Are there things your mom or dad did to that you hated and wish they had never done them?

[sage2021]

My Mom was always snooping around in my bedroom while cleaning it (which I didn't want her to do). I hated that so much about her for invading my privacy! I was 15 years old when I promised myself to not be a snoopy mom and I never was.
One night I went to see the band Santana at the Fillmore West in San Francisco. I had the biggest crush on the drummer, Mike Shrieve. During the concert I somehow got shoved to the very front of the stage and couldn't get out. The crowd kept shoving me and the stage was hurting, and I started crying. Well, the drummer came over to me and asked if I was all right. He gave me his paper cup of soda to calm me down. I took the cup home and put it on my dresser. It meant so much to have it. And as you guessed it, Mom was cleaning my room and thought it was trash and threw it away. Of course I got into a screaming match after that one. I never forgave her for not leaving my stuff alone. Shouldn't a child's privacy be respected?

[Lliam]

Wow. That thing with the paper cup is horrible, sage. How can a person ever forgive something like that?

My mom was exactly the same. She acted like she had every right in the world to come into my room for as long as I lived there. She would come in when I was gone, straighten and clean and, in the process, look at every single thing there. I had no privacy. No matter how many times I asked, or whether I asked nicely, begged, or shouted. When it got to the point where I would get angry, she would act like her feelings were hurt and try to make ME feel bad.

She did that shit as long as I lived there, all the way into my 20s.

I would close my door when I went to bed. I would wake up the next morning, see that she had come in at some point, actually tucked me in and then left the door open. Why? To listen in case I stopped breathing? Again, I told her a million times how I felt. When she ignored my wishes I felt violated. But SHE was the victim when I got angry about it. It made me insane.

When I was in my room with the door closed, she would just open it without knocking and act innocent when I yelled at her. I remember one time when some friends and I were in there. She opened the door and I yelled at her to get out. She acted hurt, held out a plate of fresh cookies and said she was just bringing them to us. Bullshit. It was a tactic to catch us in the act of whatever we might have been doing. She could have knocked. But her tactic worked, and my friends actually said I shouldn't be so mean to my mom.

She did the same thing to my sister. No privacy at all. When the two of us talk about it now, we both get really angry.

I loved my mom. In some ways, we were best friends. But she also fucked up my brain. I still get upset when I think about some of that shit.

[sage2021]

@Lliam I put a padlock on my door in highschool. I had to do it myself too. I had a key in my wallet and one I hid in the basement. Did that stop her? Heck no! When I went to school the next day, she took my lock off!! I had a lock on my door though, which kept her from coming in while I was there. Then she would pound on the door and screamed over and over for me to let her in. I had two diaries that I wrote in everyday. You needed a key to open them. One day I came home and went to write in my diary only to find that she had cut them open with the scissors and read them. Grrrr! 🤬
There was a question I answered here - someone asking for good advice about being a good mom. So I answered to give their child their privacy. Don't be snoopy with their personal things. Don't be a snoopy mom. I added to let them be who they were meant to be and not what you wanted them to be; so this way they could flourish and enjoy their life.
I got a down like for my answer.
But people like us remember how much we wanted our privacy, and all the trouble it caused us when it wasn't respected. We are both in our sixty's and still remember how bad we felt for the invasion of our privacy. ☮️✌🏻

[Lliam]

We agree, sage. After +/- 50 years, it's interesting how angry I still get when I think about some of that stuff. It's a feeling of rage. It's bad for a child's emotional health to feel such conflict of both love and deep resentment for their parents. I mean, every child is going to have resentments. But stuff like we're talking about is crazy making.

Then again, some kids had it worse. At least I wasn't physically abused. My parents loved me and did their honest best.

An absolutely wonderful and amazing girlfriend of mine, who I love with my heart and soul, had been sexually abused by her step father from a very, very young age until she reached puberty. She was still in counseling at 31 years old when I was with her. Talk about a mind fuck.

[FunkyMonkee]

Yeah, they had two little girls!!
My mom went through my room and threw out a number of things I REALLY wanted and were actually highly collectible!!

[sage2021]

@FunkyMonkee why do mom's have to throw our belongings without asking us first? In fact, they had no right to even go foraging through our stuff, and then to just toss it in the trash. It is a crime against children. I am wondering now what collectables did she throw away?

[FunkyMonkee]

I know exactly what you mean!!
Well, when "School's Out" was first released, you may recall that it came with a pair of panties made of Bounty (or Brawny) paper towels wrapped around the record. Being huge into records, I knew those would be collectible, some day. Especially since some people were actually wearing them and, because they were paper, somehow, they caught fire and burned some people so, they were quickly banned!! So, I put them into a dresser drawer with other collectibles to keep them safe. She found them, thought I was wearing girl panties and threw them away! Luckily, I was able to find another copy with the panties and bought it about 15 years ago.
The same raid also cost me both copies of a free magazine handed out at record stores when the Woodstock movie/album was being released and they included pictures of naked people at the concert! Heaven forbid I get to see those!! I kept those in the same drawer. Last I heard, about 10 years ago, those are worth over $50 a copy!! Apparently, she raided my room while I was in school one day!

[FunkyMonkee]

She was still doing it up to a year or so before she had her stroke! One night, we played a St. Patrick's gig at a local bar and a guy we know that makes all our t-shirts made one that listed all the bands on bill that night on the back and on the front is said, in big green letters, "Fuck me, I'm Irish!" I got one but I don't think I ever wore it and just kept it in my dresser drawer for a special occasion. One day, I went to get it and it was gone!! So was a Hawaiian type shirt my guitarist once gave me, a khaki Air Force shirt that I drew the bands logo on when I first created it and another shirt that one of my fans gave me after a gig one night to keep me from freezing because it was kinda cold by the time we left but it was really nice out when we went to the gig so, I never bothered to bring a coat. And, I'm sure there were some shorts I had that she didn't like that she pitched, too.
Dad was no better!! Back in the early `80's, my guitarist gave me his entire Rolling Stone collection, including the very first ones and the one with the John Lennon interview! They were in paper shopping bags in a back corner of the basement we hardly use. One day, they just vanished!! I never got to read a single one and I'll bet they'd be worth a shitload of money, right now!! Another time, I had a few thousand records I picked up from a record distributor that was going out of business. He threw all of those away, too!! Lucky, I spotted that and pulled them back in!! But, I still lost them 2 years ago when my evil, greedy ex-sisters caused me to lose the house and half my life!!

[sage2021]

@FunkyMonkee WOW! You had some pretty cool stuff. I know they must have meant a lot to you. Even though it's just material things, to the collector they are very special sentimental things you wanted to keep forever. I don't mean to sound cruel here, but too bad she tosses out that 👕 T-shirt or you could have dressed her up in it after she had her stroke. Not really, that was mean to say, sorry. But what she did you was mean too! I only wish parents knew how it psychology effects a person when you take their possessions and just throw them in the garbage - why didn't they ask us first? I am just glad I was never that kind of Mom. I learned from what anger and hurt my Mom caused and made a mental note at age 15 to never do that to my children.
So you play guitar huh? What kind of guitar do you play? My son's dad played lead guitar 🎸 in a band that did songs from Boston, etc. He was only 19 but boy, he played a mean lead guitar. I lost him as well 😔

[FunkyMonkee]

Yeah, I had LOTS of great collectibles and nearly all of iit is gone now, thanks to my family!!
I understand what you mean about the t-shirt but, I wouldn't have done that anyway. besides of the two kinds of stroke to have, she had the better one that you can get well from over time and was doing pretty good had it not been for the cancer she never told anyone about until it cost her mobility in one of her legs and, eventually, a wheelchair life!
Yeah, if I ever have kids, I won't be doing that to them, either!
No, I play drums. I tried learning guitar, too but, I can't get my big fingers to make chords. My friend, Carla, could just slap her hand on the neck and make perfect chords! I have to struggle just to make one chord and, no matter what I do, at least one finger always touches at least two of the strings, killing the chord I'm trying to make! So, I went for bass and keys. I have a couple sets of tabla, too. I CAN sing but, only if I'm playing fairly simple beats, which I try NOT to do.
The first thing you see here is my disgusting visage, try not to vomit. This was about a year after I shaved my head. My hair's more than twice that long, now. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCmjPHz5spg
I kinda know how you feel, aside from most of my family, my singer died, too about 8 years ago. (Testicular cancer from agent orange when he was inn Vietnam) My last guitarist (in this next video) also died about 4 years ago. (Fentanyl poisoning) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOTI9K7oADs He was so good, he was in a dozen different bands at the same time and I've even seen him play two guitars at the same time!

[FunkyMonkee]

We did very few covers. Bob (singer) used to say, "We mostly do originals but even the covers we do are original!") (We used to do a ska version of, "Midnight Hour", for instance. We took both versions of, "Smokestack Lightning" and put them together, etc.) Otherwise, most of the covers we did bob would do a capella. Here's one of the few covers we did at a typical Thin White Line gig. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsbHOqYhDiA
Sorry for YOUR loss!!

[sage2021]

@FunkyMonkee hi! Would you mind following me and private message me so we can continue with our conversation? ☮️

[FunkyMonkee]

Sure but, I'm gonna eat, first.

[exitseven]

I was going to say there really was nothing that they did that was s terrible. Then I read what you wrote and I thought of something.
I had a pretty big comic book collection. I had a lot from the 70s. Fantstic Four, X-Men, Spiderman, Batman and many others. I did not have them in plastic bags like they do today but they were neatly stacked in a bookcase in my bedroom. When I went away to college my mother threw them all out.
My son used to make me take him to comic book shows and I would see issues that I remember having that were for sale for hundreds of dollars. So, thanks for that Mom.

[Anonymous]

My mom found God again in her life and tried to force religion on me out of no where. She made it clear I was going to hell if I didn't step in line. I refused to be bullied into a religion which led to a lot of fights. It was not a pleasant time. Our relationship is much better now that she keeps that side of her to herself, but I still have issues connecting with her because of this whole period where she just went nuts on me.

[Agape93]

Yeap and things I wish they did but they never would or will.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Ignored my mental health issues.
Gaslight my experience with my ex saying he was physically abusive, like yeah he was an ass but he never physically hurt me.

[Anonymous]

My mom started developing mental health issues and f*cked some of my friends

[EaterPeter]

Yes.