For example, has the attachment style that you formed with them affect how you collaborate with people at work? I understand the need to take responsibility to change, despite how hard it is to get over my fears, but still, I get angry at them sometimes for at least not acknowledging how I feel.
I believe my parents verbal abuse and high expectations gave me permanent anxiety. My parents were very critical unforgiving and narcissistic and abusive. In tense situations where I have to think quickly on my feet, I would get so filled with panic and anxiety that I would make the wrong decision (even when I knew it was wrong). I somehow just knowingly make the inferior or wrong decision , as if someone shoved me to do it. I know it sounds weird but this is literally what happens. And then I end up trying to fix it after I've calmed down by going back to people to tell them I've changed my mind.
Even when I'm practicing tactile tasks such as learning to take blood pressure, or learning how to fix a car, I would get so nervous for no reason. It wasn't as if I was performing in front of a million people, but I would just get so nervous for no reason. And I believe this is attributed to the fact that my parents have been so critical of me for so long, never shown me any patient nurture. Unconsciously I just feel like I'm being watched closely when I do things and when I don't meet the mark, I will get a slap in the head.
No parent is perfect. Every parent will have their own flaws and incompetency. But in order for a parent to have done a good job, the positives must outweigh the negatives. My parents failed miserably at it in almost every way shape or form.
by the way, my parents are sadistic bullies...
Yes and no. I do acknowledge now that I'm going to have to work on changing my attachment style over time and my personality as well. Placing my problems on my parents would be unfair since my life is only my responsibility and I cannot entirely blame my parents for the choices they've made either.
No, I blame them for the way my siblings turned out! They might've punished me for all sorts of stupid shit that I didn't deserve to be punished OR blamed for but, they went completely lax on the other 3 (even to the point of punishing ME for the shit THEY did!!) but, look how THEY turned out!! One got heavily into booze and became a raging asshole that eventually killed himself, on purpose. And the other two SEVERELY fucked over me AND my parents because of their greed!! Although I got the shit end of the stick growing up, eventually, my parents were quite happy with the way I turned out, trusted me a LOT more than them and could count on me to be there for them when they needed it!!
I have my own personality cause my late mom and present dad was always verbally abusive to me and to this day my dad and me don't speak much... My dad is age 81 but I would not verbally abuse anyone.
Thanks for Mho :)
@Bethany22
thats a clear sign you've never suffered 15+ years of misery and traumatic abuse. you don't know what its like.
@Bethany22
it left me permanent scars that i will never forget. daily life is unhappy and they love making me unhappy. sadistic parents.
Opinion
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My parents did the best they knew how to do raising me. They were young and had financial problems. My dad never went to college but somehow they managed to overcome their anxiety problems they both have and went from living in an attic with a 2 year old baby (me) to having their own house in a nice area and two kids, while managing to go on vacations sometimes.
It would be easy for to resent my parents for how they raised me. But what I'm sure of is they tried their best and they did instill a lot of good things in me.
Fuck, everything I'm proud of myself for pretty much started with them.
My relationship with my parents is best described as estranged at this point but if I needed them they would... Well, they'd kinda be there... Probably. And they know they can call on me no matter what too.
I don't really blame my parents though some things I wished were different. Like forcing me into joining social outgoings like church and stuff. It just made me feel more nervous around other people and never comfortable in my own skin. I guess it's more of not letting me live my life and have freedom when I was a teenager and young adult. My parents being strict and overprotective really made me fear them and be afraid of what would happen if I did something wrong behind their backs.
I think the only bad thing that remains from my abusive childhood is that I don’t have my own kids yet because I took so long to mature after recovering from the abuse I went through, my health and income and happiness is okay and so is my faith and my social life.
No, because I am an adult, my actions and choices are my own and my personal responsibility. I blame my parents for what they did, recognizing how that impacted me but I take full responsibility for who I am.
blaming your parents for how you turned out is a way of avoiding responsibility by placing the responsibility of your actions and shortcoming on someone other than yourself. That’s like blaming a the parents of a rapist, instead of the actual rapist.
m I would not go with "blame" as the word... but yes, a great deal of the good things I am is in part because of them
there were also certain things and moments in which my parents were not aware about how I felt but I would not blame them today for not acknowledging that, after all... I never told them either, I didn't tell anyone nor reached to anybody for many years, so... that was on me
Children don’t come with a manual. Most people aren’t qualified for the job, but they still stick with it. Parents are easy to blame for everything from never having been there to being there too much. At some point you have to become your own adult.
I don't use the word "blame." Attribute, in part? Yes. But that's normal. No one can avoid that massive influence of who their parents were, and all the choices they made. But of course everyone ultimately must take responsibility for who they are.
I don’t blame my parents for what and who I have become. I thank them actually for without them I am a nobody today.
I was tossed from house to house and I'd have too many people to blame. No that would be wasted energy and I can only be glad that I'm allowed to work now. Now I only can blame myself for being dressed like a homeless or suffering the results of bad decisions.
I will admit though having to be held back by the laws of the land and by adults was pretty damn oppressive.
No, I actually love my parents. I miss my dad. Sometimes it can be of parents doing but we also have to be honest, kids can make their own lived and their parents life a living nightmare once they get in that rebellious phase and dint want to listen. We've all been there at some point.
And top that parents have to tackle on peer pressure and social media which isn't always easy to keep them away from at all times.
I love and adore my parents so I thank them if anything..
I might blame them for the reason why I'm so clingy and physically affectionate though.
But everything else... I think it's me and my personality. My sister is the complete opposite of me. It's interesting seeing how two people raised in the same house close in age came out.
As a adult. I’m responsible for myself. But yeah if someone has bad padsnfs. I can make life harder. Though I always blame bad behavior on a individual because make all the excuses and justifications you want. At the end of the day they made the choice to do it. No mistake about it. That is a pet peeve.
Some things are legitimately mistakes. But many times. It was poor choices and poor decisions.
I blame my mother and sister for my anxiety from the way they abused me, maybe not as much anymore as when I was little. Now I'm working more on rebuilding my life with the help of my uncle he adopted me at 13, if not for him I might not have had the chance to rebuild my life.
Yes, they used to blame me for all my problems. They are old and sick now, so I don't bring up much. I understand they grew up in an older generation where they were not as understanding to people. And they were just trying to do their best, given what they knew.
Yes. It's all their faults I'm a well adjusted woman with a good job, and about to have a college education
Yes. My dad abandoned me for a while and when he was around, he was super abusive. I definitely think it’s contributed to the state of my mental health.
As for my mom, I love her and I think she raised me great. There a few negative traits that I think I’ve gotten from her but nothing crazy. And at least I’m self aware of those issues unlike she is lol.
I am a single child. I hate sharing things even if for a few minutes.
I guess. I would not have like this if I had a sibling. Because you need to share things with your sibling, even if reluctantly.
I suppose they have some of the blame. They split up when I was in high school but probably should have done it ten years earlier. I never really saw up close what a loving relationship was like.
No they abandoned me at a very young age so I couldn’t do that
smart move on their part lol
No, because even though they weren't the best or always there for me, I discovered the love of independence, freedom and learning things by myself, and most likely would not have them if things were more fortunate.
I thank my parents for the way I turned out. The older I get the more I realize they set a good example.
I see how and where my parents' actions and non-actions had an influence on how I was shaped as a character.
But I see no reason to ''blame'' someone for this or that.
No. I turned out great in spite of my parents, not because of them. My sister is the same way. Our older brother is fucked though.
No. My brother's and I are totally different and we were raised the same.
My parents really screwed the pooch. I will absolutely blame their ill-preparedness for most issues. A lot goes to the schools though. My god, are the schools abysmal.
I had really great parents, so I don't blame them for anything. In fact, they gave me all the advantages they could. I'm where, who and what I am because of my own choices and actions.
I got a lot of their stubbornness and argumentativeness
No. I blame my mother for the way i started out. How i turned out is on me.
My mother gave me and brother severe ptsd and you can definitely tell.
Not 100%, but for some of my mental problems, a bit yeah.
Yes. I can definitely see where I got some of my behaviors and attitudes.
Ten years ago I'd say yes. Even before that I knew that I have to become something different than my parents and I did it with a lot of hard work. It's natural to get angry sometimes.
No I've had my mean family members treat me the worse so it hurt but seen a counselor an he showed me they were no Better than me so be a good person
How your parents raise you have a direct correlation on your personality so definitely yes
No, I thank my parents for teaching me things that have helped me become who I am.
Sure , to an extent but eventually it falls on me to change.
Yeah a bit surly falling asleep to arguments and one parent turning the kid against the other isn't great parenting
YES i do. babies are a blank canvas, shaped by the people who raise them and the attitudes around them. it can be unfortunate.
Not necessarily fully parents fault it's social interactions with other people aswell but mostly it is the parents fault because children are like sponges and asorb behaviours parents and whatnot do
Nope, because if I don't like it, I have the power to change.
absolutely. Who else influences their child more than the parents or guardians? As much as i dislike blaming others there is no way around that.
Its not just parenting but the enviroment and all the people in it.
No. My parents made mistakes but nearly all the responsibility falls on me.
I made the choices and I have to deal with it and grow from it.
Well, at least partially, since parents are indeed the stronger causal link here.
But I don't think they raised me badly.
Nah. They did the best they could do and still trying. There is too much burden on parents. Wish they had best village to help them raise me.
Blame? yes but in a good way. They are who made me who I am and I thank them for it... No, I am not perfect, but I do like who I am...
It’s mixed feeling. I do blame them for some stuff, but for some stuff I see it’s a product of their upbringing. They’re not bad people, they did the best they could.
I don't blame my parents, rather the overall family dynamics.
Of course but it’s all good, good family up bringing
Partially, but I must be proactive. If I make a sin, blame it on me, not others.
No, although part of who I am has to do with my upbringing. My choices also play a larger part
I thank them! My mom is a soldier and my old man granted me with the gift of gab :)
Quite the opposite. I'm forever grateful to my parents for the way that I turned out.
No, I don't blame them, I thank them.
I'm a girl, I blame my mom for everything.
In many ways absolutely yes.
I did when I was younger. But not anymore
No, I’m too hard hard on myself.
go with plan B. prove them wrong
Well who the f*** else is fault is it
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