How do I deal with a stepmom that hates me?

[Anonymous]

My stepmom really hates me because I look like my dad and her kids don't. She's very evil and doest want my dad talking to me. He allows it. How do I deal with this?

Updates

+1 y

Thank to the mature people that commented! You really helped a lot.

[Scenario24]

The reality is, you will never feel comfortable dealing with her until your father takes the responsibility as your dad to make sure the stepmom treats you with respect and dignity similar to her other children. Which is what he should laid out from the minute he introduced that women into your life.

The hardest thing would be to confront your father about how you have been feeling, starting from the very beginning of when things felt uneasy and or how you felt hurt. Which is a very hard thing to do on all on your own and you will need to take extra measures to get the both of you alone. So, you need time to prepare for the worst and learn how to properly express yourself. Read articles, books, and look into people that express themselves well. The purpose is to feel confident about yourself because he may deny and act like nothing bad is happening to you and that is when you truly know that you are on your own, unless you have other family members you can rely on and you will need to take measures to eventually get out of such a toxic situation and you will be biting your lip for sometime until you can find your way.

Or perhaps your dad is oblivious to how you are feeling and just needed to hear, "Dad, I have not been doing okay, my life has turned completely upside down and this is why...". It also helps to come up with several solutions ahead of time because it can be a lot of a parent to take in that they have not been doing their job properly.

The easiest option would be to put your head down and ride it out, work hard, mind your own business and get out as soon as an opportunity arises. But at some point, for your own sane state of mind you may need to confront him at some point in your life because he is the one who subjected you to this women. Even if it is not taken well, it is for your own healing and acknowledgment to yourself how I was treated was not right. It is important so you don't make the mistake of attracting people throughout your lifetime who act in a similar manner. Take some therapy and grow as an individual.

Either option will be hard however it is possible, no matter how hard things can get it is possible to get out.

[Anonymous]

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I'm a stepchild too, but fortunately haven't been through anything quite like this. *Hugs*

Are you moved out, or still living with them? Does your dad not talk to you because of this woman? If so, that's beyond messed up. If you can, try talking to him about how you just want a good relationship with him and the rest of the family (even if you hate the stepmom, sometimes that can drive a wedge further between you and your dad and cause your stepmom and him to become closer).

I did go through a period with one parent (who was also going through a bit of a midlife crisis after a medical event, which I do understand; my parents are both wonderful, but they're also people) where I was pretty much put on the back burner for the new partner and was feeling pretty unloved and forgotten about, and my other parent showed me a song called Cat's in the Cradle by Harry Chapin:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/jmhoOp2fUzg

Like in the song, what will most likely happen with your father is that he'll eventually feel regret and want to be a part of your life again. Hopefully though, UNLIKE the song, you won't have already moved on without him or become too busy with your own life.

I know this is not what you want and I wish I could give you some good advice, but unfortunately you can't make people like you, especially if they dislike you over something so unreasonable, and you can't make people make the right choices and prioritize the right things, either. Just know that someday, your dad will probably realize his mistake and want to make up for it. Hopefully this will all work itself out.

[Account2]

To be honest I never really figured that out myself. I was one of the first kids that our dad was pretty sure wasn't his because of timing, but one of my little brothers came out Asian, and he got hell a lot of the time just because of that (both our parents are white). The only thing that really did him much good was our older brother looking out for him and being the level headed one to keep anything from escalating. We were just lucky that there were a lot more kids than there were parents because they weren't exactly smart about much, to be honest...

So I'd suggest trying to ally with your siblings. They can be much more reasonable than parents sometimes. Maybe if you have a brother/ sister that your mom does like who likes you they could provide a bit of a buffer so the hate you get is a manageable amount? And good luck. I'm sorry you have to deal with that too.

Actually I could call some of my brothers and see if they have any advice about it better than I do, if you want? I'd like to help if I can I know that sucks, I just never dealt with it well myself so I'm not the best one to give advice about it.

[David_Kek]

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about changing other people, you can only deal with yourself. The fact she doesn't like you has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her, ie, her own insecurity of having to "mother" a competitor. Frankly, you're a threat to her influence of your father, and that's something you can't do anything about.
Worse still, if your father is allowing her treating you badly, then he's not a very good father. And since we are talking of a broken/divorced family here, that's not surprising.

I don't know what to tell you, other than to learn how to take care of yourself, until you find some people in your life that are actually good for you.
Read some books on how to take care of yourself and what a healthy family is as opposed to yours.
If you still live at home, move out as soon as it's safe for you too, and i can't emphasize the word "safe" enough. You don't want to move into a hostel or shacking up with the first potentially abusive bad boy that gives you a little attention that you can find.

[lightbulb27]

honestly, you should have a counselor for this, it's a mess. is there one at school you can go to?

First thought, I would not assume that is the reason. People can harbor hate and bitterness for all kinds of reasons and it may go way back to her childhood or her divorce and be hard to understand, even for a professional.

What she's doing is not acceptable, she's sick... but she won't see that. "Hurt people hurt people" is the rule! You are going to need serious help on your side... or you are going to have to get away from it. Ideally, you'd be strong enough to confront her and work it out, but I don't trust it without a neutral 3rd party.

I've had a very sad girl in my neighborhood traumatized by the new woman/wife. It was so sad to see her spirits crushed.

[rosscore728]

This summer go out to the woods and get you some freshly picked poison ivy. Put it in a bowl and keep smashing it until it's pulp. Put it in a spray bottle and add some water. Spray that bitches underwear and bras. Spray her toilet paper. Fuck it spay her deodorant too. She'll be itching to leave you the fuck alone. If that doesn't work start leaving some fake love letters to your dad from one of your anonymous friends telling him how bad they want him... on second thought maybe you should just tell her how you feel and work it out through theropy. She'll be scratching her head to figure out what's up

[Screenwriter]

Take the high road and ignore her. As someone else said, ally with your siblings. Your dad allows you to talk to him. You might make him aware of your feelings and sit down with you and your dad. You don't want to be alienated once your dad is no longer around.

[DiscomfortZone]

Oh, I knownall about these bitches.

Fight back. Sabotage her vehicle so it doesn't work. Hide drugs in her purse and report to the police. Go to her work and make trouble. Do anything and everything possible (without getting caught) until she runs for her life, or better yet - kills herself. And then educate your dad.

[serious]

If you are above 18 and have a job in hand then you are not obligated to stay with them. Your dad might be very good but then your step mom is a negative person and as much as possible one should keep their distance from people who are negative.

[Cherokeehp]

Dude, you’re 18-24. Go to college or move out or something. Like literally just leave. Go crash on a friends couch for a little while or something. Just find somewhere we you can go to escape.

[Pistolpete90]

Talk to your dad. Explain that you don't like the way she treats you or makes you feel. Tell him you're concerned it may impact your relationship with him.

[Anonymous]

Distance yourself as much as you can, she is unwell with mental health issues and is exhibiting toxic behaviour, it seems perhaps your dad is "in love with love", try and stay emotionally close with your dad, but ignore your stepmom, don't try revenge, but if you do "first dig TWO graves" good luck

[sammy2toes]

Write her an angry email from an anon account then laugh everytime you see her and it will be so hard to not be nice cuz you can say whatever's on your mind but dont give away hints of who you are...

[Anonymous]

You just keep your head down, get on with your life best you can and run out the clock, then you leave and you never look back.

[Opinion Owner]

And or you report whats happening to social services, your school etc

[jss123]

Move out as soon as you can.. Stepmoms can be like this.. Best thing you can do is get out of the situation

[Anonymous]

Plant evidence of cheating on her phone and then tip off your dad.

[MannMitAntworten]

With a shovel and lye powder.

[abc3643]

Kill her.

[dreamstar72]

Hate her back,

[lilrutt]

Eat her pussy