Should I be concerned if my boyfriend talks to my best friend more than he talks to me?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend of two years was never really a social person. One night before I left for vacation with some of his family, not him. On a girls weekend. I got him to come hang out with me and my best friend and they were joking around and started texting each other. I found nothing wrong with it. They hung out while I was out of town and now they text all day long and both get mad if I try to touch their phones. Should I be concerned or should I trust them?

I know my boyfriend has never thought about cheating on me because of some of the conversations that I did get to read but I know my friend has had sex with an ex of mine before. I wasn't that serious with that boyfriend but this one I'm really serious with. I need opinions because my other friends are really making me think negative

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

Leave it alone.

As long as your boyfriend still makes time for you and shows you that he cares, you shouldn't get curious about what the two of them are talking about. They get mad if you touch their phones, because they know you're gonna want to see their conversations, and that annoys them even if they're NOT flirting behind your back. It's just not that cool.

So the best thing is to just trust them.

However, if your boyfriend starts acting distant, doesn't really feel like talking to you that much, or doesn't tell you things as much as he used to, then what you should do is not get concerned, but tell him you feel like he's changing, and that you don't think things are going to work out. Give this some time though, to make SURE he's drifting apart.

So yeah, only make a fuss if they start acting differently. If your boyfriend starts treating your best friend better than he treats you, and spends more time with her than he does with you, tell him he can go date her instead and get yourself a new best friend AND a new boyfriend - maybe even get a guy who can be both, that way you don't have to worry.

[Asker]

Wow when I started reading this I actually started to think you might be him lol because this is exactly what he told me. he says she can never steal him from me but we did start drfiting apart because I was so jealous all the time that it put me in a bad mood so I couldn't be happy around him. he does find time for me but they still text while we're suppose to be spending time together. we recently broke up but not even 24 hrs later he said sorry and wanted to work on things.

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

First of all, don't listen to what your boyfriend says about her. Things like "she can never steal me from you" and all stuff, is all nonsense. It might not happen, but it might - either way he doesn't know it. So just ignore all that. If you two broke up recently, it's obviously because of his friendship with your best friend, so tell him if he wants to work things out with you he's going to have to take a HUGE step back from this new "friendship" he has going on with your best friend.

[Asker]

Thank you. it did make me feel better when he said that but you're right. I knew in the first place it was because of thier friendship but I don't know how to tell him the texting needs to either slow down a lot or stop altogether without him thinking it's because I'm jealous or just being a bitch

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

Just show him how distant he has become with you ever since the two of them started talking with each other. Surely he can't blame this on the fact that you were acting jealous. The two of them texting each other while you and him were supposed to be spending time together is just plain rude, and if he doesn't see that then he needs to get some sense into his head. If he keeps on doing it, get your phone out, start texting a random friend, and keep doing it for like 30 minutes.

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

After 30 minutes, turn to him and be like, "isn't this fun? We're in a relationship but we'd rather be talking to other people instead of each other. Good bye." and then leave. That'll make him see things from your point of view.

[Asker]

I feel like a huge chicken sh*t though. I'm too nice of a person and I take way too much crap from people so it's hard to explain things to him. he is very hard headed sees nothing wrong with them texting. I will take your advice and try to talk to him about it or try to show him why it's bothering me.

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

Yeah, that tends to be the problem with hard-headed people - it's nearly impossible to make them see what they're doing is wrong. They're hypocrites. They think what they're doing is right, until someone does it to him. So what you have to do is treat him the way he treats you. That's the only way he'll get the hint.

[Blossom20k]

HELL YEA BE CONCERNED!first of all its cool that they get along,but if they had nothin to hide why would they not let you see eachothers phone?now whos the girlfriend you or her?so why would he be calling or texting her more than you?i definitely think talking to him about your feelings and thoughts would be best,but speak to him in person body language counts alot.if it continues if possible read his msgs. 1 day just to get a browse if you see nothing well great.but I would be concerned.if she did your ex she might soon do your soon to be ex.my cousin became really good friends with his buddies girl she ended up calling him when ever they argued or whatever later found comfort in my cousin and she told him she liked him and had feelings for him I don't know just something you should know.

[Asker]

I have "browsed" a coulpe times and never found anything. I have a trust issue with her though. I don't want to because they do have serious conversations and maybe it's helping him to get stuff off his mind but it worries me that he is going to start seeing more comfort in her and not me.

[Anonymous]

that sucks... why don't you slyly ask your best friend who she is crushing on? ask her how she feels about your bf? but ask in a non-threatening and non-assuming way. Then see if her answers are suspiciuos. Also ask your boyfriend what he sees with you guys in the next yaer or so and see what he says. Hopefully some of these answers will be clear cut like, your best friend actually has a crush on someone else and your boyfriend actually wants to see you and him together after a year... that would be great. Just saying. Hope this helps.

good luck

[Asker]

Me and my friend have had conversations about me being worried about it and she tells me she's not attracted to him, but he's a friend that she can talk to but the all day everyday texting gets old. I'm scared she's only telling me she's not attrated to him so I won't ask them to stop texting. and she does have a lot of guy problems going on too but she's a huge flirt and as a girl I know where the flirting leads to. when I told my boyfriend that he said she'd never be able to steal him from me?