I was drunk and shoved mom after getting slapped, any way to stop getting shamed?

[ChicanaChick]

It happened yesterday night in front of a couple older relatives. A mutual family friend and my sister had to drive me home.

We had a heated verbal exchange, I said too much, not realizing I'm dealing with my Mexican mother. She slapped the heck out of me but to everyone's (even her too) shock, I became enraged and ended up shoving her to the floor. She fell pretty badly and I'm getting shamed by many within my Latino and hispanic family members. Few actually think we're both to blame.

Some religious (I'm really atheist) folks think I'm going to have bad luck in life and that I'm now cursed for doing that. I don't believe in any of that nonsense. I just feel bad for shoving her like that. I would've never reacted like that sober, much less get violent with her. Now she's afraid of me.

How to get rid of this shame?

Updates

8 mo

It's scary to think how much force I must've applied in that shove.

[Cutegirl06]

I don't think she should have slapped you especially in front of other relatives. You overreacted but so did your mom. All you can say is that you're sorry. I hope she said she was sorry too.

[ChicanaChick]

To give you an idea of my hispanic background, it's normalized for parents to slap a rude child but it's the shock of the century if you hit back a parent. It's like an unwritten but known rule you just don't do out of respect.

[strateguy632]

Oh honey, @ChicanaChick that is not hispanic! That is all parents in all cultures... causing laws in 1980s against hitting your child.

[ChicanaChick]

@strateguy632 and now my mother regrets raising me like that. I was quite surprised that she apologized for her part too. She's been now telling to please not ever hit my child if I become a mother one day.

[Bklynbadboy12]

You can't listen to these people they dont understand the Hispanic culture. It was wrong what you did but I think you already know it. Stop drinking your not thinking straight when you do

[ChicanaChick]

Yeah respect towards your elders, esp your parents Is highly emphasized in our culture. Whoever shows no respect is usually shamed.
Growing up, I've gotten slapped by mom a few times but never imagine hitting back.
To hit back a parent, it would have to be an exception to the rule such as them trying to kill you or coming after your child.. something very horrible happening. Otherwise it's an unwritten rule that you just don't raise your hands on them (not even to slap back) out of respect.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I agree I've been slapped several times by my mom she's 4'11 I'm 6'5 and I would even dream of hitting my mother back

[Bklynbadboy12]

Thanks for the MHO

[strateguy632]

By apology! also limit drinking to just one beer.

[ChicanaChick]

There's been an update ever since. Shocking, she also apologized for her part and kept expressing regrets about how she raised me. She then told me herself that if I become a mother one day to please don't hit my child, to do a better job. Interesting. That was the first time we ever had such a close, open communication like that.

[MasterKS]

It happens, take it easy.

[Ariesman81]

Quit drinking