How to deal with disrespectful parents?

[killatoorxo]

My parents always have a narky comment to say to me, they pretend they dont know an answer when they do and they always have to pass a negative comment about my best friend.

What do i do?

[genericname85]

well how others communicate is always a mirror of how you communicate. so if you want their behavior to change, look at your behavior. also maybe there's a problem with your best friend.

[killatoorxo]

How? I have changed but their behaviour haven't, they want to know where i am and im 26? No, my parents have a problem just from other peoples opinions and what my friend looks like, basically judging a book by its cover

[genericname85]

what's wrong with them knowing where you are? you don't legally have to tell them but what's wrong about your parents still caring about you at 26?

[killatoorxo]

they are very nosey and judgmental, can i not have some privacy?

[genericname85]

well from the way you're talking about your parents i hear that you're disrespecting them too. respect is a 2 way road. i'm not saying they're not giving you any good reason to disrespect you. but you gotta consider that in order to make a respectfull change, you gotta provide a way to do things, where they keep face and you're not trying to boss them around or "correcting" them, cause they're not doing anything "wrong".

[genericname85]

you gotta start from a place of trying to understand what they want and what their behavior is aimed at. don't just assume they are judgmental and nosey cause they'e assholes :D

[killatoorxo]

how am i disrespecting them when its them passing comments at me. ya i know that, but i mind my own business, they have a comment. If i need to get my car fixed, I need to go to whoever they suggest which is not fair. My point about they ask me a question which they already have an answer annoys me because its like they doubt me when I just dont speak since they love to gossip.

[killatoorxo]

Ya but you see the thing is they want me to be exactly like them when im my own individual. My sisters suck up to them and squeal on me. For example, my sisters told them i was going out with someone and who did they believe, them. My parents couldnt even ask me. Another example my sister told my parents I attacked them and my parents believed them straight away which is bang out of order

[genericname85]

mostly your choice of words describing your parents behavior shows to me that they don't come from a place of empathy and understanding but from a place of insecurity and resent. which again i'm not saying is inappropriate to feel in your situation but these emotions won't help you deal with the thing you want to change. first of you gotta consider that you're never annoyed "by someone". being annoyed is the way you decided to feel about someone. so being annoyed comes from within yourself. not from the outside. and this feeling of being annoyed that comes from within yourself will inhibit a fruitful discussion about anything with your parents, much less inducing change int heir behavior because they will feel they aren't understood. so i think that's the first step. acknowledging that feeling of "being annoyed" comes from yourself not from them. and from that on you can start by trying some light meta conversation once in a while to figure out their thoughts and intentions that they have with their actions. and if you have a firm understanding of that, maybe then you can start thinking about how to induce some change that you desire.

[Dkc123]

You're an adult now.. you don't need anyone's validation now

[killatoorxo]

Yes i know, but the comments can hurt. Nothing makes them happy

[Dkc123]

So don't allow it. Maintain the distance and shift the focus!

[killatoorxo]

Ok, il do that! How do I deal with the fact they have to make a comment about my friend? They basically judge her from the cover of a book and the way she looks and the fact she says the truth about something right?

[Dkc123]

You can't do that. It's not in your control so let it be. What matters is that you don't think the same about your friend.

[killatoorxo]

Ok i get you. Ya i dont, she's a great friend but they just dont understand her where as I do