More than Motherhood

[Anonymous]

Ever since I was younger I wanted to be a mother. I’ve chosen names I’ve looked at doctors, schools. Whether I wanted a midwife or a Doula. Just about everything that had to do with becoming a mother.

Becoming a mother is actually very scary. They always talk about the joys of having a baby. But nobody really prepares you for the Darkside of it like postpartum depression, Ectopic pregnancy, and many more. Being unstable. Unmarried

So when learning about all of these things. all of the factors that goes into it I decided I wanted to wait until I’m 30. I figured I should be more stable I should be better prepared. it would be nice to be Married. if not I will still want to have my child. Overall just have my shit together.

I figured I should be more stable I should be better prepared. Overall just have my shit together.

The main thing is after I become a mother I don’t think it should stop me from working or doing more. Especially when you have someone to live for.and every time I bring it up into my community I can I get looked down upon for it.

Why is it such an issue?

[MzAsh]

It’s an issue only if you allowed it to be. You are the authority over your life and how you choose to live it. No one else’s permission or approval is required. Women need to stop caring about how others think or say.

[myTake Owner]

Very true but I do care about how my family feels about certain situations. I know when you have a child it takes a village. With that village come support

[Barbaric]

You really have to think about how you're going to raise the child. If you want to raise the child well, especially in today's world where there are so many toxic influences, you can't be thinking about yourself anymore. Being a good parent requires sacrifice. I know that because I have 3 already.

The reason so many millenials are so fucked up is because our parents were lazy. We're the daycare generation. They treated kids like they were just plants, without much thought. We're not plants. You can't just feed and water a child and expect them to grow well. You have to put time and effort into raising them. And YOU should be raising them, not other people, not the TV, not the teachers. You shouldn't trust them to. Only you will have their best interests in mind 100% of the time (or at least you should).

It's an issue because these ideas are dysfunctional. As are many young women's ideas about parenthood these days, because feminism has taught women to focus on themselves and their careers above all else, including family and children.

Kids do best with to parents in a healthy relationship/marriage, but those women are so dysfunctional themselves that they don't think they'll be able to find that, so they say that they'll have kids as single mothers. Children of single mothers do the worst statistically speaking. Children of happily married parents do best. Yeah I said happily married because some moron always has to come out with "but what if the parents argue all the time then the kid is better off with single parents". No shit. That still doesn't make it a good option.

A lot of people focus too much on the money side and not enough on the parenting side. Money is important but that's not all - like I said, kids aren't plants. You don't raise them well by buying them stuff. You want to wait until 30 to get your shit together? If you can't find a good man and maintain a healthy marriage, and parent your kids right along with that, you don't have your shit together.

[myTake Owner]

I understand what you mean and being a parent is definitely about the sacrifices. I wasn’t raised on daycare I was raised with my family. And that’s how I would like to raise my Children. You know the whole village thing. It’s hard to sit here and say that I’ll be with the person in the next couple years. I do know I want children and it shouldn’t stop me from having them

[Barbaric]

That's probably the part people react negatively to the most. There's no guarantee that you will, but you should try your best to find the right man so that you are still with them.

[Anonymous]

It's great that you want to be a mother but you didn't mention anything about a father. It's unfair to your child to deprive him/her of a father. So many of the societal problems we face today can be linked to fatherless children. Don't have a child until you have a committed father who will help support you and your child so you don't have to work full time and can give the child the care and attention he/she deserves in the younger years.

[myTake Owner]

I understand where you’re coming from. But not all situations work that way. Especially because We don’t always get that fairytale a husband then family. No I’m not depriving them of something what I do have. If there was one then they have full access.
That thing men can have leave behind a legacy but when a woman want The same thing is a taboo. We don’t always get that fairytale.

[myTake Owner]

Yes the family dynamic is changingIt’s up to us to adapt to it

[Opinion Owner]

The family dynamic is changing due to selfish choices of individuals. Children never "adapt" to not having a father. There are so many serious problems in children of both sexes that are caused by fatherlessness.

www.npr.org/.../poverty-dropouts-pregnancy-suicide-what-the-numbers-say-about-fatherless-kids

Fathers who choose to walk away from their children are despicable, and mothers who choose to have children without a father are despicable too.

[myTake Owner]

So basically that makes the people that don’t have people obsolete to having those children. You can’t take away someone’s want or need to fulfill a biological need.

[Opinion Owner]

It's not a biological need any more that a man's desire to have sex. It's a desire, that's all. And when a woman places her desire above the welfare of her child, that is selfish.

[myTake Owner]

No one is placing their needs above their children’s needs. Yes we want to have a husband and all of that but if it doesn’t happen I would like to have a child I would like to leave my legacy behind. My father didn’t have a son he had a daughter so I’m the only one that can carry on.

[b5fan]

Why do you think you can't find a husband? I am sure you have a guy friend in your orbit that would be more than willing. He may not look like Brad Pitt or be a millionaire, but he would love and care for the child. Lower your standards for looks and wealth, but keep your standards for character. Character is all that matters in the end.

[myTake Owner]

@b5fan my ideal guy is very down to earth. You know what they say we choose people that are like our fathers. Minus is some things. My problem is I love the wrong person and fell to deep. Ask for a guy in my orbit I don’t think so. I want to be mutually and naturally love someone else.

[007kingifrit]

its an issue because you're naive. you can't be a mother and a career woman at once, unless you never see your own child by putting them in daycare and at that point what kind of mother are you?

here is what i recommend, have kids YOUNG and then when your kids are 6 or 7 you can start on your career. a 7 year old is old enough to be home for a while alone sometimes so its ok to work at that point

but for a while you can't be both

[MzAsh]

Who’s paying for these kids until then? Most men with careers don’t even make enough these days unless she works too.

[myTake Owner]

You can have both Im saying build stability first then have child husband and all. It takes two parents and in this situation there’s just me.
There is nothing wrong with daycare. At the end of the day they are mine. What do mean never see me. There are job that you can work from home too.
Although it may be a struggle I still want children. I want them to have the best.

[MzAsh]

I’ve been a model, a pageant queen, and a fire performer. Can’t do those with kids. I’m glad I’m waiting to have a family. Plus I’m going totally remote so that’s a plus but I agree there’s nothing wrong with daycare. Kids are in school for 6 hours a day too so that’s another thing.

[myTake Owner]

@MzAsh All those things are amazing. I feel like I can do certain things with one kid but once I have multiple I will settle down

[007kingifrit]

@MzAsh that's a question of convenience to disguise your disagreement. they'll be taken care of and it doesn't take much

[MzAsh]

I’ve seen it happen too many times where families tank trying to live off of one income. I’d never be a non-working stay at home mom unless my husband made at least 200k a year.

[MzAsh]

And that’s not including the time I’d require to my myself away from the kids.

[007kingifrit]

well yea you shouldn't be having kids single but you also shouldn't be waiting till 30 to get married. that's taking too long. a career just isn't the best option to do first because your ability to find a mate declines with age but your ability to have a career increases with age

[MzAsh]

It really depends on your goals. My career goals couldn’t wait because they relied on me being young and capable. As a pageant queen, there was a written rule about not ever having been married or given birth. You guys have to be careful about what advice your giving to women. When I was 25, some shithead told me I was too over the hill to be a model. I’m glad I didn’t listen to him because I went on to land paid modeling opportunities after that.

[iseekpinetrees]

It's an issue to wait because you can have more complications as u age. Fertility goes down by 35. U can still do other things if u have a kid.

[ohshee]

I hope the name you picked is not anonymous do you see how nany people on here and other sites has that name

[myTake Owner]

Nope why does it matter

[Scorpio11]

It's hard but not impossible.
Gets sad at times because you lack the support from your family and get judged for being a single mom.

[angelcat321]

Awww thats so sweet!🥰☁️🙏🏻👩‍👦👩‍👦‍👦👩‍👧👩‍👧‍👦👩‍👧‍👧

[_Whatever]

Gross

[myTake Owner]

How so

[_Whatever]

Pregnancy is gross. It's not complicated.

[myTake Owner]

So what is your point

[_Whatever]

That's it.