Am I bad for cutting my friend off without explanation?

[Anonymous]

I cut my friend off recently and blocked her on everything. Because she was sneaky, was jealous throughout the friendship and backstabbed me in the worst ways possible. She tried to sabotage my other relationships and cause trouble etc. She also slept with my boyfriend a year ago. It was bad. She knows what she did to me.

I feel bad because I didn't talk to her before "ending" the friendship, but I felt that she would twist my words around to others and manipulate me if I did talk to her about ending it. Is this a bad thing I did? I blocked her and her boyfriend randomly without warning. Have I been an asshole by doing this?

[lightbulb27]

what you wrote says a lot about who you are and this other person. you are nice and empathetic and have concern for others feelings. Your x fiend (correct spelling) does not.

Yes you are an A hole for this... now stand up and be proud of that achievement because you are going to need this skill in your life! Very proud of you for making a stand and protecting yourself.

People like that can and will run over you back and forth and smile and enjoy it. Why, well that's an exploration in the hearts of sick people isn't it? She's a sick human and until or if she ever gets better, she'd keep doing the same. Opposits draw.

Good job blocking and don't return. If you want to do something to clera your conscious, go ahead, but you don't have to waste your time.

you are an ideal candidate for "The school for empathetic people". A school where people learn about your strengths being empathetic so that you aren't abused by others who lack those traits.

Be forwarned... since you are nice, you will draw A-holes. Learn to identify and filter them out, and stand up for your self worth.

I'm sorry for your losses, but your loss I hope turns into bigger gains in life going forward.

[Asker]

Thank you for your kind words, I'm learning to stand up for myself with friends more for sure. I think there's def a balance between being "kind" and letting shit people walk all over you lol

[lightbulb27]

Correct. You learned well. Keep your strength. Your a good 🍎.

[ericclayton]

You have to cut out toxic people. You're doing what's best for your personal emotional health, so it's not a bad thing to let them have their chaos "over there", where you're not involved.

[misfittoy]

no you aren't bad. you took charge to get this toxic out, i just did the samething, these types of people you cannot talk or reason with so its best to cut the ties like you and i both did. you know you are growing and learning when you recognize this type of dramatic, abusive behavior and are responsible enough to cut them off. you have outgrown her, you owe her nothing. stand strong in your decision, it was for your best interest, people like that will only drag you down. you feel bad because you are a good person but you did nothing wrong but are smart enough to see her pathetic behavior and protect yourself and not tolerate it any more, proud of you!

[Asker]

Thank you xx

[misfittoy]

welcome

[Pinay_ako]

No. You gave her too many chances to hurt you. You don’t owe her anything! She owes you an apology! But just cut your losses and live your best life! Your boyfriend isn’t any better.

[Pinay_ako]

Thanks for the MHG! 💕 hope things work out for the best for you

[Asker]

Thank you @pinay_ako xx

[RangerBlue22]

I had a former female “friend” do this to me years ago and then try to reconnect during lockdown. I acted pleasant at first to see what she would say. She acted like nothing was wrong. I then called her every name in the book and told her to pound sand. This time I blocked her and I am more than happy to go about the rest of my life never hearing from her.

Anyway unless she tried to kill your or committed an actual crime against what you did was wrong. Sure she might not be a good friend. But you could of at least sent her a DM or text explaining you want to move on (and then block her). Ghosting people is NOT letting someone down with gentle hands. It makes people hesitate to commit to friendships and relationships in the future

I cut myself off from a long time buddy of mine. But before I did I told him why face to face. It’s about respect. Even though I didn’t want to be friends with him anymore I gave him the respect of telling him why. It’s about principles.

So tbh you are not any better than your friend since you did this. You are just one of many digitized non confrontational cowards out there. Technology has enabled you to indulge in this.

[Asker]

She did commit a crime against me. She slept with my boyfriend on purpose to hurt me. Not because she actually liked him. He's out of my life too by the way but that was long ago.

[Biancam13]

I disagree. Protecting yourself is NOT toxic. What the friend did is toxic af. If the person was a real friend at one point, then yes I agree that talking to them first shows respect for what you had. But, if they were never a real friend (which it sounds like), then just cut them out/block them. They don't even like you in the first place anyway so you'd be doing them a favour.

[RangerBlue22]

I didn’t know about the “She slept with my boyfriend on purpose to hurt me.” part. That changed things. You need to give more context on questions like this.

Where you still dating your boyfriend when she did this? Or were you broken up with already? If she made your boyfriend cheat (and he has a very guilty role in all of this too) then you are justified to cut her out.

I am just more used to people making unilateral decisions for much lesser reasons (not liking someone’s personality). More often than not the other person isn’t even aware of what they are doing wrong. If they didn’t get closure it will never help them improve either. But this situation was different. What she did was a fundamental voluntary decision knowing it would harm you. You are totally justified to cut that out of your life. No bueno.

[RangerBlue22]

@Biancam13 I didn’t know about that new detail about her sleeping with her boyfriend. Not cool. Not cool at all.

But I have been ghosted before for inexplicable reasons. The reasons obviously felt justified to the other person but I seriously can’t think of a moment where I blatantly did wrong with something. The other person as just too cowardly to tell me the truth.

You need to think of the long term ramifications on what ghosting can do to people. Besides bad karma it also makes people increasingly less trustful to commit to each other. Why should I fully commit to a woman I like when this is always a threat?

There have been plenty of times I wanted to ghost other people but I don’t. In fact a part of me wanted to do this to my last girlfriend. But instead I sat down with her for agonizing 2 hours during the breakup. I am talking her going nuclear: throwing things, yelling, screaming and threatening to kill herself. However the closure I gave her accomplished to very important things 1) she got to say everything she wanted to say. She can look back knowing she got everything off her chest 2) her reaction to me wanting to break up to proved that I made the right decision. I had very few regrets or hang ups on how I handled it. I look back and know I did the right thing. I gave her the respect of doing it face to face

[Asker]

Thanks, I was still dating him yeah. She lied about me and would purposefully try to sabotage my relationship. I guess she succeeded. This was over a year ago though, but I shouldn't have kept being friends with her afterwards. I knew she didn't like me but I kept the "friendship" to avoid a massive drama or her becoming more vindictive.

[Asker]

She did some nice things during the friendship which is why I was conflicted. But I can't get past that big of a betrayal. She was constantly jealous and mean, so ultimately it was too toxic and needed to be gotten rid of. Sounds like you handled yours well, good for you!

[RangerBlue22]

She’s not a real friend and what she did was inexcusable. Sounds like she had no regrets or shame about it either. If she respected you she would of never done that.

But I have to ask you to consider something. Imagine if you told her the truth why you were ending the friendship. It would be scary. It would be a confrontation. It might of ended in a verbal fight tears and all. However afterwards there would of been two long term benefits:

1. You get that hurt and anger out of your system. That’s good for your mental health.

2. She knows exactly why you ended the friendship. It would teach her to think twice.

[Asker]

I get you completely. I just felt that (because she tends to play the victim and never takes accountability) that she would turn whatever I said around to make me a "bad guy" to others. But yh I get it.

[RangerBlue22]

And that would confirm that you made the right decision.

I had to cut off association with a woman (not a girl she was a year older than me) that subtlety insulted me in front of my family a few years ago. Long story but we briefly dated and later reunited as friends (with some subtitles).

Anyway she confirmed everything I suspected when I finally confronted her about the incident. She confirmed it my gaslighting and playing victim.

However I had my mind made up beforehand that if she tried that crap than the door would close. And I closed it for good. Goodbye and good riddens. But I got the closure of telling her why. She gets to understand that I won’t tolerate disrespect and there are consequences to her actions. It’s actually a win win in a way. Good for me and good for her.

Look at it like that.

[RangerBlue22]

by the way sorry not fully reading your context earlier. You did mention what she did already. I guess I’m overly conditioned to expecting weak excuses for ghosting. But I understand now.

[Asker]

No worries @rangerblue22 !!

[TonightYouu]

Tell ya what I’ll make you feel like less of an asshole by telling you what a real asshole is

I cut off a hot girl who is an alcoholic and only hit her up for cheeks I ignore all her texts she thinks I love her 🤣

then there’s this single mom I told I’d take care of her and her child and I loved them just to get her cheeks her baby is sick now and she begs me for money to help her because she just lost her job and they sleep in a car and I replied “I will give her 20 dollars for oral” 🤣

now do you still feel like an asshole?

[Asker]

Omg what? If that's real then respectfully, that's an asshole-ish thing to do hahaha

[Biancam13]

No, you were only protecting yourself by not talking to her.

The thing is with toxic people like this, you can't win because if you talk to them they will most likely gaslight you or try to make you out as the bad person. You'll be made out as the one in the wrong no matter what you do. As someone else said, she did MUCH worse by the sounds of it. Jealous friends don't deserve our leniency. If she's gonna make you out to be bad because you ghosted her, then that is the classic toxic victim mindset. She was never your friend and I wish you luck now that you've cut her out.

[BCRanger10]

It doesn't really sound like she was much of a friend to begin with, if these were the circumstances. Quite the opposite, in fact, especially if she knows what she's done.

Have you ever talked about these things with her before? If not, if she asks where you've been, that's when you lay it all down. If yes, then I wouldn't bother with it. You know the story and what she's done and you'd be wasting your time and energy explaining it again.

[BlueScorpio]

Nope, she wasn't a friend it sounds like but a jealous competitor that always wanted the upper hand over you out of spite/jealousy. You don't need a friend like that, cause that's a enemy in sheep's clothing.

[BlueScorpio]

Plus if she's manipulative and never apologized to you then there's no reason to continue the friendship.

[Asker]

Thanks. She "apologised" once because she felt bad that I was being nice to her despite what she did, but she continued to be toxic after the apology so it meant nothing really.

[SEL195]

No it isn't bad. Don't let negative and toxic people in your life. She sounds like a very very bad seed. You deserve way better. No explination needed. Let her wonder what move she made to finally push you over the edge. She isn't a friend to begin with sounds more like an enemy to me.

[ObscuredBeyond]

I try to ensure everyone I cut off knows exactly the reason why. For those who cheated, badmouthed me, and did other things to ruin me, especially if I've confronted them over it once and they kept at it, they should be able to figure out the reason for my block pretty quickly. If they still can't, even after their abuse went that far, then they must be extremely narcissistic.

[RACSKC0B]

No.

Don't feel bad, did she?

The Golden Rule (due unto to others, as you would have others due unto you) is a two way street. Yes, it tells us how to treat others, but it also tells us that how someone else treats us, is how they want to be treated by us.

So fuck her,... or better yet her boyfriend, return the favor.

[JustinTheGreat]

Some people don’t deserve an explanation. I recently did the same thing to a friend when I found out he was saying some shady stuff about me.

We used to work together and luckily he got fired around the same time I found out what he was saying. So I used that as an opportunity to unadd him and not speak to him anymore.

[Anonymous]

You have to do what you can live with and not feel guilty over. Your friend sounds like she’s been terrible and you’re justified in cutting her off, but is this the way you want to do it? I get that she may be comfortable about the news, but would having at least tried to explain before ending things make you feel better? If yes, then have a chat but if not then don’t worry about it.

[ManOnFire]

Not wrong at all. In fact you should've cut her off a year ago when she slept with your boyfriend, assuming you'd already known it.

[Ilovethesunshine]

She did way worst things to you. Please do not feel bad. I mean I live that you cut her off some people never deserve our time or friendship.

[Anonymous]

no. she knows what she did. please don't feel bad for a person who treated you like that. honestly she should have been gone a year ago after SLEEPING WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND.

[EmbraceThePain]

If you feel it was truly the best decision, then I would leave it at that.

[PetiteBabe64]

Yeah Your evil you will burn for all of Eternity in fire and Brimstone 😂

[jeffiner]

The only way to escape a toxic person, is to cut them out cold turkey and never look back.

[jeffiner]

When I was in the 7th grade, there was a new girl and she was always by herself.. recess she was alone, gym she was so shy so she'd hide in the back waiting to see who she'd be partnered up with, even before school started.
So during lunch one day, I went and sat down with her, introduced myself, welcomed her to the school and asked if she wanted to be friends. ..
BEST FRIENDS FOREVER, we went cow tipping, failed and took off running but my clueless self was

[jeffiner]

in flip flops, 1 in the morning, out in the country so no street lights 🌚🌟✨and was running when I ran right into a pile of dung and my foot got stuck 💩🤣🤣🤮 and the cow was still chasing us. Roflmaololol.. ok, **fun little trip down memory lane💯🤓💜**
25 years later, she stabbed me in the back, I lost everything --my family, home, vehicle, career, I can't use my degree (4.1 GPA), -EVERYTHING.. NO JOKE, my life became an original Lifetime Movies, (Lifetime, let's talk, big money for both of us

[jeffiner]

because of the who's and the What.)
And the whole time I was losing it all, she was going behind my back stabbing over and over. I was sent to a knife battle with only a pool noodle in hand. And I later found out she's the one who sent me to the

[jeffiner]

battle with said pool noodle to begin with 💔💔💔💔😔😔😔😔😞😩💔💔💔💔
If I would have just cut all contact with her when I moved 300 miles away, I would still have it all PLUS working on my 3rd degree in what I am mostpassionate about, and have been since I was 9 years old, Psychology, specifically in behavior and in mental health).

[jeffiner]

She slept with your man and acts like it's nothing because you're friends? .. she's WaRneD You sweetie.
Don't let her back in or she WiLL destroy you.

[jeffiner]

Even before school started *she was alone, hiding in the bathroom.*

[hugo135]

Nah, you did what any self-respecting person would/should do. She was never a friend to you

[Anonymous]

When you try to explain something like that to a person like that they'll always find a way to turn you into the asshole. It's not worth it

[VanguardTitan]

Not at all. With someone like that it's better to not give them the chance to try and manipulate you again. Cut her out without any warning.

[Biancam13]

This

[Anonymous]

currently going through this myself she's sneaky and has been making fake accounts and plotting shit behind my back for 2 days now thinking she's going to backstab me and blindside me and i caught her in her bullshit and her family and friends will just take her side and stick up for her regardless

[Opinion Owner]

mine's cheated on me before and is still doing everything she can to push as hard as she can to sabotage and now i caught her acting like a sneak and plotting to backstab me and blindside me for 2 days now making fake accounts on multiple sites plotting shit against me thinking she would blindside and backstab me and i just called her out on it about a half hour ago with no response on her end