Your loved one is having complications giving birth, would you save the life of mother or the baby?

[JustinTheGreat]

Assuming you have a say in this situation (regardless if you’re the father or not).

If the love of my life was pregnant (hypothetically cause I’m an homo lmao) and I had to choose, I’m saving the mother and I’m not sorry about it lol. I’m saving the person who already has an established life with friends and family who care about them. Someone I already have memories with. I don’t even know that baby..🤨

I know it’s devastating to lose your baby whether through miscarriage or birth but…you can always try again for another baby 😬 but you can never get the mother back.

I’m saving the mother

I’m saving the baby

Depends

Updates

+1 y

Coincidentally just came across this TikTok
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRgfFA6Q/

[Aerissa_Jade]

I was in this situation in July, had talked about it with my husband and he promised to save the baby (if viable) over me... he chose to save me and it ultimately is a big part of why we are no longer together, not the only reason but it was a big part of it.

He promised one thing, but then when it happened, chose the other.

This destroyed my trust in him forever. Now I could never believe anything he said.

I do realize the irony of having to save your spouse, and lose their trust forever, or save your child and lose your spouse. A lose/lose situation where he was going to lose me no matter what he picked.

As I am terminal, our baby could of had a chance at a real life, where in a few years, I'll be gone anyways.

My husband wanted to try for another baby and I refused, that was his logic to save me and try again.

I said it was a one time shot, because I was hoping to be part of the child's life until she made it to 4 or 5. At this point, 2 or 3 just didn't seem worth it, as she wouldn't remember me.

On top of that the medical issues I have, could almost guarantee the same thing would happen again, where he'd have to choose again.

After that I filled out a DNR and had it made legal. Wish I had done that beforehand, rather than trust him and now we are no longer married.

[whirled_up_girl]

That all sounds very heart breaking. I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through all of that.

[TenderFantasy]

Wow I agree with @whirled_up_girl and at only 27 too. That's crazy.

[marish01]

I always said if I were to chose my or my baby's life I would sacrifice my own life and if my husband gave me some pills to have a miscarriage he would lose me forever.
I hate when people say you can try again as if a human life in the womb is a food that can be thrown away and make again.

[TenderFantasy]

I put C it depends. But this is a really deep question in my opinion and this really should be left up to the couple to decide invididually as it's one of those moral dilemma type of questions. Some people would be okay with saving the baby while others would choose a different path. And you know what? That's what having free will is about. It's not just pertaining to this, there's all sorts of ways we exercise our free will in good or bad ways, that's what's scary (or not, if the person is moral/good) about the world.

[SnowedIn]

Did I just read this right? Seriously?

You wrote, "I know it’s devastating to lose your baby whether through miscarriage or birth but…you can always try again for another baby". Seriously? You know? Is this from personal experience? Shall I tell that to my wife about our stillborn daughter? Or the miscarriage she had? Or all the other parents who've had miscarriages. They'll be comforted to know they can just try again.

How thoughtless, heartless, and callous can you be? A baby isn't a coffee pot. You don't just go have another as if one replaces another.

Your question was about saving mother or baby. Fine. Good question, actually. That's a real question that couples struggle with every day. But don't make flippant comments about miscarriages or "just make another baby" as if it's a cake mix on your pantry shelf.

@TrueConfection @Apple1996 thoughts?

[TrueConfection]

I agree. I lost a child and he has a name. None of my other kids could or did replace that baby.

[SnowedIn]

@TrueConfection <3 <3 <3 Thank you. I am so sorry for your loss. Sorry, too, for the tag without checking with you first, but you are sane and I wanted your sanity check on this to see if I was missing something.

[TrueConfection]

I don't mind the tag. I'm sorry for your losses too.
I only seem sane because we're all crazy here! 🤪

[JustinTheGreat]

Of course I’m not downplaying what it’s like to lose your child. But I’m just comparing it to the fact that it would be be more devastating to lose someone you already have memories and a life with. Someone who already has a life they created.
It would be horrible to lose a baby but I’d still rather lose a baby that I never even met than someone I already know

[JustinTheGreat]

Like another comment said, a baby is just a “potential person” 😬
People who lose their babies eventually move on with life and still have the opportunity to try again for a family.
You can’t compare that to losing your partner forever

[Apple1996]

I don't think a baby is replaceable but a mothers life is more valuable then the baby that hasn't even lived a life yet

[JustinTheGreat]

@Apple1996 Exactly what I’m trying to say. My sister had a miscarriage years ago. She was devastated when it happens but now she has two children and I don’t think she’s affected by that loss of an unborn child.
But if she happened to die from child birth then her husband would still be mourning and our whole family would be too.

[mstbooblover]

Whatever the kind of complications or circumstances, for me the mother has ALWAYS priority ! If my wife's life would be at stake, the baby's life doesn't count at all anymore. Sorry for saying this so bluntly, but there's a way to get a baby in one or another way, while a beloved woman can't ever be replaced. Not to mention the practical and sentimental problems...

[TenderFantasy]

Wow is she lucky to have you. ❤ I could only wish my ex fiance thought and displayed the same!

[mstbooblover]

@TenderFantasy My father, who wasn't good with his children, was very explicit as he said to always have urged the doctors, in case complications occured when his wife was going to have a baby, to always give the priority to the mother. For once I completely agree with my father. At the time, because my parents were educated as Catholics, the custom was sadly enough to give priority to the child.

[TenderFantasy]

Christians/Catholics/Mormons/ pretty much all conservative religions tend to have the motto: "Be fruitful and multiply" as that is what was said in the First book of Genesis, Old Testament. I forgot the Chapter and verse but you could probably easily look that up online, but yeah, I understand. I'm glad though that you were not BRAINWASHED like that to where you and your family mindlessly followed customs just because "HE" said it or the bible or your religious cults said it!

Lol you can tell I'm not that religious, yet, weirdly enough I was born and raised Catholic. Call me agnostic as I am not 100% certain if he DOES exist or not, but I am NO mindless follower of things! I like to question things! Especially now that I don't have the brain of a small child!

[mstbooblover]

@TenderFantasy Although raised as Catholic, I'm not a believer at the literal low level, still with sincere respect for sincere religious people. To be honest I'm tired of religions and the damage they cause directly and indirectly because of the human stupidity preventing them to underderstand the interesting side of the philosophical teachings. Let me still stress the point that I have personally no complaints about priests and other representatives of the Church of the different religions I explored during my life.

[petitedollbabee]

The mother. You can make another baby but you can’t replace your partner. And to have your baby grow up without their mother would be horrible.

[TenderFantasy]

If the baby never met their mother, I don't think there would be anything to miss as brutally honest as that sounds.

[JustinTheGreat]

@TenderFantasy that’s not true. Not having a mother would make anyone sad.

[petitedollbabee]

@TenderFantasy Growing up without a mother while everyone else has one would make you feel like you’re missing a part of your life.

[JustinTheGreat]

Then they also have to live with the guilt that their birth is what killed her.
Plus I’ve heard about situations where fathers literally hold a grudge against the child for killing the mother.

[petitedollbabee]

I have a friend whose younger brother killed their mother when he was born 15 years ago. He’s suffered with severe depression and guilt for the past 5 years, and their father holds a grudge against him. So you’re spot on @JustinTheGreat

[TenderFantasy]

That's really sad. It was NOT the baby's fault! Stop trying to make it would be and that he should feel GUILTY about it! Maybe it was her choice to go!

[TenderFantasy]

@JustinTheGreat >that’s not true. Not having a mother would make anyone sad.<

I don't agree. You won't miss what you never had. I had a friend that told me that and he was right about that. Plus, not everyone responds to trauma/loss in the same way fortunately/Unfortunately. It depends! All I know is that he should NOT blame himself for what happened. Maybe it was just her time! Maybe it was an accident! Maybe it was the doctor's fault. So many factors. Not just because of the baby. And the mother could have had a life saving c-section as well!

[JustinTheGreat]

@TenderFantasy you’re right, not everyone responds the same way. But I think it’s easy to say “oh, you don’t miss what you never had” when you’re not in the situation yourself. But I’m sure a lot of those who grew up without one of their parents, would disagree with you.

[Anonymous]

These opinions are interesting... But let's take it a little bit further... What if it was a situation in which you and the love of your life had been struggling with fertility and done many rounds of IVF and this was your last chance to have a baby that you both want so very much... Would you still choose the mother or the baby that you have sacrificed so much for to bring into your life?

[JustinTheGreat]

Personally I’d still choose the mother. There’s still other options such as surrogacy or adoption. I think people get too hung up on the fact that they want their baby to carry on their genetics when there’s thousands of kids in foster care who need a loving family.
Even if I really want this baby, why would I want to raise it by myself without the mother? Is that even fair to the child that they’re growing up without one of their parents

[mstbooblover]

Very wise point of view Justin.

[Opinion Owner]

I think your answer is very wise. :)

[Apple1996]

Save the mother especially if she has other kids to care for at home. I can't imagine having to leave my husband to care for all of our kids alone. I'd rather lose the baby and still be here for my other kids/husband/family/friends.

[TrueConfection]

I would hope my husband chose the baby if I had no say. I couldn't live if my baby died for me.

[TenderFantasy]

Spoken like a true mother, damn!

[CateM]

I'm saving the mother. Though yes, technically she CAN have another baby but a baby can't be replaced by another one. (Don't say that to the woman who just lost her baby though)

[Darklydarkened]

Why would I save a baby? A baby is not even a proper person yet, he's a potential human. A potential human that's to be raised by me? Which would be a threat to society anyway.

[melanieeeB]

Damnn let's say I'm a man and my wife is in that situation, I'm saving my wife and do another kid in the future maybe...

[NotTacocaT6969]

Can make a new baby.


Cannot manifest an identical copy of the person I love.

[anon171999]

The baby can literally be born again with the same mother in less than a year. Obvious choice.

[mstbooblover]

May seem strange, and I didn't think of that, but actually there's scientifically 1 chance out 4 to have indeed another baby with the same genetical material... A matter of DNA from the same two parents.

[anon171999]

@mstbooblover interesting. I didn't know they had studied that scientifically. My understanding was that of the spiritual nature. As in regarding the soul that died, can literally choose to come back during the couples next pregnancy.

[mstbooblover]

Of course DNA and heredity have been studied. A plain matter of science. What happens to the soul on the other hand is still a big mystery, and I have no idea whether there is any choice or not...

[IveGotNoName]

The doctors would be obligated to save the mother, and I agree.

[WonderBell99]

Damn, now I know why I should never become a mom. I'd choose myself.

[Anemone978]

Mother, you can always have more kids.. anyone who chooses the baby is dumb..

[Berethor]

My religion says save the mother and I agree with that, as she can have other babies.

[Pink2000]

I’d save the mother. She can make another one.

[TenderFantasy]

What if she was already 45 and older? Or 42 and older?

[Pink2000]

@TenderFantasy 45 or 42 isn’t too old.

[TenderFantasy]

@Pink2000 That's a relative thing to say. Optimistic too because some people go through menopause (maybe inherited or stress/trauma related or smoking, drugs related) MUCH earlier than that.

[Guy13]

Hey homo, that’s why you have this question. These are the things that a married heterosexual couple works out in advance and notarized. Therefore, your opinion really does not matter nor should you be concerned about it.

[JustinTheGreat]

Didn’t realize that I had to personally relate to a hypothetical situation in order to have an opinion about it lol

[JustinTheGreat]

And tbh I’m a father, so this is a situation that I could have potentially been apart of. The only hypothetical part about it was the “love of my life” part. But even if I wasn’t in love with the mother, I’d still choose her

[DesiUwU]

hey dick, he can worry about what he wants, why are you busy worrying about what he thinks? since we're sharing thoughts, i think you should get a life. your mom thinks so too, i can hear her calling you, "it's been 12 years, honey, time to move out of my basement!"

[DesiUwU]

@JustinTheGreat that wasn't towards u, it was towards Guy13

[JustinTheGreat]

@DesiUwU thank you. This dudes an incel, he will probably never relate to this situation either lmao

[DesiUwU]

duh, he's still a virgin. he's having a tough time deciding between "hmm *caveman noises* fuck toi or babby?"

[suzzieQ]

Oh shut up you homophobic bigot

[sunflower44]

I'd probably save the love of my life,, the kid would be better off in heaven anyways

[Anonymous]

Save the baby. I've had this conversation with my partner

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Lover of course, I always tell myself there are no accidents but this is an exception

[WTFdivorce]

Whatever she wants to do. It's her choice. Our choice. We discuss before hand.

[LimitedBenefits101]

Ofc Im saving the baby

You can always find new partner in the future.

[Anonymous]

I ain't gon save no mom if she a whole bitch

[marish01]

I would save the baby without any doubt.

[linka_pat307]

The woman can have another baby

[SmokinAces2000]

I would save my girlfriend

[misogynistic_pig]

Baby.