My mom is super controlling over me and my child. How can I be more independent?

Question

So I'm a 1st time mom & for a while I've been dependent on my parents to help me, I feel like they wanted this to happen tho.. both of my parents are narcissist that hate to see me being independent yet complain about how I'm not all the time.

I have terrible anxiety & I'm super awkward I social situations so it's hard for me to do the most basic things like taking my son to doctors appointments.. even worse is that he will start school soon and I don't know how I'm gonna do it. I want to be independent & stop leaning on my parents for support, has any other moms been through this? I'm scared of my son starting school bc I don't even know the procedure I have to go through to enroll him or anything.. it stresses me out to think about but I would do anything to take away the control my parents have over my life...

Alwayreckles93 · Accepted Answer

Make a huge savings account plan to move within a year or two save up as much money as possible. Try to look for a job a company that will transfer you to move to a different state. Also I would recommend moving outside of the state try not to live in the same state as your parents. Make a plan let's say the goal is to move away within two years or so. My mom is a narcissist too and thank God I left faraway from her. From what I see it is not healthy for your son or yourself. Best choice you will ever make. I had the same problem with my mom. I cut her off completely. Ignore what boomers say what is it more important here it's your son and your well being. If you need a friend feel free to message me.

Bee-Hatch · Accepted Answer

Go visit the school. Explain you're new to everything and could they help you. You won't be the first or the last, so don't worry.

As for your parents you're going to have to stand up to them. Point out that if a nasty accident happened and you lost them you'd still have to take care of your son for yourself. And that means they have to take a step back to let you be parent to your child. Sorry it's not what you probably want to happen. But you've got to make yourself heard.

KrakenAttackin · Accepted Answer

You are this much of a train wreck but you decided to be a single mother? Good one.

You need to get your shit together for the sake of your SON.

Everything you need to know about enrolling you son will be on the school website. Talk with the school and LEARN what needs to be done. If you don't, your stress will really add to your son's stress. Network with other parents (make an effort to get to know them), the school can/will help you with this. Your parents are probably worried about their grandson and don't want him to have an extra rough ride because you can't get your shit together.

he-takes-a-part · Accepted Answer

Simple
Look for why is she acting like it esp if she knows when you don’t like that over you.
Know that you have diagnosed go into details for instance may be she got the same treatment or unnecessary gossips of todays reality has taken over her and instead of communicating she took this way of treating.
Diagnosis is must rest afterwards

Qdbrown · Answer

After reading some comments, you're getting harshed because not are you having boundary issues with you're parents, you have a serious anxiety issus that's halting you in your tracks.

First off, you're a worry wart. A lot of women are, but it sounds like a lot of what you worry about is just getting by stuff, which makes it sound like you have never really been on your own. It sounds like you have let others do things for you, and now that it's your turn, you are freaking out.

Life is like a canoe trip. As you paddle down the river of life, you are do a lot things. Some will be smart, and some will be dumb, but the river runs ever down and there is nothing you can do to stop. You begin to learn patterns and tricks. You learn to do things. And there will be times you fall out the boat. It's hard. But you can recover. Even if it makes for a bad day, that can turn into a bad week or month. It's just life.

If you didn't have the little human in-tow, you would be seen in a favorable light, but by what little you have said, it kind of sounds like you are hardly ready for you, much less a little pudding person. They need all the help and support they can get, and ywr you're quabbling your parents. Unsure if you make a call to the school to find out how to enroll.

When it comes to the day-to-day stuff, asking around is how you do it. Clamming up and worrying is not how you do it. Especially when another little human is depending on you. Chances are high you grew up overprotected. You're going to learn that if stuff happens, you need to react accordingly. Stop worrying if you tump the boat. Worry more about how fast you can recover. You are putting so much unnecessary stress on yourself. There will be enough of that at times, learn how to minimize what you do yourself.

I would also warn that many single moms get very defensive about being single moms. You start off the eight ball in so many areas. A child needs some masculine energy, ideally from a father. There are many studies to show the correlation between single moms and the corrections system. And oddly it's single moms overcompensating that turns their kids into scary criminals. That said, and this is all on you, you need to learn how to draw strong and workable boundaries with your parents. As much as you want limit them, you actually need them. That means you will have to stand up for yourself and those boundaries that it doesn't turn a battle. There are techniques on all that, more than I can delve into now.

At very least you turn our as a pathetic parent and you F up your kid. That's the worse you can do. Now that you can accept that, make sure each day that doesn't happen. You will make mistakes. You will look back and think in 20-20 that was a dumb move. All parents do this. But they don't give up. Kids bounce back and when you see things starting to improve you will feel like a super mom. But for now learn to ask for help from everyone. Even if that means you fimd a therapist to talk to, if the anxiety is getting bad.

Good luck!

girlzruleboyzdrool · Answer

You're teaching your son to not be independent either. You're his mom.
Be excited for his milestones. School is his big moment.
Get a job, if you don't have one. Save for your own place and be excited for the adventures that the two of you can have.
Your parents are treating you that way, because you allow it.
Change how they perceive you.
You are a new woman now. Make changes subtle so it happens gradually and then it'll just happen. Them being the narcissists will thinknits them. Do it for your son and for yourself.

Mia-Wallace · Answer

Ask yourself this: "*Can* I become independent"?

Sometimes what you think you want is not what you really want and even when it really is, it's not what is good for you in the long run.

Consider the fact that you have a child now. That means the days you made decisions only for yourself are gone. You have another person's life and future in your hands and have to be extra careful.

Based on your description and your age, I would say stay with your parents for now. You need to build up your social skills and get a good job before considering to put your child at risk. But do try to develop your skills because your parents aren't going to be around forever.

Ayanna240 · Answer

I'm sorry to say this. but I think you will need to have your parents stuck in your life for a long while until this kid grows up. Because it doesn't sound like you're a fully functioning adult. If your parents won't take care of your kid for you, you will be soo lost. Its obvious you cannot even support your own kid. If its not your parents helping you out, then how are you and your kid gonna survive? Stay with your parents, you need them.

If you do not know how to enroll your son into school, GO TO THE SCHOOL AND ASK.

BlackBeauty90 · Answer

@blondegrrl - let me get this straight. You very likely have no job, you don't know what life is about, and you're complaining about your parents helping your overly dependent ass instead of kicking you to the curb as many parents would? And you call them narcissistic.

Girl you're an ingrate. A narcissistic one at that what when all you're doing is whining poor me, life's tough, poor me. And a lazy one... kid's starting school you obviously know how to use the internet otherwise you wouldn't be on GaG... try googling kids starting school instead.
.

Sarahnah · Answer

I think you should listen to your parents for now, but slowly start building confidence, get used to doing things that make you uncomfortable, try as often as you can to do something without your parent's help. Eventually when you can prove to them that you are independent, competent, and can do basic things yourself, maybe they will stop being so protective and controlling.

Mofunfour20 · Answer

You have anxiety because you dont know what to do. Get an income then establish another source of income. Talk to people that know more than you about living on their own. Find a man that can lead you.

worldscolide · Answer

Tell her to fuck off. You're over 18... Hell you're almost 30, she has absolutely zero right to say anything..

slatyb · Answer

Could you see a counselor and talk about this? That's some pretty severe anxiety.

ToastyOats · Answer

You suck at life and your turning down help! Id dump you for that. That's the whole reason people who live longer are evolutionarily successful. We need the combined efforts of generations working together to achieve anything. If you can't dig that then your really not cut out to be a mom or a grandma, someday. COLLABORATE DON'T DISINTEGRATE Your family!

AnthonyJ01 · Answer

I found myself raising a 2 almost 3 yr old by myself. It's not easy for a single parent and especially a first time parent. I had a little help, but my social life came to an end. I focused on my son and nothing else mattered. b

rcljr · Answer

Move a thousand miles away and change your phone number

WowwGirl · Answer

You said good bye to school sadly when you became a single parent,. Do you realize how stressful school is without a kid,?

They sound over protective because you seem to be not functioning for whatever reason as a adult. It's easy to call a school and ask about enrollment. I don't understand the problem?

Caunsos · Answer

Get your own place that you pay for with you own money.

Anonymous · Answer

It's called getting and holding a job. If you don't have one, work on getting one.

LemiaOfChampions · Answer

Move out

sherlocked2 · Answer

what is your husband doing

imfreeze95 · Answer

You could tell to f~~k off

Pterodon · Answer

Shame on you for not establishing boundaries

My mom is super controlling over me and my child. How can I be more independent?

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How do you handle a controlling mom?

My mom is super controlling over me and my child. How can I be more independent?

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How do you handle a controlling mom?

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