What is the best way to deal with a toxic family member?

Question

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Unfortunately, when it comes to "Toxic" people... I don't really know what to tell you. For me I end up back sliding into arguments that end up with you fighting fire with fire. At that point it's really hard to say who is being toxic them or you... because that is the effect that toxic people have on you... they may you respond toxically. Problem with that is that you know you are being toxic, and it makes you feel like shit, but they don't seem to have any remorse about their behavior. They will accept your apologies as a sign of weakness and use it in way to make you the scapegoat or as the person responsible for their behavior.

Honestly the only toxic people I have ever really encountered that were a problem for me in my life, where family members or my ex-spouse. Because when you run across these types in your day-to-day life you usually get that feeling and you avoid them.

Trust me, when you were raised by a toxic person, or married to one nobody can spot toxic people better than you. You pick up on the settle signs early and just know almost right away. But family you can't avoid, and these types of people use that family bond to exercise all their toxic tendency on because normal day to day people will not tolerate it from them, just you don't tolerate it form anyone else.

So honestly you need to cut them out of your life and that's painful to you, because you really love them... but trust me they will use your love for them as the main weapon against you. Because honestly without you nobody else really gives a shit about them.

Trust me I know the pain and burden you are under... but it's truly not your fault. Don't let them fuck with your mind, this is something they are doing to you, and not something you did to them or deserve in any way.

DrBanana · Accepted Answer

Ok I’m not sure of the dynamic here but I will do that I can hopefully it helps as a reference point.

I’ll not mention who for privacy if I have a few family members I don’t get on with well and will list a few things I do below.

1. Keep distance- don’t stay in the same room for too long or stay as far away as possible.

2. Keep it civil - if you have to talk keep it polite small talk. So generic topics and yes/no answers when possible.

3. Don’t bad mouth them - it is both a test of your character but just encase it ends down the grape vine.

4. Just do you - you have your own life to live don’t let the person drag you down when you can go keep busy by living it.

Kori1236 · Answer

I cut them off. Incidentally the most toxic person I had in my life was a roommate and friend. With the roommate he had gaslighting behaviour, pitty party attempts at sympathy, and was verbally abusive. Eventually I got fed up, and adapted bullying attempts because he got so bad. The worst was when I moved out he said he would kill himself because he and his girlfriend couldn’t afford the rent; I pretty much said cool, made eye contact with the girlfriend and told her to invite me to his funeral we can dance on his grave. Never heard from him after that.

My other issue was with a friend and distancing and putting up boundaries helped in that case. She’s still super toxic which is why I limit my interactions.

And yes I recognize that I too was toxic in both of my encounters.

Thatbaldguy · Answer

Look up the gray rock method. It can be very useful.

dustybiker · Answer

Cut them out. Distance. It’s truly the only way.

I have one that has spent the last two weeks trying to manipulate themselves back into my life. I finally had to tell them to read back what they have texted me and asked them how they would react if I had sent them those texts in reverse. Silence.

In_Trance · Answer

Foolproof method...

Summeroflove · Answer

Sometimes just cutting off contact. Sometimes you can’t cut contact with someone. But you can put up boundaries and only interact with them when needed to

Tina19 · Answer

I also have such toxic family member and i can't move because i don't want to leave other members because of one so I would say ignore that particular toxic family member and try to not get triggered by what they say

Nik1hil · Answer

Deal them like festering wound!..  They are part of you!.  Cannot cut them off!..  Just deal with them! Don't let things get worse with them! Just keep things Equidistant

IceCreamSandwich · Answer

I just pretended like I wasn't there when they tried to engage with me. Eventually they stopped expecting me to interact with them at all.

Rangers · Answer

Simple, cut them out of your life, it's easy The second I'm finally able to afford an empty plot of land, I'm moving out of my parents home and probably never talk to them again

serious · Answer

Move out as and when the opportunity presents itself and never come back again.

loveslongnails · Answer

Toxic in what way? Depends on what you're talking about, darlin'.

Kelly6 · Answer

Never get angry with them or yell. best way is to join their toxic behavior and then pull them out as a friend

OddBeMe · Answer

Ghosting, keep at arms length. Your mental health is more important. Hope you’re not dependent on that person…

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Just say no and not care. It's their problem not yours

Anonymous · Answer

I wish people would stop using the word “toxic.”

NathanDavis · Answer

move out and block ties

sheikalana · Answer

Not dealing with them at all.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

You cut them out of your life by leaving.

ChiTown33 · Answer

Never had this problem.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

Kick them out of your life

pizzalovershouse · Answer

Dont have contact with them if possible

AlexEfron · Answer

Being toxic yourself 😈

Luopio27 · Answer

Cit them out of their life.

BJP21 · Answer

You Dont. You cut them out and off.

Guardian45 · Answer

Disengage when they exceed your boundaries

madgoat · Answer

Isolation

Babygirl_S · Answer

Avoid them.

msc545 · Answer

Ignore them.

jimmy2 · Answer

Move 3 states away

What is the best way to deal with a toxic family member?

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