When I was a teen I kept having angry outbursts that would come and go. One day my parents said this is enough, we have to do something about this; we're sending you to a hospital. I ran away from home and they called the police who dragged me there in handcuffs. I got no help at that location and I just felt confined and alone. When my parents came during visiting hours I refused to see them. I was discharged but even through outpatient they didn't give me a proper diagnosis. The experience left me deeply traumatized and resentful to my parents. I was later diagnosed with Aspergers' syndrome and we found out that those outbursts were meltdowns which don't cause a loss of self control sufficient that the individual would be a danger to themselves. What causes them is disruptions to the normal routine and so having it disrupted by the hospitalization was deeply traumatizing so I couldn't let it out like a meltdown, I had to swallow it like a load of poison.
I was later diagnosed with PTSD and when I suffered from anxiety and depression down the road I couldn't bring myself to seek help and after a while the impacts piled up and now it's ruining my quality of life. Sometimes the PTSD from my hospitalization resurfaces for weeks on end and it becomes absolutely debilitating; it feels like I'm intoxicated even when I haven't consumed any alcohol and I struggle with even basic tasks. As soon as I was self sufficient I told them about how what they did impacted me and I refused to have any relationship with my parents and when they tried to have contact with me I just shut them out and said "Was this what you wanted, was this what you hoped would come of it? remember when you said 'it's what's best for you'"? Well was this best for me?". My mom started crying a river of crocodile tears and she said "I was scared something was going to happen and I didn't know what else to do" and I said "then you shouldn't have done anything at all".
I was later diagnosed with PTSD and when I suffered from anxiety and depression down the road I couldn't bring myself to seek help and after a while the impacts piled up and now it's ruining my quality of life. Sometimes the PTSD from my hospitalization resurfaces for weeks on end and it becomes absolutely debilitating; it feels like I'm intoxicated even when I haven't consumed any alcohol and I struggle with even basic tasks. As soon as I was self sufficient I told them about how what they did impacted me and I refused to have any relationship with my parents and when they tried to have contact with me I just shut them out and said "Was this what you wanted, was this what you hoped would come of it? remember when you said 'it's what's best for you'"? Well was this best for me?". My mom started crying a river of crocodile tears and she said "I was scared something was going to happen and I didn't know what else to do" and I said "then you shouldn't have done anything at all".
