The reason I am writing this MyTake is because I find my mental health deteriorating. At the time of writing this, almost ALL of my family have passed on. I find myself alone and fighting demons from my past. Physically, my energy is declining, despite eating healthy, exercising and staying away from vices. I do not know if I will be around to see 2021. Now for the meat and potatoes.
At some point, every single one of us will face our mortality and where it inevitably ends. Every religion/share of faith has theories for where we go, but we do not really know what lays beyond. In my faith there are only 2 places. My health has made me reflect on my choices, and I am not fully confident I will end up where I hope to be. That leaves me with only one thing left: my legacy on this planet and who will remember me and for what reasons.
As a child and teenager, I was always fighting others, whether it be for self-defense, defense of other or for selfish reasons. I caused a lot of harm that I regret to this day. As a young adult, I decided to join the military and fight for my country. However, even then there was always something missing, as if my purpose was unfulfilled. I let my attitude from my teenage years carry over and eventually got put out of the military with an Honorable Discharge I feel to this day I did not deserve.
In the present day, I have kinda drifted and always pursued my own goals. I did this to the point of neglecting to visit my loved ones. I realized too late that I lost valuable time. Time I can never get back. I lost my way and my balance and it is too late to correct it. I have nobody left. The only thing I have left is my goal to get into law enforcement and to serve and protect. However, my past may prevent me from getting in and my current health is not where it needs to be to survive a police academy.
I write this post, not to whine about what I've lost, but to help others. I wish for others to not repeat my mistakes. Sometimes you can redeem yourself, sometimes you cannot. Some mistakes can be corrected, some cannot. For the younger members here, remember that pursuing love and righteousness is ALWAYS the right way. Let your morals and your heart guide you, not what this world says is and is not success. I listened to the world and lost who I am and everything dear to me in the pursuit of a vain goal. When your time comes, how do you wish to be remembered and what actions can you take and not take to get there? I am curious to what everyone says.
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Difficult to read, especially at the beginning. I sincerely wish you all the best.
Very somber but well written. I wish you all the best, so please take care of yourself.