My boyfriend is ashamed of me beyond belief, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

We've been in a relation for 3 years, living together for 5 months. He never took me out (EVER!), we always dated at night in his car or at his place, always just the 2 of us. I know just one of his friends and that's because he accidentally saw us iun the car on a street at night. He never introduced me to his parents. I thought all this would change if we moved together, but it's all the same. His parents don;t even know where we live. Yet he goes on vacations with them, and never with me. I asked him and he said he's ashamed of me and will never introduce me to his parents. First he wants me to get rid of the tattoos I have, lose some weight, and have a job from which I earn a lot. He's also ashamed of me because I've been with more guys before him, and think his parents might know me from somewhere. I feel like garbage to be honest, he doesn't care a bit about what I feel, yet he does want to go on living with me like that, in secret. And he doesn't want kids and will never marry me. I feel like wasting my life, and I feel very bad about myself, I feel I'm not worth anything... what's your opinion about this situation... what should I do?

[Anonymous]

Wow, your first few lines remind me of my first guy that was only coming over to my house, meeting my friends, eating my food, making me use my car, never going inside restaurants with me and only ordering out and making me pay for all our food, never inviting me to his place, never introducing me to his friends, always treating me like a slave and telling me to go make food for him.

Well one morning we woke up and as usual I go and make him an egg sandwhich with cheese. I ask him to come down stairs from the bedroom to just keep me company. He didn't want to because he was watching girl on girl p*rn. Then I went down stairs all mad because he ordered me to go make it for him like I was a slave, not unusual. But this was the last straw. Because when I went upstairs to give him his sandwhich it was a bit too runny (the egg wasn't fully cooked) and he again ordered me to go fix it for him. I told him no, and that he can get his stuff (he was going to stay for a while because he lied that he had put a ton of chemical in his house to get rid of insects and couldn't go back for a few days). He refuse to get his stuff and get out so I took his backpack and moved it out of the bedroom. And told him to just leave. the loser went down stairs to the kitchen, made his own sandwhich then came back upstairs to the bedroom. he had the NERVE to come back to my bedroom! omg I was so pissed. I was like, get out of here, never EVER talk to me again. And then... 3 years later after that (and 1 year of marriage to someone who treats me a lot better) he tries to add me on Facebook. No going to work. We were over a long time ago.

[Asker]

... cooking :) I think the main reason he stays with me is cause I cook good, and he likes to eat. I hate it so much now, he goes out half a night with his friends and I stay home cooking all night. When he comes home he gets pissed if I ask him why he comes so late all the time... but he goes out like... 4-5 times/week, always al night, never taking me with him. I'm beginning to think his crappy friends cause all his behavior . He's also upset if I say anything about his friends...

[Asker]

oh, and when I cook, he never lets me to actually eat from what I cooked, I only get to taste a bit while cooking. And if I want some, I have to do a little more separately for muself. I feel like throwing the food out the window.

[Opinion Owner]

he sounds mean and a bit controlling, you might want to think about finding another guy. there's someone out there for you who will not do that stuff.

[ShootingStar5]

Don't feel bad about yourself because you're boyfriend is a jerk... He's supposed to make you feel good about yourself, not like trash.

Your boyfriend is supposed to love you, appreciate you, and accept you for who you are. And he's obviously unable to do that since he wants you to change so much about yourself.

You'll never be able to please him because you are not really what he wants in a woman and he doesn't really love you. It might hurt to hear it, but it's true. If he did, he wouldn't have to change you to be happy. But that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you! (Although the fact that you stayed with this guy for so long is questionable). Everybody is different and everybody has different expectations of what their partner should be like. You need to leave this guy and find someone who will truly love you for who you are and accept your tattoos, your experiences, and your "extra" weight.

[Jordikinz]

I think you should break up with him! You deserve better and can find someone who treats you well, loves you, and isn't ashamed of you! You shouldn't waste anymore time with him because someone who respects you could be out there waiting while you're waiting on this one guy to step through. It's been five months and he told you he is ashamed, he's definitely not a keeper. I know you can get way better than him! Tattoos rock by the way! Always remember you deserve better and you CAN get better than him. Never give up!

[rotarymoon]

You need to do what make you happy and not change yourself for someone else. To be honest this situation feels a bit strange; what about your friends? and can you sustain yourself financially?

I don't know your boyfriend but his action of secluding you from the rest of his life is a bit too systematic and cautious. If you are going to break up with him do it carefully. To me his ideas and actions dictate trouble.

He does not even respect you; I don't think I will give a minute of my life to a person who is disrespectful to me.

[Asker]

I don't have friends, only my mother, I'm a bit of a loner... I can sustain myself fincancialy, and I work, but I don't earn too much, not as far as much as he does anyway.

About what you said, that I should be cautious... to be honest, I'm also afraid of doing a sudden move like moving back to my mother. He IS jealous- doesn;t even let me go to any male doctor if it involves touching my body, and he even acts a bit uncofortable about the dentist if you can believe it.I am afraid of him a bit

[rotarymoon]

How is your mother? Is she supportive of you?

[Asker]

Yes, my mother is supportive, but I'm embarassed to tell her everything...how can I tell her he's that ashamed of me?... she asked me several times about his family, but I only said that I don't know. He also told me he thinks my mother is a whore cause she's divorced (and that she also raised me as a whore)... and he told me I should never listen to her. That was short time after we moved together. He's crazy. Daily life with his is no piece of cake either...

[rotarymoon]

No offense but this absurd. Why are you with him? You need to leave him, move back with your mom, go to college or get some sort of certification and get a better job. This is how you will do better for yourself and will find someone who actually appreciates you and enjoys being in a relationship with you.

[rotarymoon]

BTW, they say that if you can count the number of good friends you have on more than one hand then you are really lucky. You are not a loner but just like the rest of us.

[LilMissDiva]

No No No sorry Girl but this Guy is so Not worthy of you at All...It will be difficult to leave him trust me I know but if you dnt leave him you will be Miserable all your life if he can't treat you like a Queen now he never will (A leopard doesn't change it Spots) he is tryn and give you a low self esteem so he can Control you and you can feel like to not worthy to get another man so he can take advantage of you...Please dnt let him fill your head with his Bullsh*t..he just sounds like a Physco

[rotarymoon]

So do you have a plan of action in mind? I am waiting to hear from you.

[BCRanger10]

Why are you with him? He doesn't want you top be a part of his life, he doesn't want you to know his parents or his friends, plus he said he doesn't want marriage or children with you. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't love you, he doesn't appreciate you, I can't see one positive thing about this.

[elizabeth24]

End the relaitonship no one deserves to live in secret. You are some sort of monster that is gonna destroy the entire world. The way you are is perfect. He doesn't want to be with you all he wants is someone to fill the void so he isn't alone. But doesn't want any strings attached. I'm super sorry

[Fishka]

Girl, I know it sounds bitter - but it's not normal at all. You need to make him respect you and take you as you are. If he thinks you are not good enough for him - kick his ass. You meet a guy who will go crazy abt you, your tattoo and your personality. And start to work with your self esteem.

[Apodyopsis]

Dump him he sounds like a major asshole. He should make you feel better about yourself, not worse. Say you really were an embarassment (which I doubt) he should encourage you to be better, not bring you down.

[Anonymous]

I am ashamed of my girlfriend becoz she got banged by some dude of our class, thats why i dont want to be seen with her in public :)

[rocksongwriter]

And you're dating him why?

[Asker]

good question, I get your point... well at the beggining it wasn't all that bad, it seemed like we had stuff in common and I got attached to him. He really showed who he really was after we moved together. And why am I still with him now... well, I'm trying to answer that myself too. I think it's because of a stupid fear of ending up alone the rest of my life, never have a family and so on... I'm 23, so that might sound silly too.

[rocksongwriter]

Well, break up with him tonight. The sooner you break up with him, the sooner you can date someone decent.