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I don’t hate kids. I would have them if I could but I can’t, and I still get shamed for being childless at my age. I don’t think you’re wrong for not wanting children
at all. I think it’s just that as women we’ve been expected to bear children for centuries and while social norms have changed a lot, a lot of the attitudes towards childlessness haven’t and we’re still seen as failures or wastes of women in the eyes of some (mostly older) people. I respect my elders, but I can’t help the way I am, and if you don’t want children it’s really nobody’s business except your own. The only thing you can really do at this point is try not to let it get to you (I know that’s easier said than done but as long as you know your own worth you’re fine).
It is immature and selfish, telling people what is the right path is not selfish. If many people had your mindset, then humanity was extinct a long time ago, but even on small scale, you might make your family go extinct, especially if your parents don't have other children. Not wanting to make a sacrifices for your family is selfish, wanting to live your whole life like a teenager in the family aspect is immature. Marriage is not an excuse to have kids? maybe, but a marriage without children tend to be much more pointless, why marry if you don't want children? and there is the fact that children tend to bind a couple more than marriage, though to be fair children tend to bind a couple for better and for worse.
I never got why people shame other people for not having kids by choice. I mean we want the most capable people to raise kids. How do we expect people who don’t feel like they are ready for doing it or even ever feel like they could do it, do it responsibly?
Honestly, some people just don’t understand how to mind their own business.
I agree
I view is as two ways for myself personally
1) I'm struggling with feelings and identifying my own emotions; this leads me to be rather cold at times, not something which is gonna work with kids
2) Having kids is wiping my life of any freedom that i would have. I had a sheltered upbringing meaning that i never got the chance to feel free and 'find myself' as it were till much later (Uni), i'm not ready to give that up yet; probably never will
Exactly and I'm the type of person who expects to be appreciated and loved for every sacrifice so I don't think it will work with selfish kids. Also I wanna find my lost self and live life to the fullest which I didn't got a chance to live as a kid. I had minimum freedom and was trained to be dumb but now I wanna unlock everything this world has to offer so I'm not interested in kids.
Selfish? I have never heard anyone say it was selfish. Obviously you have no duty to have children.
But as someone who has no children myself, I have come to the conclusion that it is a mistake and I am missing out on the most fulfilling experience a human being can experience and our highest calling as living beings. All living things rely on reproduction for survival. It's the natural course of life. That doesn't mean all individuals of a given species aid in survival of the species by reproducing. A certain percentage will not for various reasons. That's also natural.
When I was younger, I didn't fully understand how the thought of leaving this earth someday and not leaving offspring behind would be a crushingly painful idea. Until you are older, you cannot fully understand it.
I plan to have children even though I am 65. Some people aren't pleased with that idea either. I don't really care what other people think and neither should you. You only get one life.
It's good to adopt also. :) someone will remember you forever.
I wouldn't say it's "normal" to be childless by choice since if it was normal we wouldn't be here.
It seems like being childless is the new normal thing so not sure who is out there saying its not normal. I constantly get comments saying how rare it is for someone my age to already have kids so totally not basing this on my own opinion just from what I've heard from others.
I don't understand why this is such a point of contention... If you don't want kids; whatever. Like it's really not a big deal. We have a lot of people on this planet already. We really don't need more. Actually, it would probably be better if we had fewer people.
💯💁 exactly
Who decides what is normal and what is not? It would be so nice if people stopped "labelling" people based on their views of what is right or wrong behavior. I don't want to have children because I'm bisexual. As such, I don't want a child of mine to grow up fatherless in the traditional sense or live with a mother who sleeps around with other women. Personal decision on my part. I don't want to put a child through that.
The popularity of an idea determines whether or not it's normal.
@Madmegalomaniac That is so true! Populist and political views definitely shape what is considered normal thinking and choices in life. That maybe fine for following fashion trends or making healthy food choices but not for ALL aspects of life where individualism and common sense should rule.
there are many reasons why people become childless. not in order but here are some
1/ there could be genetic reason in the family,
2/ some people don't think they are mature enough, and there's plenty out there the same but have children anyway
3/ some may even leave it a bit late in life then say oh no,
there's three reasons to start with
I thought about that a lot in my life. It's abnormal actually but as more time goes by it's certainly more acceptable. As the world grows in its its love of evil and it's false conception of good wrapped up in the virtue signal humanities fraud. I guess we're a lot more merciful than we used to be but we still kill just as many humans.
. It's a gift to have a child, specially for a woman. You could even say it is the reason to be alive in a physical way. I don't have any kids and I know that it's something that I've missed out on. I just didn't want to be a deadbeat dad and I was so afraid of that. And the two women that I love the most both killed the baby without really giving me much thought about what I thought about it. both of them and I wanted them both to keep it. know that it was a boy and a girl and I know which one was a girl and which one was a boy. The last one was a boy and I'm still with her well if you call it that boohoo boohoo
My family is so backward and have a fetish for having children. They expect me to give them three grand children. I'm gonna avoid any interactions with them from now.
Screw them. It's your life. No one can dictate you!
I thought it would be nice to have kids and would still like to have kids. But with the way the world is and the crazy shit that happens to people. Between bad relationships and seeing too many shitty "friends". My family name that has lasted for over 600 years will probably be coming to an end soon and taking another.
I love this my take so much!!! I actually got surgery in July to take out my fallopian tubes. This is called a bilateral salpingectomy and it's permanent birth control.
Thank you
There is no "normal" in this issue. All that matters is what is right for you, and based on what you've written here I would say you should most definitely not have kids.
I will however say that your attitude about this is quite unattractive to men like me. Heterosexual human attraction is ultimately about procreation. It is the driving force behind all of it, and a woman who has no interest in procreating is fundamentally unattractive to most men on many levels.
I don't mean any of that in a judgmental way. I'm simply stating facts.
Fundamentally unattractive? Not all men want kids, in which case, this would be major plus. Finding women who don't want babies is not easy.
Luckily this post has nothing to do with attraction and everything to do with happiness
Agreed.
@Yanifah @thatchick1010 It actually has a great deal to do with attraction, but in ways that may not be obvious to some, especially women who don't understand men. Wanting children itself is not inherently attractive, but the selfish personality traits that result in a woman not wanting children IS inherently unattractive.
A woman who has mothering instincts is able to see beyond herself. Mothering instincts are a direct reflection of a woman's capacity to love and nurture someone other than herself.
Selflessness is very attractive; selfishness is not.
A nurturing woman is very attractive; one who justifies her lack of nurturing instincts is not.
A woman who is unwilling to sacrifice is unattractive for obvious reasons.
When a woman "hates kids" it says something very important about her as a person, and it is inherently unattractive.
When a woman loves and wants kids it is a reflection of her soul and of personality characteristics that are inherently attractive to men.
Men may not consciously consider all these things but they definitely play a role in men's attraction to women.
The men in these comments who think that we need to have children to be content with life are such assholes istg
Lol yes. I used to get so pissed off at them but now I just ignore them. It's so funny the way some men expect us to have children as if we are their wives and they're offended at our opinions on abortion or having our own child.
Exactlyyyyy u just said pure facts that’s why I don’t care about men’s opinions
That’s what I say. Do you want me to bring someone into the world because everyone else is doing it & have the child resent me? Resent me because I will not be in the right mindset & did it because everyone else wanted me to? Yeah you just know if it’s for you or not.
Being childless is more acceptable now. When I was much younger, the peer pressure was ‘get a girl’, ‘get married’, ‘have some kids’. If you didn’t, you were looked down on, made fun of, and considered some kind of loser.
Backward society needs to understand this. They're dumb so don't waste your time explaining them anything. Just do your thing and they'll get frustrated.
Biologically we feel an innate desire to procreate at a certain point of our life. Most people who do not are physically or mentally inferior to the extent of not being able to attract a partner. Either that, or they are mentally/fiscally unfit to take care of a child. Sure, there are exceptions, but I’m not going pretend these norms are just completely made up and do not stem from biological reasoning.
It can't be about the partner because I've seen ugly people who never dated having the desire of twins or so many kids of their own. But I attract so many guys and I still don't have the desire because honestly I don't wanna dedicate my life to someone unpredictable. I didn't get to live my life to the fullest so when I'm getting the chance I'm not gonna ruin it.
I'd imagine your views will change as you mature and age. But you can live your life however you choose. Who am I to dictate what you should or shouldn't do. This is only how I view this question.
not sure what normal is anymore and who cares?
if you aren't ready to handle kids, then don't have them. Work on yourself, evaluate what you want and why you want it... because it might be coming from a broken place inside, not the real you.
It adds another dimension to life.