True or false: men and women can’t be close friends without one of them catching feelings?

Question

HighlyVolatile · Accepted Answer

I think it's obviously false here in Japan. It's so common for men and women to be close friends here, and often even from early childhood.

True or false: men and women can’t be close friends without one of them catching feelings?

One of the greatest culture shocks that I experienced when I set foot in places like the US is this notion that men and women can't be close friends without developing feelings (or unless they find each other unattractive). It seems so patently untrue here in Japan. But I think there might be some things here in Japan that contribute. These are just my conjectures:

1) Boys and girls are encouraged to be friends starting from the earliest age. So I think that mitigates the notion of seeing each other as mere targets of sexual or romantic desire.

2) Interests here are more unisex. For example, the Famicom was marketed to both boys and girls as opposed to Nintendo in the US where I found it in the boys' sections of toy stores and also saw advertisements targeted mostly towards boys. As a result, I would play video games even as a little boy together with both other boys and girls, like Super Mario. Similarly, lots of Japanese women love sports, beer, wrestling, martial arts, things perhaps considered a bit tomboyish in the US.

3) Japanese tend to value personality far more than looks and tend to be extremely picky about the personalities they want to date (although not picky much at all about personalities they want to befriend). I think part of the reason is that Japanese don't vary so much in looks. Most Japanese people are slim with dark hair and eyes. They're in decent health but not gym rats so often. There's not that much variation in looks and so that's why I think we don't tend to be so picky about looks.

4) It's not so hard for the average Japanese man to get dates. I think the most common scenario where friendships get ruined is for a man who has a difficult time getting dates starting to get so fixated on one of his female friends. Such a guy is probably going to be more likely to get so attached romantically/sexually to the first woman he can hang out with regularly. In Japan, that also happens, and those are the desperate guys who start to crush on their female friends. But such guys struggling to find dates are very rare here.

I think these kinds of things contribute.

AlphaGhost · Accepted Answer

No and yes cuz if you can successfully draw line between them, its not that difficult. Woman in my experience tend to jump the line and demand typical B. F like treatment from guys like telling everything, venting, demanding them to spend time on them listening to their venting and even expect them to take care of them like paying and stuff like that.
When guys see this behaviour they tend to believe, She wants more cuz that's typical G. F behaviour and they catch feelings for her (considering normal friendship). Woman have to understand he is not your significant others and you can't demand that from him, neither he freaking owes you anything in case of friendship.
He is not your B. F and have full right to say NO, and that what I tend to do. Whenever I see someone crossing the line and make stupid demand like sitdown with me and listen to what he did for 3 hour... I will say NO and majority of white chicks tend to take it as disrespect but,
You can't expect me to give you B. F perks at the price of nothing and I have someone in my life, to whom I will stay loyal and dedicate my time and life.

wheresmrcunnunglis · Accepted Answer

I chose no from my personal experience. I haven't had a strict platonic guy friend since the age of 12. After that, all the boys that were my friends tried to ask me out once puberty hit for both of us. Fast forward to adulthood and in my personal life, men perform the same move of acting friendly at first then slowly turning things up. Then asked me out despite me making it abundantly clear in a blunt manner that I am not and will not ever be interested in exploring a romantic relationship.

At work, men think that just because a woman is being friendly that they want to date them which makes networking hard as hell. Its as if they're pushing their way of thinking onto us.

So I give into the notion that men and women can't be friends if either party is attractive.

Crazycookie23 · Accepted Answer

I saw this video of this guy saying that men and women just literally can not be friends and sadly I feel like he's telling the truth.

I've had two friendships end with two guys all because they apparently had feelings for me that I knew nothing about, but then they asked me to date them out of no where and for me it was very awkward. Their persistence with the question made it worse!
Sadly, instead of respecting my decision, they threw tantrums (one of them even went as far as threatening to commit suicide but that's another story for another day that's just too traumatizing to talk about🤦🏾‍♀️)

Overall, this made me scared to be friends with guys anymore

Moose304 · Answer

Can I light a match while standing in gasoline two inches thick? Can I walk on the ledge of a 25 story building? I could go on with examples! The ugly underbelly of this question belies "cheating". So can a man and a woman be close friends and not cheat? Absolutely they can. I work closely with married women all the time. The key to this is clearly established boundaries. If I ask "Robyn" if she wants to go grab lunch it is the same as if I ask "Dave". This is because I need to eat not screw! Just because I can work closely with a female does not mean every male can! Also just because "Robyn" can work closely with me does not mean every female can. Now to switch gears. I do think that men and women should avoid becoming "soulmates" this can begin innocently then start becoming emotional over time. Example. If "Robyn" tells me she has a cold that is one thing, but to tell me she has started her period? That is something else. Again, as long as proper boundaries are clearly established and respected there are no issues in my opinion. Just beware! There are a huge amount of divorces all across the western world as a result of co-workers and friends screwing each other! This is a DIRECT result of boundaries being crossed! Think of it this way my mother used to make one of the best banana puddings I have ever eaten. If I came home and saw one in the refrigerator I knew better than touch it. That is a boundary. The same dynamic is at play here!

CheeseMonster · Answer

It's definitely doable, an being gay helps, but I think it'd be a lot more common if romance wasn't so dominatingly valued over friendships in media/people, and everybody didn't automatically assume "couple" when they see a boy and girl be in the same room as each other.

It's kinda ridiculous. You grow up eating the idea that you will find a boy/girl, fall in love, and that's the most important part of your life. Of course kids have a hard time making "just friends" with the opposite sex. It's so easy to see staying friends as settling for a cheap half-relationship when what you really need is sex, or love. You know, the important relationship. The one that will give you meaning in life. 😗🙄

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

No, the statement is false.
At least on college level.
I have seen many friends. They were not couple, but were just together. When I asked the guy about any feelings, they all said, why would they have feelings for this particular girl?
That was good thinking. Practical with a hint of emotional touch. Perfect blending for social behavior, I think.

I myself have many friends who are girls. Trust me, I never even thought about them in this way. They are friends and that was enough or that was good. Nothing more than that.

GlassTop · Answer

No absolutely not they cannot maintain friendship unless the guy is a eunuch or the girl is unable to have sexual or romantic feelings. It’s a very old and stupid question. Anyone that has been in a long term relationship and marriage understands this, but many have yet to learn. If you are married, and your partner is communicating or having a friendly relationship with someone that isn’t business related, it’s only a matter of time before the cheating happens. It will be some dumb excuse like they got drunk or something. If your partner truly loves you, they won’t have a reason to be friends with the opposite sex anymore. All their time will be dedicated to you and the family.

MountAverage · Answer

Objectively and very obviously demonstrably false. This claim is not only beyond absurd because of how absolutist it is, but also because of its beyond absurd premise. The premise essentially boils down to that everyone finds everyone attractive (or at least all men find all women attractive). WTF? Who is delusional enough to believe this?

The other thing that's so absurd about it, is its audacity to discredit millions upon millions of friendships. I've always had very close female friends. Out of my best friends, most are female, actually. No one ever caught feelings for the other.

Some people really need to grow the fuck up and stop projecting.

WhatTheHeckkkk · Answer

False, but it can be true depending on some individuals.

I’m close friends with a few guys. We have no interest in each other whatsoever. We are very clear with our boundaries and know that it would never happen. My parents have close friends of the opposite sex, same thing.

Cherry234 · Answer

Absolutely false. I have a guy friend irl who I have no feelings for and he has no feelings for me either. I also have friends on here of the opposite gender. People who think men and women can't be friends are either ignorant or they're using their bad experiences with friends of the opposite gender to make generalizations about all opposite gender friendships. I hate it when people keep making generalizations.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

I am "good" friends with a lot of women. If I were to catch feelings it would have happened a long time ago I think.

So I think men and women can be close friends without catching feelings. Although it certainly can happen of course, but not necessarily.

Apulu_3 · Answer

False. My Best friend is a male and we very super close. He is the closest person to me. And we don't have feelings for each other. at least this didn't happen with me. Also in my life I had more male friends than female yet I didn't got feelings for any of them nor did they got any feelings. We made it clear with each other.

shaysh87 · Answer

so it is definitely possible for a man and a woman to just be friends. But from my experience, women are more likely to be able to be purely friends with a man than a man to be purely friends with a woman.

The thing that you need to understand about men is that they are extremely sexual. Many guys won't even want to befriend a woman they aren't attracted to.

Heartache0405 · Answer

No matter how hard women try to believe that it isn’t true, they have no idea how they can unintentionally cheat on their boyfriend with their friend. Which leads to them legitimately cheating and knowing they are and then they attempt to panic and get her boyfriend to stay when he shouldn’t. Once a cheater always a cheater. Women being around other men constantly builds relationships that they may or may not plan to build but it does anyway.

skytatoe · Answer

Both my best friends are female, and its been like this for years.
I can never see myself catching feelings for them, I have zero attraction for either of them. If you know how to spark attraction, you also know how to kill it. So that's never going to be an issue lol.

TransAm85 · Answer

False. I had a close guy friend that I lived with for a little bit. He was more like a brother to me. We were totally different in a sense to date. But we had fun at many Tom Petty and Fleetwood Mac concerts!

AliceW87 · Answer

Years ago I would've voted false but it happened to me.

My male friend of 21 years got drunk one night, called me and told me how he knew that one day we will end up together. After that our friendship was ruined.

pixie215 · Answer

for the most part true, i just lost my best friend who got feelings but he is married and no way i was getting into that situation. its weird but well thats life i suppose

NamerOfStars · Answer

False- mostly. Feelings are LIKELY to develop, especially given enough time, but it's not a certainty. Also, they're, y'know, FEELINGS. You don't have to let them dictate your actions.

sangai · Answer

ture.. cyz i have seen one of my closest friend fall head over heals for a guy, and the guy doesn't seem to be borthered by this fact.. this girl is soo madly in love with the guy that whenever he's around she forgets that there is any world around her.. omgg toxic

Anonymous · Answer

This could be true and false. Some persons can develop feelings. For example If you're a beautiful woman, have a nice body and a great personality it might be hard for a single guy to just want a friendship.

From experience if you become close friends with the opposite sex the whole world thinks you're together.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

I have many make friend what are married with someone and single. I get along with men more than women

PhenomenalQueen · Answer

For me this stood true, I’ve once fallen for my best friend and it crushed me that he said I was like his sister. Lmao

boggboss · Answer

False it can happen but as with anything depends on how people treat the friendship and what u define as close friendship

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Its 70 /30 But there are more chances of sympathy for women that has fallen in love with her guy bestfriend and is justified and acceptable than vice versa

Grond21 · Answer

This is completely false. Some people don't know how to be friends without catching feelings, but many people are friends with the opposite sex and have no feelings whatsoever

BaldAvenger · Answer

It's rare that sooner or later one DOESN'T catch feelings but the rarest yet but has happened we're best friends for so long that even tho no feelings were caught, realized they were the best fit for each other and grew feelings from there.

Preston_Tatum · Answer

I’ve argued this so many times. I think at some point, one will catch feelings

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

If you mean friendship feelings, then it is true... but romantic feelings isn't always the case.

menina · Answer

False. My best friend in high school was a guy and we never had feelings for each other.

SAMI_DABBAB · Answer

Only people who aren't used to having many friends from the opposite gender might think like this, it's false

megabamse · Answer

Most of my friends are woman, and most of them is like a sister to me.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I've been good friends with LOTS of girls and never had feeling for them, and vice versa.

exitseven · Answer

I had several female friends and they never became more than that.

sp33d · Answer

This statement is self-defeating. Close friends naturally have feelings for each other. They wouldn't be close friends, otherwise.

zagor · Answer

False; I've had several close female friends. OK, I see you said "one of them". I can't verify how they may have felt about me.

Darine123 · Answer

Not true!! I have a guy friend who send me to a date..

ITGirl95 · Answer

True, unfortunately this is the case in most situations.

finding_yourself · Answer

most of the time boundaries aren't set well, someone catches feeling and someone gets hurt.

notwoke · Answer

true if there is zero attraction then I don't enjoy a womans company. It's oK if nothing ever comes of it, but women are harder to be around than men

IsoUser · Answer

To be perfectly honest I think that is false because I have female friends and female friends with benefits but then again I am over 49.

Luopio27 · Answer

If one is atracted to the other sexually, then it most lilely won't work.

girlwithglasses01 · Answer

i have them, they are more like bros to me, and it is viceversa for them.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't say they " can't". But more often then not I think it happens that one of them usually does.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

False. Because if that's the case, bisexuals can't have close friends.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

100% false unless one of them is attracted to the other.

nompty · Answer

Honestly for me personally unless they are younger than me I just always get attached and I hate it I just want friends.

archnightt · Answer

False, I've been close friends with girls in my class for over a decade now. We were batchmates from elementary school to high school.

Anonymous · Answer

False false false! I do have 2 close friends who aren't male and they aren't ugly or unattractive neither.

Kurdistan1991 · Answer

Men don't become friends with a girl they don't want to sleep with.

Anonymous · Answer

Obviously false. It can happen but most are not interested in plain friendship to begin with.

Anonymous · Answer

True but that doesn't mean the friendship has to end. The one who caught feelings for the other might have to live in silence.

EmmaMary · Answer

Absolutely and totally  False .

Heygirl124 · Answer

I wish I’ve had better experiences with this but I haven’t.

Anonymous · Answer

Definitely true. I've had good friendships with people with whom weren't mutually attracted. :)

Mess96 · Answer

True! I’ve been going through it and it SUCKS

AviatorTom · Answer

Watch "When Harry Met Sally"

TheMajesticKing777 · Answer

It's possible but I think it's just very rare

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

If you act like a friend, you're a friend.

TheFlak38 · Answer

friendship between men and women doesn't exist.

noohair · Answer

This is what I believe.

anylolone · Answer

By my experience it's basically like that.

Anonymous · Answer

False cuz most men are gay anyway.

True or false: men and women can’t be close friends without one of them catching feelings?

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