Why do guys put their friends in front of thier girlfriends so easily?

[Anonymous]

Im sligtly mad at my boyfriend. We are both going to be out of town for a few days. He came by to see me for like 7 whole minutes. He then went to tell his buddies goodbye, which was for about 2 hours. I'm normally laid back and don't get rattled. But this really made me mad. I'm all about having "guy" time and me having my girl time. But to only give me like 7 minutes, especially when his guy buddies blow him off all of the time. I'm very flexible with things, but I think at this point he is taking advantage. Even when we text now, it takes forever for him to reply an when he does, he doesn't say much. I'm debating on whether to confront the issue or not, I just don't want to be a b***** about it. This may be totally normal guy behavior. I just think that it is inconsiderate.

[VeritablePlethora]

It's not necessarily an issue of him taking you for granted. There is a good chance that his goodbye with his buddies was initially similar in length your goodbye and they just thought of something fun to do. The fact that his guy buddies blow him off all the time may mean that he is more likely to hang with them longer when he can.

I occasionally have extendeed periods of time (days at a time) where I hang with my boys just because I like relaxing with em. I don't necessarily think this is something to worry about unless he is changing plans to avoid hanging with you and instead hanging with his friends. It doesn't seem like this is the case, and instead just something more like he had to finish a lengthy conversation he was having with them or they had a funny story to tell him, or they were making plans for when he got back.

I get sidetracked when hanging with my friends all the time, and it is never meant as a slight to my gf

[Asker]

you made some really good points! thank you. And there are times where he does change plans with me for them. He tends to be a follower and seems a bit insecure when it comes to being accepted by his friends. I do totally get the whole when guys are together they just like to chill. Its funny when I am out with certain friends he doesn't like it. He is OK with the fact that he goes to parties etc... but doesn't like if I do.. double standard!

[VeritablePlethora]

Yeah the double standard is hard for people to get over. He knows he won't do anything, and I'm sure he trusts you won't, but parties often lead to poor decisions and he just probably doesn't like the idea.

I can pretty much guarantee you that he isn't purposely avoiding you. He does seem like he likes you but especially with his insecurities, his actions make sense.

[Prayerwood]

Would you be willing to have your emotions be more like what a guy has? Would you be willing to be a tomboy, to stop menstruating in order to be more like your boyfriend? If so, tell your gynecologist you want a prescription for "Seasonale."

[Tamikaze]

It isn't normal guy behavior, it is the behavior of a guy who just isn't making you a priority and doesn't find any value in doing so. He is getting more of an emotional charge from his friends than from you. In your age group, hey, not surprising and maybe it will continue to be okay with you for now, but over time a guy that just is not able to put us as his top priority versus his friends or his work or any other thing, well it will wear on you. Oh, and they usually cannot change it up. I ended up divorced after 13 years of coming 2nd or 3rd place. I will never accept that again. Good luck!

[Asker]

thank you for your comments! It helps getting an "outside" opinion. When I make plans I stick with them. When he makes them they are always capable of changing... and yeah it wears me out. He cancelled on plans for today, so I made new ones. He called and said he could go out afterall and I said I'm sorry I've already made new plans. In the past I would have dropped whatever for him...but not anymore.

[Tamikaze]

Good for you. Honestly, this guy is already taking you for granted and I would never accept a boyfriend canceling plans on me like our plans were optional. I found the hard way that the first time a boyfriend, date or a friend tried to pull something like this, that I had to address it at that time and I had to accept it if the person just really thought it was no big thing but then I would move on. I want to be someone's priority, not someone's 2nd place.

[Shaun]

He has more fun with his friends than with you.

[Asker]

yeah, maybe you are right. But I broke up with him about a month ago, becuase I got tired of being taken for granted. Then he decided that he had not been that great of a boyfriend. He begged for a second chance, and has been very controlling of my time. so I have decided we are best apart

[Shaun]

Good call.

[Asker]

yeah I agree. Him leaving bruises on my arm when I was walking away recently helped me make that choice. He clearly has some control issues