How awful are your in laws?

[Anonymous]

My Portuguese mother in law is. She spent the first 3 years of our relationship trying to pretend that I didn't exist. Every time he brought me up, she would change the subject. He barely even spoke with his parents before we started dating. I was the one who said he should be a better son and contact them more. I also paid to fly him out to see them for a present after 3.5 years. At least they were willing to acknowledge I existed after that. Fast forward to 8 years into our relationship. He lied and cheated endlessly, failed college classes year after year, got himself into debt cheating and trying to live the bachelor life, and brought home no less than 4 STDs. In the same amount of time, I got a degree, license, and certification in two fields. I learned an intermediate amount of Portuguese. Studied 14 hours a day, raising two children, coached soccer, and raised my net worth to nearly half a million with 750k worth of real estate assets. His net worth was in the negatives. We are in our early 30's.

Finally, I put my foot down on the cheating and bad financial choices. I told him to put me on his accounts, pull his money from his savings accounts and bonds so I could properly invest them and manage things for him. It was all very badly placed and rapidly losing value to inflation and his interest payments on credit cards. It's very clear at this point that he's horrible at managing money and I'm beyond good at it. We would both like for him to be able to retire one day. It would not be fair for him to try to fall back on my money when he made all the bad choices and wasted all of his own. His parents were furious and told him I would ruin him financially and run off with all of his money. Within 2 years I got him out of debt and to a positive net worth of over 20k.

Updates

1 y

I personally picked his portfolio, and I read through his retirement accounts and cleaned up the things he'd never bothered looking at or arranging. After everything he put me through, I also still bought him a house and arranged a trip for him to see his parents and 95 year old grandmother in Portugal.

Get this, they had the nerve to be angry that he was being gentlemanly and sweet to me the whole trip. He announced to his whole family that we are married. Pulling out my chair, opening doors,

Updates

1 y

coddling me when I got sick (from COVID they gave me because they flew in while infected), paying for things. Mind you, I had just spent over $60,000 on the down payment and repairs for this house the week before we got on the plane. They had the nerve to say I was going to spend all of his money and drain him dry! What money? He's broke!

We got in one little argument while there. That resulted in his mother seeing an opportunity to try to drive a wedge between us. Telling this 33 year old man

[Anonymous]

my question is, why are you still with this dude that cheated on you? stop focusing on the money and start fixing your marriage or get divorced.

[Asker]

It's not my job to fix him or the marriage he messed up. I'm not obligated to stay or leave. Divorce for me implies there's something or someone I would rather be doing. My priorities are elsewhere at the moment like my kids and our financial security and futures. I focus on what's important to me and what I can fix. My husband knows that he's free to be his own person and so am I. If getting divorced just happens to be the next step, then so be it. This topic is really about my in laws and not my marriage. He's actually stood by me when it comes to them for the most part for 8 years. Right now he's not even really talking to them anymore because they spoke badly about me and insulted him for staying.

[Opinion Owner]

honestly it still looks like you're mainly complaining about him...

[Asker]

Everyone complains. This is a forum.

[EmmaMary]

I can't wait to read the next thrilling instalment of this wonderful "Mills & Boon" story.

[Asker]

Here you go,

Telling this 33 year old man that he needs to move home asap. That I can go stay in a motel. Trying to ban him from returning to our bed. Saying that I'm controlling, using him, he's a slave to me, etc. From the woman who does all of the work around their house and even cuts up her husband's fruit and hands each piece to him every day... It's okay when they have a sexist dynamic where she does all the work, but it's not okay for him to ever treat me well! The whole thing left me furious. Even worse, he actually considered it in a moment of stress after a horrible flight home thanks to Air Canada. His mom got her hopes up. Less than two days later, he told her it was stupid of him to even have considered it, we were improving things, and never mind. That really set her off. She was blowing up his phone for HOURS. Insulting him, calling him a donkey, slave, and a fool. Demanding an explanation. Gross behavior from a woman in her 60's. He flat out ignored her.

[Asker]

I don't know why she thinks she could do better cleaning up after him when she raised him to be a mess in the first place. I hate when people push people to fail harder instead of wanting to see them succeed even if it's not benefiting yourself. What does she think will happen when she backtracks him financially and has him under her thumb at home controlling everything? It sounds like she's the one with control issues. If I had ever had control over this man, he would never have gotten away with a fraction of the horrible and messed up things he's done. He and I both know he's been completely in control. Only recently have I even tried to steer things in a better direction.

It took 8.5 years for his mother to even acknowledge to me that my kids existed, and it was right before she pulled this. No consideration for them, her son, or me at all. His family still has not even met my kids. I won't be sending any cards, telling him to be nice for their birthdays or holidays, or suggesting even a single other trip to visit them again.

[EmmaMary]

Will you please give the title of the book when you have published... Thank you.

And I do hope it has a happy ending!

[Asker]

Sigh

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHGirl.

[boggboss]

What's crazy is it sounds your more upset with them then the guy that constantly cheats

[Asker]

That's because this is just about their behavior recently. I made a post in the past about his cheating. I can't be the only one being put through the wringer.