My dad makes me feel uncomfortable?

[Anonymous]

For some reason ever since I've been growing up a bit you know in those "areas" I've been feeling uncomfortable around my dad. He has never made any comments about my body but he has looked. This all started when i caught my dad looking at my breasts and legs while we were talking late at night in the kitchen. he's been a great father and i doubt he'll ever do anything to me or he even thinks of me like that but I don't know i did catch him looking at me and its been bothering me ever since. So much that I've been avoiding him. I wear baggy clothes around him or i just hide in my room or bathroom if he's in sight. My mom has been asking why im avoiding him and acting strange. I've actually started to hate him now. Im rude to him. he's seriously a great father but I don't know. Am i weird? Sometimes i think well what if he was just looking at what im wearing not my actual body and then i feel disgusted with MYSELF for even thinking of him having perverted thoughts about me. But something about him and being around him makes me feel uneasy and like sexualized. Maybe im going crazy and have issues but i swear i feel that something is going on. That maybe he does think of my body. I have big breasts for my age. He also makes commente about "spanking my butt" when im being rude and i know it sounds like just a father trying to discipline his kids but im already 16 and even my sister has made comments about how its pretty gross and wrong in a way. It does sound sexual for sure. I feel so bad , awkward and disgusted for even asking this but its been bugging me for so long , i need to talk to someone. Can someone please give me some feedback and advice? Am i just disgusting and delusional or do i have a reason to feel uncomfortable and disgusted around him?

He sounds like a pervert , watch out!

I am the disgusting one and should feel ashamed. My father is not a pervert and im crazy.

Updates

+1 y

Oh and i forgot to add that when i was 14 i went to the beach with family and while we were waiting for some other family members in the living room he told me how i had a "great body" he said that i will make all the boys drool and he also told me that while i was walking in the beach 2 older men were staring at my butt. I have no idea why he said those things but maybe im overreacting. I just thought id add to this while i can.

[Anonymous]

I cannot know for certain if he is perverted or thinks that way, because I would have to see his behavior to know for sure, but what I can say is what I've learned about some men.

I'll say this briefly. There is a man that I know. He is 42 years old, married, and has two children. One is 14 and another is 10, I think. Even though he has children, he also has communications with a 15 year-old. He talks dirty to her and explains what he wishes he could do to her. Again, his daughter is a year younger than the girl, yet he still does those things.

Now, what have I learned? In some ways, men will always be perverted. They see a developed girl and they like what they see. Sometimes they can't help their thoughts. However, the difference between perverts and regular men is how much control they have. Although they might have bad thoughts, they do not act on them. If they do, it is only online.

Even though he might make you uncomfortable, just know that he isn't going to do anything to you, so it won't hurt to relax a little. After all, he helped raise you. He is still your father. You don't need to avoid him.

[GoldVK]

No, that’s extremely wrong. Yes, men will specialize but “normal” men won’t sexualize their daughter. I believe it’s extremely disturbing that you said, “ he might make you uncomfortable, just know he isn’t going to do anything to you.” His behavior isn’t normal or okay at all. She shouldn’t be uncomfortable in her own home.

[LethalGoddess]

Your dad is bad, you’re not imagining it, you’re not weird, your dad is. Tell this to your mom or to afriend right away so they can protect you. I’ve been there, i know how it feels. When i felt violated by my father, i started to become rude to him too, he was disgusting. But i had this friend (we met like just a month ago) and i told him about my dad, then after i told him that he started to like guard me and ask me if im okay, i knew he was the only person whom i can trust for now, but later soon, my father’s mom died, so he went home to his family, then i decided to tell my mom right away of what’s happening in our house. My mom loved me enough to kick the person he loved once out of her life.

Now please tell someone about this immediately.

[IamSandraN]

wow only guys saying you're the crazy one because they would probably look at their daughter the same way, disgusting. Honestly if this goes on just leave a comment like ''can you pls stop looking at me like that? i feel uncomfortable'' he will stop immediatly because it's a warning. A dad should never ever do something like that. When strangers look like that i already feel uncomfortable and then it's my dad? no way am i going to feel comfortable around him in any way.

[Asker]

Thank you for saying that. It does make me feel very uncomfortable. I dont know ehat tod o and i dont have the guts to tell him anything. Im afraid

[IamSandraN]

i know what you mean, he's your dad and it would only make thing more uncomfortable, maybe you could just give him some look for him to realise that what he's doing is wrong? I actually don't want to shame any family member

[pgallmary77]

Hi, im way too old to be on this thread, i just created an account to answer your question. I was browsing looking for answers to the same questions you have. Im 42, back living at home with my elderly parents, looking after my mother who has dementia and i have the same issues with my father I've had since i was 13. I have caught him staring and trying to look at my chest/backside when he thinks i can't see him countless times. He still does it now despite my age and his. He says innuendo laden things to me thinking i won't get it. I first became uncomfortable around him when i was 13 and he lifted me up to reach a tennis ball stuck in the gutter of the roof. When he was lifting me back down, his hand grabbed my breast and squeezed it. It all happened in a split second, but i knew one thing: it was definitely intentional. My earliest memory of him was being handed a porn magazine with a VERY explicit picture on the cover. I was looking up at him and he was smiling and shaking the hand of the man that gave it to him. I was only about 4 but i knew it was a 'bad' picture. I have NEVER felt comfortable around him, and now im stuck at home doing everything because he doesn't drive or bother with housework. Im single and have severe trust issues and anxiety around men, even though i have the same wants and needs as most women. I feel like any chance of having a normal, adult woman life has passed me by. PLEASE, get help, if your gut instinct tells you something is off with your father, TRUST it.

[Carloscoyy]

When he was looking at you wouldn't bother me because maybe he was looking and felt amazed of how big his girl got and when he look at you maybe he saw that your getting prettier and he went day dreaming being worried that you may fall for a guy who may only hurt you. If he has never gave you any reasons you shouldn't worry. I dont know why he told you that other guys were looking at your butt. your father should have told your mom and both of y'all should've have talk about it together

[Table20]

im sorry but you're being absolutely ridiculous

[Asker]

Please explain why? (im not diagreeing i just need some more feedback)

[IamSandraN]

she has the right to feel uncomfortable if her dad looks at her like some hormonal teenie

[Table20]

because you're making a big deal out of nothing.. you're painting a horrible image on what you call a good guy just because you're insecure

[Table20]

@IamSandraN he didn't do anything. maybe he's just feeling old because of his daughter growing up..

[IamSandraN]

lol you're being totally ridiculous right now

[Asker]

Wait but how does that make me insecure?

[IamSandraN]

a girl can tell when she's eyed in a ''sexual way''

[Table20]

@IamSandraN yeah i know.,. and its totally not ridiculous that you and all the other girls on this question are ready to call him a creep and all this dumb shit.. he's just feeling old because his daughter is grown up now. its not a big deal

[WhaChaChaKing]

Like no man in the history of mankind has ever been attracted to their daugther. You're acting like it's a no brainer and it's not. Nobody knows exactly what's going through her father's head. I would hope perfectly innocent things but we live in a world where mothers dismember their children and a father would lock up his own daughter and rape her for years. Maybe he is completely innocent of the things some people are accusing him of and maybe he's not. Better to be safe than sorry.

[Table20]

im surprised you picked my answer for mho but thank you :)

[LethalGoddess]

@WhaChaChaKing there were over hundreds of reports that teen girls commit suicide because their father is sexually abusing them. For godsake.

[Eminem_Millie]

Remember, that dads aren't usually as close with their daughters at "that" age.
Maybe, he's just shocked, because he's probably used to that little innocent girl, but now your beautiful and mature, and a woman, and he's shocked about how that happened!
as for the beach, he may have been trying to compliment you, if you bad self esteem maybe, but he may have just gone he wrong way about it.

remember that dad's dont exactly understand their girls..
that may not change.
men are completely clueless about this.

But, if your still concerned, talk to someone you really trust about this topic. Because if you are right, that could be very important for someone who cares about you to know.
Tell someone who can protect you.

Hope this helped ;)

[Anonymous]

Oh babe, i am so glad i read this. I have a step dad, and when i was lying on the floor in the lounge room, he put his foot on my ass and started jiggling it. He always jokes about my boobs and constantly says he's going to smack me on the ass for misbehaving. I don't like thinking he's like that either, but don't feel for one second that it's not serious, it's not okay for him to be doing that.

[Opinion Owner]

You defiantly need to talk to a professional about this

[Table20]

@IamSandraN now THIS is an issue. what the OP said is nothing at all. stop being over dramatic

[Asker]

I'm sorry

[Table20]

yeah im sorry too.. that is horrible

[IamSandraN]

@Table20 why am i tagged here

[Asker]

Im also sorry for overreacting. I feel like a bad person. Im just crazy

[Table20]

@IamSandraN because im showing you what a REAL PROBLEM looks like because you obviously dont know

[IamSandraN]

@Table20 uhm, just because he didn't go that far doesn't mean he's not bad and by the way asker you have the right to feel however you want because we're not the one's experiencing this

[Table20]

@IamSandraN you're lost. women make everything a big deal, you know why? because they can

[IamSandraN]

@Table20 no you're just trying to make men look like the victims

[Table20]

@IamSandraN yeah okay. there's no victim here, the guy was just shocked about how much his daughter has grown and he's PROBABLY worried about all the boys that are going to be hitting on her..

[IamSandraN]

@Table20 yeah that's why he's doing the same..

[Derpyy]

This is your father and you yourself even claim to think he is an awesome dad. Don't you think the least you could do is sit him down and talk to him about this? This could all be some unfounded paranoia that is ruining a close family tie.

Communicate with him. Tell him you feel uncomfortable and tell him why. See how it goes from there.

[SteelerNation50]

He could have been looking at your body and thinking "I can't believe my little girl is grown up already". You would have a better idea of what is actually going on than anyone else though.

[Jaye234]

No I'm sure your Dad was shocked and upset at how much his baby girl has grown and that you're a young woman now not the little girl that you once were. Nothing about this makes him a perv or a pedophile.

[Jaye234]

Just read your update, I understand why you're creeped out by those remarks. Talk to your Dad, I'm sure he didn't mean to speak to you in that manner or the way it came out. My husband tells our niece whose 20 to put some clothes on all the time. Talk about this. It will help.

[overana]

You have two extremes as options, you are also not crazy. It is impossible to know another persons thoughts but if you feel worried apply caution avoid being alone with him. However being rude is not the right way to go.

[falafelany1]

I think it would be a good idea to talk to a therapist about this. Tell your mom that you want to see a therapist. If she asks why say you are feeling depressed or anxious. Anything to get you in the door so you can speak with someone about this.

[blutwolfe]

he sounds like he's giving you compliments on your body to gain confidence lol, he wants you to live a little, perfectly normal parent thing to do even if he's doing it in a weird way

no father wants to watch their little girl grow up though he's probably sad

[WhaChaChaKing]

Wow. What a creepy comment to make. Sorry but most people say that either to kids or a sexual partner. I'd just not hang around him too often if I were you.

[WhaChaChaKing]

Creeper.

[Asker]

What should i do?

[WhaChaChaKing]

I'd just avoid him for the most part but if he ever seems to be pushing things further (like touching you or saying even more inappropriate things) you should tell someone.

[genericname85]

Guys can't help but looking at tits. Trust me it bothers us too. Cause we just catch ourselfes taking a look and then the brain kicks in saying "dude this is your mom/sister/daughter/boss"... We know it's inappropriate but we can't help it. it's like a reflex.

We feel awkward about it too. I think some of the things he says may be trying to hide his own awkwardness. As long as he's not doing anything sexually to you, i wouldn't think too much of it.

[Anonymous]

It sounsd to me like you are overreacting. You are rude to him, you act like he's molesting you and he has never actually done anything to you. He's responsible for taking care of you and protecting you and he is your dad that understands how guys think and what they could do. There is a part of him that carries pride and there is a part of him that worries he can't protect you.

[kittycat119]

You're being completely ridiculous. I'm about 99% sure you are just blowing think out of proportion and making it weird yourself

[GR4Z3R329]

I can kind of relate but I think you should slowly like wear a little less baggy clothes like every week (example: you wear sweatpants and a baggy oversized hoodie, then the next week maybe a regular-sized hoodie and maybe leggings) I'm sorry if this doesn't help but it's really the only idea I have.

[jacquesvol]

He probably admires the present result of the homework he started 9 months before your birth. I'd guess he's proud about it. :)

My granddaughter is 15 months now. I admire her too.

[noohair]

Every man has a caveman brain. This causes automatic behavior that most guys do even understand they are doing.

[Anonymous]

I look at my sisters breast sometimes, but it's because they suddenly sprung up and it's weird, it's not sexual.

[Anonymous]

Jeez note to self- avoid daughter because she may overreact and suddenly I'm a pervert?
Maybe he's gay too- he gave no indication of that either.

[Asker]

No. he's not gay at all. He smacks my moms ass infront of us.

[Asker]

Ok maybe i am overreacting because you guys keep telling me so but how is looking at someones , especially your daughters boobs and legs considered not being a pervert? Just wondering

[Opinion Owner]

Have you never looked at a woman's boobs? Of course you have. Not because 'you want them', but because they stick out at you.

A couple of years ago my boss came into work one morning and said "the strangest thing just hit me at breakfast. My daughter has boobs! I'm eating my cereal and she comes in and suddenly she has boobs!"
It just hit him that his daughter is developing into a woman. He doesn't want to fuck her, he was just taken -a-back. Suddenly his little girl is gone- and now he has this woman in his house, that guys will be chaseing, that will be showing off etc. We don't know how to handle that. It's new territory and it's scary.
A father will be proud, shocked, nervous and unsure how to take it. He will not be feeling arousal, attraction or lust.
Do not always assume the worst. That shortchanges people and is unfair. Especially people who show you goodness.

[Zendrya]

I think you are being ridiculous.

[Asker]

Im not disagreeing with you but can you still explain why?

[Zendrya]

I think him looking at your body was likely not sexual and just him looking at his daughter and thinking damn how am I gonna fight the boys away. I look at my sister that way all the time. And I think he was not referring to spanking you in a sexual way either. You just seem to be over thinking the situation.

[Autumn-Bunny]

OMG this is so weird!!!

[larry69]

its your father

[Asker]

What do you mean by that?

[larry69]

that sounds creepy and makes me wonder if he ever goes through your personal stuff