Would you apologize to someone for behavior you regret, when / if you are uncertain they want anything more to do with you (kinda awkward 👀)?

[VIVANT]

Like you still think you owe them an examination but you don’t think they really want context so in that case is the apology selfish— which defeats the purpose I think apologies are supposed to benefit the receiver tho I guess, really, it’s for the person apologizing to put it to rest and accept their accountability. Now I’m not sure if apologies are really for who or what lol kind of like how funerals are really for the living to gain closure unless it’s a wake.

Anyhow I think I got a bit off topic. If you wanted to apologize to someone before Covid but couldn’t do it for three years, would you still do it after even if they seem bad. Or would you Just leave them alone? Yeah I know maybe they can be mad bc you never apologized/ or explained BUT they can also just be annoyed and want nothing 🤷🏻‍♀️

What would you do if the only thing you know for sure is you were wrong. Maybe they were too hit you’re owning up to your actions, not theirs.

Thanks!

I KNOW I ask stuff like this a lot 😂 💦 I have a latent respond to stuff. I’m good at looking at other situations, but If I’m personally involved, I don’t really sense things with people till wayyyy later. In the moment I’m just kinda detached — for many many moments really. Just takes a long time for how I feel about the situation to click for me. Sucks… I guess it wouldn’t bother he if I didn’t care but I do care just too late. It’s like I’m completely disaffected in the moment then completely compassionate, months, years, later. 😬

I’d offer to clear things up & they can do what they want with it.

I’d send them an email or text. So they don’t feel put on the spot and they can read or not read. As they wish, in their own time.

I’d send them a recording, so that as with option B, they are not put on the spot, plus there will be less risk for confusion bc your voice intonation inflection etc etc, impacts communication greatly.

I really don’t know what I’d do, if anything 🤷🏻‍♀️

I do not really care enough about any event from more than a month ago to bother.

I’d ask generally to talk, if they don’t express interest, then I just leave it.

[Lliam]

I understand what you're saying. It happens to me, too. Sometimes I don't even realize until later that I did something wrong.

Anyway, I chose 'A'. I'd want them to know that I realize I was wrong and am sorry. What they do with that is up to them.

It will make them feel better in the long run, even if your apology doesn't patch things up. But I also agree with you that the apology is for you, too. It helps you to forgive yourself and put it in the past. According to Alcoholics Anonymous (which I've never had the need to attend) it can provide you with peace of mind, relief and liberation from the chains of regret.

I like your analogy to funerals, too.

[VIVANT]

Yup pretty much exactly how I see it Liam. 👍🏼

[TommyMountainFigure]

If I was in the wrong irrespective of whether or not they wanted my apology, I would do so. The only difference for me is? I wouldn't have waited. Covid didn't just cause a lockdown overnight, I would of done so as soon as I knew we were going to be locked down.

[VIVANT]

Yeah the first sentence is how I see it. And I’m not blaming Covid I was just pointing g out the length of time it’s been.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Understood.. The reason I don't wait isn't really for their benefit though.. It' because the longer I leave something the more I think about it and the more I think, the harder something becomes.
Oh and thank you for choosing my answer.

[razelove]

I don't regret, sure, I've made shitty choices before, especially with an absence of information, but I don't regret any of them. If I find out I wronged someone I apologize, even if it is for myself because the difference is now irreconcilable.

Regret is silly, without mistakes how could you be you? If life was perfect it would lose all meaning.

[VIVANT]

I guess I think if regret as a guide that alerts me to a suboptimal behavior & Keri’s from repeating it—bc I can think my way through either side of an argument so I need something beyond thinking. I don’t think dwelling is healthy but I think regret is not unreasonable as long as it doesn’t dominate you. Tho your point is well taken 😊

[razelove]

What is keri's? My logic is people each build their own jenga puzzle of how to deal with the world in their paradigm, there's no right or wrong way as long as it works. I don't feel or believe in regret, you do. As long as it works, it works, and is not any of my business to be judgy mc judge judge on.

[worldscolide]

The option I would choose is not up there. If they wanted nothing further to do with me, then I owe them no apologies, because they have already made their choice about me.

[VIVANT]

You don’t know if they don’t want anything to do with you, it’d be a feeling which may just be an incorrect assumption…I guess makes this question about whether you react based on conscience or you’re own defenses or what you perceive to be their wishes except for that last one, it’s just guessing.

If you had done something wrong it’s still be wrong even if they wanted space— I’m not sure how that would change what had happened?

I’m not piling on you it’s just my nature to ask questions 😊

Anyhow I guess you answered in that your recursion is going to be based on how you feel in the moment about their behavior , rather than any affinity to a sense of justice you may ir may not have had. Thank you 😊

[worldscolide]

If I didn't know for sure I'd apologize.

[Philyouup]

if i think one is warranted , i will offer my apology. Don’t think i ever had to, but i would always apologize if i did something deserving of an apology for sure

[VIVANT]

I can see that about you Philip that you didn’t often need to 😊

[Philyouup]

Thanks Ms Viv. i expect you don’t need to either

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I’d offer to clear things up & they can do what they want with it.

[VIVANT]

Yup me too I think 🙂

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@VIVANT 👍

[Jamie05rhs]

It's never too late to apologize.

If you feel something on your heart that you need to say, then I think you should say it. 💚

[VIVANT]

That’s a lovely way to put it. 💕

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks! 😊

[Juxtapose]

If it's been that long then fuck it, why hold onto something that was probably inconsequential? They probably wouldn't even remember it anyway.

If it was that important to them they would have brought it up with me without me having to bring it up myself.

[VIVANT]

Very few people will bring stuff up if it bothered them bc it feels weak to have been bothered by it. Well in my experience anyhow. Person is far more likely to apologize for being a d*ck thrn to let someone know they were hurt. Plus this is about your own standard of what’s right there
Drs why it’s tricky and why I adjedvthe question. If I did wrong whether it matters to someone or not I’ll want to be accounts or. But there’s a line of where that goes from being ethical to self indulgent.

Anyhow, I totally understand your position.

[Juxtapose]

Nobody will EVER bother apologizing to me months later, nobody on Earth thinks or cares about me that much let's be real.. so why should I bother? Hell most of my friends are sociopaths and wouldn't even cry if I died and the people that will cry if I die are older than me and are going to all be dead when I am dead.

[Juxtapose]

Been a while though, fun talking to you again :)

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t approach them, but if we ever encountered, I’ll do my apology. They probably just want nothing to do with you.

[VIVANT]

People can approach you but also seem avoidant so it’s not ever necessarily going to be clear. Even if they approach. Unfortunately. 😐🤷🏻‍♀️

[Sam_25]

Nah I never apologize...

[VIVANT]

Haha consistency 🙂

[TallAnon]

If someone doesn't want to talk, aight, next.

[VIVANT]

Haha yeah tho sometimes people can talk but you can still feel they are distant. It’s not always clear 😁

[Bklynbadboy12]

Well I'd apologize for anything I did wrong

[VIVANT]

Thank you for answering😊

[Bklynbadboy12]

Your so welcome