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Only read like half of it, honestly. I love kids, don't have any yet but I completely understand what you mean since my sister has no maternity instinct whatsoever. It's understandable because we do go through all this stages and just the thought I like damn, we all know they will grow up and not all of us like that idea but I'd want to see a little mini mi, lol I'm going out of topic and I don't know what was your point nor my point but do and keep what makes you happy! :)
That's okay, when I wrote it, I thought no-one would read it, haha. Thanks, you too!
beautifully written and well thought. I really enjoyed this and completely agree
Thankyou! :)
yeah not everyone has the instinct to become a great parent, and i think now its something people should have a choice over, screw societies pressure to procreate!
While I agree that is tasteless for society to constantly insult and be presumptuous to women who refuse to have kids, it will never be socially accepted to not want children. That's the way society has always been, and it will continue this way until the Apocalypse.
Great article, I enjoyed reading it.
Thankyou.
I have a strong maternal instinct, but life has not been kind to me, so I have changed my mind about wanting to have children. Between several injuries, I just would not feel safe carrying a child, and do not believe I would be able to provide well caring for that child. In a way, it makes me sad, but I know it's for the best.
It's good of you to have made that decision. However, others may see your decision ridiculous and encourage you to still have children which I feel isn't right.
Nobody knows someone else's circumstances, what they've been through, or what's best for them. I feel like we're on the same page. Good for you, no matter what your choice, as long as it's right for you.
Conceptually speaking, it is still somewhat disappointing that some people just don't feel like they are important enough that they ought to preserve a part of themselves via passing down their genetics.
I often think about the genetics part, it would be nice to see what my child would look like (though I assume it'd look a lot like me as I did when I was younger. But I have numerous health conditions which I wouldn't want to pass on tbh.
I think the problem is that people that don't want kids constantly go on rants, about how people that do want kids are selfish for bringing a child into this world. Which is sorta what you ended up doing. You may have not meant to but basically told everyone that wants a family they are the enemy of the earth. This can be offensive to a lot of people.
The only time I have ever witnessed anyone calling someone selfish for not wanting children, is after that person went on a rant about how having children is selfish. It may have more to do with how defensive you are acting, that is offending others, than them having a problem with your not wanting kids.
That's a problem sometimes, but I think you'd be surprised how often it only takes a simple statement ("I don't think kids are for me.") to prompt all the condescension and lecturing. I've never been in an actual argument about my lack of desire for children, never raised my voice about it or anything, so anyone who wasn't involved in the conversation would have no idea it happened. One of my friends deals with it too, but she's also quiet about it, so I wouldn't have even known if she didn't tell me.
That's not what I was getting across at all. I support anyone who has children, though not everyone SHOULD have children for a variety of reasons. This isn't a rant, it's more to get the message to people that it's rude to insult/alienate someone over their choice to not have children. I would expect to be insulted if I insulted someone for the opposite of my decision but I've never called anyone selfish for having children. Most people who have commented so far have said only positive things, I don't believe anyone could get offended by this take.
@AvaMarina is on the right lines. We shouldn't have to be quiet about our decision to avoid lectures (which I get all the time from my friends). It's frustrating having someone dictate your life and your decisions when you've been so confident in your decision since you were little.
I agree you shouldn't have to pretend. If however you start talking about how you don't understand bringing a child into this world, you start to sound a lot like the people that are looking down on people that want kids. There are many such people. So without meaning to you may cause people to get defensive. Maybe that doesn't apply to you, but it is something you may want to be mindful of.
I have one sister with no maternal instinct, and another one with a very strong maternal instinct. Guess which one I like better? XD
What a great post!!! Well as long as those who have no maternal instinct don't have children all is well.
I guess its a product of humans becoming more and more self centered. And its also the reason why socially developed countries like japan and most of Europe will suffer from a huge population decline unless they go for mass immigration in the future.
You mean benefit from a huge population decline don't you?
A decrease in population size isn't detrimental to society in todays world.
Our economic growth and our ability to maintain it is based on that we can keep up with the manpower needed. Its one of the reasons that rome fell and its also why Europe and japan are taking in so many immigrants. Because in our cultures less children are made so we need to get them from other people.
You have a point, but it's still people's choice whether they want children or not. The only problem with mass immigration to fill that void, especially with mass immigration in Europe , is that most of them are not productive citizens and don't want to integrate into the existing culture.
I'm not saying that mass immigration is a good substitute. But it is the only avalible solution when The current society doesn't do it themselves. Thats also why countries dont want the immigrants to get culturaly integrated as their children then wouldn't have the will to make 5 kids.
Tl;dr
No one needs to have kids if they don't want them. People pushing others to have kids are making a disastrous choice and encouraging people towards a huge responsibility that they don't want.
Superb article. I thoroughly enjoyed it, thank you.
Thankyou! :) I'm glad you did!
I don't need an excuse as to why I do not want children. I just do not. I'm not focused on my career. I know plenty of mothers who have good careers. Their lives have nothing to do with the reason why I do not want kids
well studies have been done, even with a guy called Robert Spalosky that have come to the conclusion that women do have (more so than men) in most cases a befriend and tend reaction,
as a lesbian in her late thirties this is a touchy subject for me. I'm struggling with a lot of money I just don't know what to think. Sometimes I wonder if God just wants me to be alone. But other times I just want to have a family and be happy.
oh dont worry... there will be a girl for you...
You will find someone and you can adopt or even get a dog. Things will work out.
i agree totally. do whatever, provided it doesn't hurt others.
Good Take. Do you, fuck what others say.
Thankyou.
what would you do if contraceptives had not been invented?
I would probably rip out my uterus
Definitely get my tubes tied, unless you're counting that. Otherwise, I would just eat quit tons of vitamin c every time I was supposed to get my period just in case.
that's not what nature wants for you...
I would most likely become celibate.
that's what i fear the most
I seem to date women with none even if they end up having them or not. I don't see it being too much of a stigma these days though.
As a woman who doesn't want children, there is definitely a stigma. I often receive lectures about my decision which women who do want children don't get. As I stated, that one blogger received numerous insults about her decision. People assume you're selfish/weird/incapable/don't want the responsibility or they give you this sad look or worse, they say "you'll change your mind. Kids are lovely".
Online I think is different and the US versus the UK is a little different as well.
I feel sorry for you. You will never know the joys that will melt your heart and make you cry with joy, the pride of seeing your children achieving their own goals and dreams, and yes, sometimes the pains as well... whether they be physical or emotional.
No need to feel sorry for me. You've obviously not read my take, otherwise you'd realise that the whole take is about people saying patronizing comments like you just have, so maybe you should comment when you have read it or maybe never comment again.
I've cried with joy before, I don't need a dribbling, selfish baby to do it and I very much doubt it could ever do that because I'd be so depressed with one. I prefer the pride of exploring the world or doing something amazing with my life.
What's with all the hostility? "... saying patronizing comments like you just have?" Oh really? There was nothing patronizing about what he just said. He just really feels you will be missing out. There was nothing bad about what he said.
@UnknownXYZ Uh no he literally told her, "I feel sorry for you. You will never know the joys that will melt your heart..." She's saying yeah you're right, If I have children that's exactly what will happen because she sees no happiness in that. The joys she will know and melt her heart are the ones in the things that she wants and knows she will be able to achieve.
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@lovely_girl Hence, he wasn't patronizing. If she sees no happiness in having children then that's fine also.
@UnknownXYZ haha forget the patronizing subject. I think it just really irks a person when they get pity when there is no need for it anyways. She doesn't want children ---> there's no joy in that for her ---> therefore there's no need to feel sorry.
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@lovely_girl I would but that was what I am focusing on.
I love this article. I feel the same
Thankyou!