of women so I just accept it as their flip side of what I do. And unlike your model-like looks, other than my height (6'2) and green eyes I am a solid 5, as average-looking as they come. What I do is ignore the rejections and move on. The problem for most guys is that they give up after a few rejections.

    Some of your points about attraction might be valid, but when I approach a random girl and she says yes, she doesn't know that I own two houses and a business, so for me the only thing that might apply a little bit is my height and the rarity of my eye color.
    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?
    • Optymistyk

      You should wear a tuxedo or at least a blazer. Also good Black leather shoes and an expensive watch. You're wealthy so show it off

    • Optymistyk

      It's not their "flip of the coin" cuz an average girl can go to a club and get laid on demand

  • cavmanier
    I agree. Confidence is highly highly highly overrated. Being attractive and having decent social skills is what matters. Also, it can be important to be the "type of guy" they are interested in, in terms of style, looks personality, etc. Humor is also highly highly highly overrated. It's nice to have but very overrated i m o.

    What situations are you getting a 10% success rate in though?
    Like 4 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Optymistyk

      I measure success rate in clubs because it's easy to approach women there and girls who have a boyfriend rarely go clubbing

    • cavmanier

      I would think success with women would be easy mode in a club. From my experience girl seemed interested in me about 50 to 75% of the time there. I would even routinely get girls trying to talk to me. Girls were pretty outgoing in clubs I found.

      I thought 10% would be like a grocery store lol.

    • Optymistyk

      Lol how

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • snappysierra
    Being an ugly girl is like being a man. They give us unattractive people the same advice. "Guys love confident women" They love hot women very like women want hot guys. It's just the way dating is.

    What should be advice is you don't need a partner to bring value to your life. You are your own person. You have your own interest. Your own likes. Your own body period. It's okay to be happy being your own person.

    Side note: Love won't pay your bills
    Like 12 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Optymistyk

      It will if you're married to a millionaire

    • Then you lack your own independence. The millionaire has power over you now. Because they have the money and you don't. They can kick you out anytime and your left with nothing. But who has all the money? The person who threw you away.

    • Optymistyk

      This is actually funny cuz I've always been thinking being an above average man is like being born an ugly girl like a 3/10. You don't get checked out, you don't get approached, you almost have to beg to even have sex

    • Show All
  • Commander_Red
    How about a good personality because he first couple of paragraphs were purely based on looks alone. That's your problem. I don't even know what you look like but reading this, I wouldn't even want to meet you because you seem very bitter and that your only goal is to bang someone and that may be okay with some women but not the majority who are apparently rejecting you.
    LikeDisagree 12 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Optymistyk

      I wonder where you got that idea because it's completely wrong. Why do I seem bitter, because I said it's bs? It is bs.

      Should I add two A4 pages about my life and my personality before every take do that people don't have to make false assumptions about me?

    • PinkMichae

      I got the same impression because he focused on his looks, confidence, and getting laid.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2749
  • ManOnFire
    A few good points in here. The reason most dating advice for men is bullshit is simply because people view men as in some way being in trouble and are in need of help trying to "get the ladies." When actually there are plenty of guys out there who are really doing just fine. It's the ones who aren't and are excessively vocal about it that make it seem so common. I do understand what your Take is saying and I do think you're right on some parts.

    P. S. The females who commented and are talking about if a woman knows a guy is only trying to get sex won't be interested and find it unattractive is also bullshit. Because when they're the ones who are only interested in sex and are making that clear to a guy, they don't care how it makes them look nor do they regard any idea that it would be unattractive to do that because they believe that as long as they let a guy know they want sex, they will always get what they're looking for because they believe that men become attracted to a woman when she makes it clear that she wants to fuck. And they want it to be totally okay if they're the ones desperate and looking for a hook up or ONS with a guy.
    Like 4 People
    • Plenty of horny women out there. The creators of tinder know this so gave them an app to use where their friends won't know how often they hook up with guys so can't be slut shamed.

    • ManOnFire

      @MusicMayhem Yep, true point.

    • PinkMichae

      Absolutely there are horny women who are ok with just sex. But in general most want more. Even some of the horny ones want the potential for love.

      But I agree that most guys are doing just fine

    • Show All
  • coachTanthony
    My rejection rate is about 90%. Keep in mind I've been offered a job as a male model so I'm quite good-looking.

    Do you have spinach in your teeth? lol
    LikeDisagree 2 People
    • bull shit you're rejection rate is 90% if you're that good looking, unless you have the personality of card board. But you don't seem to lack that, as you seem to have a smidge of sense of humor. Perhaps this guy perpetually always has spinach stuck in his teeth that he's yet to pick out? It's a chronic issue for him god damn it.

    • Optymistyk

      @brennanhuff yeah not a super model, you actually don't need to fullfil that many criteria to be a low-tier model. I believe you have to be 1.7m tall, have decent facial symmetry and clean skin, thick hair, not be obese or undernourished. Having a friend who is a recruiter helps too. Women rate me 7-8/10

    • Show All
  • Porcelaine
    You don't sound confident at all. And being confident works and does make someone very attractive, but if you've got other qualities that contradict that, it might not seem that way. Like if you are negative and whining all the time, just like you seem to be in this take. Or if you are too arrogant or rude, no matter how confident you are it scares girls away. When I give a guy advice to be confident, I mean do whatever it takes for him to feel good about himself, about his life. That positive aura and seeing them happy and enjoying whatever it is they do makes us want to be around them. 10% success rate IS good. 1 in 10 girls say yes, you can't complain. Girls don't rejected that often because guys are not picky and will sleep with anyone. If a girl is hot and in the club, of course she will not get rejected since 90% of guys who go to clubs just want to get some. And 90% of girls who go to clubs get hit on every 5mins so believe me they reject a lot do guys not just you. And even the most successful womanizers if they asked out every girl that came his way would not get a higher success rate than 15%. They don't go for any girl. They watch them and learn to pick ones who will be into them and say yes. They hang out a bit, make them feel comfortable, and then make a move. They focus on what makes each girl tick, not stupid statistics what a man has to have to get some. The biggest players I've met were biggest losers in life, no careers, no money. They focus all their time on girls so that's their only talent. Don't be one of them and waste your time getting a high success rate with girls. Better be the person who would be worth that one special girl who makes you feel on top of the world.
    LikeDisagree 12 People
    • Optymistyk

      I didn't read all that. Just point out the exact paragraph where I'm whining or negative

    • Porcelaine

      Well if you don't bother to read why should I bother to read through yours again to quote something you won't be reading again? The reason you don't read/listen is why you don't learn anything

    • Optymistyk

      I didn't read because you said I'm negative and whining which I know I'm not, so that makes you a hater

    • Show All
  • PinkMichae
    Confidence helps attract her to you. Not give you an easy piece of a$$ to f'ck. And yes it takes more than confidence. You could be super boring and have confidence. Try working on your personality and stop dating to get laid. Women can see through that. Try being a genuine guy that she can trust and feel comfortable in your arms.
    LikeDisagree 14 People
    • I was about to comment myself, but seems it won't be necessary.

    • Optymistyk

      I'm not hiding that at all, I'm pretty upfront about what got me to approach her. You can say many things about me but not that I'm not genuine or dishonest

    • PinkMichae

      @Optymistyk If you didn't put your focus on being confident so you can get laid it wouldn't seem like that's your priority above showing you would be genuine and trustworthy in a relationship.

      Women don't trust men that make it obvious their main focus is sex. They want the friendship, trust, and love. They want the sex too but not before the other things usually.

      I'm trying to help you see where you may be going wrong.

    • Show All
  • simplyaramdomgirl
    For me confidence is actually very important, it speaks of that person's character. People are able to smoke out insecurity just as easily as dogs smell fear. I think it's more about internal confidence rather than acting cocky and full of yourself. Most women like suave men, that's almost a fact. But a guy can't be suave if that doesn't ooze from him naturally. Because confidence is quiet, usually the loudest person in the room is the weakest. Just like you can tell Brad Pitt is Mr. Steal your girl from just that picture; girls can tell when a guy is sure of himself and confident in his skin all the same. Additionally, you need to figure out which types of girls you're going after.

    It's highly improbable that every girl you approach will want you as well, but if you look for girls who are on the same page as you, you'll likely see a major difference. There's also the fact that it's proven that girls are more relationship-inclined that guys. So if you have a hard time finding one night stands, that's probably why. Many girls aren't interested in a guy that just wants to use them for their body. Yes, humans are shallow creatures and we make judgements based on appearance and first impressions; but what we define as shallow is when you allow that one-dimensional judgement to be the only judgement that matters. Confidence isn't bullshit because you can't expect someone to love or want you if you don't love yourself. However, you do make some relatively okay points.
    Like 1 Person
    • Optymistyk

      Well I never said confidence is useless, I just said it's wayy overrated. Some people told me confidence to a guy is like a sexy body to a girl - the main Attractiveness factor. And it's clearly not. It helps you sell yourself but it's not what women really desire in men. If a guy is not sexy to begin with then confidence won't help much, and few guys are really sexy. So I think it's better to try to be sexier by focusing on displaying wealth, status and appearance rather than trying to improve confidence through meditation and cold approach like I used to do

    • I beg to differ. Some guys aren't really THAT attractive, but you know what they are? Smooth as fuck. Guys are seduced into bed, women are talked into bed. Part of that smoothness is confidence. Surely the appearance factor is quite important but it isn't the main aspect. You know what makes any woman crazy? A guy that's confident, and knows it. He knows how to carry himself, touch you, talk to you and grab your attention. Guys are seduced by the mystique of a women. Females however care much more about the feelings a guy can evoke. That's what gets us hooked. Sexy is very relative, you can only make sure that you're the best version of yourself and that you project that.

    • Optymistyk

      Well can you elaborate?

  • Serenity2014
    Not every girl can get guys easily. Hell, I can’t even get a guy to give me his number. And I hate when people say “That’s surprising”. Because it’s really not surprising. MOST guys want a girl who looks like a porn star, doesn’t talk much and does whatever they want without any questions asked. They would much rather have that than someone like me. And because all of those things guys want is basically the polar opposite of who I am, I just stopped trying.
    LikeDisagree 8 People
    • Optymistyk

      Nah, if you're 5 or above you can get laid on demand. Just go on tinder and you'll drown in all the likes you'll get. Or dress slutty and go e a nightclub, maybe approach a guy or two you'll have at least ~40% success rate on a bad day

    • I don’t think you understand where I’m coming from. When I get on Tinder or any other dating app, I literally get zero matches. I go to bars and no guy wants to start a conversation with me. Guys have it easier. If they get rejected or have a hard time finding someone, they just lower their standards and can find someone to get laid no problem. Girls have it tougher because with us, we’re either attractive or not. There’s no in between.

    • Optymistyk

      "and no guy wants to start a conversation with me" no girl ever wants to start a conversation with me either, I just have to walk up and try to find one that won't reject me

      Both sexes can lower their standards. There's always plenty of desperate men in nightclubs drunk approaching women, you can easily get laid with them

    • Show All
  • frostwalrus
    Merely having confidence just makes you a confident loser in a woman's eyes. It's like putting lipstick on a pig. "Just have confidence" is basically a nonchalant I-don't-really-care-if-this-helps-you sort of advice that women say off the cuff. I don't know if you noticed this, but women couldn't possibly care less about a man who is suffering and contemplating suicide (to put it in perspective, when a woman expresses loneliness and depression, you'll have men literally rushing in to console her). They're hardwired to be apathetic towards men they perceive as weak or genetically unfit for reproduction. So women are probably the last people on Earth a man should look to for advice.

    As for the dating scene that is so laughably lopsided that to merely say it favors women would be the understatement of the century, men have themselves to blame for that mess. Men think with their dicks and hold women to no standard. The value of women has been inflated to obscene levels because of the selfless, dog-like manners of men (Honestly, I think women sexually select for men who have those traits. They love having men around who grovel at their feet.).

    It's like the Earthbound SNES cartridge. It's not particularly rare. Yet you'd have to shell out $200 for a copy because every imbecile on the planet keeps paying $200 for one.
    Like 1 Person
    • I see you're not charming, you're not intelligent, you're not tall, you're not attractive, you're not popular, you're not wealthy, you're not socially adept, you're not funny, you're not alpha, but I see you have confidence in yourself. Guess what? You have nothing!

  • devilish-cutie
    i think you miss the point that not one thing make you successful, its more things combined
    being confident is often mistaken for being cocky, fully of ysf and egoistic or just plain dumb convinced into ysf even if there is no real reasons for you to be confidnet

    Yes, we are attracted to superficial things, but not only to those things, its about ones looks + intelligence + personality
    Disagree 1 Person
    • Optymistyk

      Nope, I'm just confident. I know I'm good enough. I'm also 7-8 in looks, high intelligence and I think a pretty fun guy overall.

      The problem is when women imagine the guy they want they just *assume* he's already sexy and it doesn't even have to be stated. What if he's quite good looking, smart and interesting but he's a broke loner? Like his social status is so low he spends most of his time alone and nobody even knows his name and he is so broke he can't even afford to invite you out on a date and wears cheap clothes?

    • You sound like elliot rodgers lol

    • Optymistyk

      @TonyBologna25 I wonder what made you think I sound like an incel cold blooded murderer

    • Show All
  • kim45456
    Getting laid means just havin sex. So meaningless. Many women want more than sex. If your goal is only having sex, just buy a sexdoll or pay prostitutes. And women who have sex easily is called slut. So what do you except from women?
    LikeDisagree 10 People
    • BladeMan

      " women who have sex easily is called slut." Thats not true. İts just a feminist propaganda to make women superior over men. But thats not true. İts just a myth. :D

    • Optymistyk

      Yeah cuz women wear skimpy dresses and show cleavage to display their personality.

      If you're so much into relationships why don't women throw themselves at this guy?
      Why most dating advice for men is bullshit

      He might not be very handsome or rich or popular BUT he's gonna love you with his whole soul. He would be loyal like a dog, he's too desperate to even risk looking at other women. He's very intelligent and would make a great loving father too. Instant marriage material

      But no, you want the guys all the other women want, the sexy guys. But the sexy guys have so many women to choose from they don't want a relationship with your average ass. So then women start shaming men for only wanting sex... After having like 20 sexual partners themselves.

      This is a no bs thread. Relationships are about sex. Stop shaming men for wanting to be desired like any woman wants to be

    • kim45456

      Showing cleavage means nothing. Omg just a fuck cloth. Get over it

    • Show All
  • SueAnon84
    I see the ugliest men and women at Walmart with FOUR kids... if that's not theirs then I don't know who's they are! They're getting their children from somewhere!! I think your stats are wrong no offense!

    :)
    LikeDisagree 5 People
    • Optymistyk

      Yeah you put that correctly, ugliest men with the ugliest women. What a surprise, it's probably confidence that got them so far

    • SueAnon84

      Lol assholes down voting me so immature! Hiding and denying the truth! Lol so pathetic!

    • Alex_988_2

      You meant ugly men with also ugly women or attractive women?

  • Daisy007
    Your problem? You're thinking in terms of just getting them to sleep with you, you don't want to get to "know" them... okay, you look like a "model" that's fine BUT most of us don't want casual sex. I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping w someone i hardly even know. So, that's y it's easier for girls to get laid bc there's a lot more horny men/boys looking for casual sex & not even "model" looks. GET TO KNOW HER!! BE APPROACHABLE!
    Like 4 People
    • mateynine

      Not sure what kind of advice this is since she won't let you get to know her unless you're good enough looking.

  • MzAsh
    I’d still reject a hot, high status, rich guy on the account that he’s a negative, entitled, complainer.
    LikeDisagree 18 People
    • EXACTLY! Guys don’t realize how much their personality weighs in on their attractiveness. I’ve seen a ton of guys that at first glance, I’m attracted but after the first few conversations, you realize they’re a jerk, or self centered or just a complete a-hole. All of a sudden I view them differently and loose all attraction to them.

    • MzAsh

      Yep. Guys who are sweet, humble, pleasant, gentleman is an absolute must.

    • @Serenity2014 Just like girls don't realize how much their personality weighs in their attractiveness. And it's only a matter of time till she becomes unappreciative and gold dig while blaming their boyfriends. (I'm generalizing but I don't care as you're generalizing guys as well)

    • Show All
  • Hurlyburly
    Umm no matter how good a guy looks like or how confident he is, if he seems like only wanting sex I'd reject him in a heartbeat. So maybe that's the issue. Most women want something real, not just something for a night.
    LikeDisagree 9 People
  • el_Te_de_la_Rosa
    There are a few more points I think they are reasons why men get rejected. No matter how perfect they are according to your list. At least for me.
    >> If a man is NOT single, then no.
    >> If a man is just looking for only physical intimacy, not a relationship, no.

    Please keep these in mind too. Not all women are okay to just sleep with a stranger even if they are in a club.
    Like 3 People
  • emmily2396
    The main problem is that you are thinking with your dick. I don't want to sleep with a guy I barely know and that sees me just as a piece of meat and another proof of his virility. I would only sleep with a guy I have some feelings for and who wants to be with me and that I can trust. Not with a total stranger or anything close to that.

    Dating advice for men is not bullshit if you are looking for a relationship and not just sticking your tiny dick into something. And yes, the girl needs to find you hot, you need to work on being financially stable and you need to not have a problematic personality. But guess what? You would want the same from a girl. Maybe you would be fine with her being poor, but I am sure you would want to feel attracted to her and wouldn't want her personality to pe a pain in the ass. Not that you would need to have a perfect personality, but some things can be overlooked, some can't. You don't have to be the hottest, but would you stay with someone that is not even 60% of what you find attractive?
    Like 1 Person
    • I agree. There is a difference to finding a relationship to finding tail. And if you are just trying to find tail then the women you are looking for are shallow and high maintenance. They prefer guys who are themselves high maintenance. But if you are looking for a true relationship you want something genuine. Looks may be about a small percentage of you are looking for but if you have no genuine heart or compassion you are dead out of luck.

  • yoganshB
    Thanks for helping but I don't care about it. I'm a single but I can't hit on every good looking woman I see. I can't just simply go and spread my charm all around her. For the sake of some people I'm telling you that I'm also a good looking man and a well appreciated personality and for status I would say almost everyone knows me and I even came on an international live telecast once. Got multiple achievements in the span of about 2-3 years and I'm still a teen. For intelligence I guess without being intellectually able i would never have gotten even a single among them so... that's clear.
    Now my point is that sometimes even ideals are single because we are trying to find a life partner not a one night stand. If you really love someone then you will always try to change her mind and I guess you won't give up that easily. If you're not in love first find your love. Don't just try to get a girl. This is for everyone. Don't try to change your status from single to mingle but think about it as if it's your life.
  • sapphireruby
    I don't think there is such a thing as good dating advice, every women and every man is different and has different needs and wants.
    I think the best advice you can give anyone is start with your self be the ideal you, and then when your ready just try things if something doesn't work try another thing.
    Like 3 People
  • Randomawkwardness
    I mean, when they say be confident it's more like don't be afraid to talk to women or get out there. It is still dependent on your personality and honestly, the whole 'I know I'm attractive' bit is a little turn off. It's great that you're that confident but it can be a little too much. Spouting off on how attractive you are when everyone has different tastes just makes you seem narcissistic
    LikeDisagree 2 People
  • NineBreaker
    I think people who empathize confidence Miss the point: Confidence is merely an indicator for other traits it is associated with. With wealth, physical strength, good looks, social status... etc., confidence is a common trait. As human beings we assisted confidence with such traits, and by association, it is a trait sought by women.

    Even men who don't have good looks, money, or social status, can have something even more important: charisma; and you can't have charisma without confidence.
    Like 1 Person
  • Screenwriter
    If you're good looking, confident AND have other skills, your success rate will be better than 10%. You don't need a Lamborghini. Someone who has interesting hobbies, is relaxed and easy to talk to, has traveled a bit: that adds up to status. Not the racy car kind either. And dating pros say men and women often fail at dating because they're choosing the wrong kinds of people. Maybe examine who you've been going after and see if that's where you're setting yourself up for failure.
    Disagree 1 Person
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