Sister makes plans and then cancels last minute? Would I be wrong to stop inviting her out?

[Anonymous]

Hi so I am 20 and my sister is 25 and she makes plans with me to do stuff but she keeps canceling them for dumb reasons or she always has an excuse. by the way, me and my sister live together in our parent’s house and tbh, our parents car a pessimistic and narcissists which is not fun to always be around. I like to be out of the house because I like outdoor and there is nothing to do at home anyways and I’m not a homebody anymore.

Anyways, my sister always complains about how boring it is and I try to come up for something for us to do and she will agree and then around the time the day comes, she plays stupid like she doesn’t know what I’m talking about or her favorite excuse is “I’m trying to save money.” It’s not like I’m making a trip that cost hundreds of dollars so it just doesn’t make sense. She just really cheap and she always wants to get something to eat, then go to the park and then she wants to go home to eat and tbh, that is not fun at all. I can do all of that alone.

On Friday me, my sister and my friend are supposed to be going to 6 flags and my sister is the one who planned it but she hasn’t said anything about getting tickets or anything like that since we’ve talked about it on Saturday. I already know she is going to have an excuse for why she can’t go like “it’s going to rain so there is no point on buying tickets.”

I’ve already tried talking to her and I told her it’s really starting to annoy me how she she always wants to do this and this but she can never go through with it. I told her if she cancels this time, I’m just not going to invite her anymore. Am I wrong?

[Exterminatore]

If a guy asked you on a date and you accepted his offer... but an hour before the date you canceled it and stated it was because you had to wash your hair, you’d expect the guy to figure: “that’s a stupid and unimportant reason to cancel a date especially with one hours notice, I bet she’s not interested.” Am I right? You wouldn’t expect him to call and try to ask you out a second time right? This is what girls who aren’t interested do. They accept dates knowing they’re not interested and not going because they don’t want to risk a situation by being honest and saying: “thanks but no thanks.” Then they make a lame excuse to cancel. What’s remarkable is many guys will try to schedule another date accepting any reason within any time frame. In fact I’d be willing to bet you have done this as well. I’d be willing to bet you know girls who have done this... probably more than once.


That leads me to ask you a question. How is it you can’t see the same behavior in your sister? You know very well girls are excellent excuse makers to get out of arrangements. You know your sister will never say: I don’t want to do that with you because it sucks or it’s boring or whatever her reasoning is. What she is doing to you is the exact same thing many girls do with guys who ask them out when they’re not interested. She is making excuses because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or doesn’t want to embarrass you or make you mad by telling you “no.”


You know very well women also speak subtitle. To the point where it’s practically another language. They won’t be on a date with some horny guy and say: “cool it buddy, you’re not getting laid by me tonight.” Instead they say: “gee, look at the time, it’s getting late.” They say: “I’m fine” when asked if they’re upset about something instead of being honest, they say “I’ll be ready in 10 min” which really means I’ll be ready in 2 hours. They say: “I’m in a love/hate relationship” which means I’m
Sticking with this bozo until a better guy comes along” they say “the divorce was equitable” which means “i divorce raped him, took half his pension and benefits and got an obscene amount of alimony” I don’t think I need to keep going. I suppose I’m just astounded a woman doesn’t see what’s going on with this when I’d think you’d be far more aware of it than most guys who are oblivious to the majority of what I just said.


So, yes, don’t ask her do things anymore, she’s not interested.

[Asker]

I get what ur saying but me and my sister are close. Most of everything that we do, she is the one who initiates the plans. I don't know. Maybe she is one of those people who live in the moment.

[Exterminatore]

I had to go back and read what you wrote. You did ask if you should stop inviting her rather than ask if you should decline her invitations.

I also caught something I didn’t the first time. You mentioned your parents are narcissist. My mom and sister are narcissists, I am not. Narcissists are frankly the most disgusting and neurotic people along with sociopaths.

What you are describing sounds like a classic narcissist game called: “I enjoy hurting you and disappointing you because it makes me feel powerful to manipulate you in that way.” It also sounds like another classic narcissist game called: “I enjoy treating you like crap, but in a subtle way because I know you won’t tolerate overtly bad behavior, I will treat you like crap In a way that doesn’t look like I am, but then when you confront me I’ll tell you you’re too sensitive or overreacting or I’ll make myself the victim by saying your falsely accusing me and have hurt me, or that you’re crazy and I have no idea what you’re taking about, but really I know what you’re talking about, I did all this to make myself the center of attention and to screw with your head because it makes me feel smart and powerful and sometimes I do it just cause I’m board, so i gaslight you just for the fun of it.”

Yeah, I know all that sound crazy but that’s how narcissists are. They’re sick demented monsters who literally do these thing consistently and intentionally.

You should read up on the psychology of narcissists.

[Asker]

I know all about narcissistic behavior and how they act. All narcissistic people have one thing in common. They NEVER change and they all act the same. One of the annoying things about our mom is that she always talks so much fucking shit about me and my siblings to my grandma and she always plays the victim when she gets caught. She NEVER says sorry. All narcissistic people have a hard time apologizing.

[Exterminatore]

I have found this to be the case also.

[Wiredone]

No you are not wrong. I would have stopped asking her after the 3rd time. You know, 3 strikes your out. You must be a saint.

[Wiredone]

Thank you for the mho

[pleasestopthis]

No, not wrong. Just plan stuff to do with someone who really wants to do it. Some people just don't want to go out or are too lazy to do anything. I'm like this but at least I'm honorable enough to fulfill my promise

[Exterminatore]

I only wish I had scrolled down and say this. I could have simply just typed “this” in the reply’s and saved myself 5 min.

[Exterminatore]

*saw

[GoldenTulip]

I would just make your own plans with another friend or on your own and just tell your sister "If you wanna come your welcome". This way you don't put the pressure on her that is making or breaking those plans.

[Adam1978]

I never make it my job to solve peoples boredom. Instead of complaining they should come with suggestions on what they want to do.

[ChiTown33]

No I would stop. Because when she shows no regard for punctuality what she is saying in essence is your time isn't important.

[Anonymous]

I would stop asking, even though she's your sister she seems flakey tbh. Maybe try making new friends art work or school, so you can have a new group of people to hang out with.

[Asker]

I confronted her about it and she goes “well I’m really tired from work or “I didn’t have money at that time” it’s like the things we plan to do don’t even require much money. I think she is just lazy tbh and it’s just annoying

[bulletbob555]

No you wouldn't be. I have thought a lot about I have 3 female friends that agree to make plans and then don't. Sometimes it even their idea and they don't do it. Do you or anyone else have an explanation for this kind of behaviour

[jahaims]

Just invite her out with other people and if she doey show up then it doesn't matter

[Asker]

I think that’s a smart idea. Me and my friend are going to 6 flags still and if she cancels, then it’s fine because I’m still going with my friend right?

[Synikal]

Adulting has hit her. Make plans that are convenient and short at home or at a different time.

[Jmmmfi4]

You're not wrong