My parents disapprove of my relationship because I'm dating outside of my race.

[Anonymous]

My parents are against me dating non-Korean boys and I just recently told them that I'm 24 and I'm old enough to decide for myself. I told them that I don't think it's right that they flat out say "no" to the guys that I date solely because of their race. My current boyfriend is Caucasian and my parents are not happy that I'm not listening to them and being a good Korean daughter and trying to embrace my Korean culture.

I'm a 1st generation Korean-American (I got naturalized! YAH!) and when I moved to the States I quickly adapted to the new culture and had no idea that my parents were against me dating non-Koreans. I fought couple times in my teens but I always ended up giving in because I was trying to be the good daughter, always listening to them no matter what. We had a huge fight last year over another person I was dating at the time and I told them why they couldn't just be happy for me because he was making me happy.

My parents are making it known that they don't approve and that they aren't happy. I haven't spoken to them for about 3 days now (I talked to my mom almost everyday before) and I'm not sure what to do. I don't think it's a bad thing standing up for myself for my wonderful boyfriend who makes me happy. It's not like he's bringing me down or making me do bad stuff.

I don't know what I should do about my parents. anyone who went through or is going through the same thing with his/her parents disapproving of interracial relationships?

[pickyone]

You should know that your parents do that because they care about you.

One thing you should know is that Koreans don't think the same way as Caucasian or other races do. They want you to go with someone they can accept. I understand that being a girl is not easy; girls tend to have weaker hearts; they tend to give in more easily then guys do. Some things are better left unsaid, for they aren't always good to be heard by others. But one thing I can honestly tell you right now is that if you marry a non-Korean person then it would be hard for your parents (esp. your dad) to openly accept you guys, as they would have to put up with all the things that would soon come.

As an Asian fellow, I think you should consider marrying a Korean person or at least a asian. it is better that way because they know more about your way of thinking and customs. We Asians don't do things like Caucasian and other races do. We are unique in our ways of doing things and traditions. Just because someone may have made you feel good a moment it's not worth giving up your family/friends/people for it. Just think about it in the long run.

If I'm not wrong, we Asians tend to marry our own race because we believe that dating other races is not a good idea. here's why: Caucasian people tend to show a lot of intimacy and fall in love way too easily than Asians do but they are not steady in relationships. Asian parents disapprove their kids dating caucasians because of the things we see on TV, like, the Jerry Springer show and other popular reality TV shows where they show all these bad relationships among blacks/white dating relationships; more often than not they are not serious about dating/relationships. your parents just don't want you to end up hurt, because by then you would have missed your chance and be too old to find the "right one."

Others may disagree but I don't care because if they're not Asians, they simply don't understand. So, you should be careful and not do the things that you may regret later on.

Remember, he may just be with you for a couple years ajavascript:BookmarkQuestion('405832',true)nd dump you if he sees another one he likes. You have a rich culture and people to be proud of; just be careful with the choices you make now.

[pandaprincess_94]

What you're telling her is very invalidating. There is a possibility that she's already aware of all the points you've made, but you or her parents and family control who she loves. God forbid that her white boyfriend leaves her, but if he does then that's a learning experience for her to move on and find someone else that's Asian or not. It's her choice in the end. And the idea of them not wanting her to get hurt is projection of how they've felt because they're currently getting hurt by her choices. Regardless what her community and family says, it still her choice. If her parents truly loved and care for her, they would not care how society views them. They would be willing to understand and accept her new man. There is also no age limit on when to find the right one. There are plenty of options. Your perspective on this shows that your close minded to think options are limited when there is always another way. And before you say I don't understand, I actually do. I am Asian myself and have dealt with the same exact thing. I'm currently in a relationship with someone who is black and I'm very happy with him. Some of my family have accepted him and I'm ok with that. I'm not in a relationship to gain approval from others. I'm in one because I love him. As for life choices, life is unexpected. There are always trials and tribulations, but in the end we do learn from them. I would rather take risks and learn how to get out of it then stay stuck and hopeless because of fear

[pandaprincess_94]

I'm sorry, I meant to say you can't control who she loves lol

[tom-tom-traveler]

What a quandry... I am in an interracial marriage with a Filipina and I had the good fortune of being accepted by my in-laws from the moment they met me. I had no problem accepting their culture, treating them (and their daughter) with respect, and promised them that I would always take care of her.

I understand that it's not always that way for those from strong asiatic backgrounds, and your case is more typical than I'd like, unfortunately. You're an adult woman and I'm afraid that you're going to have to make some pretty weighty decisions. Do you want your parents to dictate your future for you now that you're fully an adult woman? Would you be willing to separate from your boyfriend and 'settle' for a Korean lad just to make your parents happy knowing that you would be living with that person for the rest of your life (or at least as long as your parents live)?

You are old enough that your decisions have to make sense to YOU; and you're going to have to summon the courage to make that choice knowing that either way, someone's not going to like it. I hate that you have to even consider something like this, but that's what life's thrown your way.

Does your boyfriend like Korean food, culture, etc? Does he love you, or is he happy to be dating a pretty Asian face? If he's fully invested in you culturally as well as emotionally (and you with him), then be happy with him! Just don't expect your parents to pay for the wedding. :)

Oh, and when grandkids start to happen, I expect your folks will loosen up somewhat.

p.s. Congrats on getting naturalized. That's my wife's next step...

[Shea25]

my mother doesn't beleive in interracial marriage. I am not married but my boyfriend is of a different ethnicity, I am Creole and my boyfriend is East Indian or "Coolie"; and I know she won't approve so I haven't told her yet. I am 19, a student and I live with my parents so there is nothing I can do about it. when I move out then I will tell her and live my life whether she approves or not.

my advice to you is that you are 24 and employed so you can stand on your own and make your own decisions. try talking to them, and if they can't understand then just live your life the way you want because you have not done anything wrong. its God that choses our husbands and if it is His will for you 2 to be together then so be it. :)

with time I think they will come around because they will want to be apart of their grandchildren's live and passs done their traditions to them.

[Lucky1227]

My best friend dated a Chinese guy for 3 years and even up until the end she had a hard time with his parents excepting her because she is white. I am black and I pretty much date only white men, and my parents didn't like it at first but they eventually got over it because they knew it made me happy. And it is kind of their fault because I grew up in an all white neighborhood lol

[gummybear888]

is there something wrong with the particular guy you're dating that they do not approve of? maybe get out of there and then you'll be able to be more independent.

[Delaisback]

Well take into consideration that the American culture and the Korean cultures are much different. Going from a place where the parents views are law, to here where kids do whatever the hell they want, and think that at a young age they know best, there are going to be issues.

First of all I was in a few relationships with newly naturalized Asian girls, and I am a white guy and it can be good just like any relationship can be, BUT that doesn't mean it's going to work. When the family is not supportive then the chances of that relationship surviving are minimal, no matter what your young mind thinks (take into consideration I'm the same age, so I'm saying this about myself as well).

If your boyfriend makes you happy then that's fine, but that doesn't mean you have to have a serious relationship. If you're going to introduce someone to your parents it should be the person you are going to get married to, and it may suck to say but making them happy should be a priority as it will inevitably make your life easier in the future when you need their help.

Just try to see beyond that idealism of temporary happiness, and living in the moment. American culture is flashy and beautiful but it is unstable. Maybe you should work to find a place of common ground between what your parents want, and what you want.

[eldamien]

if you stand your ground, eventually they'll have to give in. If they really are against it just because of race and he's a good guy, that will win out eventually. It may take a long time, but parents are like that. If you don't give in right away, the "parent instinct" takes over and before you know it they'll almost act like the whole thing was their idea.

You can give a little bit too - maybe if your boyfriend learns a few Korean phrases or shows an interest in Korean culture, that would help your parents understand that their conceptions of white and non-korean people are wrong.

You might not want to mention this but studies have shown that mixed-race kids tend to be innately more attractive than single race kids =)

[DamieWamie]

Parents can be racist, it just a fact. Mine are too, they are hella old school. But I've showed them examples of people who I've dated within my race that aren't as upstanding as they in their prejudiced minds thought they would be, and also people outside my race that were the same and the opposite. The bottom line is you have to show them 1) show them the great qualities of this person, show them how great of a personality they have (IF they have a good personality; if they dont, this will just affirm their prejudices) and 2) show them how important this person is to you, and I mean REALLY show them. The whole crying on your knees bit if you have to.

If that doesn't work, you can always do what my friends do and run away and rent out an apartment lol.

[Bluegameroyon]

I only read your Q's title, but that's just stupid.

we're all related by blood. we're all human beings. to think that people still hold such close-minded "values" in this age of variety and massive change is very disappointing.

if we want to survive outside of the earth, we need to be more open-minded and tolerant of the sub-groups in our species...

otherwise, we just might f*ck ourselves over the edge of existence.

btw, if I ever want to love someone as my girlfriend, I would make sure she was not a Bengali or something. actually, I would rather date a natural red-head than someone from my culture.

[Distant]

This is a very common problem with Asian (and other minorities) parents in North America. The best thing you can do is show your parents that this guy is a gentleman. Try to get him involved in Korean traditions. See if he's open to learning the language, etc. All of these things will put your parents to some ease that their daughter is not dating within their culture BUT is not trying to exclude it.

~Distant

[2cleverbyhalf]

I come from a strict, exclusionary culture, and my parents didn't approve of my native girlfriend at first. Eventually they figured out that they don't get a say in who I love, and that she is an awesome girl.

[luvgirl]

My family didn't like it either but I just tried to help them realize how IGNORANT their beliefs were.

Now they are respectful towards any one I bring home and they know better than to talk smack because I'll just remind them of their hypocrisy!

[BoobMan]

Seriously? You're 24! You're old enough to live your own life. Tell your parents you respectfully disagree and that this is not open to negotiation or discussion. If they have a problem with that spend less time with them.

[zagor]

It seems some cultures are very closed-minded about such things. My father worked with a young Korean guy whose family basically disowned him because he married a white girl. And it's probably even worse for girls.

[Bluegameroyon]

That's f*cked up!

[bel42]

just do what you think is best for you.

[Anonymous]

"But black guys got so much bigger d***s mom!"

[Anonymous]

"ooooo you disgrace your FAMIRY!"