If a friend admits they are into you or has a crush on you and you reject them. Have you been able to still be friends?

[BarryLiverstone]

W

[Guy13]

Subject at hand is solely dependent upon Maturity vs Immaturity Paradigm. If a mature individual expresses “caught feelings” beyond friendship to an established friend then their should be no issue. It is assumed that one who is mature recognizes that “we are friends because some thing or things attracted me to you initially”…. Given this grounded in maturity one should be flattered. —The gifted Friend, in maturity, shall respond honestly, gently, and sincerely as a Friend would and should. To destroy what was/is good because one party caught “boyfriend feelings” that were no reciprocated is nonsensical and telling. Friends when rosy is a hollow affair.

immaturity in this transaction is nightmarish in possible scenarios

[BarryLiverstone]

Have you remained friends with someone who was into you and admitted it?

[Guy13]

I did in graduate school and until today. She was lesbian.. butchy.. brilliant and never slept with a man. I was soccer coming off scholarship, kind of smart, laidback Christian-“there’s something sweet about you…I don’t know any Christians like you”. 2 years in after much life conveyance she dropped the unexpected 💣. Not what you are thinking…. “Will you sleep with me?” that’s when I found out she never had known a man.
—It helped following day when-“I know you can’t and won’t but you I wish you could because I could with you.”
So we are still friends although she’s in California and doing well in her career. 5 year alumni gig was this year and it was just like old days. Neither one of us came with an accompanying guest. The “topic” never came up again, btw….

[Nathan25]

I've been asked out twice, rejected both because I was scared and I have anxiety. I was pretty naive and not assertive at that point, tho. I even apologized to one of em 5 years later. I really was terrified tho, and said no quite coldly as a result. Quite a depressing end to an otherwise wholesome friendship on both counts. One time in freshmen year I was asked to a dance, and I said no before I could turn around. Have no idea who she was but we probably were in the same class for the next 3 years. kinda weird huh?

[Emiliamazing]

I think it can happen, distance often makes it easier. It also depends on the circumstances in which the individual made their feelings known.

A close friend tried to plant a kiss on me at a party just after I had started dating the man who is my husband. It was very very uncomfortable and I was taken by surprise. He had been drinking and was very embarrassed and apologized. He apologized to my “new” boyfriend.

The friendship normalized after summer break and we are both now happily married. We also attended each other‘s weddings. There is no animosity whatsoever. My husband and this gentleman chat freely when the group gets together every so often

[Horse-girl]

I made friends with a guy during one of the lockdowns, after hanging out with him for about half a year he asked me out. At the time I liked someone else so I declined, we didn't see eachother for quite a while due to me moving country but we kept in touch and are still friends.

[BarryLiverstone]

Do you like him back?

[Horse-girl]

I'm not sure, it's strange I like him as a friend and sometimes I feel I could be more with him but then other times not. It probably wouldn't work out anyway because we rarely see each other face to face.

[Horse-girl]

Thank you for the MHG 😊

[UnknownPuppet]

Depends. You have to try it to know. Each situation is different. For instance, about a year ago I started feeling something for a guy at work. We started hunging out as friends but I developed feeling for him so I letted him know and it turned out he was feeling the same. After a couple of dates he told me he is not ready for a relationship and we should better switch back to as we were before. Even if at the beginning it was hard for me, for a lot of months I was thinking that we were friends with no more sexual desire on each other. We were like that until a night out that we ended making out. Now, that time has passed, I can tell that I never got over him. I was just trying to convince myself that we are friends to not lose with. So, for me it didn't work.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Yes, I have, usually, I apologize to them as it was never my attention to lead them on or make them think I was into them that way.

Which then leads them to being like oh okay... and now I know its harder for them than me, cause they see me that way but I try to talked about it if they are open to it, like you know maybe we shouldn't hang out just the two of us for a bit but lets invite others and see what we can do.

[BarryLiverstone]

Does that usually work? Like you avoid one on one but help them find someone else? When I’ve sensed that girls are into me as more than friends I do the same thing

[Aerissa_Jade]

It has before, I've setup guys with others this way and stayed friends, even had one that for three months we only hung out with others but then after that we went back to 1 on 1 and it wasn't weird. I could talk about my boyfriend and he was fine. Now maybe he was hurting inside but he never said nothing to me or showed it and eventually he found someone else and got married. I attended his wedding too.

[HollyK21]

Generally yes but will one guy our friendship ended, mostly I think it’s because he made things weird between us. Even when I’d try to act normal or convince him I didn’t feel any bad way towards him, it’s like the rejection was stuck in his mind and he got cold towards me.

[BarryLiverstone]

Ya that sounds like his ego was bruised. But you were able to be friends with others even knowing they are attracted to you

[HollyK21]

That’s what I think and it really made me feel bad. Fortunately with others I was able to be friends with them still and it’s been good, I’ve gone to one of their weddings, another is settled down and has two kids, it’s nice☺️

[BarryLiverstone]

Awesome! They are now lifetime friends and found others to connect with romantically.

[CloudMassacre]

I told my friend that I had feelings for her, I was really upset because it felt like I was destroying our friendship. We’re still friends but we aren’t very close like we were before. I think it’s for the best, I was getting really bad anxiety around her for a long time before

[BarryLiverstone]

Ya better to be honest. How did she react?

[CloudMassacre]

She wanted to stay friends. We are still cool, just don’t really hangout as much

[Anonymous]

Yeah. But I can't guarantee she'll feel the same way. And if she did I'd totally understand (because I've been there).

I was asked out by a woman 4 years younger than me. I felt she was too young (silly I know). I regret that I never said yes. Because she was and is an amazing woman. But this was a couple decades ago and we're still friends to this day.

[BarryLiverstone]

Did she ask you out again?

[Opinion Owner]

No we lost touch (long story). In that time she met a guy they got married and she has several kids now. She's still an amazing person and I'm happy for her.
I chalk it up to what it was I may have before years older but in reality at the time I wasn't old enough for her if you know what I mean.

[Opinion Owner]

Been 4 * not "before". Stupid autocorrect. 🤣

[Dawty]

In reality as adults, no. If this unbalance is revealed, the friendship will suffer and most likely die out.

[BarryLiverstone]

But if in fact someone has a crush then is it a real and balanced friendship anyway?

[Dawty]

If its not reciprocated, the one in love is likely to keep a distance after beaing told the truth.
Over time the friendship suffers or the infatuation dies out, it has to be or the other.

[2Wheels]

I've been friends with a guy for years. He was crushed when I turned him down, but we're still best friends. Stronger than ever.

[BarryLiverstone]

Congrats

[2Wheels]

Thank you. 🙂

[Bluemax]

It has happened to me. A woman I was friends with confessed her feelings for me. We didn't remain friends.

[BarryLiverstone]

Was that because she went away?

[Bluemax]

Yes. I have much to say about that, and the many answers I see here.

[Bluemax]

How I long to see an end to the hard feelings people have for the rejector AND the rejected!

People must understand that we can't control who we are and who we aren't attracted to. If someone rejects, he/she can't control the fact that he/she isn't attracted to the rejected. Similarly, the rejected can't control the fact that he/she is attracted to the rejector. *How* we react to these feelings *is* under our control, but not the feelings themselves.

The woman who I rejected chose to sever contact. Contrary to many idiotic beliefs, she was not being immature. She was not being a jerk. She's not worse than Hitler, Pol Pot and Idi Amin combined. She chose to sever contact *because she was hurting*. Yes, hurting, even in my very presence. Even if I said nothing romantically suggestive to her or about anyone else. It hurt just to see me. I understand this. This doesn't make her emotionally immature. It makes her human. I also understood then, as I understand now, that feelings of unrequited love can last *years*. And the depth of pain and the length of unrequited love might very well be due to brain chemistry and brain anatomy, as I recall hearing on RadioLab (although possibly it was Science Fridays). Furthermore, I don't believe it was merely a bruised ego. It was a very understandably wounded heart. Again, and I can't stress this enough, she was hurting in my very presence.

Of course, it hurt to no longer have her as a friend. However, I assure you, it would have hurt me a lot more knowing that she was suffering every time we met. So I let her end our friendship without rancor, without anger, without resentment of any kind. So too should it be with everyone. She was a mature woman before and after the whole incident. When last I heard, she is happily married and with children, which is all I ever wanted for her.

[Blackcosmo]

I have never been in that situation but I would surely drift away from them over time. it would be too awkward and I'd always feel bad.

[BarryLiverstone]

Have you ever told someone you had a crush on them?

[Blackcosmo]

No I haven't.

[LexiXide]

I've been trying to find a question like this I kind of figured that someone would drift away from another person if that happens

[menina]

This has never happened to me but I think that if it did, I wouldn't be able to still be friends with them. It would be awkward.

[BarryLiverstone]

Thanks for answering that’s why I’m curious with others who have maintained friendships how it wasn’t awkward

[menina]

You're welcome. I'm also curious about it. I guess it depends on the situation and their personality.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yep most things depend on the situation. Seems like it’s risky to admit a crush as you could lose the friendship if rejected.

[menina]

That's true. But also many couples started as friends, so someone had to take the risk.

[Blueeyes81]

Its never worked for me, rejecting or being rejected. When it happened that I rejected her we stayed friends, for a few years. She never gave up and I had to reject her multiple times. She even tried to take advantage of me when I was drunk. Feelings just don't go away and most will still hold out hope that someday it will happen. Ultimately it just got so awkward that I had to cut ties.

[Celeste951]

No, I’m perfectly fine being friends with them but they haven’t been when it happens

[BarryLiverstone]

You mean you haven’t had a friend say that?

[Celeste951]

Not exactly- I’ve dated my friend when they asked but he wasn’t ok with staying friends when we broke up

[Marshymallow]

I have been in this situation multiple times. Depends on how close we are. If we aren’t that close then no I don’t try to continue the friendship. If it was someone like my best/ super close friends I’d give them some space but yes I’ve been able to continue the friendship. He moved on later on and even got himself a girlfriend.

[Passing_by]

No, it is cruel in my opinion to be still friends with them. One way or the other they willing always look forward for you changing your opinion and them having a chance with you and in this limbo, miss out on liking someone else who can love them more than you.

[Butterfly07]

Yes and also the other way around. I liked one of my best friends he rejected me but we are still really close friends. And one of my other friends liked me. And I rejected him but he is my absolute best friends still!

[Savannah194]

@BarryLiverstone yes actually have had that happen

[BarryLiverstone]

What happened?

[Savannah194]

@BarryLiverstone it was a guy who I am friends with in school but he had a girlfriend and they werent getting along to well so he told me he had a crush on me and was interested in me. and I said I like being friends with you better and he understood we still talk a few times a week.

[loveslave]

no. even if i remained their friend, they would resent me as i maintain it. it's pretty sad

[BarryLiverstone]

You mean once you reject them the friendship is over?

[loveslave]

no. it's not over. i usually like to move forward, but it ends on their end because i'm not giving them what they want.

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh but as friends you can still hang out and talk.

[loveslave]

i wish it were like that, but i feel their anger, so it becomes unpleasant.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yikes. Ok you are right. Anyone who is angry isn’t deserving of friendship.

[DaddyDiablo]

Yeah, think I've been asked to marry them but honestly I'm not interested in that or the people asking they had their chance n there's only one person I really intend to marry lol but well see she kinda not really there really atm..

[KostasKouvalis]

That's happened to me more times then I've done it. If they are a true friend, they will stay loyal to you. Normally when I end our friendship, it's because they are toxic or we disagree on too many things, not because they are crushing on me.

[Twalli]

I would try to maintain the friendship, same if I were to confess to a friend

[BarryLiverstone]

Have too successfully done that

[Twalli]

No friend I have asked out rejected me. Granted that's only one