My friend has been lying about that she’s still messing with my other friend should I be mad or no?

[Anonymous]

My friends had a previous relationship and it was going pretty well but it started to get worse, eventually they ended things badly but since I’m both their friend they would tell me stuff about their issues, I kept what they said to myself as well. But to stay on topic my male friend ended things and my female friend told me and I suggested that it was finally time to start focusing on self love and maybe talking to a few other people, since we all were friends before they dated they went back to being friends but it really wasn’t the same, my friend was still dealing with issues that made it seem like they were still a thing but my male friend was in a relationship a bit after. My female friend tells me how she didn’t want him touching her and how she felt played so I thought she was done with him for good. I’d tell her how she seemed to be doing better but recently I was talking with my male friend and he said something that made me ask if they were having sex and he said they have for a minute now (he broke up with his previous girlfriend at this time.) I was thinking all the times she complained about him to me and was crying about how she was still feeling used by him she was still having sex with him and my male friend was surprised I didn’t know since she told me everything. I know her sexual activities are not my business but she made it seem like she wanted no type of sexual contact with him especially since they aren’t dating and she tells me literally everything even her sexual encounters. I always have been there to support her and give her tough love. I didn’t address it to her cause I don’t think it’s my place but I feel like she’s setting herself up to get hurt by someone who doesn’t plan to rekindle their relationship. I feel like It’s nothing to hide because I’m understanding but still I feel like she needs to learn the hard way now.

[HollyK21]

I think the best option here is to stop being the sounding board for their relationship, and stay out of it completely. Trust me I totally understand wanting to be a supportive friend — someone they can talk to, a shoulder to cry on, etc etc. But 9/10, your friend will go back to him or vice versa in some way, and lie to you about it because she already knows it looks sad and disappointing. She already knows you’ll be irritated because she’s supposed to have moved on, and doesn’t want to face that shame or hear your scolding. So why waste your breath? Why get yourself all worked up over someone else’s situation? Take a step back, and realize that what’s happening between them doesn’t concern you at all. If anything it only complicated things because you’ll feel torn by loyalty. So just don’t involve yourself anymore. Inevitably shit will hit the fan again, and you don’t need to be drawn into any of it or blamed for anything. Focus on your own business, and let them go back and forth.

[Asker]

Thank you and I definitely plan to do that moving forward, she over explained her reason cause I told her good luck but it was my way of saying I can’t help you anymore and she felt judged but it bothered me how easily she considered to try a relationship again after he just got out a relationship a month ago I believe. And my male friend revealed that the things she told me were half true and made him seem responsible for majority of their issues which he didn’t want to deal with.

[HollyK21]

I’m not surprised she over-explained, because that’s her trying to save face, and as I was saying before, she didn’t want to look a certain way or feel judged. But overall I’m glad you’re opting to stay out of it, because between her explanations and his, the moral is no one needs to validate themselves to you or anyone else. It won’t change anything, not their feelings for each other or what happens between them going forward. On top of that, the last thing you need is for them to make you the villain in some way when you’ve only been trying to help this whole time.

[pizzalovershouse]

You should feel what ever you want an then work it out