Very jealous and he hits me! :( should I forgive him AGAIN?

[Carodefier]

Okay. It all began a few months ago, my boyfriend was really angry with me because he thought I was having an affair ( he thinks I have slept with all his guy friends.. and let me be clear, I have not ). We lived together until his friend came to visit and my boyfriend thought I was hiding something, and that I was sleeping with that friend! Even though he was there all the time :( ( the friend lives far away) He kicks me out of his apartment and I am forced to live in a little rented room for over a month. Shortly after, the violence begins. I came to visit a few days after he threw me out. We talked a little and he said he was sorry that he kicked me out, and "could I forgive him" I said maybe, and that it had hurt me a lot. Then out of the blue, his mood changes. He says "tell me the truth, you slut, I know you have been sleeping with all of my friends" I get scared and I try to grab my coat and leave, but he stops me and threaten me. So first he throws my boots after me, telling me to get the **** out ( stupid, because I was on my way out) and yelling " you stupid bitch, you are a whore" :( he is pulling my hair and forcing me to lay on the floor and he opens his front door and kicks me in the butt all the way out. Then he shuts the door. I was in chock, since he had not done such things before :( I hurried to my mum's place to get some comfort, and about 2 hours after he did it, he texted me " I am so sorry, that is the most stupid thing I have ever done". I don't text him back for a few days, until he shows up at the apartment, where i, at that time, is renting a room. He says he's sorry and can I forgive him? I say maybe and we go outside and try to talk the rest of the day. A few months went by and I found a way to forgive him, and I made him promise not to do it again. Well he did. About a week ago he said sorry for all the bad things that he had done to me and I didn't really say anything, I just wanted to listen to him. We spend about 2 hours discussing all the things that made me sad and I start crying. His mood then changes again and he grabs my arm and forces me to the bed asking " do you want to make me feel bad, you little whore?, I still know the truth, that you f*** everyone behind my back" he slaps me thrice in the face and then kicks me out of his apartment again.. :( I don't know if I can keep forgiving him? :(

He changes his mood all the time, one time he got down on his knees and asked me to marry him. Two hours later he is threatening me with a lighter :( saying " don't worry, it won't hurt for long". is he sick ? He is very jealous and I have tried to make it clear to him many times that I only want him, and that he doesn't have ANY evidence that I have done anything behind his back :( what should I do? I am feeling so humiliated. He keeps hitting me, but still I feel stupid, I mean, I am the one returning and forgiving him? Give me advice, please

[TheDigitalSaint]

You need to leave this abusive and manipulative individual immediately. It is obvious from reading your question that you suffer from very low self-esteem, as you haven't found it necessary to leave a man who has committed unprovoked acts of violence against you. If you still have anything at his place, call the police and have them escort you over there to collect your personal effects. Next, consider getting a restraining order.

Lastly, stay at your mother's house or some location that he is not aware of where you live, as his unpredictable behavior might worsen once you break up with him. Ask the police for additional resources available to those victims of domestic violence. I'm sorry to hear about your story, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, it just includes your family and friends, but without your tormentor.

[Carodefier]

Thank you for your comment, I think you are right, from all the humilitation and terror a have gotten very low self-esteem :( sometimes it is clear to me that I need to leave, but other times I feel like we belong together :( when he hurt me earlier, I went to the hospital to get a report of what he had done ( a broken rib ) just to make sure that if I wanted to turn him in, I'd have evidence. I never used it, because he always comes back begging me. but you are right. I need to leave :(

[TheDigitalSaint]

I'm right and it isn't even up for debate. Before you get off the computer, make a to-do list and write down everything I posted above. YOU'RE DOING THIS TODAY!

[Carodefier]

yes you are right, I will make a to-do list and follow it! Today :) thank you for the support :)

[islands7]

Agreed: FYI locally, restraining orders (a must) are violated daily, so since these are not a wall - you might not want your mother involved ... family is the first place law/criminals/BFs look to find you! You'll need a safe house that uses transportation ways completely separate from his.

[Carodefier]

yeah islands7 but the adress where I am at now, he doesn't know :) so I am very safe here :) I know he would propably go looking for me here! :( thank you for your comment :)

[TheDigitalSaint]

You're welcome for all the help, glad to be of service in your time of need.

[Mrsupaakeru]

I just finished watching Silence of the Lambs and am in such a creeped out state of self arousal that I feel terrified for this woman. Somehow I am stressed out hoping that she left right away and is far out of her boyfriends reach. This is such a weird feeling. I keep picturing her running through the night with her boyfriend chasing. I'm only writing this because I find my mental state interesting and feel as if I have to get my emotions off my chest. I'm normally not this strange. I really hope you followed thedigitalsaint's advice because what your boyfriend is doing is really messed up. Stay safe my friend.

[Carodefier]

i THINK I understand your mood :) I did follow his advice, it was great :) I will try to be safe :) thank you for sharing :)

[confuseddotcomgirl]

you need to get out of that relationship before it gets even worse :( my ex was the same (although no way as bad as you boyfriend) - he used to suddenly flip. he used to grab my throat with his hand and hold me up against the wall with it, he used to grab my hair, stop me leaving the flat if I tried during an argument - by pushing me away when I got close to the door or holding the door shut with me in a different room...the list goes on. luckily I realized before he did what your boyfriend does...please realize how dangerous he is and walk away before he seriously hurts you. you don't deserve to be treated like this for no reason at all. I hope you're OK x

[Carodefier]

Oh I am sorry that happened to you :( all of these comments, yours included, is helping me realizing that I need to leave for good! I've never realized how much danger he put me in, because it got normal in our relationship :( Sometimes I even think that I deserve it :( no more of that! thank you for your comment :) I am better now :)

[NayaAbouzaid]

NOTHING gives a man excuse to hit a woman.

Trust me you want no future with this guy .

My mom married this abusive jerk ( who is my father) who beats us up and says "im sorry" every time .

Leave him

he's never going to change , I'm 17 and my dad hasn't changed a bit ... I'm sure this jerk isn't any better

[selfishstars]

He is physically, verbally, and emotionally abusing you. Do not forgive him. Do not go back to him. In fact, don't ever see this guy again. I agree with TheDigitalSaint, it's probably a good idea to stay somewhere where he won't know where you are, and seek out resources for domestic abuse.

[Carodefier]

yes I am planning to get some help to get myself and my self-esteem back! Sometimes I feel like seeing him again,but not if he is going to hit me :( I agree with him too, and I already have a place to stay that he doesn't know! thank you for your answer :)

[selfishstars]

Good. I know it's hard, but you deserve someone who treats you with love and respect.

[Carodefier]

i know I do, it is just hard to realize that sometimes, when you've been put down so many time. You start to believe what he says after a while. And start thinking " maybe there IS something wrong with me. Did I really flirt with that busdriver?" :( but yeah I will find someone to whom I can open up to :) thank you.

[StrumSetShred]

F**k that sorry son of a b***h. It's taking all of my concentration to type this because I am litteraly shaking with anger. Leave that mother f****r. No woman needs to be treated like that and no man who treats women Ike that deserves to live. Tell him that I want him to come to Guam so that I can show him how respetu(Chamorro for respect) is earned. If I knew you or him, personally, I would have made his sorry as* eat the ground. I have absolutely ZERO tolerance for a man who would put his hands on a women. That is what my culture teaches and that is how I think all people should feel.

[Carodefier]

thank you so much for your comment, for every comment I get, it makes me stronger :) You are absolutely right about what you say, and I agree with you. I very much needed respect from him, but all I got was anger and violence :( I am going to leave him because I don't think I can forgive it all again :(

[StrumSetShred]

Okay I've calmed down after a heavy bag session and am back to my regular state of mind. My only advice for you now is to leave just leave. Have a friend/s go back and pick up your stuff. Don't even think twice just do.

I'm glad that I could help and that you found my advice useful. Now if you don't mind, I'm kind of in a pickle with this girl I like. Would you mind going to my profile and checking it out? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks and Hafa Adai from Guam!

[Carodefier]

yes the only thought in my mind and the only possibility is to leave, I know :( Luckily I brought all my stuff with me when I left last time :) I will definitely check out your profile :) thank you

[islands7]

1. You do not have the power to change your life with this guy. There's NOTHING you can do to change the ugly side of this relationship. Love it or leave it.

2. Whoever/whatever did this cheating to him is THE relationship with which he is "living"/suffering from. He has put that demon mask on you and you will wear it until you leave and he can't find you to wear it.

3. It may take years of professional counselling, even prescriptions for him to become normal, THEN find a supportive relationship - good luck with that.

4. If you can live with such BS, then you should most easily find a replacement for this psycho

[Carodefier]

you are right :) no more demon mask for me :) I hope I can get my self-esteem back soon :)

[-Asmo-]

Given his situation, I think he'll get worse. Don't weigh off the various advantages and disadvantages and consider if it's worth it. The reality is that in my opinion, that life like this will eventually become so intollerable and by that point you will have lost all other options for guys and you will be so financially dependent, that your weigh off won't be should you date him, it'll be should you go to the police. Get out of this relationship.

[Carodefier]

yes I think it will get worse :( luckily I have a job and I am financially independent :) I will contact police and tell them the whole story :) thank you for your comment :)

[quentos]

a guy who ever raises a hand against a woman is not only violent, but above all a coward. Do you want to be with a coward?

It gives you the right to hit him back with a frying pan. And then I'd pack my things and go.

I've been wondering again and again. Why do girls prefer a**holes? (And yes, every guy who hits a girl is an a**hole.)

[Carodefier]

yes, a coward is propably the right term :( No I don't want to be with such a man, I want to be with the man he is, when he is not jealous :( I am going to pack the rest of my stuff and leave for good. My self-esteem is just the problem :( Don't know why we do that. I think, that we think, we have a chance of "changing them" .( thank you for your answer :) very supportive :)

[TheDigitalSaint]

I agree with any person who instigates unprovoked violence stems from cowardice, but escalating violence back with frying pans is not the answer either. The solution is to leave under police escort, such that no more violence is inflicted on anyone.

[Carodefier]

I would never hit him back ( by the way I would never have the chance, since he is much bigger than me ) but sometimes I did feel like doing it! Violence is good for nothing, and I would actually feel much worse if I hurt him too. The worst thing I've ever done is to throw a glass of cold water on him, because he was going to hit me :(

[quentos]

it is not the worst thing - it's the best thing you could have done at that moment, on the very contrary.

[hakuna_matata]

if this story is true then you deserved what you got

i have no sympathy for people who let someone beat them up ägain and again and then cry ""öh I love him..oh I trust him..oh I learned to forgive him but..."...gah!

[TheDigitalSaint]

Victims often have a very weakened mindset, plus women in general are attracted to strong men who are assertive. When assertive turns to violence, it is a perversion of a "strong man". He might have other traits that she still loves, but can't delineate between the two. It isn't easy cut and dry as you might make it out to be.

[Carodefier]

He definitely has other traits that I love. When he is not jealous he is very sweet and caring. And whenever he gets angry I keep thinking about all the good stuff that we have :( So I just keep my tears to myself and pretend I'm all right. I have gotten really low self-esteem in this relationship, but yeah hakunamatata I do know it's stupid going back, and bless you if you've ever had the courage to just walk away. Well done.

[hakuna_matata]

k. I am sorry for being so blunt but in this world, honey people treat you like you let them treat you. so if you don't want this then don't tolerate this. this is not love.get out of his life

[Carodefier]

It is okay :) I know I let him treat me this way, so you were right :) I know it's not love, and I will get out ! thank you :)

[sabeen]

NO DO NOT FORGIVE HIM! it will only get worse and its a toxic cycle! do not go back , he needs help to deal with his issues. I have repeatly seen this type of behavior over and over and over and it only gets worse. Leave now before he really hurts you and you regret it.

[Carodefier]

Yes, so far it has only gotten worse, every time even though he promised not to do it anymore :(

[Anonymous]

Carodefier,

honey don't go forgive him love or not its wrong, he don't care about you honey he needs to be locked up honestly honey you deserve better. You don't deserve all the abuse that has happened to you. get out of the realtionship before it gets worse.

[brunettebelle]

Leave him immediately, you should not forgive him and this man has issues. A man who loves and respects you would never treat you this way.

[Carodefier]

yes he surely has issues, that I cannot help him get rid of :( I gotta leave him, it won't get better :(

[Hyrule]

Sounds like a total ass, plain and simple. I suggest walking out on him, and fast.

[Carodefier]

Oh I know :( sometimes he is the sweetest, but these days, he's an a-hole 80% of the time :(

[jacquesvol]

You should have dumped him when he kicked you out, not accepting him back in your life.

[Carodefier]

yes I know I should have, but he came and begged for forgiveness :(

Last night he told me " I love you, let's do something fun tomorrow evening"

When I woke up this morning he had texted me saying " I'm breaking up with you, it's not working" :(

omg

[jacquesvol]

Well, grant him his wish: erase him from your memory, move on: there's plenty of fish in the sea.

[Carodefier]

So true :)

[standardguy]

It can be that he is mentally ill. Make him visit a psychiatrist.