Well, I have abusive parents, especially my mother, and my money also had abusive parents, especially her mother. And my grandma had an abusive father. And none of those have forgiven each other, and I see that it's going through generations so I don't think there would be a lot of chances for me to forgive my parents. Once a psychology teacher (which is also a therapist at my school) came in our class to teach us some things and at some point she asked what do we think about when we hear the word "mom". Everybody said trust, love or other positive things and apparently I was the only one who honestly said disgrace and hate. I thought many times about just running away and starting a new life, but by the end of this year I would finally go to college, in another city, far away from my parents and escape from this hell. Just to imagine one of the things that makes me really hate my parents as of a few years ago, is that they took all the money I made or received throughout the years, totaling at around 8-9 thousand dollars, which in my country is a lot and they refuse give me back any of it saying that I have no money at them. I went from not eating an icecream or a chocolate with the other kids just to put some money aside, to be able to buy something bigger or more expensive one day, to now, when I don't even have enough money on me to afford buying an icecream or a chocolate when I feel the need. (I know the example is a bit out of season rn, but you get it). And there are a lot more things that makes me hate my parents and that I will never forgive. I am actually thinking that if I move away from home, will I ever want to come back here again? Oh, and one more thing. I have lost all trust in them, I avoid telling them anything, because they are always making fun of me and they are bullying me.
So, the short answer to your question: NO, I will 99% not ever forgive my parents.
My dad was physicially abusive; still is mentally abusive. Blackout rager, but denies all of it. He has no remorse, because he refuses to recognize the stuff he did. Oddly, ironically, for all he claims he was never abusive, it cut way down when I got big enough to pose a threat. He may have actually convinced himself on some level, and I might believe some of those mini strokes did some of it, but no. He's admitted he's not going to change his behavior, so "why get so mad?"
I think that if he suddenly started acting different, and apologized, and genuinely tried to make things better, it would be a great start, but I don't see that as erasing anything for me. Of course, I think I'm naturally more kind, loving, and fair towards people who are completely out of control. But, I'm realistic in that I doubt that will ever happen.
But no, I don't see any kind of chance where I'd forgive and forget - even being away from him, I don't see anything happening to get on good terms, except some kind of amnesia or other brain damage where I somehow forget everything. Even if that was possible, I think I'd quickly get annoyed with the current behavior enough to realize the guy is still toxic; he's only stopped being physicially abusive because of declining health and I got big enough to take him on if he pulled anything. It hasn't been because of any epiphany, change of heart. And that's no REAL improvement. Most likely it will remain a strained relationship at least until one of us dies.
I did have abusive parents. And I forgave them. They still won’t admit that anything that happened was problematic. And that still bothers me. I certainly haven’t forgotten. But I’ve forgiven them.
My father would say I haven’t. He says that I have a chip on my shoulder. But really I’m just extra cautious and guarded around my parents. That offends him. He thinks that forgiveness means pretending that it never happened. He thinks that if I don’t pretend, than I’m not being intellectually honest when I say that I’ve forgiven them.
I disagree though. I don’t have a chip on my shoulder, as around everyone else I’m perfectly fine. I just don’t trust my parents. So I won’t take chances with them. I point it out when they revert to bad habits, like violence. They don’t like that either. But the fact of the matter is, my parents may not hit us anymore, but they kick the dog. That part of them is still there, and that scares me.
I’ve forgiven them, mostly because I don’t really believe much in free will anymore. I believe that my parents are bother very sick people, mentally. As such, I don’t really blame them as much for what they did. So I was able to forgive them. But I’ll never forget.
I chose "yes, even if they weren't sorry" because this is what I have to do with my narcissistic mother.
She is likely never going to be able to change her narcissistic mindset. She's nearly 60 and cannot even keep a job - she's neglected her mental health for so long it's likely too hard for her to make meaningful progress. Plus, she keeps getting fired by psychologists because she's the worst client ever and does zero of the work they assign her for improvement.
But I forgive her. She's human, she lost her own mother at 8, and she had no way of knowing she was uniquely unsuited to being a mother - both my parents' families are highly traditional and total pawn-mentality.
What I will not do is forget her abusive nature. I might be around her from time to time, but the woman I had hoped to have as a mother is a myth - a fiction. Not the reality.
The reality is that the best I can hope for is for her to die peacefully, and to keep a good relationship with my father. If we're lucky, maybe she can identify her issues and work on them enough to learn how to be a whole, positive human.
Sadly, it is not likely.
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I will only say that forgiving someone does not mean you will forget. But not forgiving hurts you more than them. You may think not forgiving makes you feel better, but in reality it doesn't.
I’ve been through it I was adopted at 5 and came to live with my adopted family since I was 18 months old prior to that I was beaten starved force to sleep outside with dogs when I was hungry (which was all time ). I would cry and get slapped for it eventually I stopped crying I couldn’t do it any more I stopped growing as a survival method which met I had to take growth hormone when I was 6 I was the size of most 4 year old girls I struggled through ptsd found out I couldn’t join the army because of it (probably both a blessing and a curse)
so no if I ever met my biological mother again and she tried to apologize idea probably slap the shit out of her cut her to pieces emotionally and leave
I’ve forgiven my mom. She was always physically and verbally abusive. She was also a party mom and brought a lot of men around my sisters and I. There was a time after one of her parties a guy tried to get into bed with me. I yelled at him to leave and he wouldn’t I woke my sister up and he was standing in a corner of the room watching us.. the next day she had another party and he showed up. I was about 9 years old and I walked out of the room and they cut off the music. I explained to my mom what took place the night before, pointed him out and started crying... everyone including my mom laughed at me. I will never forget it... now my mom and I are pretty close.. I’ve definitely given her a mouthful over the years. She was never really a mom.. more like a “friend” smh..
I did forgive him eventhough he never apologized. I'm pretty sure in his eyes he was a good father. He isn't abusive anymore but still far from being a good father. It doesn't bother me anymore cause I live on my own. My main reason for forgiving him is cause my mother is already dead and I doubt he will live Long cause he's an alcoholic
No, because not everyone deserves forgiveness. I think part of me has acknowledged their own bad upbringing and told them I understood why they ended up the way they are, but you still have a choice as an adult to not create a cycle of pain. My abusive parent decided they were comfortable in their misery because it created a perfect manipulated set-up for them and having me as a casualty was perfectly acceptable. They don't deserve my forgiveness.
I have tried and even though it’s better what it used to be I used to have a grudge against them for the longest. Every now and then my ptsd creeps in and I have flashbacks of what happened I fight them and want to be told an explanation of why it happened but they don’t want to bring it up. I somewhat want it to all disappear but the psychological damage is all I can’t get over. I thankfully don’t live with my parents anymore my ptsd only flares up when I’m around my family.
No. I can't. My father has psychologically abused my mother and me. I sometimes pity him when he acts like a good father or when he tried to show love. However, he doesn't even know he's abuse I guess. But I couldnt care less. He has caused too much stress and damage to forgive him.
Answer is yes, of course, I want to be free.
On genius we say that all the parents make a shit with our education, no matter their actions, they always fail.
Freud always finished with childhood, and Adler said we had to cut our parents head (it's a metaphor obvious).
Question is, do you want to be free to live your life or do you prefer to remain chained to your past? Because all the paths to freedom finish on forgiveness and advance.
Yeah I think I'd forgive almost anything my parents did to me. They gave me life and I will always be grateful for that. Not forgiving them for the past would really show that I'm ungrateful for all the good things they've given me too.
No. I also never forgot my father although he seemed to realize his mistakes and apologized to me many years later. But an apology cannot fix something broken.
Yes. They made many mistakes but they gave me many thing things which ensure a comfy life for me
You can't buy love with money but you can buy absolution
They could die for all I care. Because that is potential ptsd memories, permanent damage on how far the abuse is going.
As a Christan I have to forgive but if they weren't sorry about it and they didn't have a mental illness that made them like that then I wouldn't have anything to do with them.
The only way to move on is to forgive and accept what happened. It is in the past, don't let it ruin your life.
Yes, I already forgave my mother. She's been trying to make it up to me for the longest. Things are better now.
Forgiveness and forgetting are two different things. I forgive almost anyone for any action, but I'd never forget it.
My step Dad was extremely abusive. And no. I’d never forgive him.
No, I know I wouldn't.
I was lucky though. My parents are the best.
My dad is very abusive and agressive but it's fine cuz i know i was retarded kid and im still retarded.
Even after all these years on my own I still don't get on with my mother.
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