Why are narcissistic mothers so obsessed with their daughter's hair? Child and adult?

Question

MaxxiBonn · Accepted Answer

My mother was narcissistic. None of my siblings speak to her anymore. We grew tired of condtantly fighting each other for her affection and the rotation of Golden Child who she would select every few months while the rest of us would be demonized.
My mother never focussed on my hair so much as my weight. She made me dye my hair black like hers and would become upset if I wanted to cut it or bleach it. I don't suit black hair. I have super pale skin.
But it was definitely more about my weight. Imagine this; since I've cut ties from her, I've gained 20 kilos and am still slightly less than "average" weight. I regained my period, quit the gym in favor of more leisurely activities like hiking with my husband, made friends and even ate a whole McDonald's cheeseburger where i have only ever eaten half, at most. In a whole 21 years of life.
It's because narcisstic mothers want their daughters to be a projection of themselves, not their own person. Im my case, my mother wanted me to be super skinny, dark haired and tanned like her. She wanted me to dress like her and whenever I did something good, it was because I was like her. If I failed at something it was because i was like my father.
It's horrible. You can't 'fix' narcissistic mothers. You have to cut ties and become aware to the manipulation and guilt trips.

jul4a · Accepted Answer

My mother , although I love her & she is my best friend, is narcissistic sometimes & obsesses over a lot of things (regarding me) ... my friends, how I look, etc. etc.
She's quite strict, and that has made me a better person in a lot of aspects.
however from experience I've learned she is almost trying to live her life through me (she didn't have as many opportunities to do this, that, etc. when she was little for a multitude of reasons) and that's because she wants the best for me, really.

my mother is obsessed with my hair but the fact that she worked as a hairdresser in a salon for like 10 years is the reason, it's ironic. she absolutely loves hair & she's quite good at coloring. she always curls my hair for me & styles it for big events & it's kind of her to do so, I appreciate her for that a lot. she's very talented & she does my family's hair for free although now she doesn't work at the salon (she's just a stay at home mother).

I think what I have found out is that my mother just wants me to be happy & I think she just enjoys doing my hair & buying me nice clothes since her mother never did those things for her which I can understand.

Darkfairie17 · Accepted Answer

I don't get it either. Appearance isn't the end all be all. People should get a choice in how they look and present themselves to the world.

I saw this picture circulating on facebook the other day. I'm not sure if it's true, but the picture was of a girl who was crying because her mom shaved her head. The caption said that the mom did it because the daughter chose to cut her bangs shorter.

If that's the case, THAT to me is abusive behaviour on the mom's part. No haircut, no matter how much of a hack job the teen did, deserves to be humiliated like that. My heart goes out to that poor girl if that is truly what happened.

As much as we don't think we live in a materialistic society, we do. So I can see why hair would be important to a person. But it shouldn't be anyone's business other than the person who has it sitting on their head.

fabulouspancakes · Accepted Answer

Because they're obsessed with themselves, they see their children as extensions of themselves to control and style as they wish. Like a mini-me, or a doll. I think this is actually normal to some extent, but obviously not to the extent that narcissistic moms take it. Normal moms want their daughters to look "good" (whatever their personal idea of that may be) so as to reflect well on their parenting. But even this can cause problems when daughters start to form their own opinions on how they'd like to look.
in my opinion, parents should only insist that their kids be clean and wear real clothing (not pajamas, underwear, paper bags, etc.) outside the house. Let them experiment with hair and clothing style; it's one of the least harmful ways for them to express their individuality.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Accepted Answer

I think they want their daughter to have the perfect hair
they want their daughters to have the best of everything
and you do see lot of narcissistic mothers who are high
maintenance and their husbands go out to work while
they stay home all day and watch shopping channels
or they go out running and spending money on stuff
they don't even need.

Fite4you · Accepted Answer

Their child is their doll

Wonderer89 · Answer

Being well groomed is what people make their first judgements on - hair is the biggest and most obvious feature and can reflect the type of home their child is being raised in. If it's perfectly kept, styled and shiny people assume she's well cared for and that they may have money.
If she's got a nest people make judgements on their parenting and social standing.

And generally narcissists like to be in control, a child being a possession she can maintain to her own standards

LolaB28 · Answer

You must mean one of those what I like to call pageant queen moms lol. If I had a daughter I would like doing her hair simply because I like doing hair. I do mine all the time. I wouldn't be obsessed with her weigh or anything like that unless it was threatening her health.

nalaa · Answer

Well a plastic surgeon who was telling me about parents asking for a labiaplasty for their infants said "A lot of people will say they are terrible parents, look most parents put their children above themselves and they think that their daughters lives will be significantly better that way"

Jen_Jen · Answer

so their hair won't look like this?

Cmasterson · Answer

Everyone takes pride in their children so when they see their childs hair looking so beautiful I guess they feel they they are entitled to because they created them LOL

cloudsad · Answer

I am familiar with narcissistic parents. My guess is that the NMom wants their daughter to look a certain way, and it is a means of controlling the daughter. Which in turn, is abusive behaviour.

PrincessPie · Answer

I guess its like a doll to them.. and to them if there child is not immaculate in there head it makes them look bad.

MiaBella123 · Answer

My theory is because the mother's hair is going grey and the child's hair is still full of color.

geumsabba · Answer

you answered your own question, because they're narcissists and see their daughters as a reflection of themselves.

redxiii74 · Answer

living out their unfulfilled dreams through their children

anna105 · Answer

they are trying to live through their child

eagle1951 · Answer

that's been a mother thing as far back as I can remember. try asking other moms

Nora_90 · Answer

They just want their children to look their best and having a good hair is part of it I guess?

Arya_Christ · Answer

some people are like that..

luvstoned4him · Answer

Hair is pride they say.

Pizzalover101 · Answer

Don't know don't really nead to know

clampfan101 · Answer

I don't know, but I know I love hers. lol ;)

alice55 · Answer

No idea

Why are narcissistic mothers so obsessed with their daughter's hair? Child and adult?

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