Am I losing my guy friend ?

[Anonymous]

I like him-he's my friend. We're both really intelligent and talk everyday about philosophy, religion, personal struggles, and funny things. We laugh a lot, too. We’ve had an extensive conversation about how we want to be good friends w/someone before dating them & then analyzed every couple in our school & what they did wrong!

We don't spend time together outside of school because we have different groups of friends. He's also not really a "dater". He's private, pretty quiet & shy w/girls. Some nights we stay up texting till 2am. I started crushing on him this spring, but stayed cool because I didn't want to freak him out. I don’t know if he ever found out but it was a little suspicious because he pulled back for about a week and then things between us went back to normal. At one time, I did think he liked me as more than a friend, so I flirted w/him. Sometimes he responded & other times it was nothing!

Last week, I heard that people were asking him things like "What's going on with you two? Do you like her? She's crushing on you." I think he got scared off because he stopped texting me.

I don't think I can talk to him about it because it would make things really awkward. Besides, I’m not bold enough. Is there anything I can do to restore our friendship or have we just run our course? I would consider him one of my best guy friends…we talked about almost everything (but our feelings!).

I think he likes me as a friend ONLY & enjoys talking to me. I also think he doesn't want attention brought to "us" because there's not really anything there. Any thoughts or advice? Thank you!

Updates

+1 y

i've been on a camp retreat w/my guy friend (& 50 other people) for the last week. now he's telling people that I like him. what does that mean? can't I just talk to him? arghhh!

Updates

+1 y

things are going really well w/us! our friendship has grown because of camp. he genuinely is interested in me. I feel he would not make the time for me if he didn't like me back on some level.even if it is as friends. I am so cool w/that. thanks!

[betsy6075]

you can talk about anything with him, so you should try talking to him about this. Obviously you two are pretty close, so it shouldn't be a problem. And he will respect you so much more if you just get it out in the open. A. it will stop him from "wondering" B. it might lead to something more. C. it will stop the people from asking him. all good things. and if he is a really good friend, telling him won't change anything, even if he doesn't feel the same way. I had the same exact thing happen to me. except for the analyzing every couple in my school. lol. but other than that detail, everything else is about spot on. I waited so long, but I finally realized that if I didn't tell him, I wouldn't have a chance at all and that I would loose him as a friend because of all the rumors. well. I told him about two moths ago. and that's also how long we have been dating. He said he felt the same way but thought I didn't like him. I'd say go for it. and if he turns out to not like you back, I hope he's a big enough person to be the same as you are now. and if he changes, and gets weird, he's not worth the effort.

[Asker]

Did you have a suspicions he liked you before you told him? like what did he do that made you he might like you back? what did you say to him when you finally told him?

[betsy6075]

I was a little suspicious that he liked me before I told him, but that's really besides the point, I just told him and he liked my honesty and the fact that I told him on my own not through friends. He said he liked me before too, so that probably helped. When I told him, I went up to him ((face to face is so much better than phone or AIM)) and said "I know we've been friends for a while, but I really feel like we could be something more, I like you.. "

[pnkbuttrfly]

Hmmmm.not sure how you should approach this one. I have heard that it can go either way. The thing is you have to ask your self if you two could really make it as a couple. It already sounds to me like your social circle is different which could cause conflict if you dated. The second thing is that maybe it is awkward for him, and maybe you should let him make the first move. I had a best guy friend that we let it run its course, and it turned out that we had different lifestyles. I would have seen that if I had hung out with him as friends only first, instead of jumping straight from a phone relationship to trying a real one. I no longer talk to him because I now have a boyfriend, and it makes it awkward. It definitely ruined the old "Us", we can never go back to being friends. So here's my experience, hope it helps!

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer! I would really rather be his friend than his girlfriend at this point. and our social circles are not that different...he's always out w/boys and I am w/girls! your answer is helpful, though. I think letting him make some moves is a good idea. I just don't want to stop talking to him, yet! does that make sense?

[kimberlyinspired]

on the Update: you need to talk to him. Ask him what's going on. If he's saying that you like him, like its a joke, then you need to ignore him, because he is just making fun of the fact that he can get girls. Its a kindergarten thing I guess.

But if he is saying it like he really likes you back, well, then still talk to him, try and get him alone, or boldly ask to speak to him when he is hanging out with friends.

[d00m5day]

Well, I would say, to talk to him in person, and like, be serious, but not tense.

Like, tell him that if he doesn't want to be in a relationship or anything, it's fine, and tell him that you would still want to be friends with him though, and I'm sure he'll stop avoiding you. Just so long that you don't re-scare him. If he doesn't want to talk to you anymore, give it time. Actually, I'll advise you to not talk to him for say about, 3 months, a cool-off period. And when you're ready, just pretend nothing happened. If he's STILL avoiding you then, you should talk to him.

[d00m5day]

huh?

maybe he might be bragging to his friends.

sometimes guys are random like that :S

[betsy6075]

deff. talk to him about it! just tell him that even though you do like him, the whole world doesn't need to know and that you thought he could be a bigger person and be a little more mature about this. my guess is, he's telling people to see their reaction, maybe get a "thumbs up" because he might like you. I wouldn't worry, but I would talk to him.

[kimberlyinspired]

If you want him more than a friend: Let him know how you feel. Ask him how he feels, and maybe find out from his friends if he's dating anyone.