Can a young married man still go to parties?

Question

My brother is having issues with his wife lately. He goes to parties some Saturdays and comes home drunk. However, he's not an aggressive drunk. He's still affectionate towards their twin daughters and young son. They saw him drunk a couple times. His wife doesn't like it.

They were both just 19 when the girls were born. The girls are now 8 year-olds. Then their younger son is 6 years old. Certain days he feels there should be a bit of free time to party with friends. After all he's only 27.

I think his youth got taken away so early. Can a young married man still go to parties?

SnowedIn · Accepted Answer

He can go to parties once in a while just as he should support his wife going out every now and then. Infrequently. More frequently than that they should go out together.

But coming home drunk is not acceptable. I'm not judging drinking and I'm not judging getting drunk. But coming home drunk to your wife and kids is pretty close to as immature and irresponsible as it gets. Just don't.

But the big one here (and hopefully you're seeing it throughout the comments) is that his youth wasn't "taken away". You're right, it may be gone. But that was HIS choice. No one forced him to marry that woman, have sex with her, and have children. He needs to look in the mirror.

His focus in life should be his wife and kids. And if his wife doesn't like something, that should matter to him. They both need to attend marriage counseling together and to learn how to communicate.

exitseven · Accepted Answer

No, once you have kids, tha party's over.

TenderFantasy · Answer

Why did he marry and have children "early" then? I don't understand. And yes, of course, I feel he can still do that. Maybe not always but your life shouldn't "stop" just because you have children. Of course you have a responsibility towards them, but you also have a responsibility towards yourself and what makes you happy, being able to enjoy it! Soon enough, he'll blink and his twins will be off to college or dating and have boyfriends of their own and or jobs of their own. This is NOT a big deal. I think it's MORE a big deal if he's uncontrollably addicted and he gets violent and angry and or it truly interferes (in a major way) with his job/career and family life, but every now and then/once in a while (probably like a twice a month or something), then it's ok! He should though, also find time to BOND with his children before they leave the nest or even just as kids. People grow up so fast. CHILDREN grow up "so fast" and I am sure he doesn't want to regret that time.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I understand wth whom your loyalties lie, but. . .

"I think his youth got taken away so early." No, he willing surrendered it, and took on the responsibilities of parenthood, and that's more important than his desire to get drunk. Is this something he can't control, like he is an alcoholic?

"Can a young married man still go to parties?" Why doesn't he take his wife with him? Because she stays at home and acts like a responsible parent. He should do the same. After all, no one forced him to become a father. . . and his children did not get to choose who their father would be.

SaoirseS · Answer

He married, has a wife and children, and has responsibilities. I don't buy the "stolen youth" argument, he made a choice. I don't know anyone who thinks young children seeing a parent drunk is a good idea. I can understand the  occasional  going out with friends parties for a special occasion, but I wouldn't consider "because it's Saturday" a special occasion. I don't know what you mean by "some Saturdays," but it sounds like it's pretty frequent. Sounds like he and his wife need to have a heart-to-heart.

Finchie40 · Answer

Not a good idea if he wants to save his marriage and be with his kids , Going out partying every weekend while Leaving his wife home with the kids is immature and selfish on his part , How would he
Feel if his wife was going out every weekend partying and getting drunk as well , ? I don’t care how old he is he is a husband and a father now so it’s time to kick your social life to the curb and prioritize his family , He should be planning dates with his wife instead of always wanting to party , The reason he is having marriage issues is because he os selfish and only thinking of himself , once in awhile it should be ok for him to go out with his friends but every weekend? His wife is probably already investing into someone else and he will probably be divorced before he knows it if he doesn’t shape his shit up

Haha456 · Answer

can he go to parties once in a while? YES

can he party hard every weekend? NO

once you are a parent your kids come first. you have a role to fulfill. you cannot spend your weekends partying instead of being there to tutor your kids.

and this is a great question for all the dumbasses on here to say that its a great thing to get marry young. Its a terrible idea to marry when you're too young. Its been proven that people who marry too young tend to end up divorced later in life

Qdbrown · Answer

He can, but it's incredibly dumb, risky and expensive.

He is wasting time that could get him into legal problems, hurt and or playing with his health, when he has a family back home that depends on him.

I get it that he started young, probably feels like he missed out of some of thise parties, wild life and crazy fun, but when you have kids, you need to be an adult. That was the cost of having sex and then kids.

Imagine how much his kids will forgo if he gets locked up over a DWI, accidentally kills someone. Or worse, let his twins grow up fatherless, or with some wicked step father?

Rosexøxø · Answer

Kids seem okay. Someone explain to the kids they can live their lives too and have each other for always and it should be fine.

If he doesn’t neglect his father/guardian duties, then it’s okay.

If he still provides accommodation to his lovely wife, that is a good husband.

If she has an issue and he is certainly nailing other women.. they should consider bringing the wife to some parties so he in fact, nails the only woman he should be nailing lol, and if not they should both consider separating in the dating/ intimacy sense. Meaning the wife can have her moments with someone else too.

If she’s emotional/ romantic, and he’s cheating, then she should consider a different spouse who will commit.

That’s my take on this scenario.

Was he not in control of his life? Children aren’t to blame. They didn’t make themselves.

Anonymous · Answer

Going to parties, leaving your wife at home with three children to take care of by herself, then coming home drunk is completely unacceptable behavior. Perhaps it could be tolerated if it rarely happened, but no more than twice per year.

His youth wasn't taken away. He made choices in life that require him to sacrifice. He's a husband and a parent. He needs to be an adult too. Family should be his priority above everything else. When the kids are grown, there'll be loads of free time to party and he won't even be 50 years old yet!

He's also incredibly selfish. Does it occur to him that his wife might need a break too? Does she get to go out drinking while he stays home with the kids?

Your brother deserves no sympathy. Your judgement is subjective, distorted by family loyalty.

Anonymous · Answer

It is acceptable to go to parties, but it is completely inappropriate to show up drunk in front of his young children. Has it ever occurred to you that they could learn from his behavior?

There is no “stolen youth”. He was not forced to have children. He willingly made that choice to be a father and get married.

His wife is a parent too. Why doesn’t he take his wife with him? Or maybe she could have a girl’s night out with her friends and come home after the children have gone to bed, and he could do the same.

Children should never see their parents fight or get intoxicated.

AmandaYVR · Answer

Your brother made a decision to have sex without birth control, and that decision changed his life forever. Then they chose to have two more kids. So he did have to grow up quickly and party time was over. I do sympathize with him on that. But not for not using a condom. All those times. He sealed his fate. Time to be a man now.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

My opinion is don't get drunk in front of the kids. Going out occasionally is fine. @snowedin really said it all. I'd like to add that his LIFE is not over. I'm 43 ( I don't have kids) and before he's 40 his kids will 18. It might be hard to believe but the time goes fast and 38 isn't old lol. I still go out with my friends occasionally and the only thing that has changed is that we want to go to a quieter bar now lol.

It's going to be really cool when he's still young when his kids are early 20s they can all go out together lol. My friend's dad did this with us when we were 21 and it was so much fun. No one was drunk but we all had a good time together and he taught us how to drink responsibly.

It's hard to look that far down the road when you're in your early 20s but trust me, he'll get freedom from kids way earlier than most.

Red-Blaze · Answer

Yes and no
He needs to be resposible if he got a wife he should take her option into mind
He can go party and sound like she got no issue with it, just drink less, and not get drunk
If the guy needs to get drunk to feel youth I think he needs to reevluate his life
He can go party for sure, but still needs to be resposible

Jamie05rhs · Answer

A couple of problems here:
1. He has KIDS. Being a parent requires a higher level of responsibility and time commitment in the home.
2. He's drinking. Not really wise, especially if his wife isn't with him at the party.
3. He's doing it every week. That's a bit much, in my opinion.

kylee2437 · Answer

Here and there is fine, but partying every weekend and not attending to your family is very toxic. I don’t even have kids , but I won’t date a guy that goes out every weekend. It’s a bad habit and it’s hard to break away a guy from doing that. So yes he can still attend parties, but every weekend parties is a no no

Lionman95 · Answer

I would say yes but he has to know that he can´t do certain things anymore that he would have been able to do if he was single. One of these is for example that he can´t overuse alcohol or he has to show other people that his marriage means more to him than the flirts of other women.

Apple_Cider · Answer

Obviously he "can" but he's playing with fire. He needs to bring wifey with him. If he can manage that, she will probably even go to strip clubs with him. But when the boys go out to a strip club and leave their partners at home... that goes over like a fart in church. Just don't leave her home like a potted plant.

Anonymous · Answer

Be careful judging someone else's martial relationship from the outside in. What you're suggesting of your brother does not sound offensive in itself but who knows what the implications to the family and marriage are. He co-built the kids and he married his wife. Any alternate life is now fantasy and what if.

Apple1996 · Answer

Not if his wife doesn't like it then he should probably be staying home with her/the kids

Anonymous · Answer

You have to grow to and accept responsibilities. He sounds like his party expiration date is well past and he’s just using it to hide. There are healthier hobbies to hide in if he chose.

Flower7 · Answer

The kids seeing him drunk is a problem, parties or no parties.

melanieeeB · Answer

Of course, he isn't death just cause he married lol

Andres77 · Answer

His “parties” should be with his wife and kids, he needs to grow tf up

Danny_dan92 · Answer

I definitely will say there are men that do this, as well as females that are young, married and party a lot

Anonymous · Answer

I don't see anything wrong here. It's just Saturdays and he's not aggressive nor abusive. And i didn't read about being neglectful or not balancing between family and friends.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Once in awhile. Yes. Every weekend. No. It should be a total afterthought. Hmm nothing better to do tonight, ok I'll go.

EaterPeter · Answer

He should go but be responsible. May be once a month or so. Though I am not woman nor his wife. They should communicate.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Can, but probably needs to work on his marriage rather than what he's doing.

AngryCarl2 · Answer

haha yes, of course. He has to take his wife with him, natch.

Shy_Steve · Answer

I reckon they do even more so than Single Men.

wafflemakerman69 · Answer

He must feel like he missed out on stuff while growing up so fast.

sheikalana · Answer

He can and he should.

Anonymous · Answer

It is probably time he grew up.

Dav1dTh0ma3 · Answer

Yes, if his wife is secure with herself

loveslongnails · Answer

Why don't they go together?

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Yes and he can bring his wife

Anonymous · Answer

Once married that's it Work and marriage

jimmy2 · Answer

He won't be married long

Can a young married man still go to parties?

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Is it normal for a husband to go out clubbing with friends and coming home drunk at late hours?

Can a young married man still go to parties?

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Is it normal for a husband to go out clubbing with friends and coming home drunk at late hours?

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