Firstly to clarify, a 'child-free' person is not someone who does not have children, they're someone who also doesn't ever want children in their life, either biological or adopted.
Secondly, CF people are often subject to criticism and ignorant remarks (you'll be surprised at how rude some people can be). For some reason, people really hate CF people? Sometimes though, people say things without thought and sometimes with good intentions but what they say can be incredibly insensitive or frustrating. This MyTake also dispels commonly held myths and beliefs about being child-free.
"Your biological clock/maternal instinct will kick in eventually."
This biological clock is a myth and was a term created by a newspaper, but it's been brought into society's conscience as a genuine thing. There is no scientific support for a maternal instinct that causes a huge amount of hormones to kick in and will alter someone's decision on children.
"You'll never know true love/fulfilment/happiness."
There's been numerous studies which have shown that parents are no happier than people without. In fact, there's a lot of studies suggesting that child-free people are much happier than those with children. What someone considers a fulfilled and successful life is entirely subjective and is different for every person.
"You can't have an opinion on children/child-rearing if you don't have children."
Would you tell a CF child psychologist that they know nothing about children because they have none of their own? If you follow this statement, then you can't possibly have an opinion on cooking, music, books or movies unless you're a chef, a musician, an author or a director. This is a double standard issue as well because they will say you know nothing if you haven't got children, but if you compliment their parenting, they will suddenly accept your opinion.
"You're selfish."
Isn't it selfish to bring a child into this world when you have no money to support them?
"You'll regret not having children."
We appreciate your concern, but is it really something for you to worry about? There's thousands of parents who regret having children. I would rather regret NOT having children than having children I regret and having my entire life changed irreversibly and for me to live miserably, too embarrassed to admit my mistake. Though people do admit it online anonymously.
"You'll have no-one to look after you when you're old."
As someone who works as a care assistant, it's the minority of people we go to that have regular support and contact with their children. In fact, their children bring them more stress and treat their parents with little respect - they take over, treat them like children and make decisions for them. And what if your child moves to the other side of the world, you fall out with them or you have a disabled child? Not having children leaves spare money to pay towards your own care.
"You're not old enough to know."
I've personally known that I didn't want children when I was a child myself and it hasn't changed. We're old enough to drink, drive, get married, own a house etc but not old enough to make the decision not to have children? When a 16 year old says that they want 5 children, no-one bats an eye lid but when a 25 year old says they want 0 children, they suddenly don't know what they want.
"So you hate kids?"
It doesn't mean you hate children because you don't want any. Many CF people actually like children but they just don't want any of their own. Personally, I can tolerate children for a short space of time. I don't hate them, but I certainly don't love them.
I find parents can be really contradictory with this subject. They will tell you how much they love their children, how amazing being a parent is and tell you to be one too until they're blue in the face, but in another situation, they say how much they can't wait until their kids are away in school or say that you're lucky to not have any yet. I don't think such a big decision and big responsibility should be sugar coated like it is.
If you ever meet a CF person or know someone who is CF, please accept their choice, rather than telling them they're wrong/don't know what they want, by your standards. If you don't want to put your foot in it and upset someone, it's usually best not to say anything at all regarding their life choices.
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