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The Stigma Of Having No Maternal Instinct

I have never had a strong urge to have children. In fact, I believe I have no maternal instinct whatsoever. What's strange is that my mother always had a very prominent maternal instinct and her only dream in life was to have a family. I've told my mother that I may never have children and she's fully accepted it. She'd rather see me happy than going through something I loathed and let me tell you, there are many people who've not wanted children but have given in to society and greatly regretted it and often develop depression because of it. Of course, they could never be open about their feelings because they'd instantly become the enemy.


The Stigma Of Having No Maternal Instinct
Many people choose to be child-free from a young age and are constantly told they'll change their mind (which is unbelievably frustrating) but I've seen women way past their menopause who are still happy they didn't have children. A lot of those child-free women (and men) post pictures of their new two-seater convertible or their holidays because they have that freedom and the money. They have no regrets despite the huge amount of backlash from society they get on a regular basis. Yes, it's natural to have the urge to have children but saying that, makes women who have no maternal instinct feel unnatural and weird (which we do already). I can't help that I've never wanted children, my body clock has never turned on and it most likely never will. I can't help it that I can't stand children due to my brain lacking in the hormones that make them look like little angels that do no harm. Choosing not to have children shouldn't be someone else's problem or business but my own.


Whenever I held a baby, I thought they were cute but I always thought to myself, "they're not always going to be cute. They're going to grow up and at some point in their lives, disrespect their mother and all they've done for them." Whenever I see some baby shoes or clothes, I think they're cute because of their size and I can't imagine ever being that small when I was a baby. I never think that I'll be buying those clothes for my own baby one day, but a couple of my friends have said they can't wait to have children, even when they were very young and I never felt the same way. It sometimes made me feel like something was wrong with me and I felt less of a woman but that was probably society talking


Some time ago, I read an article about a woman who didn't have a maternal instinct and therefore, didn't want to have children. I then proceeded to read the comments. Some of the comments were of others who also had no desire for children, however, there were a few people who got very aggressive!


A few believed it was disgraceful to not want to reproduce as they were carried for 9 months by their mothers, as if to say, it's only fair that you go through the same process and pain to make up for it. However, I have never once heard a mother say to her daughter 'you must have children, just so it's fair that you go through the same as what I did to have you'. In fact, I think most mothers wouldn't want their daughter to go through the stresses of bringing up a child or the pain of childbirth, but they allow it because they want grandchildren and it's what's expected of women. And what about their sons? Their sons don't have to make up for all the pain their mother went through because biologically, they can't, so why should their daughters? You can make up to your mothers by being respectful, caring, helpful etc, it shouldn't just be about reproduction. It doesn't seem to be as difficult choosing to be a child-free man as it is to be a child-free woman either.


The Stigma Of Having No Maternal Instinct
Some people have said that those who do not want children prefer their career and/or refuse to take on such a responsibility because they're selfish or incapable. Would you rather see a business woman who's always working, who dislikes children, to have her own children and them being brought up by a mother who has no time for them and (not so) secretly despises them? Some people have a drive to be successful in life and feel that children are a hindrance, which is understandable because they take up a huge part of your life. A major career is a huge responsibility in itself, so you can't say that they refuse to take on a responsibility of children because they're lazy.


I think it's disgraceful that people can be so rude to others just because they choose a different lifestyle to the billions of other people in the world. Yes, billions. The world is already overpopulated and I wish it wasn't this way. I believe that women lacking any form of maternal instinct can be a good thing due to a decrease in births, it just needs to be socially accepted. Maybe lacking in maternal instincts can be classified as an evolutionary process to decrease the ever increasing population. The more people who are brought into this world, the more pregnancies occur and we will soon have a ridiculously high and out of control population, that's if we don't already.


There are so many children on this earth who have no homes, no food, no comfort, no parents, no anything. Why should we bring more children into the world when there are already children who still need to be cared for?

Consider those parents who are incapable of bringing up a child. There are millions of people who suffer with a mental illness or any form of illness which are hereditary. There are people who suffer with serious illnesses who have chosen not to have children to stop the illness being passed on. I think that's a very responsible choice to make. After all, we reproduce to pass on good, healthy genes, not the bad. But why should people get frowned upon for not conforming to the rules of society? After all, people may be choosing the child-free lifestyle for good reasons.


Other parents have drug/alcohol addictions, are jobless, abusive, too young, in and out of prison or are incapable of such a huge responsibility due to a variety of reasons. There are many people in this world who shouldn't have children or aren't ready for a child but society (and those who think people who don't have children are "selfish, bitter and mad") pushes it upon them. Somehow it seems, it's more socially acceptable for a jobless, alcoholic who can barely look after themselves let alone a child, to have children, than someone who responsibly refuses to have children because they feel they're not ready, not financially stable, wouldn't be able to take care of them well, have a career that takes up their time etc.


People need to be more accepting of people's decisions and accept the fact that not every woman has the drive to have children and that's perfectly okay.

The Stigma Of Having No Maternal Instinct
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