Should I cut off my friend?

[Anonymous]

My Asian friend had laughed at racist slave jokes despite me saying I find It offensive and told her it was not funny and said the word n*****casually in conversation. Her argument is that she would never call me a n***** but between friends she should be allowed to say it casually?

I would never seek to make friends with someone who seems racial slurs and racist jokes to be funny; this literally came out of nowhere. Spoke to her about it and she said that she feels as if she should be able to say it to me because we are close.

She apologised for upsetting me but still believes I am being too sensitive and that she can say it. We had three telephone conversations about it and she still does not understand. I have been friends with her since 2013 we have never had such issues until recently. Personally I find it outrageous that she’s upset me with me in any way. she wants us to move on and agree to disagree.

But as a black person, I do not feel comfortable knowing that she thinks it’s okay. My other friend said that she is gaslighting me. Please specify your race and let me know your honest thoughts on whether you would cut her off. Thanks in advance! (I’m leaning towards cutting her off)

[Exterminatore]

It’s hard for me to give a constructive answer to this question. To me it’s simple. If you’re my friend and you’re doing things I don’t like, and I ask you to stop and you don’t I just cut you off and move on.


However….. I’m just about tired of hearing about racism. Can’t even go 1 week without seeing something about racism on the internet, or on TV or hearing about it on the radio. It’s like literally the only thing that needs to be mentioned non stop is something related to racism. The funny thing is all the racism is directed at whites from mostly blacks. I don’t see whites wanting to teach black kids about how being black is toxic in school. I don’t see whites saying ALL blacks are privileged and oppressors of every race and automatically racist upon birth. As if being born white were some terrible thing. However I do see plenty of blacks saying that crap. I don’t see white people incessantly crying about systematic racism even though there is very definite systematic racism against whites. Why it’s even government sponsored racism with CRT being taught in school. I know, I know. You blacks are really the victims of racism in 2021 America. Why your ancestors suffering like 160 years ago is still as fresh today as it was then. The fire hoses and Segregation your grandparents suffered…. it’s just like you’ve been treated just as bad with the affirmative action and the preferential college admissions. You guys have it so tough. You can stand in a super market and scream the word honky and nobody will care, but say the dreaded “N” word and the world will stop turning.


So what’s my point? My point is just this. There is precious little racism directed at blacks and all the real racism is directed at whites, and while it’s wrong for anyone to be using racial slurs, especially when asked not to, maybe blacks need to stop being so hypersensitive and acting like they have been persecuted like their grandparents and like their ancestors 160 years ago. You can call me a honkey cracker ass white bread for all I care. Maybe you guys should stop assigning so much power to the “N” word. It’s just a word and most blacks alive today know nothing about what real racism is because THEY are the ones who are privileged and given passes in life others don’t get. Blacks are not victims in 2021 America despite what CNN and Al Sharpton tell you.

[doopayo]

“I’m just about tired of hearing about racism” funny, how I’m just tired of having to deal with racism. Your entire argument about black people somehow being racist against white people is such bs. You as a white person are so tired of hearing about racism, how about the people that have to go threw it?

You decided to go on a little racist internet rant over something completely unrelated. This girl said nothing about the bullshit your ranting about. You’re only saying this cause she’s black 😐.

I dislike people like you, I genuinely don’t understand how it’s like to have zero empathy for other human beings

[Exterminatore]

What racism are you actually dealing with? I think if you objectively examine things you will see there is very little racism directed at blacks in America.

I literally could care less what you think of me. I approve of myself. Your approval is not required.

Now let’s dissect the rest of this.

First off my comments are quite reverent. She is complaining about her Asian friend using the dreaded “N” word. Ever notice how you can call most white people any racial slur you’d like and they barely react but if you say the “N” word not only will blacks stroke out over it but white people will too. Why is it blacks think they get to freak out over such a word? It’s almost as if they’re expected to freak out over it by the rest of society. As if they were the only people group who have suffered in history. You don’t even see Jews get upset about being called a racial slur and 6 million alone were murdered in the Holocaust. See that’s called feeling sorry for yourself and group narcissism when you feel entitled to flip out because someone called you a mean name.

Let’s discuss how little racism there is. Like I said, whites will stoke out too over hearing the “N” words. Wow! There’s so much racism against blacks in America that other races will get just a flipped out as you all do.

Know who Donald Stirling is? In case you don’t he’s the former owner of the LA Clippers. He’s banned from the NBA for life for making racial slurs. How much money do you think it takes to own an NBA team? A lot! Money and power go hand in hand, but guess what, even all his money and power and connections couldn’t stop his being thrown out of the NBA for life. What do you think would happen if the CEO of a company said the “N” word? Would he be promoted. Hell no. What about a Senator? What about a Hollywood star? NOBODY, no matter how much money or power they have can get away with racial slurs. What about me? What would happen if I went to work and used the “N” word. I’ll tell you what.

[Exterminatore]

They would have my locker cleaned out before my ass even got escorted out the door. Well now. Even the rich and powerful can’t make racial slurs. Where then is the systematic and institutionalized racism you all clam exists? Where? NOWHERE. What I just described is a societal hypersensitivity to racism. FYI that is the exact opposite of institutional and systematic racism. If both of those actually existed I’d be able to say the “N” word freely. So would Donald Stirling. Because the system would allow it. No one would care. No one would bat an eyelash and do anything about, but that’s not what happens is it?

Not to mention the affirmative action, the preferential college admissions, oh and let’s not for get when many of you and other racists burned down half the country last summer they didn’t even open fire. Instead they stood down. Now I ask you. Does this sound like there’s racism just everywhere. Like it’s Mississippi Burning all over America? Nope. Not even a little. Countries with government sponsored racism don’t require a quota of blacks to be hired. Companies don’t tell their employees to “be less white” like Coke did when there is racism against blacks. You know what there is instead? Police sicking dogs on blacks who violate segregation laws and blacks getting blasted with fire hoses. There’s Jim Crow laws and in other countries mass murders of racial groups.

So I think I’ve clearly demonstrated there is no deliberate system of oppression by the government or privet enterprises against blacks.

That bring me to you my little fake victim. Where is this system of oppression I hear you speak of but see no evidence of. I’ll tell you where. It’s in you group narcissism. That’s right. You have all these leftist scum telling you you’re oppressed and it just isn’t so. Why they even invent mental gymnastics to try to demonstrate their point. Like racial bias, which is believing that people can be racist and not even know it because they have been conditioned

[Exterminatore]

By society to think in racist ways. Really? REALLY? Being racist and not even knowing it. AMAZING. You know as well as I do racism doesn’t happen passively. It’s a deliberate choice that comes from a prideful heart. No one is conditioned to be racist without knowing it. How foolish.

And who was it that went through the racism? You? Bahahaha…yeah right. Maybe your grandparents and ancestors but certainly not your generation.

And as far as me lacking empathy. For fake racism victims absolutely.

You know comedian Bill Burr is white and married to Nia Hill who is black and they even tried to smear him and call him a racist and he’s married to a black woman. That’s the level your fake victim status has gone to. Meanwhile Woke A holes run around and say ALL WHITE PEOPLE ARE AUTOMATICALLY OPPRESSORS OF EVERY OTHER RACE AND PRIVILEGED AND AUTOMATICALLY RACIST UPON BEING BORN. That my dear is real racism and whites people are the victims.

Martian Luther King said: “I have a dream, that one day, my 4 little children will grow up in a nation where they are not judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

Huh. So much for judging by content of character. We just jump to: “ALL WHITE PEOPLE ARE OPPRESSORS” and you have the gall to try to reprimand me and tell me how you as a black woman in 2021 America are so oppressed and that whites don’t have to live through racism. Yes, yes I know blacks have the market cornered on being racist victims.

Your damn right I’m only saying it because she’s black. Go ahead and call me a racist now, because guess what honey, it’s blacks that need to hear what I just said because the lions share of racism is perpetuated by them and their white leftist friends against whites NOT BLACKS.

I guess Candice Owens is so popular amongst the conservative crowd along with Thomas Sowell because conservatives are so racist. Yes, that’s it. Them and Trump (who was working with Kanye West) are all so racist they praise black

[Exterminatore]

Conservatives.

So now who is it going through the racism. Whites or blacks?

Now we have government sponsored racism with CRT. Yes, let’s teach white children that only positive traits are associated with being black and only negative traits are associated with being white instead of teaching skin color has nothing to do with it and what’s really up is everyone is a blank slate who makes their own decisions and is accountable for their actions and no race is better than any other.

On second thought why bother. You probably won’t listen to or accept a word I just said because you’re to busy blaming the poor life decisions of blacks on whites and calling it racism.

[Exterminatore]

Lastly…yeah. I’m sick of hearing incessantly about racism. Especially from fake victims who have advantages and privileges others don’t. So go back to trying to win the fake victim and fake racism olympics. I bet you have a great opportunity to win the gold.

[doopayo]

Ah yes, you as a hire person understand my experience as a black person. Boy shut the hell up. Going on this stupid pathetic rant about you being a victim.

Black men convicted of the same crimes as whites face longer prison sentences. One in three black boys will end up in prison in their lifetime. This isn’t a coincidence this is because of something called the prison industrial complex, maybe you should.. I don't know do your research on it.

After slavery the oppression and racism never went away, it reinvented itself in nearly every sector of society. Black schools have been underfunded for centuries, the SEVERAL innocent black lives lost to police brutality, the fact that 50% of med students and residents in a 2016 study showed that they thought that black people couldnt feel pain the same way as black People. This is all because of a pseudoscientific study done in 1999, to this day theirs a black correction factor for the creatinine levels in black people’s kidneys, meaning we’re literally less likely to receive a kidney transplant if needed.

Lastly, if you’re going to argue a make believe what if I’m not sure why were talking. No black person on this thread called you a honked an honkey isn’t a racial slur. White people have never ever been denied jobs for “being honkeys” cause literally nobody says that word and even if someone did say that word it lacks historical backing to make it a racial slur.

Lastly, I’ll remind you.. Jews got reparations? Not only that but the nazi flag was banned, the confederate flag still exists and people fly it till this day.

Donald Stirling I’m not going to argue cause I don’t know anything about sports and could care Less cause I find them boring but I’m pretty sure that dudes a full fledged racist. Not to mention his history of sexually assault.

He deserved to get banned but it seems to you you find racism is a joke or something? If it makes you happy majority of racists don’t get “canceled” ?

[doopayo]

Lastly, don’t appropriate Martin Luther kings words. Y’all love to do that for some reason. Not to mention you quoting him is bullshiting your own self, this whole rant would make no sense cause you’re making up what if’s you’ve seen on right wing media to get you mad and feeling that you as a white person are so oppressed and these god damn minorities are the problem. White people are being ATTACKED, conservative values are being attacked? Am I right

[Exterminatore]

I don’t need to be black to understand what it’s like to be black. I have eyes and ears. I can observe what’s going on. Imagine that. That is the lamest crap I have ever heard.

Black men convicted of the same crimes. Yeah ok. Prior criminal record is taken into account durning sentencing. So is mitigating factors.

1 in 3 blacks go to prison. Good. That’s where criminals belong. You can thank yourselves for that. It’s call massive amount of births out if wedlock resulting in a lack of fathers in the black community. Fathers are the disciplinarians. No one is teaching these kinds right from wrong or disciplining them. Even the Bible says parents who fail to discipline their children are a willing party to their death for a reason. Statistics show that children raised by single mothers are off the charts for those children turning to criminality. That’s by any race. But hey…it’s racism to blame right fake victim?

Sure I’ll be happy to consult your communist source material about the prison industrial complex so I can get politically re-educated comrade.

After slavery - like 160 years ago. Still crying about this?

Black schools underfunded - there is no such thing as black schools. Segregation ended in the 60’s. If by black schools you mean schools in the hood…we’ll of course their underfunded. Schools receive money through taxes, mainly as a part of property taxes. Surprise, surprise…houses in the hood cost less so they are taxed less as property tax is assed off the value of the house. So guess what? Those schools get less money…but hay, never mind those facts it’s Uncle Sam and his KKK minions to blame. Yep. Every thing is always blamed on racism.

Police brutality - sure. Not following police commands typically ends in harm or death and the overwhelming majority of blacks killed in these high profile cases were doing just that…not all but most. Once again poor life decisions blamed on racism. The 2 notable exceptions are that poor girl that was killed in KY

[Exterminatore]

With the no knock warrant situation and the other when the poor guy was shot in the back and had the gun planted on him.

50% of med students and residents in a 2016 study showed they thought blacks could feel as much pain as whites huh? BS BS BS BS BS BS B F’n S!! These would be doctors need to get their money back for their schooling. Do you really think I’m dumb enough to believe med students didn’t learn in kindergarten much less med school that we all have the same nervous system and that, yes, pain tolerance can vary from person to person they thought blacks feel less pain. COME ON LADY! I know you’re not so stupid as to believe that regardless of where you heard or read it. Their F’N medical students. They won’t let you into Med school if you’re dumb. I might have believed you if you’d said this occurred in 1832 but you stated 2016 and 1999 respectively. I’m not kidding, that is the stupidest crap anyone has literally ever said me and what’s worse is you expect me to believe that? Don’t bother posting a link I absolutely will not examine that matter any further. Holy Crap is that dumb.

Listen, they don’t give kidney transplants to drug addicts and alcoholics. Are there stats to show which of the blacks didn’t get their kidney that also had current or previous addiction issues? Inquiring minds want to know. Since addiction issues tend to be more prevalent in the lower classes and since blacks arguably are found more in the lower classes than any other race I’d sure like to know that info. You sound like the a holes that were taking about heat in the Seattle area and about how it’s hotter in black neighborhoods. Yeah. The sun. The MF sun is racist. What ever. Ever notice every issue you mention blacks face you blame on racism and never ever on personal choice and bad decisions. Just sayin’.

Right no one called me a honkey she you are a MF liar saying honkey is not a racial slur.

White people have been denied jobs. In NYC in the 1800’s there were cartoons

[Exterminatore]

The paper depicting the Irish as drunken monkeys and signs on the doors of businesses that said “IRISH NEED NOT APPLY.” Where’s my reparations? Oh that’s right. I didn’t personally suffer from that just like you didn’t from slavery, Jim Crow laws, segregation. The only think you suffer from is fake ass racism.

The Nazi flag is not banned. You can most definitely fly one if you like. Not that I’m encouraging that. Never saw pictures of the neo nazi a holes in that fight down south they blamed Trump for? Sure you did.

He did deserve to get banned. Thank God you finally said something I can agree with.

Don’t appropriate Dr. kings words. Screw you. Those words don’t belong to you and I will jolly well quote anyone I like and you won’t stop me. Speaking of Nazi flags go buy yourself one since you think you can tell me what I can and can’t say. I also love how you hide your racism by skipping right over the point I made which is people should be judged by their character. By their deeds. Not their skin color…unless their white right? I’ve taken note your racist ass couldn’t agree all whites being labeled as oppressors is not something you disagreed with.

I’m not making up what if’s. I stated many facts.

Nothing I got was from right wing media. These are all my own points.

The minorities who think there oppressed are the problem and they should all move to Iran and North Korea. Even Japan won’t let you exploit your fake victim status.

Yet another thing I can agree with you on. YES! White people and conservative values are being attacked. I know you were being sarcastic there but I’m glad you finally come to realize the truth and the truth shall set you free.

Oh yeah, one last thing. Since you want to bring up appropriation don’t reply. You’re appropriating English. You’re not white and not English. Better learn some African language if you want to throw around that dumb ass appropriation argument. And you better not be a hypocrite and use English. Language is a

[Exterminatore]

Part of culture and you better not be a hypocrite.

You have self pity and fake victimimg to do as well as racism towards whites to do. I don’t want to keep you from all that. Not to mention I have so many non white people to oppress today by nature of my very existence and I just don’t have time for these lengthy conversations. I’ve got laundry to do. Gotta mow the lawn. From noon to 1 pm gotta oppress black people. Gotta have lunch with my wife at 2 pm and then after that I want her and I to find some Asian people to oppress. You know oppressing all these races is so exhausting. Ugh. Whose got time for it?

[N192K001]

I'm Asian, with a good deal of my upbringing outside the U. S., and a number of things here in the States still puzzles me, so my perspective on this may be more/less applicable than those born and raised in the Union, but here it is:

So, the use of the n-word is the sole problem in the friendship? Is there anything else?

The use of the n-word is confusing to me. U. S. Blacks seem so offended by the term… unless used by their peers. If used by fellow-Blacks, it can be an insult like any other, part of a friendly greeting, or even a joke worthy of great laughs. But, used by anyone else: a racist problem? How about a post by someone whose race is not definitely discoverable?

I don't really know of any insult with similar features in the main language of my birthplace or in any of the languages I studied. Either a word is always an insult that must be always avoided in general… or it can be a non-insult just depending on tone of voice, body-language, context, etc., not race of the user.

If it's just this word, the big issue is this: Which is greater to you your offense at the term or your 8-year friendship? WHY are you offended by the term, and can it be neutralized/mitigated (ex. train your friend in the proper Black usage of the term, so it's not offensive anymore)?

[N192K001]

But (as important in many Asian cultures), mutual-respect is important. She may (also) consider the term & reactions to it inconsistent and/or puzzling, but she should limit her use of the term as a sign of respect & good-will. Respectfully question, yes. Respectfully disclose your opinions, depending on how much you trust the given friend, yes. Respectfully challenge, yes, but not too often & not to cause enough offense as to endanger the relationship.

[SashaAMB]

I’m a white person and I would cut her off for the comments. It’s more about the attitude that she can’t or won’t understand that those words have and continue to hurt people. Some people use them about themselves and it’s like leading with self-deprecation: it’s designed to take the sting out of it when you expect disrespect because of toxic or abusive things in the past.

but even if this weren’t about racism, you told her something bothered you in a calm, vulnerable way and instead of apologizing and working on it, she said your feelings were wrong and she is entitled to act how she likes. It could be anything. That’s narcissistic behavior and she seems like she lacks the capacity to be a good friend to you at the moment. I doubt it will improve. Spend your time with people who will treat you better. 💚

[Miah02]

You are not being too sensitive. And ignore these fools in here talkin all that smack that you the problem.

Most people on here think they should be allowed to hurt everyone's feelings and be as disrespectful as possible with no repercussions.

But truth is people like your friend and people defending her don't under the simple things called manners, and respect for others feelings.

So they think because their inner circle have no respect the world should be fine with them being that way.

But take that mess in a place of business and see who gets fired you or the racists using racist as slurs and jokes

[Anonymous]

If she was your friend, she would be offended at the very though of racist slurs. I have 2 female black friends and I heard some guy called one of them the n-word and I cussed him out for calling my friend, that I remember I was really mad even though I am not black, I was so angry, I even called he a racist piece of trash, and my friend later told me thank you, for sticking up for her, she even started crying, because no one ever stood up for her before, and really met it too. I am still friend with both of them and, if anyone mess with them they know that I will have there back. Nobody messes with my friends, black, white, or Asian.

[Asker]

You sound like such a great friend ! Good on you ! And thanks for replying xx

[Opinion Owner]

No, problem. Being a good friend means, you have good friends too. You need to make better a new friend, also not all Asians are like that, as I have a few Asian friends, too and never have they been racist to any of my coloured friends or any other time.

[askandgiveAnswers]

Slave jokes are a vague topic. So many people’s of color throughout history are of many colors. Stop being hung up on making racist jokes or even saying them. The idea is so wide of a topic, even kings and queens had slaves, they don’t care what color the individual is or was. This is mostly a electoral epithet. Make the road for all people’s are successful in a variety of items in life. Depending what age you are , look into visiting a small business development center and ask specific questions and learn about history. Even go to a library and ask more details, to receive factual answers. A historian is another opportunity.

[Adam1978]

If you get offended from words it's your problem not the person that offends you. Get a backbone and support free speech. The day you can ignore or don't react on other offenses is the day they have no effect and cannot control or manipulate you. If you react you can be controlled and you give the offender a tool to manipulate you. Plenty of things to fix in the world, words are not one of those, people will just make new ones for the same purpose.

[OlderAndWiser]

It s okay for other black people to call you the same name, but when someone who is not black does it, suddenly it becomes racist. I always thought that racism is an attitude or a belief and not just a word. ZI could call you AFRICAN-AMERICAN and have a tone of voice that indicated that I intended it as an insult, but if I avoid the trigger word. . . everything is okay?

I am a Caucasian male and my girlfriend is Chinese.

[Exterminatore]

I only wish I’d seen this before I typed my answer. You articulated perfectly what i wanted to say and wasn’t able to.

Great point and perfectly stated.

[BlackBeauty90]

ROFL. I love African Americans. You bitch about how awful white Americans are when other cultures view you even more lowly. Go to Arabic countries. Go to Asiatic countries. Go to Africa even, my home, and see how you are treated depending on what little you know of the culture and how much money you have.

Your friend is just enacting how many Asians view blacks. Sorry dear it's reality.

[DaisyM23]

Asian - i would probably cut her off, I don’t necessarily agree with the use of the n word anyways but if anyone was going to use it, of course, black people can use it if they want. I know people say other poc can also say it because they’re also called a variety of the n word but I don’t think it has the same historical backing you know? I wouldn’t be comfortable with one of my friends using the n word casually and then calling me sensitive over it and not understanding my feelings about it

[TommyMountainFigure]

It doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks. If YOU are upset by it, and you clearly are, then you have to make the tough decision for yourself.
The one bit of advice however I will give you is that even if you could look past the derisory comment? She is still offending your family. That maybe would hurt me more

[Anonymous]

First of why does your friends race matter to me, and why does my race matter to you to you for my opinion?




Sounds to me like you have racially motivated issues of your own to sort out - because that stuff only matters to the racist.


A real friend will respect you period - time to go your own ways.

[yourbabygirl921]

I'm Asian! And I don't say the n word for i know how black people are going through and as a respect to their ancestors and history, you should cut her off becuz she doesn't respect you or your race, For my opinion I don't think no one should say the n word cuz it's just giving power to that word I believe y'all should not give power to that word over other people so at some point they'll stop it knowing it doesn't have power over you

[collie22]

i have a friend who dose that. I've told him its wack and i don't like it. i think he's getting better but we aren't as close cause of that. I'm hopping i can show him a better way by example. Plus i pray for god to help him. If he grows to be a better person its worth it.

[jspl90]

white here so if your friend was black would it bother you this much? if you say no it would not bother me then you a fool but anyway regardless if she said nigga negro or just plain called you pumpkin if you talk to her say that it bothers you and please stop and she does not stop even after you repeatedly have brought it up then I guess its time to find a new friend

[lorenzomichael]

I think your taking it way to seriously. Your friend did that in front of you because she feels very comfortable while being around you. I'm sure she wouldn't behave in that way if there were other people around. I quite certain she doesn't want to embarrass either one of you.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

If that's the only thing she did that hurts you and nothing else and if that's really enough for you to cut her off, why not look at how she's a good friend regardless or why you're friends with her in the first place? Otherwise you're just being one sided and looking for shallow excuses to cut someone off. You can also make racist Asian jokes. Have you even thought of that?

[ohshee]

Instead of not liking her why don't you try to teach her why don't you explain why you feel the way you do why don't you teach you is wrong if you're part of the problem when you can be a part of the answer to fix it

[Azazeres]

I do not believe in cutting people off. It is a childish and hurtful endeavor. Additionally, if she is Chinese, she is justified in the usage of the n-word. The original usage and the current colloquial definition of the word refers to a person of relatively recent African descent. However, after the Confederacy lost, in order to replace slave stocks, southern agricultural states imported Chinese workers that the plantation owners would refer to with the n-word.

[Anonymous]

get rid of her. from what i've read here, she adds nothing special to your life. she apologized but still calls you sensitive about it and still doesn't understand. she is very one sided and can't see it from you perspective. why would you want someone like that in your life? what is the benefit of keeping her as a friend? ask yourself that.

[haooy]

Those are just words to me and yeah if someone find them offensive I wouldn't use it before them. But I do not like when people are too sensitive about things. So I will cut you off instead. And if you want you can do the same, you feel how you feel so that's that.

[Fion3il]

Had same issue but with a friend who said the f slur. I cut him off completely and it lost me a lot of stress and made me much happier, but it was very hard. If you can't get her to stop I would cut her off. (im white by the way)

[mia12465]

If she can't respect you i would say cut her off untill she understands where your coming from i'm black also so yes that would be offensive i doubt she would like it if you were dishonoring her race. if i was you think long and hard about what to do and do the right thing be proud of who u are

[Paris13]

It is Clear, Dear, That she is Now An---Elite. Not Sweet. be Civil but Cut her OUT!!! xx