Have you ver wanted to apologize to someone for your past actions but their current behavior was kinda terrible, making your apology difficult?

[VIVANT]

Did you have second thoughts on apologizing for past stuff you did bc of their current behavior? How did you handle it.

Yes. But I just apologized anyhow bc I was till wrong in the past even if they were bing a wanker in the present.

I just forgot about it. We’re even 😂

I texted them what I wanted to say bc talking was too difficult with their grouchiness

OTHER

[Jamie05rhs]

One time someone apologized to me. And I apologized to them as well. Because I thought it would be a good way of making peace. (And I'm very introspective and self-critical, so I can always find something to apologize about.). But then afterwards I regretted it. Because they went right back to their horrible behavior. The lesson I took from that is I think you just can't ever apologize to a narcissist. Because then they see that as weakness and it inspires them to attack you again. If they ever come to their senses and have a moment of sobriety, you just have to let it play out and not interfere. Accept their apology and acknowledge their acknowledgement of their own wrongdoing, without enabling them by diverting their attention onto yourself.

[Jamie05rhs]

When I say "they went back to their horrible behavior," I mean immediately. Within 5 minutes.

[VIVANT]

I suppose but the problem is we won’t really know if there’s good in there till we apologize bc people can also act out when they are wounded so I think y did right tho I am sorry for he it turned out eventually

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT Okay. Thank you.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO.

[VIVANT]

You tried 💪🏼

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT Lol. Participation trophy. Hey, I'll take it! 😄

[Lliam]

OMG yes! I've said and done many things out of ignorance. After processing and realizing that my reactions were inappropriate or wrong, I apologized no matter what, even if it was years later. It bothers me when I act like a wanker.

[VIVANT]

😂 😂 doesn’t it just tho !! 😛

[Lliam]

Yup. It's not comfortable to confront my own dysfunctions. LOL But it's all part of growing up. I try to learn from my mistakes. 🥴

[VIVANT]

Indeed 🫡

[HollyK21]

I mean, how much value will the apology hold if they’re a repeat offender? Then it’ll feel like you’re apologizing for their bad behavior when you think about it. If you were very out of line or disrespectful then sure, own up to it and apologize. But it’s useless if you’re only going to feel that way again in the near future based on who they are and how they handle things.

[VIVANT]

That would he easy if it had happened repeatedly I agree, but let’s say you were really in the wrong, and a long time later you realized and decided you owe an apology and by then they are being kinda lame. I don’t think it’s clear cut , my inclination is to still come first snd if they continue to act distasteful oh I just wouldn’t be around them. I’m just not comfortable deciding that it’s pointless without trying. Of course I have doubts which is why I asked lol it’s a tough one 🤷🏻‍♀️

[HollyK21]

I get where you’re coming from, I’ve been in that position before and you’re absolutely right, it’s tough af lol. But I think some core things come into play here. Like for one, what if your apology could made all the difference in how they act towards you? For all you know, their behavior could be a direct result of having been hurt by you and getting no apology. That’s how resentment and frustration grows, and they could be experiencing a bit of that. Secondly, I don’t think there’s room for pride and fault to coexist. Like if you’re wrong, you shouldn’t be too proud to say sorry because you know deep down it isn’t fair. So if you really messed up, and it’s still eating at your soul all this time later, I think you’d feel much better getting that off your chest. Whatever happens from there is on them. Who knows, the damage may already be done to your friendship, but at least you had the courage to apologize in the end.

[VIVANT]

Exactly what you said us what I’m thinking. I’m not proud of it but I know my behavior has changed towards people based on stuff they did and instead of addressing it I just become difficult.

And the apology is to make amends not make magic. So if I apologize and they are still unfriendly, that’s fine. I e done what I set out to do. Honestly the thing in my way is my pride. Bc a tiny voice is like well what if they are just a jerk then you’re appealing to a jerk and that’s weak… but I’m not appealing lol I’m apologizing for stuff I actually did. Which is the ethically correct thing to do in my opinion

Basically I just can’t decide if I should just put it in text. Not bc I’m cowardly tho maybe who knows lol but bc when people are upset they jay not listen well. Whereas if they can read, they have time to cool off come back to it etc. only problem there is any misunderstanding may not be corrected.

[HollyK21]

I feel you! I used to have a hard time apologizing about certain things because sometimes it just feels like there’s so much more to it, you know? But I’d really have to just sit down and analyze the situation, my fault in it and how much would saying sorry really matter? Especially after so long, like I’ve waited a whole year in the past to finally apologize.

I guess it’s just a matter of perspective, and doing the things that you can live with. For instance, if you didn’t say sorry, would it continue to eat you up or could you make peace with the silence? As I’ve gotten older, a guilty conscience has just become more trouble on my soul than it’s even worth, if that makes sense.

I have sent my apology through text, mainly because I’m not great with saying what I need to say on the spot, and I’m able to articulate it better with words. I’ve literally been like “hey, I know this is random af but it’s just been heavy on my mind. I wanted to apologize for my actions in that situation. I feel like we both said things we didn’t mean, but I was very wrong for my part and I need to say sorry. We don’t have to talk, it’s probably better for us to have some space, but I at least wanted to tell you this”. Sometimes it’s really just a means to an end, like you said if they are still unfriendly then oh well, to hell with them. Pride can be a monster and your worst enemy, remember, when you’re wrong, sorry isn’t a weakness, it’s just doing the right thing.

[VIVANT]

You read my mind! lol I was gonna c/o what I agreed with but it’s the whole thing so yeah 😂

Thank you very helpful to see someone else level headed & understand it so well.

[HollyK21]

Haha I’m glad I could help! You don’t have to make a decision right away, just give the pride aspect to this some real consideration, even despite their actions right now, who knows maybe the apology would fix that. A text is totally fine if that’s what feels most comfortable for you, just do whatever works best☺️

[VIVANT]

Lol it’s by right away I’ve been mulling over this for 2 years 👀 👀 🫣 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️

[RoseySarah]

Tried to say sorry but they were to bitchy to even let me say anything so I walked away and said what I needed to for me

[VIVANT]

Makes sense for sure. You tried and that what you can do. Beyond that, that’s a them problem

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I wanted to apologize to people I hurt their feelings and to this day we went our own ways nothing more we can do, but I swear no way will I ever do this to any person.

[VIVANT]

I hear you

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@VIVANT 👍

[TonyMetal___86]

If i did something wrong than i'll apologize later no matter how they act, after that i'll just leave with a comfort mind...

[VIVANT]

You’re on my wavelength Tony 👍🏼

[TonyMetal___86]

Thanks skyscrapper girl 😌

[VIVANT]

💜🫡

[humanearth]

Usually most loose contact within 20 years. I only have 8 friends that I have been friends with over 40 years and all of us all still keep in contact with

[AmeerX]

I still apologized but pointed out that they were wrong this time.

[VIVANT]

😂 😆😁😁 that’s fair

[AmeerX]

What other choice did I have 😂. It's better to admit one's mistake. Defending one mistake is making room for 10 more

[VIVANT]

Oh I’m laughing bc you added what they did wrong

[AmeerX]

🤣🤣

[VIVANT]

😁😁😁😁

[Anonymous]

Kind of. I have a friend that has been unemployed for a few years. He's gotten more and more hostile, to the point that I just stopped talking to him. I occasionally talk to his brother and he keeps me abreast of what he's up to. I offered to help him get a job with the firm I worked for last time I talked to him and he just got angry with me.

[EaterPeter]

Yes. Whatever their current behavior was I could understand

[EaterPeter]

I tried texting them I could not hit send button. Then I met them once on person they happen to be there on social gathering and I thought now is the time. I requested them to be on side bar. They kindly accepted requested and there it happened about 14 years later

[EaterPeter]

Or 15 16 years

[VIVANT]

Wow!!! I’m so impressed Peter. That took courage. Well done. I’m really glad someone in this world did something like that. It is inspiring

[EaterPeter]

Thank you @VIVANT. Thanks for kind words.

[EaterPeter]

Thanks for like!

[EaterPeter]

In person *

[EaterPeter]

Accepted my request *

[VIVANT]

Happy ending lol

[EaterPeter]

🙂 not that kind but hope she got some closure

[SnowedIn]

"... being a wanker..." I love it! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[VIVANT]

I learned that from a friend from Ireland lol

[SnowedIn]

Fantastic

[LovingJo]

It is a very English thing 🤣👌

[VIVANT]

@LovingJo 😁😁😁

[SnowedIn]

Brilliant I believe is the appropriate response!

[LovingJo]

🤣🤣🤣😜

[Philyouup]

If i was wrong, i was wrong. Period.

[VIVANT]

I agree ☝🏼

[Philyouup]

Ms Viv. 👍👍

[eagle1951]

yeah

[VIVANT]

Sucks doesn’t it lol

[eagle1951]

yes it does