How good are you at forgiving?

Question

Some people can hold a grudge for years and it is often over something petty or stupid. I want to know if you like to forgive and forget, or harbor a grudge forever.
Does the offense matter? Does it matter how close that person was to you? Do you feel better after you forgive somebody?

TrueConfection · Accepted Answer

I don't have an easy answer to this question. I am not vengeful, but I do make jokes like I am. One of my favorites, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!" But all joking aside...

As for forgiveness, I don't think I am good at it because it takes a conscious effort for me, especially when it means I have to give them the other cheek and I know I will be struck again. Sometimes I have to tell myself I forgive a person (or offense) over and over until I finally feel it lifted from my heart.

I have forgiven and forgotten lots and forgiven things that left deep scars that have healed, but can't be forgotten from memory.

I don't think forgiveness depends on the offender or the particular offense (I say this because I was able to forgive someone for an unforgivable offense after almost 30 years).

With that being said, the hardest offenses for me to forgive are those that happen against my children.

Do I feel better after forgiving? Absolutely. It's freedom from anger, freedom from the brink of hate and darkness, and freedom to feel joy. It's amazing and powerful to forgive and to know that no one can hurt me.

Thank you for this question!

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

I think I went above and beyond passing the test of forgiveness. I was married at age 20 to a young guy in the Navy. We had a baby boy 2 months before his enlistment was up. He did not reienlist, so he didn't have a job. We moved in with my sister and her family, and my brother-in-law gave him a job as an auto mechanic. At the gas station where he worked there was a young lady who worked in the snack shop. As you guessed they hooked up. He came home one night and said he didn't want to be married anymore (4 years together). He called her up to meet with her as I was in the bathroom vomiting. Packed his stuff and stole my car that I had before I met him (73' Chevy Nova) and drove into the sunset, leaving me with no money and a brand new baby. Never paid child support. I had to put ads in the paper for a roommate to help pay the rent. He was married two more times after me. But all I felt was hurt and sad - never angry. A lady at work listened to this same story and thought I should be furious with him, but I just couldn't. Then she said to me "You have the gift of forgiveness." So, I hope I answered your question. ☮️

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

Forgiving and forgetting are two different issues.

Forgiving means that I don' go forward in life being constantly angry at someone for some relatively inconsequential event from the past. Since anger is a cancer that kills the person feeling it, and not the person at whom it is directed, it benefits me to let go of that anger and forgive the person.

Forgetting means acting as if it never happened. Since the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, forgetting about someone's past transgressions makes me more likely to place myself in a situation where it can be repeated. I see no benefit in forgetting.

When I forgive someone, I simply push them out beyond the periphery of my life so that their words and actions no longer impinge upon me. I don't go around constantly talking poorly of them. I simply act as if that person does not exist.

GoldenAxer · Accepted Answer

Very easily in most cases. I think I'm mostly incapable of harboring grudges unless someone did something truly horrible like kill a family member. I haven't been tested like that but even then I'd still think it was counter-productive to my own life and happiness if I harbored a grudge towards the murderer.

Ez-Bri-Z · Answer

Im WAY too good at it even when I shouldn't be. There is like only 1 person I can think of on this site that I'd hold a grudge against and off here I only have 1 other person that I would consider like a straight up blood feud if I ever saw her in person. Everyone else I usually don't get too mad at or forgive quickly.

Screenwriter · Answer

Of course forgiveness has to do with the offense. Some things are NEARLY unforgivable. But remember. If YOU DON'T FORGIVE, that anger will eat away at YOU, not at the person you're angry with. It will disrupt YOUR life, not theirs.

So, forgiveness, or mercy, falleth like the gentle rain from heaven. It IS, as Shakespeare says it, a "quality... (that) is not strained."

It takes TIME to forgive giant wrongs. But wise people know no one is actually evil. People who enact wrongs on others have usually been wronged far worse themselves and know no better, which is immeasureably sad.

Forgiveness frees YOU of old pain and allows you to see someone who has wronged you in a different light: the light of compassion. This is a blessing on you and everyone you've ever known.

It's all good.

Blackcupcake · Answer

For me personally it depends on the person and if the "issue" has been discussed or not... for example, if it's a stranger or someone I'm not close with, I could get offended in the moment but I wouldn't hold a grudge cause they're not really that important to me. When it comes to my loved ones, I like to talk things out ASAP and to solve the issue/misunderstanding, and that's what it usually is... a misunderstanding. Once we've talked it out then I'm over it, I don't hold a grudge and I don't like to be upset so the sooner we can talk things out the sooner we could move on to happy things.
But if someone is not willing to talk about things then that would be more like a dealbreaker for me in any sort of relationship. So no grudge there but I would just distance myself from that person.

HOAAH · Answer

I remember the "bad" things that someone does, but I don't "punish" them or "hate" them for it. I still remember but I do forgive. Does that make sense?

Miristheiss · Answer

It depends on the offense.  Some I forgive. If the offense is of certain deal breaking kinds then I'll just cut that person out of my life and they'll be dead to me.

just_a_potato · Answer

depends on if the thing they did will effect me for years to come or if I can move from the trauma of the situation they created. If I can't, I also can't forgive them.

Apple1996 · Answer

I'm too forgiving to the point where it isn't a good thing. I wish I could be more angry about things but that's just not me.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

I think it depends on who and what they did... And sometimes even forgiving doesn't mean the relationship is repairable

loves2learn · Answer

I consider myself quite good at forgiving. I do not like holding grudges.

Cakegirl · Answer

Unfortunately I forgive way to easy I'll get upset for a few hours but then instantly forget and act as if something never happened even if the person had done something very wrong, I won't forget it and I will hold onto that memory but I do end up forgiving.

Wiredone · Answer

With me it depends on what the person did. If it's something small, Ill forgive them. For the big things, I'll take it to the grave with me

IcedLemonade · Answer

Good because I visualize revenge over and over until i'm satisfied. That's the only real way to forgive someone. Thats why hell exists. That's why the bible incessantly says God will get revenge for you. Because you need some type of revenge to move on.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I forgive pretty quickly but i dont forget and constantly make that known. Its like, i’ll be cordial, but i still dont fck witchu

DaveToo · Answer

You're asking an open-ended question that needs a little more clarity. If someone has mistreated me over the years, in close proximity to me, such as a friend or acquaintance, then I can forgive, depending on the circumstances.

I have a hard time forgiving the Viet Cong for killing my comrades, although I understand why. It was their land and we were invaders. I just will not visit Vietnam again.

Anonymous · Answer

Some things can happen to you and or your loved ones that are unforgivable. Touched by evil. Those are the tough ones. Where forgiving is letting yourself down. You couldn’t move on either way. You just learn to shoulder it. And regret not reacting faster at the time..
This does put things into perspective on the other hand. It allows you to shake the small things a lot easier.

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

Sometime sit might take a couple days but overall I’d say Fan Dabby Dozy

noohair · Answer

In my experience Men are better at letting go on certain things and that goes all the way back to tribal hunting cooperation. There are exceptions. When I was married, my now ex told me, I can forgive but I can never forget. With family, the dynamics are completely different.

Hangry06 · Answer

Not at all. I forgive for that moment. But i never forget

Agape93 · Answer

Minor things I can let go of. But I do not forgive. I can play nicely, I can pretend we are ok. But if you fuck with me, fuck with my loved ones or otherwise abuse my trust, you'll never be forgiven.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

The thing that helped me forgive is a verse in proverbs that says if you wait for God and do not fight your enemies, God himself will fight on your behalf at the right time.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

It depends on what it is and how bad that said thing is, but I get over shit super quickly I dont have time to be angry all the time screw that. I prefer to be my bubbly self

normalice · Answer

I don't forgive or forget. Once someone reveals their character i can't unsee it. I simply adjust the way I behave around them so as to accommodate their uncivilized inclinations.

maggie_c · Answer

I'm going to see a psychologist for the first time today. And the topic of forgiving is second on my list of problems. As soon as I figure it out, I answer you :)

The_Outlaw · Answer

It depends. But if it pertains to any form of abuse, not a chance. Not only do I feel I'm not capable of forgiving such a person, I also don't feel I CAN forgive them.

Medhat-M · Answer

I only forgive when I see real remorse and a fair compensation for what they did... Considering how many people actually do that.. No not so much.. So, I'm bad at forgiving

Jayplays900 · Answer

I lose all respect if I am betrayed, but besides that, then yeah. I can definitely forgive.

But Betrayal makes you sub-human in my eyes, and you're no longer equal to everyone else. Anyone who betrays is the scum of the earth.

JosyJosy · Answer

All I will say is that I have become better at it. And I feel a bit better ya, got to move on with life

Juxtapose · Answer

I only forgive people who deserve it and if you cross certain lines, forgiveness will forever be out of your reach. There is a lot of people who are vile and I genuinely despise them.

Better_off_here · Answer

no i hate that i do not forgive but i know it is only hurting me and making me feel bad inside. i guess am the person who just wishes someone would simply apologize to me and i sadly hope for that to happen. it never does of course,

Sia_nee · Answer

It depends but I usually can't hold a grudge for long

Hanmakevi · Answer

Pretty easy mostly because I rarely have fucks to give

elizamichale1 · Answer

I m pretty soft hearted so i m very forgiving

humanearth · Answer

I forgive easy, sometimes to easy

CuriousAZ · Answer

In the name of Jesus, I must.

Mulan8 · Answer

Extremely good

JesseJayNeak · Answer

Good at forgiving. Forgetting? Not so much

How good are you at forgiving?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

How forgiving are you?

How good are you at forgiving?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

How forgiving are you?

We're glad to see you liked this post.