How forgiving are you?

[dustybiker]

Some things are unforgivable. But what about the little things? Are you good at forgiving? What was something you forgave naturally that surprised even you?

My first truck as a teen I washed and waxed probably three times a week. Was teased by everyone for it.
One day my friends German Shepherd put both feet on the door and slid down, grinding his nails.
I felt the blood drain from my face. My friend apologized looking scared.
I realized in that moment that the scratches were part of the trucks story now, and less “perfection” ruined.
Her dog sat in front of me smiling too as if he knew.
I let it go before reacting, scratching his head. Took convincing of everyone else I was good. + The scratches 90% buffed out.

[nawtee_me]

Forgiveness is a choice we make. the one thing that has to be remembered is that forgiveness does not mean forgetting... We don't forget the hurt or pain because that is what keeps us from allowing it to happen again. And forgiving just means when that person or that incident is brought up or remembered we no longer get upset about it and let it stay in the past. We don't let it live rent free in our heads anymore... Forgiveness is about our mental health not theirs...

[dustybiker]

Yes. Exactly.

[nawtee_me]

Thanks for the MHO

[dustybiker]

You are welcome.

[Waldoe]

"Forgiving" releases you from the experience, Not forgiving traps you there forever, the other person isn't thinking about the "Issue" at all...

[dustybiker]

Truth. It is a trap. Hard to break free from the terrible ones.

[Sonorous]

Well, it depends on how severe I feel the betrayal is. But I will say that I'm more forgiving the more open a person is to admitting fault, trying to reason, & changing their ways. But even still, I won't treat them as if I trust them. That privilege has been lost for good. It would take severe sacrifices on their part to change my mind about that.

[Sonorous]

mostly been lost for good*.

[dustybiker]

I feel the same way.

[ohshee]

A long time ago I'm not going to get into details but my brother called me somebody had touched his daughter and my brother called me cuz I was trying to keep him calm within one second I premeditated what I was going to do to this person that harmed I changed my niece forever but first of all I had to find out the truth it didn't sound right so instead of jumping in my car and doing what I was going to go do I had to do a little bit of research the truth finally came out and in that time it gave me a moment to think about things and who I am as a human being as me.

Through business to work through relationships through life through friendships when something goes wrong and it harms you or hurt you in some form or way did you allow that person in to do this for you one way or another you allowed this person to do this hard so you can't blame them all the way specially if it was an accident r a favor or something like that if you had the control to say yes or no from them being there and the result harmed you it's just as much your fault so when somebody has done something that's going to hurt me in a way could I have stopped this from happening by not letting them do what I ask them to do or that can drive my car or let them borrow money it's part my fault too so I had to forgive those people then I have to take a little bit deeper I can get over just about anything I've had to get over just about everything there's there's three or four things I found in life I don't think I could forgive I would probably end up going to prison that is anybody that premeditated harming anybody premeditation anything evil I will not forgive if somebody hurt a child is somebody hurts an older person if somebody hurts a girl my sister my mom my friend these are things that will set me off and I don't even want to try to control myself I want to show them the same pain that they put all these people they cannot defend themselves it's probably wrong with me to think this way but that's who I am everything else in this world no matter what it is can be forgiven it's that simple there's nothing that cannot be forgiven it's who you are as a person that allows you to make that choice

[dustybiker]

Thank you for the excellent opinion. We have so many strong people here at GaG, you are one of them.

[ohshee]

Dusty biker Thank you for your words. I feel the same about you appreciate and your strength in wisdom thank you very much

[Aerissa_Jade]

My forgiveness tends to be associated with if they can undo what they did and if they are willing to take the action needed.

In your story, I totally would of forgiven my friend soon as they paid to repair the damage. Once that was done, no hard feelings and going back to being friends.

Otherwise I call it burning bridges, if someone burns down that friendship bridge, they'll need to build it back up. If they nuke it, that is impossible.

I generally try to fix any mistakes I've done to cause problems with friendships, I'll ask them what I can do to fix things. Those are also the best friends who ask me that, because if there is something I'll let them know.

[dustybiker]

You are a good person!

[TrueConfection]

This question came up a while back on gag and I thought I was able to forgive easily (relative to other people and their ability to hold a grudge). Most of the time I make a conscience decision to forgive, other times I forget something completely until it's mentioned and then I realize it didn't matter enough to me to hang onto.

Since that question, I have examined myself closer. I'm not as forgiving as I had believed I was. It's really something I need to work on more. Part of me just doesn't want to take junk off of other people (strangers or friends). I especially don't want to take the same old junk from relatives.

I like your puppy story. Your friend must have been horrified! Your ability to forgive her and her dog was a great example that she likely used in her own life. Goodness is contagious 💕

[dustybiker]

Beautiful reply. I was nodding my head while reading.

And thank you. ☺️ (Yes, she was horrified. I could only imagine myself in her place though.)

[TrueConfection]

Thank you and you're welcome ☺

[Kaneki05]

Not one for that. I need to be even. How that happens can be in many ways though, just a simple gift or full on revenge from me.
I don't like dogs because of such reasons I've never met a fair one.
Cats though met many. An example would be a cat I chased when I was young it starched my eyes that was fair and taught me I wasn't been nice I didn't blame the said cat. I would of done the same.
However a dog will just bite me for no reason or bark so yeah... dogs.

My only exception to even and more easy forgiveness is when I am love but I try to fight that because that's not a good thing.
Also if I never get even I will never forgive there is a reason I still hate my mum even tho she's got better I suppose. But there is a major tally that was never fixed and tbh I don't think it ever will.

[Kaneki05]

Of course this only applies to things I think are Unfair and need to be forgiven. Something like my mate saying shit about me and me saying it back to them is not a issue. I just don't accept been on one end of the stick it's we both are or neither.

[dustybiker]

Understandable on all of your points. We all draw lines. I get that. Nice of you not to blame the cat in your case too.

In fairness to this dog, my elderly mother was in the passenger seat with the window down. He jumped up before anyone realized he would and was ever so gently giving my mother kisses. (He knew her from before)

[Kaneki05]

haha I still think that dog would do something to me in someway. The day I find a fair dog will be a miracle. But there is a bias in this one for sure tho I am still open to meeting one.
I try my best to keep things fair sometimes makes me feel like a control freak but then my bestfriend always tells me nah your often in the right which is bit of encouragement.

Tho I've made some mistakes I am aware of but I learn from them or hope I do.

[NathanDavis]

if you do something to me... I have it "easy" to forgive, I've never like to hold onto grudges and revenge doesn't interest me... but I also have to say that people has not really done anything so harsh to me, not so many have had ill intentions towards me (knocking on wood)... and for the little things I just let it go very easily

if you do something to someone I care for though... well, that's very different, I don't like that one bit and my tolerance is pretty much zero and it can get scary... lol

[dustybiker]

You’re a good friend to have.

[NathanDavis]

@dustybiker so I've heard a couple of times... lol

[dustybiker]

You’re a repeat offender.. wait.. not quite right. lol

[NathanDavis]

@dustybiker that makes me a crazy friend to have... lol

[dustybiker]

No, you’re not crazy. You are incredibly smart though.

Damn. Didn’t know everyone was going to share such emotional replies. I’m humbled here.

[NathanDavis]

@dustybiker yes... many do open up, which reminds me something I forgot... I used to be quite harsh on myself years and years ago, and it also took me many years to forgive myself over a couple of things I did regret, definitely wasn't easy to make peace with

and I guess it's quite nice that I didn't even "remember" this

[dustybiker]

Sounds like you did find some peace then. Thank goodness for that.

[NathanDavis]

yeah... used to be a bit too demanding and critical with myself, but that was eons ago... all good now (=

[dustybiker]

@NathanDavis lol Time heals.

[Justerino]

i had a real bad experience with a pet, a pitbull who i treated like a son. I socialized him as a pup and when he was 2 he got in over a dozen fights with my roommate who had his litter mate. He was never the same and attacked maybe 6 dogs after that. It was scary and stressful and I was bit on more than one occasion once pretty bad. It took me about 10 years but I forgave the person. Was like animal cutely tbh

[dustybiker]

That was tough for you to forgive. I felt it. As a dog trainer I know where you are coming from, seen this a lot. I only wanted to say a little as this is your share. Had to say, been there and pulls the heartstrings! Thank you for sharing this.

[Abaracadabara]

I'm... Mostly forgiving? I won't geberally hold anything in particular against anyone, but that doesn't mean I won't expect them to do it again, and I am far less likely to tryst that individual in the same or similar circumstances.
I won't take back an Ex, no matter what. I don't care that she realizes she made a mistake. I don't care if she promises to stop acting abusive. And I don't care if she's sorry.
I won't stay upset over it, and I won't ve hostile, but I also may just decide to cut her out completely.

[dustybiker]

I’m sorry you went through that. I hope you find your peace with it.

[Abaracadabara]

Oh, like I said, I'm over it.
Remaining upset at someone else is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.
Negative emotions are only negative for you, do try not to keep them.

[dustybiker]

Wise words.

[Anonymous]

I forgive easily but i dont forget. I forgave one of my closest friends for cheating with my boyfriend almost immediately but i have never forgotten and dont trust her. He called a few years later to apologise and acknowledge what he had done was wrong, i told him that i had already forgiven him. Coincidentally i met my exfriend a few months after this and she kept placing the full blame on him and making up stories even though i know for a fact that she is the one who initially pursued him. (He was in the hospital at the time and there were no cell phones, so only way they could have gotten together was if she visited him). I clearly told her i forgive you but how can i trust someone who is still lying to my face.
I found out from a mutual friend that the guy passed away a few months ago. I am glad he got to know i had forgiven him.

[dustybiker]

Thank you for sharing this. I’m sorry you had to go through that. You sound so strong to me.

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you for your kind words.
I just feel that sometimes not forgiving means that they still have control and power over you.
Even with my exhusband i always say that IF i ever see him again i won't feel hatred or regret, only thing i might feel is pity for him.

[dustybiker]

That is big. I hope for your own peace he stays away.

[Opinion Owner]

Its been 11 years n i dont even remember what he looks like anymore so i doubt i will ever b seeing him again. Lols. Thanks

[Gorge95]

I can forgive and still cut you off completely. Forgiveness for me is a selfish timing as it’s for my mental health and peace of mind, not to condone what that person did. So I let it go and best believe I let THEM go out of my life. Grudges are extremely pointless for you and a complete waste of energy. Your nasty thoughts towards someone won’t ever get them to apologize or even feel bad for what they did. And it’s a sign of being unhealed.

[dustybiker]

So very true.

[Diodoro]

Pretty damn forgiving when truly requested.
I'll let it go and move on regardless but that relationship is often just gone. If they want to come back by and large I'm gonna need something to make amends.

To me you can just commit devastation and return with nothing

[dustybiker]

Great words.

[Apulu_3]

Depends. For the first mistake I forgive always but if that hurted me very much I forgive and forget the person. They are no more in my life although I forgave them. If it wasn't that intense then they have second chance. After that if again it happened purposefully then also I forgive them but also forget them or more likely remove them from my life and they don't have any chance. At last to each situation they will be forgiven always but chances are that they won't be in my life anymore.

[dustybiker]

You are strong.

[Apulu_3]

Thank you :)

[dustybiker]

You are welcome. 😎

[alwaysmile_22]

You are very sweet :)

[Apulu_3]

@alwaysmile_22 Thanks a lot!

[boombastik]

Nothing is unforgivable. To forgive is one of the most important things you can do for your soul. It's not good to carry around all that negative energy. I'm not saying to forget and act like nothing ever happened. In fact, setting boundaries is necessary in some cases. I can guarantee that 99$ off the time, those who wronged you aren't wasting 1oz off energy thinking about us. Forgiving should be done for your benefit and it doesn't need to involve them or tell them you have forgiven them.

[dustybiker]

Great words. It’s hard when you want justice and don’t have it.

[findtheforest88]

A big part of my forgiveness comes from someone confessing before I find out. How i react to pulling a story out of someone versus them coming to me with it is 180. Of course there are limits to the betrayals and indiscretions that can be tolerated but honesty tends to mellow any response or vindictiveness.

[dustybiker]

Really good point.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

You should always forgive. Whatever that person did, they are human. They have the same DNA as you. You have the capacity to do the same shit as anyone else, they just have more growing to do. To hate someone is to hate yourself.

[dustybiker]

What if they were so monstrous it is as if they were inhuman? Then how do you let that go?

[Telekinetic-Potato]

No matter how bad it is. There's an argument that can be made that you are related to that person, at some point you have the same ancestry. Think about it. At their core they're human, they have thoughts and emotions which lead them to doing terrible things.

Forgiving people doesn't necessarily have to mean you let someone off the hook. The person should be held accountable, but not retaliated against.

I think one of the worst things people do to eachother is leave no avenue for someone to grow. You're only asking the person to become even more of what you're reluctant not to hate.

[dustybiker]

Good points.

[Alyssa_11]

Minor things -it’s fine.
Serious things and you’ve seriously hurt me — never. No matter what you do I will never forgive you it’s not in me.


It’s not something I’m proud of but maybe it’s for the best.

[dustybiker]

I get it. Some things are too big, too much pain.

[Alyssa_11]

Yup exactly

[Voodoo69]

I forgive everything that has ever been done towards me or to me. We must forgive to move on. When I say forgive that isn’t a sign of weakness though. It just means I won’t forget it and be run over.

[dustybiker]

I agree. It takes a lot of strength to be that way.

[Mangospacho]

Why would a dog do something so horrible to an innocent truck that never hurt anyone? I don’t know if I could’ve let that one go…. without a paid trip to the body shop. by the way. That would’ve made a great Judge Judy case.

[dustybiker]

He loved my mum and was gentle (he was kissing her through the window). I couldn’t not forgive him.

[Mangospacho]

I get it. He was a good boy and had no priors. I would’ve forgiven the dog too.

[dustybiker]

Exactly. Well.. he did have a prior, but that one was my friends fault. Still working on forgiveness from that. Funny how some are easy and others not so much.

[sirderpsalot123]

I surprised myself that I was able to forgive my girlfriend after she cheated on me. It took awhile to trust her again but I'm glad we worked it out. I would never be able to forgive someone who hurt somebody that I love though

[dustybiker]

That is a big deal.

[sirderpsalot123]

I appreciated that she told me about it herself and understand that people sometimes do dumb things we regret, especially when we are young. Her apology also seemed to be very genuine because she never tried to make an excuse. I believed her.

[dustybiker]

That still must have been incredibly hard. You could have decided to hate woman. I hope she now knows how good a man she has.

[sirderpsalot123]

Appreciate that 😁

[Anonymous]

If the person admitted fault and acted like they want to be forgiven, I can do that. But if it was intentional or the person acted like they didn't give a damn, then I cut them out of my life. Nobody needs people like that around them. I don't constantly dwell on it, I just move on from that person