Motherhood: The Beginning Of The End of a Woman's Life

Motherhood: The Beginning Of The End of a Woman's LifeFor the past few years, at least since I’ve graduated from college in December 2012, I’ve always dreamed of getting married. I want to pick out the dress, get the proposal, and start a family. I want a ring to sow off to my friends. I don’t want the ring because of the size or value, but just to show that a man cared enough about me to commit to me and only me until death do us part.

I was 22 when I started buying into this silly dream. I’m now 28, and my views have changed drastically.

After several relationships that ended in heartache, abuse, and flat out cheating, I’ve realized one thing.

I have partially lost the desire to get married. I haven’t lost the desire to eventually marry and still date, but the idea of me being married by the time I’m 30 is no longer believable nor really wanted. At this point, I don’t think it’ll happen before I’m 40 simply because there are not quality single men available to me to date in my area.

But, even still, there’s one other thing I realized, and that’s what this article is really about. Although getting married isn’t out of the realm of possibilities, I definitely am not ready to have children. That also means I cannot date a man who has kids because I positively lack the ability to love them at this point.

Could I like his kids? I don’t know, maybe. But I really just don’t want to try. But more so, I don’t want to be a mom. I have just over 200 friends which in the year 2018 where most young peoples lives are dictated by social media, that’s not a lot.

Motherhood: The Beginning Of The End of a Woman's Life


If you’re a mother and you’re easily offended, then you may want to stop reading at this point. Don't say I didn't warn you.

But your lives seem very plain, boring, and lame. I can’t tell you how many women say on social media, in public, at work, or at get togethers that their children are ‘their lives’. Like…what? How can your kid be your life? Then I realize a sad truth. They are.

From the second you find out you’re pregnant, your life is dictated by your child until they are at least 18 years old, and sometimes even beyond that.

Motherhood: The Beginning Of The End of a Woman's Life I couldn’t imagine waking up every day and the first thing I have to do is make sure my child is dressed, then has eaten, has their school bag, and get them to the bus stop all while trying to get myself ready for work. Then they come home, you have to make them do homework, cook for them, bathe them, and get them to sleep. And this is all with kicking, screaming, and crying. Sure, the kids get older, but all that means is the tantrums and attitudes change to fit their age. Instead of crying about having to take a bath they’re whining about having to vacuum before jumping on the Xbox. And you can’t tell me any different as I’m a middle and high school teacher. Even the best kids have their meltdowns, and I just don’t have any time for it outside of work.

But beyond the daily tasks of them being toddlers, it’s just the sadness of the reality of motherhood that I see. Facebook has become boring and mundane with the many moms that I’m friends with posting every day what their child ate for breakfast or that they’re doing their chores, or that they’re so proud that got a B+ on a spelling test. One of my friends had a 57 message long thread on her page about how much breast milk she produces on a day to day basis and asked if drinking beer increased the flow. At least 20 friends confirmed her suspicions and the thread is still going as I type out this article.

What’s worse are the mothers who make their children’s accomplishments into a competition. Johnny can play the trumpet? Well, Susie can play the trumpet AND the piano. Allie is on the cheerleading squad? Christy is the cheer captain!

Motherhood: The Beginning Of The End of a Woman's Life I will say that about 95% of the time, it’s not done on purpose. But moms? You do this. Absolutely. My sister is a new mother, and even she has said she’s noticed it among her mother friends with their babies even going so far as to compare their child’s weight at birth. My own mother actually warned my sister and me that this would happen, too, as we began to have babies of our own because it also happened to her.

And let’s not forget about the ‘no nonsense’ mess that moms claim they have (that you don’t). Even that has become a competition with moms. Who takes the least disrespect from their kid? Honestly, I’ve always been a firm believer that if you have to tell people you don’t tolerate crap from your kid, then you undoubtedly tolerate crap from your kid. Being a teacher has done nothing but solidify this. Over 5 years and 700 students later, and without fail, every mom that claimed they don’t tolerate disrespect has a disrespectful kid. And they aren’t just disrespectful to me, but other staff members and their own parent. This especially seems to be true for single moms, which sucks because your jobs are made that much harder when you have to act as both the mother and father. As I said before, I don’t have the time or energy to do that after spending 8 hours with 119 twelve year olds.

Sorry…but that’s lame. Do you not have anything interesting to talk about? No, you don’t because your life is now all about your kids and literally nothing else.

There’s so many things that come to a screeching halt when you have kids. And most of these things I haven’t accomplished yet.
Motherhood: The Beginning Of The End of a Woman's Life I want to write a book. I want to get my Master’s degree. I want to start my bakery business. I want to spend money frivolously without worrying about how it’ll impact another person. I want the luxury to wake up one morning and decide to fly to Vegas just for the hell of it without having to plan for anything other than who is going to babysit my beagle. I want to explore my options and be completely satisfied with my life before I settle down and have kids.

You, as a mom, cannot do that without it being made 10x harder by the simple fact that you have a kid to care for because they always need to be watched or they always need to be with you.

I may not be a partier, and a lot of people may think my life as a teacher who supports herself is boring. That’s fine. I don’t really care.

But I know if I have kids then I can’t accomplish everything I want.

Look, it’s great that you love being a mom, and I know the job is hard (thus why I’m not one yet), but I don’t want my life to end in my 20’s because a little human has now become the dictator of my existence.

When I have kids, I want to make sure I leave behind no regrets. I want to say that I was fully 100% ready to have kids and now that my dreams have come true, I can focus on my child’s dream. I don’t want to resent their presence. Too many moms my age and younger say they wish they had waited to have kids because they didn’t do everything they wanted to in life.

I will not be that person. I will chase my dreams and have my kids at an age that I’m comfortable, even if that means it’s later than the average woman.


Most Helpful Guys

  • Essentially you want to be egoistic and not have any sacrifices to be done in your life.

    If that's fine with you, go ahead. Just don't complain when the biological clock starts ticking. Just this year here in Germany there was a study released about women with and without children and who regrets and who doesn't. Almost 90% of childless women with a degree regretted not having children.

    If you are ok with the 90% chance of you being one of those, go ahead on this path. Just don't complain, if it turns out you were wrong and deal with the consequences.

    • But I said I want kids lol. Literally my last couple paragraphs is making sure I have kids with no regrets. Did you not read the Take?

      Either way, I’m not having kids if I’m not married anyway.

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    • P. S. Most of these "there are many children on this earth who need parents" are children in some third world countries where the people just breed, because most children pass away (or not as much anymore, due to the help of western medical aid). Nothing to do with the US or Europe, though. We aren't responsible for those "many children without parents".

    • And one more thing: Yes, you do love someone, because you are related. Again, there is plenty of scientific proof on this matter.

  • You'll wait until a time when you'll struggle to have any, and if you do eventually manage to you will be at risk of complications - it's not as smart as it sounds if you do want children. I spoke to a guy not long ago who was a really nice guy, he and his wife waited til late 30s thinking it was the smart thing to do. They spent thousands on IVF, she eventually got pregnant and then had to give birth to a stillborn. I know others who waited that long and couldn't get pregnant at all. Some might be ok, plenty aren't.

    • I have four teachers I work with who are my age or at least younger than 30 who had to do this, too. But rushing to have kids when I’m not ready isn’t very intelligent, either. I’d rather be ready and live my life before having kids. Plus I’m not opposed to adopting and it’s something I’m considered. Not to mention the guy I may end up with may already have kids. Guys my age with kids always say they don’t want more so I’m honestly not worried about this.

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    • I just think that people in general have become less family oriented and prefer to live for themselves.

    • Yes i guess you could say that.

Most Helpful Girls

  • You know, there are a lot of mothers who chase their dreams and have kids. It is possible and happens frequently. So, having kids doesn't have to change your dreams. I've always wanted to be a mom, from the time a was a little girl and even more now. I'm 31 now, so I'm more realistic about my hopes of being married and having children but if it's still a possibility for it to happen, I'd welcome it greatly. You don't have to want kids, but it's not right to make other people feel bad because they do or because they have kids. It's a personal choice.

    Also, not all kids and teens are the same. So, you can't put them all in one category.

    • I literally said it was possible in the article but that would be harder.

      Also, I never said all kids and teens are the same. Again, I literally say that even the best kids have their meltdowns.

      But thanks for your selective reading.

    • I didn't selective read anything. If I read something on here, I read the whole thing. No matter what wordage I used, the I point is I don't agree.

  • "Do you not have anything interesting to talk about? No, you don’t because your life is now all about your kids and literally nothing else." of course, for every mother their children's lives are more important their theirs. Nothing else interests you when you experience seeing your own children grow up. Mothers don't want or need anything else in their lives except seeing their kids growing up being healthy and happy. Their accomplishment and success is in seeing their children growing up as successful adults raised with the right morals. And this is why mothers sacrifice so much for their children. And no, it doesn't make their lives boring. If anything then they couldn't be enjoying life more. (regarding comparison, mothers love to believe that their children are the best genetic material so they often end up comparing or having high expectations. Please never be mad at your mother if she did that to you)

    And it is possible to do the things that you wanted to do in the list. Some of them can take time and you would have to plan carefully, but it is not impossible. My sister has a baby and she is doing a highly professional job and is doing her Master's. I know a woman with two little kids and she still has more than one occupations. What these both ladies share in common is that they are highly disciplined and hard-working.

    I also have my own dream career and ambitions but it doesn't mean that I don't want children or I believe that I can't have children. I want to be a mother of kids and I hate it when people suddenly think that breeding is all that I wanna do, lmao. Motherhood doesn't consist of breeding it consists of parenting.

    It's understandable if you don't want children, especially when you love traveling. Parenting is still not an easy task and many people don't feel like they are up for it. However I do have to say, you need to change the way you think about mothers because you heavily underestimated them without trying to understand them for once. Have some empathy.


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What Guys Said 39

  • Motherhood is the most noble human endeavor in existence. Even above hero status.

    • It’s not but I guess your entitled to believe that.

    • @Allie_Oops why wouldn't it be? A good mother and father is the difference between kids who grow up entitled, spoiled, lazy, etc, vs. kids who grow up and have something to offer society, who know how to work, be responsible, respectable, etc.

      Everyone now days is asking how a kid can shoot up a school. As if its some mystery or the gun's fault. Of course everyone wants have the convenience of overlooking the real cause which is that the parents didn't give a damn nor were they involved in the child's life. Now days, its all about "me" with no care for even our own children. I maintain that motherhood is the most noble above all.

  • Huh... my mother never did shit for me. She made me fend for myself, screamed at me at the top of her lungs for things I didn't even do, and basically made me feel like a worthless piece of shit that doesn't deserve to have a life.
    She continues to emotionally abuse me by blowing up unexpectedly at me because in her bitchy cunt head, it is easier for her to keep things bottled up than to show them, and when she DOES show them, I bring it up weeks later, she tries to TWIST MY WORDS and say the argument was about something else.
    On top of that my mother never had to pack my lunch or drive me to clubs or anything like that because I have been homeschooled under her excruciatingly hostile environment my entire life.
    So... I don't believe for one fucking minute that I am her life because if I am, then I must be the reason she is a bitch because she has no problem treating me like fucking shit.
    She says she did not want to adopt me, she resents the fact that she had to give up her young life to raise me, and I think she resents ME because she felt she had to give up her daughter in order to do so (because my mom is actually my grandmother, and my sister is actually my mother; totally hillbilly but not cos my "grandparents" adopted me which apparently was the worst mistake they could ever make), but she will not say it. OK, if that wasn't so... why did you hate me for so long? Why won't you open up to me about what you did? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LIE TO ME ABOUT EVERYTHING? And why, if I dare say it to you, you get defensive? BECAUSE I AM TELLING YOU THE TRUTH, AND YOU, WANTING COMPLETE CONTROL OF MY LIFE UNTIL I DIE, WILL DO ANYTHING TO KEEP ME ON YOUR SIDE, AND IF I SAY ANYTHING DIFFERENT OR OPEN UP MY MOUTH THEN I WILL GET PUNISHED!!!
    My mom doesn't deserve my love, but GODFUCKINGDAMMIT I still give it to her because she is also my wife substitute and her taking that role very seriously, will enjoy bitching at me and making me feel like shit because that is your role as the "wife": the financial provider, the dominant, controlling cunt, the one who uses fear to control me.

    • Um... I think you need to see a psychologist. I never said moms are terrible or that they are unloving. I just said I’m not ready for kids to be the center of my life. But I don’t think you should hate moms. Moms are great. At least mine was. Your mom sounds horrible, though. My mom is loving and caring. I love my mom. Sad you don’t have a similar relationship with your mom.

    • Frankly, I feel like I can live without her.
      And I am thinking about getting some help once I leave that environment.
      I can't see one now because the one I told everything to is no longer here, and I can't tell my current therapy because my mother will just deny it up and down, call me a liar, say my dad implanted that into my brain, blah blah blah.

  • I’m going to disagree with you respectfully.

    My fiancé is going to keep her job which involves flying around the world to scout locations for shoots... and take the kids with her sometimes.

    The view you’ve taken is that whoever the father of your kids is going to be, he is completely incapable of looking after them for any length of time and so you will be stuck with them 24/7. That’s a little narrow in my opinion.

    • You must not have read this too in depth because I clearly state that the things I want to do a mom can do, but that it would be harder.

      Also, I never said he wouldn't be capable of looking after the after any length of time. The take is about the moms I know and my impression of them. It has nothing to do with father's.

      You can disagree, but you don't really have any good reasons.

    • I’m disagreeing with the title and yes I did read it all.

      I’m telling you, It’s not harder at all if you find a quality capable man with a good family (aka grandparents who look after the kids). To you and the all the other mothers you know... If you are a woman who is fairly attractive and young, you are the one choosing the men... so stop picking incapable ones.

      Not here to convince you to do whatever, I’m just saying I don’t believe for a second that children mean the end of a woman’s life (in fact for most women it’s the most exciting part of it).

  • You are not the only one i always thought i dont like kids
    Well i was terribly wrong since i got 2 younger brothers they are 3 years old now, i love spending time with them and playing or doing whatever , and i want my own kids in the future for sure now. I haven't met the right girl yet same as you in terms of dudes but im 24 not 28 as you. Im currently dating and im losing faith in humanity being honest... Everything that happens is because of facebook instagram snapchat overall social media its super toxic place to be with. Because of tinder and other dating apps we can't choose a partner because 2 or few days later u find someone better then the last one. More able to talk to more attractive more open overall as a person. Also adding i got 120 friends on Fb and those are really the people i know i dont add some random people like most people do and have 1000+ friends or even more. And they contact probably with 30 out of this 1000. I really love to talk and get to know other girls but it seems like most of the people are super defensive and they only want to have ""a pair"" and text then meeting in real life and getting closer to each other. Its not good whats happening now...

    • ""a match"" not a pair sorry

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    • The best age I believe to have kids is actually 30-35. It's not in your 20's like many people, but most people don't do their research. They assume it's in your 20's because it's also the age that women are perceived by men to be the most attractive, but that doesn't mean anything when it comes to carrying a child. Pretty much as long as you have a kid before your 40 then you're fine. So I have like 12 years left lol.

    • i mean thats confirmed by studies that having baby after 30 is problematic sometimes so its safer to have baby before 30

  • Fair enough... just remember that your career goals and dreams are a hell of a lot harder to obtain than having your pride and joy through a child. I'm not judging your choice or trying to discourage you, just remember that as you make your choices. I"m not sure what your goals and ambitions are, but you're a school teacher, not a hired gun... are you positive that those goals can't be achieved with a child? Furthermore, what happens if you don't achieve those goals, and you sacrificed being a mother for something that didn't ultimately work out. I don't know... just things to think about.

    The risks of a complicated pregnancy also increase dramatically at the age of 40. Don't be one of those people who wakes up one day and realizes that they missed out on big things in life because they always thought they would have more time to do. You're 28, and most of your friends don't have kids yet. The mommy clock hasn't started going off, but most women start feeling the call in their mid to early 30s.

  • Sorry to hear about the cheating , at least you can get dates I struggle to even get noticed by women. But wait till 40? Pretty sure that's going against your baby window period. Most guys I know who were nice in their 20's got ignored , once they hit 30 the flood gates upended with younger women and told the other women who screwed the bad boys to get stuffed once they hit 30 because nobody wants to be second choice

    • Honestly, I have to admit the only women who never say they wish they waited are the ones in their mid to late 30's who had kids. I don't know what it is. But it's like an unspoken truth for women that a lot will not admit to. That they wish they had waited. My own sister had her son last year when she was 32 and she said she was so glad did not have him in her 20's because she was still figuring her life out. My own mother had me when she was about 31 or 32. Ideally, I want them in my early to mid 30's. I mentioned the 40 part, though, just because there aren't quality male partners for me. Most men in my area just suck, and it's the truth, and I'm not going to have kids with an immature jackass just because I'm the right age.

    • What area do you live in? Are you in a army area or mining town etc?

  • Riiiiigggghhht….
    Please, do us all a favor and don't have any delinquent kids!

    • Why would you assume I’d have delinquent kids? Because I want to wait until I’m ready instead of just popping them out because I’m the right age?

    • You're never 'ready' to have kids - if you wait for that you'll never have them.
      The 'delinquent' reference is for your disdain for them and their mothers. So just don't, cuz your children don't need a mom that doesn't want them.
      You're confused, a little old to be saying all this, sounds more like an 18yo. But whatever, what I said initially still stands - PLEASE - DON'T HAVE ANY KIDS!!

  • so you cheated and are now complaining cause you went after the top 20% of men and most of those guys are cheaters

    but you kept doing the same thing
    thinking it would give a different result?

    that is the definition of insanity, there are a ton of average decent looking guys but no

    you are to good for them
    when in reality you are probably average lol
    cause that's were most of you women are

    its called pump and dump hun lol

  • Many women can do both. Be a caring mother AND a sexy wife. Unless you're stuck with quadruplets its all about time management and priorities.

  • Women without a natural maternal drive are the epitome of uselessness and human-dysfunction.

    • Oh look, another ignorant male comment 😂

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    • I just told you in the article. God, did you even read it? Probably not.

    • You simply listed your (foolish) opinions, you did not provide any facts... What do you think the female reproductive system is for? You did not evolve to work in an office or whatever the fuck you're aspiring to do, you evolved to be a mother and nurture children.

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What Girls Said 21

  • I can agree with this take. My mom is the greatest person in the world and I know and understand what she has done for us (my brothers and me). She used to be unemployed for twenty years to be a stay-at-home-mom. She really sacrificed a lot for us.

    Unfortunately, not a lot of kids can appreciate their parents. THAT is the shitty part of parenthood. When you invest money, time, blood, sweat and tears to get that chin clean. Then they turn into ungrateful, selfish and even sometimes criminal people.

    I think being a parent can be wonderful if the bond is strong, the children work hard for their parents etc. The hard work will be worth it.

    It all has to do with the attitude and common sense. If you don`t want kids, don`t fool around with pregnancy. If you want kids, make sure you know the risks, because kids never deserve the blame for taking your life away.

  • What a load of nonsense. Being a mother is the most best feeling in the world. What a shame this is

    • When she comes home to her 13 cats at 55, she'll celebrate having everything she wants.

      The "career" obsession is life on a treadmill. There is no end to the toil and unhappiness.

    • That’s an opinion and it’s only true if you have kids at the right time in your life. There are several people who wish they waited. I never said I didn’t want to be a mother. I said I don’t want to be one in my 20’s. You should read better.

  • I'm not a mom yet, but I want to be. And while once you step into motherhood it does become all about your kiddo, you make it seem like the baby is a ball and chain lol. I have friends that have started businesses, gotten PhDs, written books and all with children. Most of them were smaller at the time. Your decision is yours to make, but there are plenty of mamas out here proving that your career doesn't have to stop because you became a mom.

  • Ok. Do. It's a great idea to have children only when you feel ready.
    - How can you be a teacher if you dislike children so much?
    - Maybe that's why you can't get a decent relationship. Much as they complain about not wanting to get hitched and all that, men biologically and subconsciously look for the woman who can become a good mother, after being a good wife of course.
    If you're not in that mode, they can smell it off of you. And naturally will not bond with you. (And I don't mean they won't run from baby craving desperate women either.)
    - I know all of the stuff moms talk about seem boring to you, but that's just because it's not YOUR biological child they are talking about. If you do end up having children someday when you are ready, you will notice how naturally very sweet every little act of your child will FEEL to you. It's just in our biology to feel that way. It's what drives us to have children, and feel like it was worth it, despite the back-breaking effort it requires. So from a purely logical point of view, it's stupid to have kids. But from the emotional aspect, it is the most beautiful and enjoyable experience.
    - you did have the desire for a family before all of those bad relationships. Maybe the pain you suffered changed your mind. You might want to look into it. Usually, wanting children is tied up with the idea of wanting to continue being alive and extending yourself into the future, valuing life and living, wanting to celebrate it, and wanting to give life. If you don't feel that way, it could be a sign of some level of depression, or dissatisfaction with yourself or your current life, anxiety, OCD, feelings of insecurity, etc.

    • Uh... where did I say I dislike children? Reaching. But I teach middle and high school. I don’t have patience for little kids.

      No, mom stuff seems boring because that’s your life once the kids come. That’s years that you will be that way, not just a month or two. It has nothing to do with whether or not they’re my kid.

      Gotta love that you assume something is wrong with me mentally though just because I want to fulfill my own dreams before I invest I having a kid though as if my value in woman is solely based on kids. That’s the bull I’m talking about. I never said I didn’t want kids. I said I want to wait. Thanks for reading though... or not lol.

  • Wow, having children is a blessing from God not a burden. If you don't like kids, then dont have them. Women who have children and want them cause they want to grow a family and carry on their genes.

  • I love being a mom. My kids are my best friends and the world would be so much sadder without them. I wouldn't want to trade with anybody. Anything you can do, I can do, and the fact that it's more difficult just makes it more worth it.

  • there are nearly double the amount of people on the planet than a few decades ago. We dont need everyone to have babies. itd be bet if people slowed down. its no big deal if you dont want to be a mom, dont. you dont need to justify it. some people like taking care of their kids, they should be parents. others should not.

    • my mom was not around doing all of those things nor my dad. they were focused on their own lives. they should not have been parents.

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    • lol at people saying you should have kids bc later you can't. is like telling guys to become a ballerina when they are young bc you can not start training as an adult and they may decide they want to when its too late.

      people make decisions all the time. no one can do everything, but age is never a reason to do something unless its something you really are sure you want to do.

    • It is true that overpopulation is an issue from a worldwide standpoint, but in the United States of America, it's not an issue. It's mainly third-world countries. In some European countries, underpopulation is actually a bigger issue than overpopulation.

      With that being said, people can make their own decision to have kids, or not.

  • Haha, I love this. Children are NOT for me and they would be the beginning of the end TO ME.
    More CF people need to write myTakes. Here's one of mine - What Not To Say To A Child-Free Person ↗

  • A happy mum is the mother who's children are not the centre of her life.
    I love my children but my own life matters to me more. This way I stay happy and well grounded and cope with the kids way better.

  • I got interested in this Take after reading the title and I must say that I don't regret reading it.
    This is exactly what I think!
    Even tough I probably will never have kids, for other reasons besides the ones you mentioned.

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