I was a bully once (hurt a woman's only child) but I'm ashamed... what can I do?

[Anonymous]

Even though we're friends by now (I've changed) and 20 year-olds, I'm still ashamed of visiting him. We're in our 2nd college year and living with our parents; they pay our tuition. I'm not sure if I can even show my face in his house. I hurt her child.

The only single time I've met his mother (rightfully upset and nearly in tears) was right at the principal's office. We were 12-13 year-olds at the time and even though he had a couple other bullies, the main issue was with me. I admit to laughing and smirking at the office too, not caring about getting suspended nor her pain.

The lady obviously had a terrible image for that day. I've treated her only child horrible, bullied him even physically too, humiliated him, hurt him and laughed at that office. Even though it's been 7-8 years since it happened, for sure she still remembers. What can be done? Or do I just continue refusing to visit him and meet elsewhere.

[skytatoe]

I'm pretty sure everyone's done shitty things in their life they're ashamed of. That uncomfortable feeling, that pain, it won't go away. It's your conscience telling you that you acted like dirt and you gotta step up your game so you dont hurt others or yourself in that way again.

I guess, you just cope with it as best you can. If you've sincerely apologised, then you don't need to do it again. I'm sure he's forgiven you by now and moved on. You were a kid, a shitty kid, but still a kid. Doesn't mean you didn't know what you were doing, just that you were a tad stupider than you are now lol.

[Mynameisbobby]

Start by apologizing to him and his mother. Unfortunately boys never get taken seriously when they are bullied by a girl. You were young so just explain to them and apologize to both of them. Now that your older you realize what you did was wrong and that you can choose to be a better person!

[Asker]

I'm friends with him for a while but yes I need to now make things right with his mother. We meet each other outside but I've never visited his house out of shame. I can't hide with my shame for too long. It would be great to have a formal introduction and hopefully she can see I've changed.

[Asker]

You're right boys don't get taken too seriously their bully is female; unless she really is busted with evidence and got recorded; that's what happened. I did got suspended for a week for bullying him but it was after two other students also told them I was the bully, someone else recorded a small part of me backing him against a wall and he had a bruise on his cheek and arm.

[Mynameisbobby]

Like I said you were young so I think she will forgive you and see that you have changed. Especially if you are still friends with her son. Has her son ever mentioned his mother having said anything to him about you and what you did to him?

[Mynameisbobby]

He obviously has forgiven you

[Mynameisbobby]

Thanks for MHO

[NotTacocaT6969]

If you continue to hide from it, it will eat you alive from the inside.


Go, see both of them and apologize for your past behavior.


Wondering what might happen is far worse than what will actually happen.


You’ll be glad you did it.

[Asker]

True I can hide forever. We have met outside but I've never visited his house out of shame. I've long reconciled with him and we're friends for a while. Next is making things right with his mother. I just hope she can see I've changed.

[yucychan]

Are you asking this so that you will make yourself feel better? Or is this about making things right?

[Asker]

No. I want to make things right. I'm already friends with him but we meet outside. I've never visited him. I'm so ashamed of what I put his mother through.

[Asker]

I have never visited his house out of shame. I laughed at her pain at the time.

[yucychan]

@Asker
If you really want to make things right with his mom, then you need to know from her what you could do, what she wants. You can check in with your friend first and discuss the best way to go about it, e. g., how to seek her forgiveness etc.
No point in feeling ashamed, you can't change the past. What's done is done. What you can do now is to move on and show her and your friend that you have changed and you are a better person than before.

[UniquelyBasic]

You can't run from the past and it will eventually catch up to you someway or another. Seems you need to get this off of your chest to put it truly behind you and move on. Im sure his mother won't be happy with you even after all this time but you were young and hopefully she can see the person youve become and eventually forgive you.

[Asker]

Hopefully. It's just that I'm putting myself in her shoes now. That must have been one of her worst moments, someone hurting her child and I can't believe I laughed at that.

[DaveJord]

Become a better person and get over it and move on. Damage is done, not sure you can really go back and make it right and if you try you might do my damage by bringing all back to the victim.

[Asker]

I'm trying but I'm ashamed to even look at the lady's face after the way I treated her child back then.

[JuanVeIasco]

Female bullies often go unpunished, even when they engage in harsh physical bullying against boys.

[Asker]

yes I'm aware. It was 100% wrong too.

[Iron_Man]

Seek out counseling if you need it Talk to the child’s mother

[Asker]

Yeah that would be helpful.

[Iron_Man]

Great

[Anonymous]

Well, with any luck somehow someway you’ll pay for what you did.

[Asker]

I'm ashamed of it all.