How do you cut off a toxic family member when you live under the same roof?

[Anonymous]

I'm seriously broke, almost finishing my degree so can't afford to buy a home or even rent.

But how do I just ignore the narcissist's existence in my home?

My goal is to never speak to her as she ruined my life, always abused me, insulted me and criticized me.
I'm alive because of my father who still supported me in some way.

This bitch treated me worse than anything in this world.

[RawIronhide]

My brother recently betrayed me. we are adults now but he was always pretty rough on me and selfish.
If I can say one thing it's that I wish I stood up for myself sooner l. You think people will grow up and change but they just get worse untill someone smacks them in the teeth.

My advice is not to ignore her, she won't go away. You need to show her you're not Gunna put up with her bullying just like if you were not their sibling.
Never make yourself vulnerable to her and be dignified, speak truth or be silent when addressing her, never argue cuz then they win. Good luck I'm sorry the people you live with are treating you poorly.

[Asker]

Yeah I did shouted at her and insulted her back, that's what kept the bitch a little bit tamed. Otherwise she would have manipulated me into having a career 'she' wants, would have taken my bedroom, fridge and everything best for herself. She lived a lavish life since childhood but treating me as if her own daughter doesn't deserve it.

[Asker]

Not even the bare minimum like a nice room. Rest of the rooms are good too in the house, but I need more space because of study table, physical exercises, dance and all she do is break the bed and play candy crush 24/7, so what the hell she needs the bigger room for?

[Asker]

It's my dad's house, he gave me this room and she kept on trying to snatch it from me.

[RawIronhide]

My brother an I were sharing a room when we lived together, he moved in his crazy girlfriend, she hated me n everyone else, made my life hell. Wouldn't you know five years later the same brother I rented an apartment with, he moved his new girlfriend in and kicked me out. Now I'm homeless. All in all trust me things get better, I mean things are still shit, but better somehow. Again good luck, try to keep a cool head

[Asker]

Heyy I'm sooo sorry to hear that :( was that your own apartment?

[RawIronhide]

Kinda, we split it but 50-50 I put more money down though and I found it online. He ended up throwing everything I owned in the garbage. It really burnt my whole family, not just me. Never thought my own brother would treat me so poorly especially after everything I did for him.

[Asker]

He was jealous of you. Envious narcissists or psychopaths behave like this. They keep their targets closer so that they can destroy them in future.

[RawIronhide]

I'm not a perfect person but my intentions are always good, I just want everyone to do well. What he did was completely selfish with bad intent towards his own family. I don't know about being jealous of me but he definitely showed narcissistic traits. He stopped being my brother that's for sure. I just hope everyone gets back how they treat others ultimately. I hope people who try to take advantage aren't the ones who get ahead.

[Asker]

Last lines are the best. Seriously they shouldn't. They should be dragged behind.

[Sonorous]

I'm in a very similar situation as you. There's someone I live with that has many many toxic traits to the point where I don't even want to be around them. And I've found that keeping my distance is the best option for me. Then when we are forced to be around each other, I don't say much of anything unless I feel it's important. Especially nothing that could trigger their toxic behavior.

So I basically treat them how a reasonable coworker would treat another coworker they don't really like much. Mainly professional. And if casual conversation arises, it is done briefly while not disturbing emotions.

[PrettyPriya]

I agree. Not that I have had to deal with this myself, but I can only imagine going about your business is the ONLY way you can do it in the same house.

[Sonorous]

@PrettyPriya - Oh yeah! At least the only somewhat peaceful way. I've tried many other things. Especially completely ignoring them &/or emphasizing my disappointment with the way they treat me. But it did nothing but escalate things because of how closed off they are. And they're still the same... So now I just try to focus on de-escalation & maintaining peace. Sometimes it's really hard but I gotta play chess.

[PrettyPriya]

@Sonorous Well, glad you shared. I think this will be useful to the asker.

[Sonorous]

@PrettyPriya - Thanks man! 💯🙏

[FreyaRed]

Find her weak spot and attack it every time she annoys you. She found yours and it's very likely you current financial dependency. Being silent won't be effective, you have to go into offense but prepare yourself for this fight. Study her behavior, figure out her strengths and weaknesses, be always prepared to give her a spicy reply. Find allies. Figure out her motivation to bully you, I guess it's money.

[Asker]

Yes it's money, she wanted to take my master bedroom which my father gave me, she kept on taunting me how dirty I kept that room when all I kept was some useful stuff beside the table. My bed was clean but ironically it's her room she keeps filthy... she always tells "I'm not educated, can't do any hardwork" when in reality I am getting my bachelors after 3 years and she has NO DEGREE. Now she was possessing the big fridge of mine telling the maid will steal stuff so she's locking in even if I look after maid and she told me to keep the small dysfunctional fridge.

[PrettyPriya]

Not really sure that you can completely cut off someone in the same household. I think the best you can do is keep to yourself in your room or not be home as much as you can.

Maybe get a part time job or study at the library. Just maximize your time away from home.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[PrettyPriya]

You are most welcome. Sorry to hear about it though. That is tough when you really don't have other options. Just grind your way through school and you will be out of there in no time.

[Asker]

Yes, really appreciate your positive message :)

[PrettyPriya]

Thank you kindly for the MHO! 😊

[Asker]

You're like a therapist. I've seen most of your answers and always selected yours hehe.

[PrettyPriya]

Oh my goodness me! You are far too kind. I'm just happy I can help, even if just a little. ❤️

[coolbreeze]

I would try to avoid her as much as possible and just isolate myself.

[Commander_Red]

You can always reach out to a friend and see if they will let you live with them. If not, unfortunately, you're going to have to be tough and set clear boundaries about how you want to be respected as a person. Discuss things that bother you and tell her that if she can't respect that, you won't even acknowledge her existantance. You can try getting support from your dad if you want, though. Sorry you have that type of mother.

[Asker]

My dad did supported me but the problem is he's totally neglecting it and also silencing me whenever I share how she makes my life hard. He tells "I've been tolerating her since decades, you also keep quiet and ignore whatever she says otherwise I'll get distracted from my work".

[Asker]

Dad got lots of friends but he's emotionally neglectful towards me.

[Anonymous]

Your first 3 words. That's exactly what's wrong. Change it (without lying) and then you can ask about how to cut off toxic family members. What I mean by that is that living alone and making money is key! So get to work lady.

You do not have to speak with any toxic family members. You responding to them is 100% voluntarily unless you are under threats.

[Asker]

Yeah just a last semester to get a degree.

[Opinion Owner]

You can start looking for an internship now. I did it 1 year before graduation.

[annabananna]

Study in the library or hang out with a friend as often as possible and when you go home try to stay in your room. Work on saving money so you can move out ASAP.

[Justneedtokno]

You have to separate your emotions between them what they do and how they act should not affect you. Have someone in the home or outside of the home to talk to

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Keep telling yourself that you can do better to get out of the roof of the narcissist

[Iron_Man]

That’s horrible why don’t you just get on the road and rent out a small camper and sleep in it if that’s how you feel you can always be a babysitter and pay your gas price and your van rental