Do you NOT have close friends?

[mermaidrocketship]

I don't think this is just me, but I'm really self conscious of myself. I feel like everyone has at least one friend they're always with and who always wants to see them. But I don't have that. I have plenty of people who like me and I see on occasion, but I don't have a good close friend I can really talk to. For those of you who are loners (by choice or otherwise), do people ask you to hang out more than you ask them? Do they reach out to you at all? Is it normal to not have a best friend (or anything close to one)?

[allison13]

I think this is normal for a few people. I have a handful of close friends, but I'm only very open to 1 or 2 of them—my "best friends" out of the group. But even if we are best friends, I can't tell her absolutely everything—I don't really like expressing my emotions to other people. The only person I can be completely vulnerable and open with is my boyfriend, and I think this might be usual for people (being the most open with their significant other). For one thing, he is the only person outside my family I see on a regular basis (at least 1x a week). I live 5 mins away from my best friend but we only see each other 1x a month or so because of our schedules. This could be the reason I can't be 100% open with her like I can with my boyfriend: I'm just around my boyfriend a lot more.

My parents have been married for 30 years and my mom said she never had a really close/best friend. She said her best friend was my dad. She doesn't have a friend she regularly goes out with or shares her secrets with. So I don't think you have to worry if you are about not having a best friend. (Though note that my mom's dad brought her up to be wary of supposed "best friends". She believes if she tells anyone other than family her secrets, they can use those secrets against her.)

If you're really worried about not having a close friend, maybe think of the person you're most comfortable being around, whom you get along with, and try to grow that relationship. It's easier than it sounds, I know (what with feelings and personal life in the picture), but possibly worth a shot.

[PlainJane86]

I've always had difficulty making friends. With few exceptions, the friends I've made have been a result of the friends I already had bringing someone new into the fold. I always wanted the cheesy movie friendships where you tell each other everything, but I've never had quite that.

I had a group before highschool that faded soon after highschool started, but the remaining friend and I have built up a new group. I see them every day at school, and we hang out often. But I've only ever had 2 friends that I actually shared deep, personal things with, both from the first group. One of them I'm not friends with anymore, and the other one I've known the longest. But we're still building up our friendship as a group, and we're slowly sharing more personal things. I've always had trouble opening up, and a lot of friendships have never delved into our feelings and pasts. It was more, we have fun spending time together.

So I do consider this new group to be my close friends, but it's not abnormal to not have that. It's taken me a long time to get here, and we still have a ways to go, but friendship takes effort. Once we graduate and all go our separate ways, we'll have to work hard to continue and strengthen the bond. A lot of friendships, even really good ones, fade, and bad ones create toxicity. So it's understandable that people become closed off unintentionally, or decide to stop pursuing friendships. For me, it's a bit of both.

Sorry for the long answer.

[LaFemmeFatale]

Don't be self-conscious :)
If you are openhearted it is easy to make good friends, one day I got to know girl who I am still friends with in a bus, we sat aside each other, both of us were late on exams and we were struck in the traffic :D And then running together to go on time. Hard and funny times help you to become even better friends.

I mean you can make friend every time, everywhere, just be open, smile, listen.

I found my real friend when I was 14, god, she's my soulmate, maybe you will find that person a little later.

What about your last questions, Sometimes they ask me to hang out sometimes I ask them. Do not wait for them. Be heart of the parties and friends instead of waiting for them contacting you.
Good luck :)

[Drooogie4]

I used to, not anymore. They got boyfriends and became too busy for me.. even though i haven't been single in years and always had time for them.

[mermaidrocketship]

I hated in high school when my friends got boyfriends. I would never see them, but they wanted to hang out after a month when the relationship ended. Now it's that they seem to have friends they like better. That's kind of worse.

[Drooogie4]

Mhmm.. that too. Between boyfriends, im not the fun enough friend to waste time on

[NexAngelus]

when i left the military i lost my "good" friends. civilians are just not the same. about a year ago i had a stupid falling out with my only last real "friend". since then i have been on my own. sure u have lesser friends or what ever u want to call them. but in general u can't trust them or they just want things from u. neither are traits u want from someone u would want to spend real time around. its almost on the gay level, but a real friend is someone who understands u and who gets u and u have each others back. obviously this is minus sex ;) since u are just friends. but otherwise i would call it just the same as with a gf/bf. u are very close to each other and should be able to rely on each other. juts like a bf/gf these people dont just walk into ur life every day. especially after u get a little older and go through events that prove to u what a real friend actually is and makes u hate fake friends even more.

girls are especially viscious to one another, so i dont see it being weird that u dont have any close friends. especially if u moved away from anyone u grew up with, which is normally where people get their close friends.

[mermaidrocketship]

thanks :)

[BeautifulMind59]

How about family? Do you have any?

[mermaidrocketship]

@BeautifulMind59 Me or @NexAngelus?

[BeautifulMind59]

Sorry. I should've mentioned both. Since you didn't mention moving of any kind, I just assumed you have family. Is that right?
And with @NexAngelus I just wondered if being in the military meant moving around a lot and not having family. Because my father in law was in the military and they moved around a lot and lost close contact with their families.

[mermaidrocketship]

@BeautifulMind59 I have a family, but I'm away at school right now. Even when I am with them, it's like pulling teeth to get someone to watch tv with me. My sister makes fun of me for having no friends. I think she's partly teasing and also trying to figure out why I have no friends. We're close in age. I asked my mom if she was my friend and she said, "No. I'm your mother. You have to have at least one friend." The funny thing is that when I was having problems with making friends, she told me I didn't need any. It's not that they're mean or anything, but they are quite insensitive. They know I'm upset but don't seem to care.

[NexAngelus]

while i think everyone needs a SO, friends not so much. in general they are a drain and only muuch off u. in general ur really better off with out them. u will become a better person if u are CAPABLE of doing things on ur own. if u lack the skill or talent to do things on ur own... well i guess u need friends. but if so, then it should be fine. and when u do find a SO, u will be set. either the two of u will find friends or u will get their friends as a side effect. or get to purge their friends lol.

i am very talented, besides wanting a SO, i dont have time to waste on others, so friends in general do hold me down/back. i was never a family person. even when i have a SO, i let them do the family thing, and i stand back and more or less watch from a distance. i dont want anything to happen to her, but i dont want to mingle if i can help it... though some times ur SO is a pain in the ass and makes u do things u dont want to. and its just part of life.

[BeautifulMind59]

@mermaidrocketship I completely understand what you're saying. That's interesting, my family is exactly the same

[CasualObserver]

I have one best friend and several close friends, but I never actually "see" any of them, our distanced conversations have always been good enough for us as far as I know (they haven't shown any sign of it being otherwise). Conversations with my close friends are rare and conversations with my best friend are very often. We all simply acknowledge we do things differently and respect each other's choice to be social or loners. When we need or want each other we are there for each other and it's enough for us.

[Cady_19]

Im sorry to hear that. Try going out of your comfort zone and inviting people to hang out. I personally don't have a best friend. I don't believe in friends either but I still call people I hang out with friends instead of "people I hang out with" because it's less to say haha. I do hang out with a couple of people mostly these two people a lot and one has called me her best friend but honestly I don't see her as one. It's like I'm always there for her and listen to her drama and give her advice but she never does the same for me. Plus it's also hard for me to open up to someone so ITs like a one sided friendship. We have some crazy nights and gossip and have fun in general but a best friend is something more than that.

[NyomiMcClinton]

Im a loner and I enjoy it. I have a daughter who is 10 so with raising her and working. Not much time to just be sitting around gossiping. And for some reason I never had the urge to have a lot of friends. I tried it a few times and didn't feel comfortable with sharing my secrets. I find that when you have friends you have to tell them all the dirt on you. And some use it against you later down the line. My life is much better without that in my life. I do speak and make small talk but thats about it. No being buddy buddy.

[hlab3]

I chose to limit my number of friends. I have problems hearing in a lot of social scenarios, and I'm always left being awkward due to my difficulties. I have very, very, very few friends that I keep close because they accept me for what I am. Plus, I am too busy to be hanging out Tom, Dick and Harry everyday. I work and attend to school everyday; I'm too exhausted for hangouts. I am a loner; whether I feel like I choose to be a loner or by force depends on my mood. Some days I wanna stick to myself and other days I wish I had more friends or out with a group of friends. And then when I am in that situation, I regret it and initiate my coping mechanism. It's important to know when you got something good.

[TheINTJ]

I'm quite antisocial, but I've always had at least one close friend in any period of my life. I actually thought to myself before I went to college that I would be fine making it all throughout college without any friends at all and decided that I wouldn't even try making any, but I did end up having them just days later. They just kinda came and stuck ever since. And yeah, they ask me to hang out more than I ask them. I'm usually up for it though, unless I'm busy or it was last minute. Never really thought if not having any was normal, but I guess it is, going by the comments here.

[Dim_121]

No I dont have any close friends either. I have people that I hang out with but they dont seem to care enough to try and get past the surface.
Im the one who is always asking if everyone can hang out and get together. No one ever asks if I can just hang out.

[Girlanony]

Lol that's me most of the time, I'm always sending messages to see if they're free and if they would like to hang out, exercise, coffee time, whatever haha, but they hardly text me to confirm... sometimes when I'm texting them I feel like they might think I'm a forever alone haha or that I'm pathetic...

[Dim_121]

@Girlanony Na they don't think that. It might seem likemit some times though. I usually feel like hey they are free they know my schedual I free so why not call me and see if I can hang out?

[Girlanony]

Yeah good point, I must stop taking it personal haha

[Dim_121]

yup if you take it personally you will never want to hang out with them.

[Anon143]

Same, I'm the one who always has to initiate everything. I like being alone now, I accept the fact that people will never treat me right

[Girlanony]

I have few close friends, I miss them and they say they miss me and all, but only my true friend is my sister... she's the one I couldn't live without haha, and she feels the same, we know each other like no one can... and I don't know, she was kind of a default thing because it's my sister, but independently I'm quite a loner haha, hang out sometimes with a friend or so and we talk but then we don't know about each other for months haha... and yeah I think it's normal...

[cheapshotbob]

not thats not normal at all lol, ti have someone ask you to hang out with them is a rare gem you fight for seeing how no one really wants you hanging with them. though im not the type to go around being friends with people lol i do have them but no one that would want to hang with me.

[writing_essays]

i guess it depends what you mean by close friends. I don't have friends that I hang out with because I am trying to get straight A's in school and don't have time but I have dozens of friends in the christian fellowship who know my secrets and care about me and offer me unconditional acceptance.

[mja091]

I'm a loner, by choice. People have continued to disappoint me, and I've also realized that they are not good people who truly cared about me, so I don't make the effort to meet people anymore. I enjoy being alone, because I an do what I want and not what the group wants.

Yes, I do think its normal not to have a best friend.

[Anon143]

Once again this was me last year. At the beginning of the year I was lonely, but toward the end of the year I liked my alone time. I enjoyed being alone because I was sick of fake people and people disappointing me when I put all the effort into being a good friend

[mja091]

@Anon143 right on... me too

[Izzex3]

Mmm.. at the first college I transferred to I didn't have close friends there.
I had plenty of people to talk to, and people asked me to hang out all the time, but I rejected them.
It was because I didn't really like them, but still.
Had best/ close friends, but just not there.
When I'd go home on break then i'd hang out with my actual friends.

[Anonymous]

Yeh it's normal. I think it's very genralised that people have that ONE best friend. Due to moving around a lot as kid living abroad, then going back to my own country and now spending most of my adult life in another I have many friends and a good circle of what I would call best friends but I don't have that 'twinny' 'bestie' 'bff' with just one girl. I am more like this with my sister but at the end of the day she is my sister.

[Razzle-Dazzle]

I have two extremely close friends. I've been friends with them since I was 5 years old

They are the only two people, apart from familly, who I consider friends. They stood by my during the saddest times in my life. I will always value their friendship

[Streamhopper]

I have no close friends. A few people I know, and the people I work with. The closest person to me is my girlfriend, and I only see her a few times a year. I'm a lone wolf and happy with it. People know better than to ask me to hang out.

[Leah100]

In college I feel like everyone is doing their own thing. So no I don't have a close friend. Its okay because I'm learning to be more of an independent woman *QUE Miss Independent- Kelly Clarkson😋✨💁

[goldfinch23]

I have had one real friend. He helped me a lot. I helped him a lot. Unfortunately, he found new girlfriend, I found new girlfriend and we stopped seeing each other. So today there is no one in my life I can consider as real friend.

[jameson187]

I thought most people have a close friend or friends even lonets. However after reading stuff on here apparently I was wrong. a lot of people on here seem to not be able to make friends or form a romantic relationship. Other people on here you can tell don't have any close friends from the amount of personal questions they ask or stories they tell that would be normal talk among friends. Is there a reason ypu don't have anyone your close with?

[liketopullout]

Since I've been married, my wife is pretty much my only close friend. I moved to a new area after we got married and have not been able to make any close friends since.

[Linda2233]

Well, i'm always the one asking them, and when they tell me to hang out with them, they cancel it after. Yes i guess its normal not all of the people are worthy of your friendship..

[serious]

No, I don't have any friends. Hence no close friends either, that's out of question.

Not everyone is meant for friendships, I am not meant for friendships.

[FrostyFlame]

I don't have one either. I think my problem is that I'm awkward with other women. So most of my friends are guys and it's hard to be best friends without t getting weird.